Born Different (28 page)

“I propose a
toast then girls.” Johnny stood up and held his left hand in a fist
and then he held it high in the air.

“Fuck money and
breaking balls to get it,” Johnny’s voice was steady and normal,
although the words didn’t seem like his. “I’ve been doing these
deals and making money now for years and I’m no happier. I was
treating my dad like shit and he gave up his life for me. He never
once dumped me on anyone. He was always there for me. Did all the
things a mum should do. He stayed with me while I cried myself to
sleep, night after night. Changed my bed sheets even when I was
still pissing the bed up in to my early teens. Always kind to me.
He could have got a good job, spent loads of time out the house and
had loads of girlfriends but he didn’t, he did everything with my
best interests at heart. Even though, I know now, he must have felt
as bad as I did, if not worse when mum pissed off. It just all hit
home when Alistair said what he did, when I looked around, when I
started to see people in love. And I thought, who would love me
when I lie and put money first? Do I really want someone to love me
for the flash lifestyle I could provide or do I want someone to
love me for something more? What is the word they use for it Gabe,
spiritual, loving? You know, all those really precious things that
money don’t buy. Like true friendship and true love. Why would I
want to put anyone through what my mum did to me? I guess it was
part of the grieving process but...I’m sorry guys. I still want to
work and to work hard but no more crime, no more getting my poor
old man tied up. I’ve lived with the fear of a tap on my shoulder
for too long. I feel like I’ve been living in a straightjacket and
I want to be free of it.”

“Truth. Freedom
to be ourselves!” Frank stood up too and raised his left fist in a
sign of solidarity and acceptance, Gabe and Dave rose to their feet
too.

They all held
their left arms straight out in front of them, they touched
knuckles with each other. And as they all looked at the formation
they had made and looked into each other’s eyes, it was enough.
This was the meaning. They all knew somewhere, without words being
used, what the other one meant.

Dave had also
bought his shaving kit and he shaved all their hair short too, a
grade 1. It was a time for fresh beginnings and new starts and they
wanted to feel clean and new. Then Gabe had an idea. So each of
them took a lock of their hair and glued it to the part of the
sculpture that they wanted to, not only helping to clean the floor
but also adding their genes, their individual personalities, their
personal unique coded DNA that had also gone into making Gabe who
he was.

The banging on
the door was violent and urgent, it shook the house and caused Gabe
and Gina to jump and be immediately on edge. Gabe stood up and put
his jacket on and Gina went to their front door, it was late and
she wasn’t expecting anyone but she opened it anyway. A man who
declared himself to be Grace’s father was at their door, all red
faced and angry, shouting and screaming and obviously drunk.

Gina
courteously invited him in before she had really thought about it,
her instinct to be loving and trusting and to see the good in
everyone and not be suspicious, meant that she was not always as
guarded and prepared as sometimes it was preferable and safe to
be.

Gina was
conscious that she needed to harden and toughen herself up a bit
more, she should have learnt by now. She had come across so many
bad situations so many times but still, when she was confronted
with the same situation, she always reverted to her natural way of
being, submissive. Gina cursed herself for it, especially when this
situation also involved her son. She should have found the strength
to be more confident, or rude, or whatever it was that would have
enable her to just say, ‘Fuck off’ and slam the door.

Grace’s father
entered their home, their usually peaceful home, and he didn’t
bother with niceties, he just started shouting obscenities at them.
He shouted so much and so loudly that it was hard for them to
recall all of it afterwards.

He screamed at
Gabe that he was dirty and deformed and ugly and poor, and all
sorts of other things along the same lines. He said that he knew
who had targeted him with the bullying all those years back, he
seemed to know everything, but it was all interspersed with lies.
All the shouted and screamed words became a blur after a while and
Gina and Gabe just stood in the same spot; in fear, in shock, not
really knowing what to do, thinking that it was perhaps them that
were going mad.

