Born Different (14 page)

Gabe didn’t say
anything, he couldn’t think of anything. For all the conversations
he had held in his head, all the worries and fears that he had
expected or invented and had prepared himself for, none of those
scenarios had included this one.

“So can I still
be your friend. I’m not too weird am I? I am sorry, I am sick. I
need help. My life feels like it is falling apart. Will you always
be my friends?” Frank looked at all of them with a pleading in his
eyes, wide with tears brimming, ready to spill over. He said it had
been more a cry, a scream, for help; so that he could feel because
sometimes he just felt like he was at the bottom of a well and the
sides were too slippery and steep to climb out of and he wanted to
get out so badly. He had kept his sleeves long and had always worn
a load of leather bracelets to hide the scars. They all took
generous swigs from Johnny’s vodka bottle.

After a few
more, long seconds, as they all had their own thoughts on
everything, they looked around their gang; all of them as sick and
as weird and as twisted in their own way as each other.

Then Gabe
walked up to Frank and gave him a hug and the others followed suit.
They all held Frank in a genuine act of caring, which meant
everything to Frank as they were rarely affectionate with each
other. They all told him that they loved him and that they were
there for him and each other. Frank was relieved and burst out
crying again. They all cried now, the four of them, they shed the
tears that had been ready and waiting to fall. They put their arms
around each other and formed a tight knit circle, like the stars do
before a performance. This formation had been an integral part to
their gang code years back but they did it again now with a special
intensity and also so that they could hide their faces in the scrum
and cry like they wanted to, without the fear of the others seeing
them crack.

Dave then said
he had something that he wanted to tell them too. “I am pregnant.”
He looked dead serious which made the others just want to
laugh.

“Honestly,
don’t laugh fellas. I’m fucked. I really am pregnant.”

Johnny, wiping
a tear away, said, “I thought you’d put on a bit weight mate, I
just didn’t want to say anything!”

And even Frank
laughed.

But Dave was
being serious. A woman he had been sort of seeing, well fucking
mostly, was pregnant.

Dave was going
to be a daddy.

And something
about that realisation, when it hit them, stopped their laughter
dead.

“I better tell
you then, while we’re doing all this Oprah confessional shit, that
I shagged your mother Dave.” Dave mock attacked Johnny as he knew
there was no way on earth that Johnny really had shagged his mum as
he would have killed him.

But the others
found this so funny because not even Johnny was that stupid or mad
or desperate and they found it funny that Dave would be so upset if
he knew his mum slept around, when that is what he spent his life
doing or boasting that he did. Whether it was true or not... And it
seemed that everyone but Dave had heard the rumours about his mum,
though not even Johnny was that wicked to have tried to prove the
gossips right.

They all
couldn’t stop laughing through their tears and were glad for the
play fighting that ensued so that they could all punch and tussle
with each other; human contact was after all, for the usually
undemonstrative, still human contact.

But Gabe never
said anything about his wings. It crossed his mind that this might
be the perfect opportunity, a sign...his cue. But he couldn’t. Even
amongst his friends that were more special and different than most,
with dark deep secrets of their own, suffering from things he
didn’t know about too, Gabe knew his secret was different.

Gabe thought
that they could all be strangers in ten years time. If he wasn’t
the same person with the same set of friends from when he was
eight, who would he be and how would things have changed by the
time he was twenty eight, thirty eight. By which time his friends
would either be dead, in prison or healed. One thing that Gabe was
certain of was that he would always have his wings. They were never
going to disappear or heal of their own accord.

No! Gabe was
certain that he would never ever reveal his secret, under any
circumstances to anybody. He didn’t even tell them about his
dad.

Johnny’s phone
buzzed and Johnny passed it around his friends so that they could
all read what it said.

I KNOW YOU DID
IT. PAYBACK TIME.

“Bring it on,”
Dave said in defiance but Gabe’s heart sank and he felt the blood
drain from his face. Looking at Frank he could tell that he was
shitting himself too, he looked frightened half to death.

