Bookmark Days (12 page)
‘Get a grip, girl. You won’t mess it up. Besides, I’ll be there to coach from the sidelines.’
‘No, that’s just creepy. Three’s a big crowd.’
‘Four, actually.’
‘Four?’
Katie rubbed her hands together. ‘Nathaniel’s mate Jacob will be there too.’
I felt nuddy-creek-splash clean that afternoon. And a bit freaked out. We unpacked Katie’s bag – well, we threw her clothes around the room and totally lost it when one of her socks got stuck on the top of the bookshelf. In the evening, the world felt good again. Katie and I sat next to each other at the dinner table, poked each other and joked each other.
‘Oh, will you two settle down!’ Mum screeched as she scuttled about in the kitchen. She was only half-serious. ‘You’re like a pair of spring lambs.’
‘Leave them alone, May,’ Aunty Jacq said. ‘It’s nice to see them smiling again.’
‘What was the big fight about?’ Dad asked.
He asked innocently, but the table fell quiet. I looked at my cousin.
Katie smiled. ‘Nothing, really.’
‘Just stupid stuff,’ I said.
‘Stupid girl stuff.’
‘Why don’t you ask them where they went this morning,’ Hoppy said. His voice cut the air like a hay mower. He was staring at me and his eyes were as cold as ice on the water trough.
‘Why?’ Dad said. ‘Where’d you go this morning?’
Katie looked at me with her eyes wide. She was biting a smile. She gave the barest shrug.
‘We went next door,’ I said, and stared at my fork. ‘With Les Junior out of action, I thought they might need a hand so we went and . . .’
Hoppy toppled his chair as he got up. It clattered on the kitchen floor but he didn’t bother to stop and put it back. He grabbed his hat and let the flywire door slam as he left. Dad watched him go then looked at me with his eyebrows raised.
‘Did you really?’ Mum whispered, her eyes narrowed.
‘That was kind of you, Avril,’ Nan said, a little louder than necessary.
‘And gutsy,’ Dad said. ‘Would have offered myself but I’d be frightened they’d use their shotgun to say thanks but no thanks!’
Naomi and Chooka laughed. Chooka started shooting at me with an imaginary gun.
‘Did you really go next door?’ Mum asked again.
‘How were you received?’ Dad asked.
‘I’m sure they were very grateful,’ Nan said.
‘Yes, they were,’ Katie said. ‘Av did the mowing and I collected weeds.’
‘I can’t believe you actually went to the Carringtons’ house,’ Mum said. Her face had softened. Maybe it was all the good vibes from Nan and Dad but she didn’t seem angry any more. Not compared to Hoppy, anyway.
‘Only Mari . . . old Mrs Carrington and . . . and the boy were there.’
Katie slapped my arm. ‘The boy . . .’ she whispered.
‘Nathaniel,’ I said. ‘We mowed and raked a paddock of lucerne.’
‘Lucerne? Really?’ Dad said, genuinely interested. ‘What was it like?’
‘Not bad, I guess. Bit weedy, but not bad.’
‘Never amounts to much here,’ Dad said. ‘Always feels a bit marginal for this country. We’ve tried a few times with no real success. Might be a trick to it. Hey, you could be our spy! Agricultural espionage. Nobody will suspect the innocent young woman, will they?’
I could feel those blood vessels in my face getting a workout. I don’t think Dad had ever called me a ‘young woman’ before. I was his ‘mate’. In the olden days I was his ‘little mate’ but he’d dropped the ‘little’ years ago. Did he suspect something? I wasn’t about to ask.
The day was going to be a scorcher. Thirty-six degrees, they reckoned. I stepped outside into a wall of heat after breakfast. The air smelled like the desert and the ute was gone. So was Hoppy.
‘Avril?’ Mum said.
‘What?’
‘You’re off with the fairies this morning. I asked if you wanted me to pack you guys a bit of a picnic.’
‘Sorry. That would be lovely. Thanks.’
Katie had to check her email. Naomi and Chooka were already in the shed hunting for the boogie boards. The boards hadn’t seen the light of day since the last time my cousins were here and they’d never seen the sea at all, but then neither had I. Our long weekends happened twice a year (if we were lucky) and the six-hour drive to the coast seemed like just too far to go. It was only two hours to the river. Only ten minutes through the paddock to the big dam.
