Book of Life (14 page)

I reflected on what she was telling me. I felt a great deal of regret, but perhaps she was right. Every moment I regretted was really someone else’s moment to regret. I regretted that I hadn’t been able to protect Emily, but it was her life’s challenge to face adversity as she had. Even Max, the regret I felt stemmed from the emotions we shared in our time together—regret that he couldn’t better understand his brother or his father, regret that he couldn’t save me. I’d lived my life the best way I knew how. Every move I’d made had been well calculated and considered.

But, there was regret about my death. I regret ever making friends with Navia, or Avery. So, why didn’t that haunt me? Having fallen for Avery’s trap was my fault, or was it? Could it truly be that it was Max’s fault for having taken her light in the first place? Having destroyed everything Avery had that made her happy? Was I really just a victim in this?

“These are things I advise you find the answers too before you’re reborn. See, I’m not trying to push you to that conclusion. I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t wait to see what Max can do. Resolving all your questions before being reborn ensures you won’t have to live the same mistakes again. If you don’t learn from life’s challenges, then you are destined to repeat them until you do. You have time here to accomplish true serenity, then you can decide what path you want to take—waiting, or moving on.”

I bit my lip. “Is that the real reason you haven’t been reborn yourself? Do you still have questions yet to be answered?”

Eliza’s gaze dropped from mine, her hands twisting before her. She suddenly seemed so insecure. “I have many personal battles I’ve yet to face, as I’ve touched on already. But, there are many more than I fear eternity will not allow to heal. Taking this role . . .” she motioned around the space. “ . . . has been the best thing for me. Helping others slowly helps me help myself.”

“And you’re the oldest?” I pressed.

She nodded. “It is the job of the oldest to usher souls back to the Earthly world as I am now. I will embrace this role for some time, I fear. I have seen many souls live lifetimes as I stay here in this one. I’m sure that if you don’t choose to wait for Max, then this will not be the last time you see me, either. You have many lives you can still live, and many re-births, should you want them.”

“You’ve seen me before?” I bowed my head, wanting to be closer to her in height.

“In some form I am certain, but only now do you have that Seoul trait I admire enough to remember. That is a mark that will live with you forever.” She smiled. “I will never forget your soul now. You’ve already taught me so much about my own life, just by watching you across the river and having you here now. I can feel that I’ve grown closer to understanding in a way I haven’t been able to in a long time.”

I felt like blushing. I was far too inexperienced in life to have anything to teach someone who’s reflected on time for centuries as she has.

“Some people arrive at the answers they seek sooner than others. It’s just a matter of how you allow life into your soul. I’ve found that being open is the key. It’s just a key I haven’t been able to use yet.” Eliza looked up into her next life.

In the reflection of her eyes, I saw something far darker than my perception of the next life had been. Where mine was gold and beautiful, hers seemed dangerous and frightening. I felt a cold chill trickle down my spine, the kind of chill I’d felt as death had ripped me from the Earthly world. I shuddered in secret. No part of me wanted to live the kind of life she had.

MAX:

Making my way out of the compound of the Eastern priory, the gates closed coldly behind me. For a moment I had been allowed to be in a world where the rest of it didn’t matter. Soleil and Lune were so well protected there. I was surprised they knew anything of the world I lived in at all, but then again they were always watching over us, weren’t they?

I stood on the mountain, looking out across the rugged land before me. My task now was to find Avery, but how? Where could she be hiding? The lead on Greg was probably useless to me now. He never stayed in one place for too long; he was smarter than that. His hint to his whereabouts was too obvious as though he’d sent me that feeling on purpose. Did he want me to find him, or was it a trap? Had he seen the brutality of Avery’s reach? Could it be that he realized he’d made a mistake after all this time? It was wishful thinking. He had no reason to change his mind—he never had. My hopes for him were useless hopes, much in the way Jane used to hope for Emily.

