Born Blue (7 page)

Daddy Mitch told me a long time ago he were a salesman, and when I asked what he sell, he said, "Life." He cackled at that, like he said something funny, but that kind of laugh scared me, so I stayed off the subject. I were little when I asked, but now I were twelve, almost thirteen, and I had a pretty good idea what he were sellin'. But it weren't till one day when school let out early 'cause of a cafeteria fire, and I took a taxi home, that I found out for sure. I got home when I weren't supposed to, paying the taxi driver with my emergency money Mama Shell been givin' me for when she don't come pick me up, and who did I see beggin' and clawin' at Daddy Mitch out in our yard but Mama Linda.

I ducked to the side of the house and listened to Mama Linda whining to Daddy Mitch, saying she should be able to pick up stuff whenever she wanted.

Daddy Mitch laughed and said, "Baby, it don't work that way. It's bad enough I got to give out your junk for
free. I ain't givin' out extra just 'cause you run out early. I've told you that before."

"Free!" Mama Linda screeched. "You got Janie. I gave you my Janie. I didn't get nothing for free. I got to live the rest of my life without my Janie."

"Don't you try that on me," Daddy Mitch said. "I ain't buyin' it You traded her off for heroin. You sold your own child for heroin."

Mama Linda were crying and I could hear them moving off away toward the back of the house. I slid along the other side, trying to keep hearing what they sayin'.

I missed something, 'cause when I got to hearin' them again, Daddy Mitch were yelling at Mama Linda. He said, "You want her? Take her! Go on and take her back. We don't need her. Go on! I'm tired of you. You take your girl, and get on outta here."

Then Mama Linda said that she didn't mean what she said and that he weren't so tired of her last month, and her voice changed to being all sweet and sexy, no more yelling, but Daddy Mitch didn't take none of it.

He said, "I ain't givin' you nothin'. You don't come around here no more. You want Leshaya, take her. You don't, that's your problem. The shop's closed! You get your junk somewhere else from now on."

Daddy Mitch slammed inside the house, and Mama Linda pounded on the door some and when she finally gave up, she said, "You'll be sorry. You're going to be so sorry."

I hadn't seen my mama in over five years, and I only reached her once in all the times I tried callin' her from the mall, and even then, she were too stoned to make much sense. So when I knew she were leavin', I come from round the house and looked at her good. She walked toward me, lookin' straight at me, but she didn't know who I be. She weren't too steady on her feet, didn't seem to me, and she were way skinny so her veins showed on her forehead real sharp, and her eyes looked way big and her head looked big, too. She had her hair tucked up under a baseball cap, and just a couple of greasy strands hung down on the side of her face.

When she were just 'bout to pass me by, I said, "Mama?"

Mama stopped, looked me up and down, and said, "Janie?"

I nodded and Mama Linda looked at me again. Her eyes was more bloodshot than eyes. Didn't know how she could see out of them. "You look just like me when I was your age," she said. "How old are you? Sixteen? Seventeen?"

"Twelve."

"Oh." She looked round herself to see who might be listening, then she said, "Listen, I want you to do me a favor. You know where Mitch keeps his stuff? You know how to get at his stuff?"

Mama Linda were talking fast and low and grippin' my arms too tight. I could feel electric current running through her to me. I could feel it in my arms and it hurt.

"You got to get me some..." I raised my arms, with her hands still hanging on them, and flung them down hard, breaking myself free of her.

Didn't say nothin'. I just walked away.

I
HAD A LOT
to think on that day, but weren't nothin' 'bout Mama Linda. I weren't gonna let what she done to me—trading me for drugs—get inside me. I just wrapped myself up in one more rock-hard layer of I-don't-care-'bout-nobody and sat in the living room, waiting for Daddy Mitch. I wanted to know for sure if Daddy Mitch be my real daddy or not. I never did ask before 'cause of how he had such a temper, but this time I had the temper, and I wanted to know 'cause I figured if he wasn't, I gonna run away somewhere.

Daddy Mitch come up and down the basement steps all day, dealing with strung-out addicts hot for their fix. He didn't know that I come home early, and when Mama Shell woke up, she were too groggy to care when I come home.