Another message
came through.

“Oh my God!”
Johnny’s face went white as well.

Johnny’s dad’s
flat looked like a bomb had gone off. The boys were so used to
seeing it neat that seeing it now, was an assault on their senses.
It didn’t look like it could possibly be the same flat. Johnny’s
dad had always been a bit OCD for neatness, something that Johnny
had inherited, but now everything that should have been in a
cupboard or on a shelf was now tipped out over onto the floor.
Everything was just everywhere, from the hall to the living room to
the kitchen. The TV was smashed and other electrical goods had been
pulled out from their sockets so that there were wires everywhere.
And it reeked. They couldn’t quite place the smell but it was a
combination of everything rank that they could think of. It smelt
like bad drains by the sea and vomit. Johnny’s dad had always taken
such great pride in the flat, it was small but he had tried to make
it a home for him and his son. Now, the flat was trashed. There was
food splattered all over the walls and a lot of what looked like
blood too and there was even a syringe on the floor.

“Has anything
been taken?”

“Hard to tell.
No I don’t think so.”

“What about all
you gear?”

“I don’t keep
it here, I ain’t a fool!” Johnny said it but even he was starting
to doubt it.

“Where do you
keep it?” Dave wanted to know.

“Like I’m gonna
tell you eh! A gentleman in business has to play his cards close to
his chest.” Gabe gave Johnny a despairing look because really,
gentlemen in business didn’t find themselves in the position Johnny
was in right now.

“What’s that
noise?” Frank on instinct assumed one of his fight positions.

They all
furtively made their way to where the muffled sound was coming
from, looking left and right, their nerve endings all now buzzing
on the highest frequency. Then they heard what they realised was a
ticking sound.

“Fuck me a
bomb, that’s a bit much,” Dave said in all seriousness.

“Shouldn’t we
make a run for it guys?” Frank implored in a whine.

“Bombs don’t
fucking tick, this ain’t a movie kids!” said Johnny who thought he
knew it all.

Gabe figured
that the ticking was coming from the clock on the kitchenette wall.
The only thing that seemed to still be in the same place it was
supposed to be.

Just for
dramatic purposes, and fuelled by an afternoon of drinking, Johnny
signalled for Dave to kick his dad’s bedroom door down.

And there, sat
on a basic wooden chair, naked, shaking, bound and gagged in the
middle of the room, was Johnny’s dad. Crying and stinking of the
unmistakable scent of urine.

“Oh, for fuck’s
sake.” Johnny’s ever present confidence momentarily vanished.

Gabe strode
over and tore the gaffer tape from off of Johnny’s dad’s mouth.

“What the fuck
have you done now?” Johnny’s dad literally spat. He was, unusually
for him but not for the circumstances, understandably angry.

“Nothing dad.
Nothing right.” Johnny barged past Gabe so that he could untie his
dad’s hands and ankles. Johnny that was usually so particular about
his appearance and disrespectful about his dad, dropped to his
knees so that he landed, kneeling in the puddle of piss that the
chair was now in the middle of.

“Sorry son, I
was just a bit scared there.” Johnny’s dad started crying again and
a huge mass of snot started dribbling down his already saturated
face, down over his lips.

“Nothing I
can’t sort dad, I‘ll sort this.” Johnny released the rope that was
binding his father to the chair so that he was now free to stand
up. He just about managed to get to his feet unaided, he wouldn’t
let Johnny touch him. With as much strength and dignity as he could
muster, he put one unsteady foot in front of the other and headed
in the direction of the bathroom. The boys kept their heads lowered
unable to look up and at him until they heard he’d slammed the
bathroom door shut behind him.

“Should I clean
up?” Frank headed for the kitchen to look for a bucket, bleach and
cloths.

“No let’s get
out of here.”

“Lock the door
dad!” Johnny shouted back as they ran down the stairs and out the
door into a world that seemed the same, despite the horror of what
they had just witnessed.

“I’ll show
those little bastards who is the boss around here. Come on we need
to formulate a plan.”

