Bookmark Days (6 page)

She took ages. I was ready to go back inside when she staggered out into the orange light of day’s end in Forsyth. She staggered for six steps, and then she took a breath and straightened. ‘Sorry, Avvie.’

‘Here,’ I said, and handed her the mints.

‘You’re a lifesaver,’ she said. ‘Hang on, no you’re not.’ She read the label on the pack in her hand. ‘You’re a four-x super-strong mint.’

When she walked again, I was expecting to have to help her but she was fine – completely fine, as if she hadn’t had a single drink, and I wondered which was the act. Was she acting sober now or had she been acting drunk with her new friends? And then I felt mean. If I had a heap of friends who were drinkers, I’d probably look at it differently. The main thing was, with the mint in her mouth and the darkness coming on, she wasn’t going to arouse the attention of her mum or my folks. We got back to the carpark and she was just normal old Katie, helping me fix my hair, making sure no one was watching when I got changed at the back of her mum’s Honda, and painting my face. At close range, her breath was mint beer. Glad I wasn’t kissing that!

‘I think you’re done, Princess,’ she said. ‘You look edible. Now it’s my turn.’

It seemed to get dark all of a sudden and I realised heavy stormclouds had masked the last of the sun. They billowed black into the western sky and the distant horizon flashed with lightning. The action was way off and not threatening at all but the extra darkness meant I was the only one who saw Katie’s bottom in a g-string as she struggled with her party dress. I got more embarrassed than she did, as usual. It’s that self-confidence thing again. Katie could wear that sort of stuff and just not care. I’d feel weird
owning
underwear like that, let alone wearing it. I couldn’t imagine them being comfortable. Constant wedgie.

The others arrived back at the cars just as Katie was curling mascara into her eyelashes using the rear-vision mirror of the Honda.

‘Here they are!’ Mum sang. ‘We’ve been looking for you everywhere.’

‘We’ve been here for ages,’ Katie said.

‘Oooh, don’t you two look nice,’ Aunty Jacq said.

‘You nearly done?’ Mum said. ‘We’re heading home.’

‘What?’ Katie shrieked. ‘It’s hardly even dark!’

‘No, no, no,’ Mum said. ‘
We’re
heading home. Naomi’s feeling a bit sick and we’ve had enough. Lance is going to collect you girls at the time we agreed and chauffeur you home in the Rangey.’

‘Where is Dad?’ I asked.

‘He got roped into doing a shift in the pancake tent.’

‘Serious?’

‘Yes, I’ll pay you if you get a photograph of your father in an apron and hairnet.’

‘My phone!’ Katie said.

‘Right,’ Aunty Jacq said. ‘Give us a kiss and we’ll be on our way.’

‘Just a minute,’ Katie said, reaching into her bag of tricks and spraying herself with ten seconds worth of cheap perfume. We were all coughing and fanning our faces by the end of it. There was no way Aunty Jacq was going to smell anything other than the perfume for the next five hours. She held her nose and pecked Katie’s cheek. ‘You two look after each other, please.’

‘We will,’ Katie said.

Mum kissed my cheek. ‘Stay together,’ she whispered.

‘I’ll try,’ I whispered back.

They were testing the microphones on stage and I suddenly needed to pee. Katie hooked her arm through mine. We watched our mums pack and wave as they drove out. As soon as they were out of sight, Katie yanked free and was running to the showgrounds, shouting to me over her shoulder. ‘Come on!’

I jogged to catch up. ‘Where are we going?’

‘To the pancake tent. I want a photo of your dad in drag.’

‘Drag?’

‘Have to admit, it’ll be the closest Uncle Lance is likely to get to wearing women’s clothing.’

I laughed then. I was laughing mostly at the thought of my dad in a hairnet but I realised it had been a very long time since I’d felt the warm night air on my thighs. I was kind of in drag, too, and right then I did feel like a princess.

CHAPTER 10

Dad looked kind of cute. We waited in line for fifteen minutes so he’d serve us. Katie made him pose with the eggflip while she took a photo with her phone.

‘This will be worth millions on the Internet,’ she said.

We got a pancake with lemon and sugar each and scoffed them while we watched the band tuning up. I watched the band; Katie watched the crowd. We put our rubbish on top of an overflowing bin. In the shadows beyond I saw a familiar head wearing a familiar trucker’s cap. Katie grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the beer tent.

‘No!’ I said, and yanked free.

‘What?’