Daddy Mitch come up from the basement and took himself a break round 'bout five that night, and I were waitin' for him. I come right out and asked him what I
wanted to know. I said, "Am I your daughter? Did you and Mama Linda have me?"

"Huh?" Daddy Mitch looked up at me from where he sittin' on the sofa.

I stood in front of him with my arms crossed over my chest, hoping he knew I meant business. I wanted a answer. "Are you my daddy or not?"

"What? You mean your birth daddy? You askin' me if I'm your real father?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Girl? Where you get a idea like that? Course I ain't your daddy. Don't you remember how we got you?"

I remembered, but I didn't say nothin'. Weren't nothin' could come outta my throat, anyways. I didn't think I could even breathe. I left without saying one thing and went to my room and put on the ladies and listened all night long and into the morning, and I didn't even think to hatch my running away plan, 'cause I didn't want to think at all. I got up the next morning and still didn't speak, and nobody minded. I went to school and didn't talk there, neither. I didn't talk and I didn't think 'bout nothin'. I just doodled on sheets of paper, spellin' out Leshaya over and over and puttin' little stars round my name and stuff like that. At the end of the day weren't nobody waitin' for me to pick me up, so I took a taxi same as usual. This time, though, the taxi couldn't get but halfway down my block 'cause of all the police cars jammin' the way. I got out the car and paid the driver, then walked down the street toward
the cars, which mostly looked to be right in front of our house.

When I got up close enough to see what were goin' on, I saw the cops had Mama Shell and Daddy Mitch in handcuffs and they was leading them out to the cars. Behind them come more cops, carrying the bags and boxes of stuff from out the basement.

Neighbors I never seen before come out their houses and watched, so there were a good crowd and I was just one more in the crowd. I backed away and hid behind a tree, and I watched Mama Shell and Daddy Mitch ride off in the cop cars and the neighbors got out into the road and clapped and cheered behind the cars.

After everybody cleared away, I went on to the house. I stuffed what I could of what I owned into my backpack and a laundry bag. Then I searched the house for money and found a shoe box full of it in Daddy Mitch's room. Always were good things comin' in shoe boxes. It looked like Daddy Mitch robbed a bank there be so much money. I took all of it, putting some in my pocket, some in my backpack, and the rest I left in the shoe box I stuffed halfway down the laundry bag.

I called another taxi, and when it come, I told the driver to take me to the bus stop. I thought with the money I had, I could fly anywhere I wanted. 'Cept I couldn't fly to Tuscaloosa, where Harmon lived, and he the only person I knew to run to. Tuscaloosa weren't but a hour away by bus, so I took the bus, then took another taxi to the address Harmon give me at the mall.

The taxi left me off in front of a big house with lots and lots of lawn. It were dark out, but there was plenty of lights on the walk leading up to the house and plenty more lights on in the house. I took my time getting to the front door 'cause I thought maybe I be at the wrong place. Once I got to the door I felt too scared to ring the bell, so I went round to one of the windows and peeked in. I saw a pretty living room with lots of cushy-lookin' chairs with flower covers and velvety curtains on the windows, and it looked real warm and comfy in there. Didn't see no people, so I went to another window. I peeked in at the kitchen and saw Mrs. James wiping her hands on a towel and Mr. James and Harmon at the kitchen sink, doing dishes, and the little brother standing on his chair, holding his arms out for his mama to pick him up. I got the right house. I went back to the front and real quick, before I turned chicken and run off, I rung the doorbell.

Mrs. James answered it. She had the little brother in her arms.

"Hello," she said. "May I help you?"

I felt like I were in a store with Mama Shell. The salesladies was always following us around and asking could they help us. We always said no and looked annoyed at them, hoping they'd take the hint and go away, but at Harmon's house I smiled big and said, "I come to see Harmon." I held out my hand. "I Leshaya. I knew Harmon when he be at the foster home with Patsy and Pete."

Mrs. James stepped back to let me in. "Yes, Harmon said he met you a couple of months ago, at the mall in Birmingham. Come in, come in." Then she turned round and called to Harmon. "Harmon, someone's here to see you. Someone special."

Mrs. James had a singsong voice. I could see already why Harmon be happy living with her. And she were all dressed up like she just come from Sunday church, too.