I stepped to the edge of the cliff and looked over. The mountainside was vast, a hard trek for anyone else, but not me. I let my wings grow and spread as I stepped off the ledge. Shutting my eyes, I felt my whole body drop a few hundred feet before I opened my wings, allowing them to swallow the air and stop my decent. I soared out from the cliff as hard wind beat against my face. Without better direction, I went to where Greg had been.

. . .

I lowered through the clouds, entering under a threatening sky. It was raining, the clouds lit here and there with angry sparks of lightning. Here, Soleil could not see the Earth she loved, blocked by the rage of another Element pixie—the Storm pixie. Below me, jagged rocks reached up like knives from the ground, each grey and lifeless, the size of small mountains in and of themselves. I flew over them, trying to find exactly where it was I wanted to go.

The air itself felt thicker, like how death felt wrapping its arms around you. But, this was not the death many of us thought of, it was the death that stole life from Earth, only to bring it to Hell. My whole body shuddered with the feeling, the same feeling Greg had showed me. I was in the right place.

Scanning the landscape, I looked for the small outcropping of rocks I had seen in Greg’s mind. It took a few passes before I was able to spot it at last, looking different than it had in my fading memory, but still enough the same. The rocks here were crumbled together in the shadow of the mountain just below. Minding the weather, I carefully spiraled downward as rain beaded off my wings and down my back. Reaching the mountain floor, I let my feet slowly take my weight as I touched down, wrapping my wings behind me and quickly pulling on the leather coat I’d been holding in my hands. The ground gave as I took a step, soaked in a rain I was sure hadn’t stopped for days, if not weeks.

Under my coat, my soaked shirt clung uncomfortably to my body. I adjusted the coat a few times to remedy this—I didn’t feel I was in any great hurry. The outcropping of rocks did not appear to be any different than any other outcropping of rocks, making it a smart place to hide. Though I felt relaxed in this situation, I reminded myself to stay on guard. The last thing I needed was my instincts to fail me. As much as I wanted to give Greg the benefit of the doubt, as I always did, there was still the chance that he was trying to trick me, as he always was.

I stepped toward the rocks, weaving between them as they funneled in around me, guiding me to one central point. There at the end of it, one rock, at least twenty feet long and half that in diameter, crudely formed a sort of doorway. Ducking under it, I found it an opening to the rocky face of the large mountain. The rain was left behind as a cave now sheltered me. The sound of the weather echoed off the walls. Looking back, rain dripped from the lip of the opening and funneled into a small stream that ran past me and deeper into the dark cavern. I adjusted my sight to the darkness, following the stream as it reflected what little light it could until all the light was gone. Feeling my way along the cavern, it grew warm very quickly, so warm that I began to sweat under my jacket as steam built. I sloughed it off and threw it over my shoulder before moving on.

The cavern felt as though it narrowed before slowly opening up again. In the distance, light once again could be seen, glimmering from a small spot like a peep hole. Walking toward it, still following the stream, the light gradually grew until it occupied a space the size of a standard doorway. I stepped through this doorway and into a room that felt like a far cry from the world I’d just been in.

Monolithic crystals burst from the ground, reflecting light from a single hole in the ceiling. The stream of rainwater at my feet pooled here, filling a crystal blue crevasse in the middle of the room. Looking into the crevasse, it was beautifully lined with smaller crystals like that on the walls all around me. From the light source, rainwater also dripped, creating an orchestra of sound and a shower of glittery light.

Stepping closer to the pool, I was drawn in by the magnificent color, contrasting so sharply with the red dirt under my feet. This was an oasis in an otherwise dead part of the world, a hiding place one could live and forget— the perfect place for Avery.

“I knew you would come.” Her voice shattered the gentle sounds of rainwater on cue, echoing my thoughts of her like a nightmare I’d fallen into. “Greg promised me.”

I looked up from the pool, drawn by the movement of her white figure, emerging from behind one of the crystal monoliths. She wore a simple white dress, long but revealing, perfect for the hot atmosphere of the crystal cave.