‘I don’t want to go in there.’

‘Fine,’ she said, and walked off.

‘Katie!’

‘What?’

‘Please don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’

I don’t know
, I thought.
Please don’t do the stuff you do at home. Please don’t go making stories to tell.

‘Be careful.’

She saluted and walked off.

The trucker’s cap was gone.

‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Billy Cane and this is the Long Road band and we’re here to keep you smiling.’

There was a loud cheer and the showgrounds filled with music. Fiddle and guitar, banjo and drums. The hair prickled on my neck and if I hadn’t been so earth-bound by the mess of thoughts in my head, I would have been like the rest of the crowd, jumping about and screaming.

I stood there for a long time, just observing as if I wasn’t really there. As if I was watching it all on some wraparound big screen. My feet were already hurting. I didn’t want to be Avril Louise Stanton the Observer any more. I wanted to be in there with those people line-dancing in a big, wobbly square right in front of the stage. I wanted to be holding hands and spinning around like the little kids. I wanted an arm over my shoulder and I wanted to bump into that arm and just not care. I was sick of being lonely and I was sick of being me.

An area behind the stage had been cordoned off with plastic tape. I could just make out the forms of the pyrotechnics guys getting ready for the grand finale.

‘Not bad, hey?’ came a voice right in my ear.

I jumped and he was there. All big eyes and cheeky grin, Nathaniel had his arms crossed over his chest in a totally natural bumpkin kind of way. I wanted to grab him and kiss him. I wanted to dance and shout yeehaa and whistle, but I also wanted to die, and while those feelings battled it out inside my head I just stood there, smiling like a dingbat, totally unable to talk.

We stood there frozen for the best part of a song and then Nathaniel shifted feet. I thought he was going to leave. Inside I was screaming ‘Nooooooo!’ but my paralysis was too strong. I couldn’t get a word out. Luckily, he didn’t leave.

The song ended and Nathaniel clapped and cheered with the rest of the crowd.

I finally found my voice. ‘Wooooooohooooo!’

Just pretend he’s family.

Finally, my limbs reconnected to my body and I was really
there
. I was jumping up and down and punching at the air and when Nathaniel shouted ‘Do you want to dance?’ and held out his hand, I took it and we slipped through the crowd towards the stage.

‘I don’t know how to dance,’ I confessed.

He shrugged. ‘Me neither. There aren’t any rules, are there?’

I shrugged back. ‘Not unless you’re doing the military thing,’ I yelled, and nodded at the troop of big-hatted line-dancers.

‘Not me,’ he said.

The music started and he dropped my hand but I didn’t care because he was right there. He was looking at the ground but I didn’t care about that either because I was looking at the ground too. If he was looking at the ground then it meant he wasn’t looking right
at
me. At least he wouldn’t see what sort of a fool I made of myself dancing, we’d just be together. I let the music wash over me like the rain that ended the drought. My body moved as if it knew what it was doing. I sneaked peeks at the band and the crowd. I even stole a hundred and twenty-seven or so glances at the guy in the trucker’s cap. At the end of the song, we went wild with the rest of them and stood so close I could feel him breathing on the skin of my neck. I turned into one big goosebump. I didn’t care if he noticed, in fact some part of me hoped he did.
See what you’re doing to
me, Hot Breath?

In the hour that followed we just kind of melted together. Our dancing got sillier and sillier. I watched him and laughed when he went through his repertoire of ancient rock-and-roll moves. I couldn’t match him but I mimed farm animals in time to the music. He had to stop with his hands on his knees after I cut a lap around him flapping like a chicken.

I hoped those fireworks would never come, but I knew they probably would.

‘For those of you who remember what recess time is, that’s where you nick out behind the shelter sheds for a smoke or a wee, well, it’s recess time now and we’ll be back in a little while. You’ve been a fantastic audience and we lerrrrve you!’

We clapped, and when we were done, Nathaniel rested his arm on my shoulder. ‘That was awesome, Avril, thanks. You want a drink?’

‘Um, sure.’

‘I’d offer you beer but I don’t have one of those tag things on my arm so it’ll have to be soft drink, okay?’

Katie. My heart wobbled in my chest. Maybe it wobbled all the way up to my face because Nathaniel looked at me strangely.

‘You okay?’

‘Yes, I’m supposed to be looking after my cousin. I . . . I probably should go check on her.’

‘Okay,’ he said, nodding. ‘How about I meet you right here when you’re done. What sort of drink did you want?’