The situation
was so surreal to them and out of the ordinary that it was as if
time stood still as this foreign object like a monster was storming
around, spitting out this tirade of words in a way that neither of
them had experienced in this space that they called their home.

Gabe had often
wondered and mentally prepared himself for the day when he might be
mugged or attacked, but when it came down to it, he just froze. It
was not at all like he imagined it would be or how he would react.
The flight or fight adrenalin reaction did in fact just render him
immobile.

Finally, after
what could have been minutes or an hour, Grace’s father grabbed
Gabe by the throat and he smashed him up against the living room
wall with the full force of his drunken rage, knocking a painting
of Ganesha on to the floor. Gabe did not resist, he just looked
down at Ganesha staring back up him through the shattered glass, as
if to say, ‘This is all a bit odd but stay calm.’

Then, it was
all over and Grace’s dad just turned around and walked out,
slamming the door shut behind him, leaving the house tainted and
static with fear, upset and confusion.

The doorbell
must have been ringing for a while as Gabe heard it in his dreams
first before he realised that it was his own front door. Why was no
one answering it? He didn’t have enough time to bandage himself up
so he just threw on his dressing gown.

Gabe threw open
the door to stop the source of the shrilling and found it was
Nathaniel stood there. At first, Gabe was taken aback, then the
pent up rage started shooting through his veins, igniting Gabe’s
nerve endings and senses. The memories of the night before came
flashing back and Gabe was now furious.

“Gabe.”
Nathaniel was standing in the door way looking somehow smaller and
sicker and weaker than usual.

“Gabe, its
Grace. They’ve taken her by ambulance up to the hospital.”
Nathaniel looked from side to side and Gabe followed his gaze but
there was no one there.

“What? What’s
wrong with Grace?” Gabe’s anger turning now to mild panic.

“I couldn’t
wake her up. She said she was going to get away, run away. Mum’s
gone and dad said he’d been over here and beaten up you and your
mum. He said he’d trashed your house. And…and…Gabe, I don’t know
what to do.” Nathaniel was jumpy, still repeatedly looking one way
and then another again and scratching his face and arms.

“You know it
was him that hit Grace? Your own dad beat up your sister! Has he
bloody hit her again?”

“No Gabe it’s
not that.” Now Nathaniel was crying and obviously in a right state.
“Grace said she was going to run away with you and so dad came over
here, said he was going to kill you. I think she was drinking and
she took some pills Gabe. I think she may have even taken some of
my stuff Gabe, the heroin.”

“You what?’
Gabe couldn’t quite believe what was going on. Everything flashed
before him, every option of what Nathaniel might say next.

Gabe had the
singular thought that winded him, that kicked him in the stomach as
hard as any horse would.
Grace is dead!
Gabe felt the words
hanging in the air, ready, so that the next words to come out of
Nathaniel’s mouth would be just that. Grace is dead. Gabe didn’t
want to ask the question that would give him the answer that he
couldn’t bear to hear. The answer that would kill him on the spot.
But he had to.

“Is she
alright? Nathaniel, is she fucking alright?”

“I don’t know
Gabe. I didn’t go to the hospital. They took her in the ambulance
and the sirens and the lights were going and they rushed her to the
hospital.”

“Who went with
her then? Who is with Grace?”

“No one Gabe.
Mum’s just disappeared and dad came home last night and trashed our
house, broke every single bit of china and glass. Everything.
Smashed the whole place up and then he left. And it was just me and
Grace and we just wanted to forget it all and get drunk and then
when I came round I couldn’t wake her up and I called 999.”

Gabe thought of
Grace’s father’s words that still echoed in his head and around
this room where the only physical evidence left of the drama the
night before was the smashed glass Ganesha picture now resting on
the side table in the lounge. All those words and accusations that
Gabe was no good for Grace! In what position had this man been in
to tell Gabe, Gabe who loved Grace, properly loved her, would die
for her, who saw and felt her pain? And these people, her own
blood. Her own family. They did not care at all. There was no love
there for her. Poor Grace. Poor little rich girl who was so unloved
and who everyone thought had everything. It left Gabe feeling
hollow with grief for her.