I stepped into a large hallway that had a high, high ceiling with a gold-colored chandelier hanging down from it. The hallway had a pretty rug, too, with all these colors in it. It reminded me of a picture I seen of a stained-glass window once. I were afraid to step onto the rug, in case I had something dirty on the bottom of my shoes, so I stepped off to the side, set down my pack and my laundry bag, and waited for Harmon.

Harmon come into the big hall, and he saw me and ran right to me. He hugged me, and I wasn't scared no more.

"Leshaya!" he said, remembering my name. "Mama, it's Leshaya."

They brought me into a room they called the library 'cause it were full of books, and it had comfy chairs in it, too, only these were shiny-striped-covered, instead of flowers. I sat down, and Harmon sat next to me, and Mrs. James and Mr. James and the little brother they called Samson sat across from us.

Mrs. James said to me right off, "Leshaya, I hope you
can spend the night with us tonight," and her voice were so polite and friendly.

I said, "Yes, ma'am, I can. I come here to live. I come here to live with my brother, Harmon."

Mr. James and Mrs. James looked at each other, and they didn't know what to say, I could tell. I squeezed Harmon's hand and he patted my leg.

Then Mr. James said, "I think your own parents would miss you very much. If you've run away, I know they're worried about you. Could I call them and let them know you're here, safe, with us?"

"They ain't my parents, first of all, and second of all, they in jail. Maybe they in jail for kidnappin' me, and maybe they in jail for dealin' drugs. But anyways, they in jail, and my mama Linda put them there. She said yesterday she were gonna pay Daddy Mitch back 'cause he wouldn't hand her over no heroin, and she way addicted to heroin. She so addicted, she traded me off for it. But Daddy Mitch said yesterday he tired of the deal, and Mama Linda could take me back, but she didn't want me. So see, I don't got no parents. Alls I got in this whole world be Harmon."

Mrs. James said, "Oh my!" and reached out for Mr. James's hand. Little Samson come over to me and put his head in my lap. He had big eyes like Harmon, and his eyelashes be way curly. He were pretty, with pretty black skin, darker than everybody else's. I petted his head 'cause he were so pretty. He looked up at me and laughed, then he run back to his mama.

Mr. James said, "Well, we don't have to decide anything tonight. Harmon, why don't you show Leshaya the guest bedroom."

We all stood up, and Mrs. James asked me did I eat and were I hungry. I said I hain't eaten since noon that day, so she run off to the kitchen to fix me something, and Harmon took me up this wide, long staircase that had paintings hanging off the walls on either side of it. We walked down a long hallway to my room, and the hallway were wide enough to have furniture in it, tables and chairs and things.

The bedroom were like all the other rooms in the house, way big. It were so big, I think Mama Shell's whole house could fit inside the one room. It were so big, it had a sofa in it and a large chest for clothes and another one that opened and had a TV inside. It had a wide bed and the bed were gold. Harmon said it were a brass bed. I hopped on it, bouncin' and laughin', and I said, "No wonder you actin' so happy all the time, Harmon, livin' in a place like this. I think for the rest of my life I gonna be happy, too." I lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. A brass chandelier hung down above me. The bulbs was shaped like candle flames. "Yeah," I said. "I gonna be happy the rest of my life."

I
SLEPT LATE
the next morning. Didn't have no school to go to and weren't no cars or tracks rolling past the house, wakin' me up, neither, so I slept. When I come down to the kitchen, were Mr. James sitting at the table, with little Samson standing on the chair next to Mr. James, saying he wanted a cookie.

When Mr. James seen I come awake, he stood up and told me to come on in and eat something. I sat down and ate me some toast and a orange, and drunk down a little bit of my glass of milk, but then little Samson spilled the rest of it all over the table and floor. I waited for Mr. James to smack little Samson upside his head, but he didn't never do it. He told the boy to fetch him a sponge and they both cleaned up the mess, Mr. James soaking up the milk, and little Samson standing on a set of steps set next to the sink and squeezing out the sponge. Back and forth little Samson go, and I sat watching, waiting for the smack that never come.

Then Mr. James told little Samson to run on and get out his puzzles and when he got them all put together, Mr. James would come out to the den and take a look.

Samson swung on my arm and laughed. Then he run out the room, I guess to do like Mr. James said and play with his puzzles.