‘Lemon, thanks. Thank you.’ I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

‘No worries,’ he said. ‘See you right here.’

‘Right here.’

Katie hadn’t moved from the beer tent. I’d noticed the tags Nathaniel was talking about – fluorescent yellow wristbands that signified an age check had been done and the wearer was good to buy alcohol – but I didn’t notice Katie had one until she came up to hug me. She was all loose-limbed and awkward. She butted into me and kissed my cheek. She squeezed my bum through my dress.

‘Finally!’ she slurred. ‘My cousin made it to the party! Everybody! Hey! Shoosh! Listen to me, you faggots, this is my cousin, Avril, and if any of youse hurt her then you’ll have to answer to me! Got it? Avril, this is everybody.’

Nobody was listening, or if they were, they didn’t acknowledge her. Then a man in a black dress shirt and jeans arrived with a double handful of drinks.

‘Here he is! Avvie, this is Daniel. Dan, this is my cousin Avril.’

The guy nodded. He smiled but his mouth was crooked. ‘You want a drink?’

‘No, I’m fine. Thanks.’

‘Oh, come on, Cuz, loosen up!’

‘Good,’ Daniel said. ‘I just waited ten minutes in the queue and if you want one you’ll have to get it yourself!’

Katie laughed at his limp joke and took one of the drinks from his hand. He passed the others to friends and when there was only his drink left, he slipped his free arm over my cousin’s shoulder and pulled her close.

Katie kissed his cheek and rested her hand on his stomach.

Something about the scene made me feel sick. Maybe it was the smell, all dregs and crushed grass. Maybe it was Katie with her partially disengaged brain. Maybe it was the fact that the guy with his arm around my sixteen-year-old cousin was probably close to thirty.

One of Daniel’s mates yelled his name. While he was distracted, I got as close as I could to Katie.

‘Are you okay?’

She laughed. ‘Of course! You’re such a control freak. Stop being my mum. Have a beer.’

‘I don’t want a beer. I just want to know that you’re safe.’

Daniel looked me straight in the face. ‘She’s safe, cousin. We’re just having a bit of fun, aren’t we, Karen?’

‘My name’s Katie, you idiot!’ she said, and slapped his stomach.

‘Sorry, sorry. I knew that.’

‘Come on, Av. Stay,’ Katie said. ‘Have a drink. We can hook you up with one of Dan’s mates. Where’s Steve? Steve!’

‘No thanks.’

‘Come on!’ she said again. ‘You can’t stay a virgin for ever.’

Dan’s eyes lit up. ‘Serious?’

‘Yeah, she lives on a farm, don’t you Av? Av? Where you going?’

Nathaniel was waiting exactly where he’d said he would. He’d managed to steal a haybale from somewhere to use as a seat. He wriggled to one side and handed me a can.

‘Everything okay?’

I cracked the can and drank half of it in one go. Shook my head.

‘Do you need to go? I’m fine if you have to. I mean, I’m having a great time and I don’t want you to go but I completely understand if you need to go and look after your cousin and that. That’s fine with me. Honest. I guess they can be little pains at times though I don’t know for real because I don’t have any cousins or anything like that. I . . .’

‘Shhh,’ I said. I patted his knee then burped quietly into my hand.

‘Sorry. Bit hyped up. How old’s your cousin?’

‘Sixteen.’

‘Serious? I thought she was little.’

‘Big. She’s big. Big trouble.’

‘Oh.’

‘She’s got one of those wrist tags.’

‘Oh.’

‘She’s quite drunk.’

‘Oh.’

‘Some guy who could be thirty is all over her.’

‘I see. Do you want me to . . . you know . . . go and get her or something? I could do that.’

I looked at him. He was serious. Suddenly I was confused again and my guts were churning. Do I get in there and rescue someone who doesn’t really want to be rescued? Do I mess up this highlighter-blue moment of my life to preserve my cousin’s almost non-existent dignity? I realised that it wasn’t just highlighter blue. Whatever I decided, this day, this evening, this hour would leave a permanent crease. Every time the book falls open from now on, it will open to this page.

‘What’s the worst thing that could happen?’ Nathaniel asked.

‘I don’t want to think about it.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

There was a rumble of thunder in the middle distance. Now my emotions were affecting the weather. Maybe I
was
a control freak. Maybe I
was
trying to be her mum but that’s who I am. I’m not going to apologise for that.