They all walked
to the park, to the playground because here they could see
everywhere, they could see who was coming from a distance. Totally
exposed as they were here, it was also the safest place to be. If
by some chance someone did appear, they could be spotted
immediately and if need be, there were plenty of choices of
directions in which to run. Frank, who still had hold of the bag of
booze, started to dish a can of beer out to everyone.

But Gabe didn’t
want to be here. It was getting dark. He had too much to do, he
wanted to see if he could go and see his dad now more so than ever
and he really needed to get back to the sculpture. Shit he would
rather just be sat at home watching television with his mum than
getting involved in all this. Gabe didn’t get Johnny anymore. He
knew that Johnny had been hurt by the way his mum had treated him
but Gabe couldn’t feel the same compassion for him now that he was
treating people in the same way. That didn’t make any sense. Johnny
was turning into the enemy.

Johnny had sent
a message back to Alastair telling him it wasn’t him and Frank by
now had worked himself in to somewhat of a frenzy, just getting
more and more anxious.

“Maybe we can
just give him back what he wants Johnny?”

As if on cue
another text came through.

JUST GIVE ME
THE BOX BACK. FORGET THE CASH. I NEED THAT BOX.

Johnny was
trying to figure it all out. There must be something precious in
the box, it must be worth more than the cash. It might have some
leverage, it was gaining more value to Johnny by Alistair’s
admittance of needing it so damn desperately. But to admit he had
the box would be to admit a whole lot of things.

“Just give him
back the box Johnny,” Frank begged, traumatised by recent
events.

“Ah he’s got
nothing on me, forget about it. I’ll keep pleading innocence. About
time my dad had a kick up the arse. Who fancies getting pissed and
going and pulling a few birds in town?”

“Count me in
bro, still got plenty of cash and could do with getting my leg
over.” Dave leered and Gabe couldn’t help but look at Dave with
more than a little disgust in his eyes, especially after what he
had told them earlier as well.

It amazed Gabe
that Johnny and Dave were just able to get on with their lives, to
just drink and fuck it all away.

And they didn’t
get him, why Gabe didn’t go to the clubs and sleep around. They
knew he was paranoid about his hump but even ugly kids had sex.
Dave, Frank and Johnny didn’t know why Gabe just didn’t go for one
of the girls at a party. When some girls got drunk, some of them
would happily ‘do’ anyone, they had told him. If Gabe put himself
in their line of fire he would be on his way to getting laid. Or if
he went down to the station of an evening, there were always
prostitutes down there and they would help him out, that was their
job. They thought Gabe was a good looking boy and the hump wasn’t
that bad, they didn’t know why he made such a fuss about it. But
these ideas appalled Gabe.

Of course they
didn’t realise that Gabe actually had wings, it would have been one
thing undressing in front of a stranger and potential lust conquest
if they were expecting some kind of deformity, but another
altogether to expose the fact that he had wings. Besides, they
forgot, he had done things with girls. Not much. It always got
round school. Gabe knew that any girl, however drunk or just
because they fancied Gabe, would potentially have their own school
life ruined for having kissed the monster. Pushing Gabe ever
further out from the flock. But the others weren’t affected that
much by it, of course they weren’t as it wasn’t actually happening
to them. The mockery and upset that had followed after brief past
liaisons had only scarred Gabe.

Gabe wanted and
realised that the only way he could do
it
was for
it
to somehow be more real, more honest. Gabe wanted to experience
true love, making love, passion, getting to know someone intimately
and being friends. Gabe wanted to embrace the whole thing as a bit
more precious than ‘a shag’ or, as Dave so ineloquently put it,
‘getting his leg over’. Compared to what Gabe dreamt it could be
like with Grace, his other experiences had fallen way short of his
expectations and so now Gabe didn’t even bother trying to do it any
other way. Gabe was never going to have dozens of notches on his
bedpost. It had to be enough to dream that one day, someone would
be close and special enough, because the truth was simply that he
had no other choice.