Book of Days: A Novel (50 page)

Jessie's face melted into the water and only the mirror image of the mountains surrounding the lake remained.

Cameron slumped back off his knees to the ground.

"I'd forgotten. Every one of them. She'd been trying to tell me all along."

"Are you okay?" Taylor stood next to him.

"I don't know. Maybe. Yes, somehow . . . How can I not be?" He looked up at Taylor.

"What happens if the memories of Jessie fade again?"

"It doesn't matter. She's right. It's okay." Cameron smiled as he cradled the back of his head with his hands.

"I think there's more for you to see." Taylor motioned toward the water.

The reflection of the mountains melted into another mountain, a different one, bathed in early morning sun. A climber clung to the side of it, too far away to tell if it was a man or a woman.

The view moved in.

Could it be?

Yes, it was Ann, laughing as she scaled the sheer face of a cliff, which ended in a domelike rock.

He knew the spot. It was Liberty Bell, right off the North Cascades Highway in northern Washington. Just a few days earlier Ann and he had talked about how she'd never been there and that they should climb it together. The view widened. Twenty feet below her was another climber. Male. The scene moved and he was now looking at a profile of Ann and the other climber. Himself.

Adrenaline filled his body; it felt like he was floating as he watched himself pull up toward Ann, a smile plastered on his face.

The image of Ann and he climbing Liberty Bell—was it the future, already recorded in God's book? Her future with him in it? Two weeks from now? Two months? A year?

But why would he do that to her? It wouldn't be right to burden her with his disease. No, maybe God had written it down, but Cameron would rewrite future history just as Taylor had.

The water swirled and he stared at a New York skyline as if from a plane. The view zoomed in to Ann sitting at a dark wood table at a restaurant with a man who toasted her and laughed. As she raised her glass, Ann's mouth smiled but her eyes didn't.

The scene shifted again and Ann sat in her car staring at a picture of Cameron taped to the dashboard. She sighed and yanked the picture free and stuffed it in her glove compartment. She dabbed her eyes with the backs of her hands and shook her head.

Another shift and Ann lifted an Emmy above her head.

The water changed again and Cameron watched himself editing a video in what looked like a home office, the clock on the wall reading 1:07 a.m. Three awards lay stacked on their sides on the desk next to him.

Another shift. Ann sitting at a dinner table with two beautiful girls who looked like her and the fourth spot at the table empty. Then the phone rang and Ann answered saying she understood, pain in her eyes as she hung up the phone, her back to the girls, then turning and forcing out a smile.

Cameron again, hair gray and thinning, sitting in a dim room alone watching television, a slight shaft of daylight piercing into the shuttered living room. Piles of books. A dusty coffee table. Bloodshot eyes.

So the future would be as bleak as the past. He wouldn't end up with Ann. With anyone. Sad. Her future looked better than his, but he couldn't shake the image of the empty chair at dinner. Was it him missing? Or the man he'd seen with Ann in the New York restaurant?

It was okay. It was his destiny to be alone.

Cameron squatted down, his head slumped forward, and a soft moan seeped from his lips. He sank deeper into himself to the quiet place where he couldn't lie to himself.

He loved Ann. And he couldn't stop loving her.

If she would have him, diseased mind and all, he would go to her and pour his heart out to her for the rest of his life.

He looked up. Taylor's eyes were riveted on the water. "Look."

Cameron turned.

The lake boiled for a moment, then cleared. Scenes of Ann and Cameron flashed across the surface.

She and Cameron stood on a ledge overlooking a tropical valley, an azure sea beyond that. "I think I like Costa Rica," she whispered. Her head was wrapped in small golden and crimson flowers, her turquoise dress was whipped by a strong wind, and Cameron held a diamond ring between his fingers.

A Christmas scene with Ann and him skiing the Swiss Alps with two other couples. The following summer they would rent a houseboat on Ross Lake, and Cameron would get so sore water-skiing he would slather BenGay over his entire body.

A child was born: a boy. Then another boy and a year later a daughter.

Now Cameron was speaking to a packed house at UCLA film school. Ann sat in the front row, her hair up, face radiant.

"What did you do?" Taylor grabbed Cameron's arm.

His lips slowly separated as he turned and stared at Taylor. What had he done? He'd changed his mind, surrendered to the longing inside and dreamed of building a life with her.

"I didn't do . . . I decided if she'll have me, I'm going to love Ann the rest of my life."

Speaking it out loud made him shiver. He shouldn't have said it. That made it real and real was too frightening.