She was as beautiful as ever; her face unchanged after all this time. Like the crystals, her skin was smooth and milky, blending with the color of her dress. Her blonde hair spun in ringlets across her chest, touched with a glittery frost. She looked no different than the day I left her, save the darkness in her eyes. That had been the day I took everything she loved away and froze her into this beautiful monster.

“It seems you’ve finally found an environment you can thrive in,” I replied coolly.

She smiled, her cold, once blue eyes wanting to reflect light, but stealing it instead. “Ice without the cold,” she added, allowing one hand to drift over the crystal beside her. “Admit it, you wanted to come here. You wanted to be with me again, didn’t you?”

She wasn’t afraid to jump right into it. I gave her no reply. There was no reply to be given that wasn’t a lie on my behalf. Anymore lies would just make this whole situation worse—I couldn’t deal with anymore guilt. I clenched my fists and tried my best to remind myself of what Soleil had taught me—show Avery there was another way. Show her she didn’t need me.

“I did you a favor, you know. Jane wasn’t right for you. You knew that.” Her voice was low and angry now, growing impatient with my silence. Her hand slipped from the crystal and dropped dead to her side as she drew another step closer to the pool. After standing there watching the water for a moment, she ran her bare toe through the water, disrupting the rhythmic waves caused by the shower of rain water from above.

“I’m not here to discuss this with you,” I finally said, pulling the coat from my shoulder and tossing it on a nearby crystal.

“Then why are you here?” She pulled her foot from the water, burying it in the dirt. “I’m not about to help you bring her back, if that’s what your hoping for. She’s worthless and it’s about time you see that. She cannot possibly hold a candle to me.”

I clenched my jaw and released it, trying to stay cool. “Jane isn’t my concern right now.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, Jane really wasn’t my concern. I was trying to follow what the prophets advised. Avery had to be my chief concern whether I wanted her to be or not.

Avery looked at me, this time with a renewed look on her face as though the previous anger had never existed. “Already you’ve forgotten her? I knew you would. See, it was a silly love affair after all.” It was as though she were telling herself that more than me. “I mean, she was a lovely pet, wasn’t she? But all pets eventually die.”

I couldn’t stand hearing this. Not from someone that was once so sweet. “This isn’t you, Avery,” I stopped her. “This isn’t the sweet girl I used to know.”

She couldn’t hide the shame on her face fast enough. It showed me that I still had some level of influence over her. This was a positive sign.

“I can be that girl again, if that’s what you want.” She began to step into the pool, walking across the space between us as though it were only knee deep.

I watched her move, slow and methodical like she always had. Inside, however, I knew she was anything but methodical in the way I’d known her before. How could such grace turn into such torment? I tried to imagine what Soleil could have possibly been like in her time spent in shadow, but it was hard given the way I had seen her just today.

Avery reached my side of the pool and stepped out, closing the space between us. Water dripped from the hem of her white dress, dragging through the dirt as it collected and spoiled it’s once flawless brilliance. “Is that what you want? The sweet Avery back?” She placed her hand on my chest. Her touch caused a spark of light to ripple across her skin.

I watched in awe as the light slowly spread until it at last reached her eyes. It restored in them a glimmer of the light I stole, the light that remained inside me still. She was simply borrowing the light as her eyes changed from a murky grey to subdued sapphire.

“You can have this back, you know. All you have to do is love me like I know you already do.”

My entire body felt tense. I was strong, and my love for Jane was deep, but Avery’s nearness and the toxicity of her memory, her love and romance, was trying to trick me. I was floundering in the tragedy of Jane’s death. There was no denying that Avery and I had shared a deep connection. I knew how it must feel to be her. I had once thought the same way she did—hopeless. But, all that changed the day I first saw Jane in the premonition the Truth Stone offered me. Until then, I never knew that such a love as the one I’d had with Jane could exist. Soleil was right; until Avery finds her true love, she will never get over her love for me. How could I help her?