Katie and I rode the horses. Chooka and Naomi raced off with all the gear on the four-wheeler. Katie took her shirt off as soon as we were in the paddock. She wasn’t as keen to canter that morning and I wondered if it had anything to do with her bikini. She had board shorts on the bottom half but her top half was barely strapped in. Even at a walk her boobs looked as though they were about to escape. Her love bites had faded to yellow and where she’d been sunburned on Saturday had started to peel.
‘You’re a thousand Ks away,’ she said.
I shrugged. ‘Maybe.’
‘Twenty cents for your thoughts.’
‘Cool! Twenty cents for nothing!’
‘Come on,’ she growled.
‘Camping.’
‘Of course. Is Jacob hot?’
‘How would I know? I’ve never met him. I hadn’t even really met Nathaniel a week ago, give me a break!’
‘How old’s Jacob?’
‘I don’t know. I’ve never met him!’
‘Sorry, sorry, just asking.’
I gnawed on the inside of my lip. I supposed I could just not go, but I really really wanted to be there. I wanted to see what would happen and, in the same breath, I was frightened that something
might
happen or even worse, something
might not
happen.
‘I’ll be there,’ Katie said.
‘Thank you,’ I said, and sighed.
‘If Jacob turns out to be a total dork you know that you’ll pay for it for the rest of your life, don’t you?’
‘Katie!’
‘Sorry. It’s not actually about you, Katie!’ she said, and slapped her own face.
At the dam, Chooka and Naomi had dumped the towels and Mum’s picnic basket. They’d started setting up to surf. We had invented dam-surfing a couple of years ago when Katie and Naomi were visiting. Basically, it’s being towed on the boogie board behind the four-wheeler. It’s more like skiing around the edge of the dam than surfing, but we’d started off on our bellies. While
surfing
on your belly seems fairly normal,
skiing
on your belly sounds like sheer madness. Naomi raised the stakes when she knelt on the board. Not to be outdone, Katie stood up, and true dam surfing was born. We tied a piece of poly pipe onto the end of the rope for a handle and learned to ride the bike tight into the corners and whip the board-rider around. Katie was great on the board but a shocking driver. The whole thing had ended in tears of mad laughter last year when Katie rode the four-wheeler into the dam. Wish we’d caught it on video.
Anybody watching me this time would have seen a farm kid doing what we do best. I took my turn on the board (and
off
the board), drove the bike, shared the food, slapped sunscreen on every bit of skin I could see – mine and everybody else’s – and laughed until my guts hurt. Inside, it was a whole different story. Inside I was trying to keep the lid on a box of emotional kangaroos. Every quiet moment, some dream or nightmare about camping with Nathaniel and Jacob would poke its head through. I’d have to push it down with all my might. If I didn’t it would bound off into the fence or escape into the bush, never to be seen again. What if he wanted more than I was ready to give? What if I got swept away by it all and made an idiot of myself? What if I got so nervous I couldn’t think straight and every time I opened my mouth I sounded like a bleating ewe? Arghhhhhh!
‘Can I borrow some jeans for tomorrow night?’ Katie asked.
‘Tomorrow night?’ Naomi said. ‘What’s going on tomorrow night?’
‘Nothing,’ I snapped.
‘Yeah,’ Katie said. ‘Nothing.’
‘Can we come too?’ Chooka said.
‘Come where?’ I said. ‘We’re not going anywhere.’
‘Yeah, right,’ Naomi said.
I frowned at Katie.
‘Are you going to meet up with your boyfriend?’ Chooka asked.
I laughed, but I had an instant gut-freeze. ‘Boyfriend? What boyfriend?’
‘Dad said you were dancing with Nathaniel Carrington at the Show.’
‘Ha! Dancing together doesn’t mean we’re . . . going out or anything. What else did Dad tell you?’
He shrugged. ‘Nothing much.’
‘He said you were dancing like a couple,’ Naomi sang. ‘Like a
couple
! He’s your boyfriend, don’t try and deny it.’
‘He’s
not
my boyfriend.’
‘
And
you went next door to make hay,’ Chooka said.
‘So? They needed help. Mr Carrington has hurt his leg. I was just . . .’
‘You’re such a liar, Avvie. Tell us what you like, but we know the truth,’ Naomi said, and I wanted to slap my hand over her mouth.
‘Shut it!’ Katie barked. ‘Leave her alone. It’s none of your business.’
‘Whooo,’ Naomi said.
Katie grabbed her by the hand and dragged her squealing to the water’s edge. Naomi put up a token struggle but she was laughing too hard to do much. Katie tried to sling her in but she slipped on the mud and they both went down together in a squelching, splashing, giggling heap.