Cameron closed his eyes and shut down the feeling, then shut down the choice to move forward. No. He couldn't do that to her. Even if she chose to be with him . . . So much better for her to find someone whole.

"It's changing back again," Taylor said.

Cameron opened his eyes and stared at the lake.

The scene had changed back to the one with Ann in New York with a smile and sad eyes. The man at the table opened a Tiffany's box and she nodded.

Cameron standing on the top of El Capitán alone.

Ann dropping off the girls for a weekend with their father.

Cameron old and flipping through channels on a television screen that covered his entire wall.

The water shifted and there was nothing to see except the placid still waters. Cameron watched and waited for five minutes but no other scenes came.

Cameron stared at Taylor as both men let what they'd just witnessed sink in.

"I saw myself years into the future, still alive. I was doing things you have to have a memory to do. Does that mean I'm going to be okay?"

"I don't know, my friend."

"Have I been cured?"

Taylor shook his head. "I don't know."

"I need to know."

"I don't think you can."

Cameron rubbed his face and stared at the surface of the water. "Tell me," he said to it, even though he knew there would be no answer.

Jessie. She was right. It was his choice to live or not to live.

Cameron gazed at the mountains, the trees, and finally the lake before looking at Taylor.

"So what future will you choose?" Taylor finally said.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"Life."

"Does that life include Ann?"

"I don't know. She has her choices to make. I have mine."

"Well said."

Cameron closed his eyes, lifted his head, and drew in a long breath of the pure air surrounding them.

"We need to head back," Taylor said.

As they made their way out of the valley, Taylor threw his arm across Cameron's shoulders. "You're free, my friend."

"As are you."

Taylor turned for a last look at the lake. "I'll see Annie again soon."

"But not yet."

"No, not yet."

CHAPTER 48

I didn't hear you leave this morning." Tricia shook out the porch mat and flopped it back down next to the front door as Taylor meandered up their walkway. The setting sun framed his silhouette. And even though his face was obscured, she saw something about him had changed.

"I left rather early."

"Just you, or did you bring along a guest?"

"I brought a guest." Taylor rubbed his chin with his forefinger.

"Where did you and Cameron go?"

"I took him to see the Book of Days."

Tricia smiled and took his hands in hers. "And what did you find?"

"I made an amazing discovery." Taylor grinned and wrapped her up in his arms. "I found the Taylor Stone you used to know. Apparently there is nothing that can't be forgiven."

"I've suspected that for a long time." Tears welled up in her eyes as she squeezed him as hard as she could.

After separating, Taylor stood with his hands in his coat pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. "How would you like to go for a walk with me?"

"On a gorgeous summer evening, why is that something I'd want to take the time to do?"

"Because you love me."

She reached into his coat pocket and slid her hand into his. "Well, there is always that."

They strolled down the street, Tricia not knowing where they were going and not caring. Her husband had come home. The change in his countenance was stunning. Even the air around him seemed lighter.

Taylor slid his hand into hers and squeezed twice as they continued down the road. She kicked a stick out of their way. "So the Book of Days
is
real."

"Very."

"And it shows you every memory and your entire future."

"No, the book shows you what you need to see. I didn't need to see the future, but I did see some things from the past."

"Like Annie."

Taylor nodded.

"And?"

"It's okay." He squeezed her hand again. "I'm okay."

"Why do I sense a hint of regret in your eyes?"

Taylor massaged his forehead, then left his hand covering his eyes for a long time.

"It looks like Kirk Gillum killed Jason."

Tricia stumbled. "No . . . no."

Taylor nodded and told her what happened at the lake.

"I'm sorry." She leaned into his chest. "Are you all right?"

"I will be. Even though Jason didn't . . . we didn't . . . I found my peace." Taylor sighed. "Let's talk about Cameron, okay?"

"Did he see his future?"

"Yes."

"So he knows what will happen?" Tricia asked.

"He knows he has a choice."

"So will they choose each other?"

"I'd love to eavesdrop when they talk, but I don't think we're invited."

Cameron and Ann's future. It would likely be set during their next conversation. She prayed they would choose wisely.

CHAPTER 49

The two o'clock sun warmed Cameron's back on Saturday as Ann and he sat at the top of the cliff where a little over two weeks ago, her silhouette had stopped him from trying to join Jessie early. He dug into his backpack, pulled out two blackberry PowerBars, and offered one to Ann.

"Thanks." She took it with a smile.

"Did I ever mention you saved my life here?"

"No."

Cameron unwrapped his bar and stared at the forest floor far below. "I gave considerable thought to 'losing my grip.'"

"You're serious."