“Have you got
any money Gabe?”

But Gabe just
slammed the door in his face.

Gabe knew he
had to get to the hospital. He had The Exhibition this afternoon
but it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter at all anymore. Nothing else
mattered. Gabe was focused and all he knew was that he had to be
with Grace. He had to go and find her immediately. He had to find
out if she was ok. Or not!

He didn’t have
the time to go and oil and wrap himself up, he needed to be with
Grace as soon as possible. He put on his black jeans and black
boots and threw on two tight black t-shirts, a big black jumper and
his jacket. That would have to do. What did it matter now anyway,
in comparison to this, what did his wings matter? If exposing his
wings would bring Grace back then it was a small price to pay.
Nothing came close to mattering as much as Grace mattered.

Gabe ran as
fast as he could across town to the hospital. Sweating and in pain,
he ran through the traffic, through the throngs of shoppers and
through the crowds of people just hanging about. Everyone else
seemed to be on a go slow. Why isn’t everyone running? That is what
Gabe wanted to know. Why wasn’t everyone realising that he was in a
hurry and that they had to get out of the fucking way. People
seemed to be blocking and stopping him on purpose, creating
hurdles. But Gabe would not give up or slow down, or stop to catch
his breath. Gabe ran with the urgency of life or death.

It had to be
the hottest day of the year so far and Gabe was baking hot and
sweating profusely; over-heating with the stress and sprinting on
top of sweltering heat of the sun beating down on him. It was
unbearable, so without stopping, Gabe took his jacket then his
jumper off, put the jumper in a public bin that he passed and put
the jacket back on again without breaking his stride.

At the hospital
front desk, there was a massive queue and the people in the front
were asking all sorts of inane questions and chatting away like
they had all the time in the world. Gabe needed to find out where
Grace was but they were taking forever.

He had no
patience for it, not one bit in the circumstances. Sweat was
dripping down his face and his jacket was soaked, he felt wet and
sticky from the sweat pouring off him and he felt on the edge of
punching someone in the face. Gabe couldn’t wait any longer and so
he just walked swiftly past the desk and ran down the cool
corridor, turning round corners and past wards, shouting out for
her. He ran past doors that contained rows of sick people in bed,
the smell of excrement and dying flesh overpowering even his own
body odour. He looked behind curtains and behind shut doors,
apologising as he went and shouting with more and more desperation
in his voice for Grace.

“Grace! Grace!
GRACE!”

Gabe’s heart
beat so hard, he felt it in his chest and heard it loud in his
ears. Grace, Grace, Grace. And then, at the end of the corridor,
with nowhere else left to go, Gabe looked into a single room and
there she was.

Grace was lying
there totally still with a white sheet covering her. Gabe called
out her name again now but softly and still she didn’t move. She
was surrounded by all the hospital room paraphernalia, machines and
flashing lights, wires and liquids and whirling noises. She was on
a drip. Gabe could see the long thick I.V. needle that went in
through the crease in her arm and up into to her vein.

Gabe touched
her and she just lay there so pale that she was almost translucent.
Her face looked ghostly, her eye sockets and cheeks were sunken and
dark purple, almost black. She looked awful and Gabe’s heart that
had been racing so fast felt like it had stopped as still as the
room.

Grace looked
dead but she couldn’t be. The lights were still going on the
machines. The screen was showing a picture that showed that her
heart still beat like a mountain range. In this sterile place that
looked so barren, with so many unnatural straight lines everywhere
that it was almost goading the heart’s beat and rhythm to flat
line, to keep in line with the decor. But her heart rebelled and it
beat and the lines went straight up and down, against the grain.
Grace was alive.

“Oh Grace what
have you done?”

Gabe collapsed
at the side of her bed and wept into the sheets next to her cold,
unmoving, unconscious body.