Hoppy got up to leave as I entered the kitchen. There was nothing subtle or coincidental about the way he left – he just stood up, grabbed his hat and slid past us without saying a word. I’m not sure why I went after him, but I did. I think the little kids had something to do with it. Their teasing meant my secret wasn’t really a secret any more. Everybody knew and everybody was cool with it – except Hoppy.
‘Hoppy?’
‘What?’ he grunted, but he didn’t stop walking.
‘I . . . I’m sorry.’
He huffed a little sarcastic laugh. ‘You will be,’ he said.
‘Don’t be like that.’
He turned. ‘Don’t be like what? What do you expect me to do? Jump up and down and get excited because you’re in love with the one scumbag in the whole world who’s guaranteed to mess up your life? Of all the rotten scabs on the planet, you choose that one.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t even know who you are.’ He turned on his heel and stumped off to the shed.
I couldn’t eat. I lay on my bed and cried. I wet my pillow with my sweat and tears and honked my way through half a box of tissues. Everyone left me alone, or maybe there was nothing they could do. I could hear them banging, laughing and flushing the toilet. My window was wide open and the air that made its way inside was as warm as my breath. Katie came in a couple of times but she just rubbed my back and didn’t say a word. At ten o’clock she came in again and stroked my hair until it felt a bit weird, strange enough for me to roll on my back and look at her face. It wasn’t Katie I saw; it was Mum.
She offered a sad smile. ‘Oh, Avvie, I wish there was something I could do.’
I bit my lip and rubbed at my eyes. I rolled on my side again and stared at the wall.
‘You know what he’s like,’ she said. ‘He’ll come around eventually.’
‘Will he?’
‘Of course he will. He hates them with a passion but he loves you more than that.’
‘He said he doesn’t know who I am.’
‘Did he really?’
She sat there for a minute then got up sharply.
‘Don’t, Mum,’ I said.
‘What?’
‘Just leave him alone.’
‘He’s being stupid. You’re not Juliet and Romeo. We’re not at war with the neighbours, even though he’d like to think we were. You’re not a traitor, sweetheart. You can go wherever you want, with whoever you want. He’ll have to get over himself one day.’
She patted my shoulder and closed the door quietly as she left.
The house was quiet for a long time after that. My ears were straining but I couldn’t hear the TV or anything. Not a voice. I was holding my breath, my heart a distant bass drumbeat, when a single word cut through.
‘Enough!’ Hoppy shouted.
Glass smashed. A door slammed. The ute revved hard and hawked at the gravel on the drive. Inside, a little bit more of me died.
I thought I’d never sleep again, but I did. Sleep has a way of finding me, of sliding between my random ugly thoughts and covering me with its blanket of nothing. When I don’t dream stupid dreams, it’s my reset button. I woke in the milky light of a new day and Mum and Dad and Nan were already up.
Hoppy hadn’t come home, but nobody seemed surprised.
‘Probably parked out by the dam and fell asleep,’ Nan suggested. ‘Bet he was eaten alive by mosquitoes. Serve the old grump right.’
Dad saw the look on my face and put his cup of tea down so he could hug me. ‘He
will
calm down, love, we just have to give him some time. There are years and years of aggro stored in him. I reckon it’ll take a while to dig through that lot, but he will.’
Katie appeared in the kitchen, puffy-eyed and crazy-haired. She stretched and yawned. ‘Morning.’
‘Good morning, Katie,’ Mum said. ‘You’re up early. Did you wet the bed?’
‘What? No! It’s just that Avvie and I talked about going camping today. I didn’t know if she still wanted to and I thought she might go without me and I really . . . I’m hungry.’
We all laughed.
‘I’m still here,’ I said. I hugged her and she patted my head as if I was a puppy.
‘So, are we going camping or what?’ she asked.
It was my turn to pat her head. ‘All in good time, Katie.’
I wondered if the others could see the devil behind that smile.
Hoppy did eventually make it home again. Katie and I were almost ready to leave when he turned up. We had the swags strapped on behind the saddles and two shopping bags each, filled with camping gear, like chocolate and apples and Katie’s iPod and more chocolate. Hoppy looked to the yards where we were and quickly looked away.
Katie raised her eyebrows. ‘He’s in a good mood this morning. Do you want to trot over and say hi?’
I considered it for a few seconds but the memory of that ‘I don’t know who you are’ came stomping back.
‘Let’s go,’ I said.
We rode past the front of the house and yelled our goodbyes. Mum came to the kitchen window, Chooka and Naomi scrambled out the back door.