Born (18 page)

I push myself up and sit on the bed for a
minute. I see half her face through the curtain from where I sit. She looks
scared.

I step gingerly off the bed and walk
around the curtain. My stomach hurts like I'm having my monthly. It's never
hurt like this though.

She stands and takes my finger. We walk
from the room and down the hallway. The other women in the waiting room look me
over. I see relief on their faces when they don’t see a difference.

I am different.

I feel broken for the first time ever.

I sit back down and try to ignore the
feeling of the warmth in my underwear. She snuggles into me. If we could join
skin and become one person I think she would ask for me to do it. She is
terrified.

"You can come with me now." I
glance up at a woman in a white coat and matching pale blue pants and top. The
other women want to ask me things. I can feel the tension in the air from it. I
look at them. I can't smile and tell them it will be okay.

I stand. The girl follows and walks along
in the crook of my arm.

"So now that that part is over with
we will assign you a room. This is where you will stay for your duration with
us." She has short brown hair that’s styled with big round curls. She is
shiny and clean. I've never seen anyone like her. Her skin glows. There is no
old dirt anywhere.

She is the whitest person I've ever seen.

"I'm Gloria. I'll be here with you
guys. We do a rotation, four nights and then four days and then four off. If
you don’t see me for four days don’t panic. It's just my days off."

I don’t know what she's talking about.
Days off from what?

"So you'll be in the wing where the
women who are younger stay until they give birth. How old are you
sweetie?"

I look up. She is raising a perfect brown
eyebrow at me.

"Nineteen." I mutter.

"Okay. So yeah the girls in your
wing are anywhere from about sixteen to twenty eight." She lowers her gaze
as she walks, "And how old are you honey?" The little girl ignores
her and tightens her grip on me. The nurse shrugs.

I can't place her age. She is ageless.
She acts like the older women in the towns but she looks my age.

I look down at the girl who is curled
into me. "I think she's about twelve at the most."

Her eyes don’t rise to meet mine. They
stay fixated on the girl, "You sure you wouldn’t be happy with the other
younger girls? They all live together. They have TV's and video games over
there."

I see her little head trembling.

Gloria's eyes meet mine again, "Give
her a little time. She'll be begging to get away from the lot of you hormonal
women."

I want to tell her I'm not a woman. I'm
not.

She uses her wrist card to bring us
through a large metal door and suddenly the air is warmer. It feels like a nice
night with the fire lit, but a cool breeze blowing in the window. Not stuffy
but cozy.

I almost jump as other girls are walking
about as we turn a corner. I see swollen bellies and rosy cheeks everywhere.
They look like Gloria. Shiny and clean. I look down at my hands and frown. Will
those spots of dirt ever come out? Will I look like these girls if I stay here?

The area we are in looks amazingly bright
and clean. Everything is white. It's styled like a house I saw in a magazine at
the cabin. There are couches and plush pillows and a fireplace with glass over
the hearth. There is a kitchen like I've never seen before. It looks like a
restaurant from the same magazine.

Girls are sitting and eating at small
tables in the kitchen or on the couches. Some are walking and rubbing their
bellies. They're all dressed in white robes and pants and tops. Everything
they're wearing looks fluffy almost. The entire open kitchen and living room is
surrounded by glass. A small garden is on the other side. There are windows on
the other side of the garden. It must be a private garden and surrounded by the
building we are in, except the roof. Real sunlight filters in from the roof of
the garden.

Out of the corner of my eye I see her.

Gloria is talking about a room where we
have to spend a certain number of hours a day listening to music and a gym and
a pool. I don’t care about any of it. I see her.

She is sitting at a table. Her hair is
the first thing I recognize. It's dark and shiny in a way that looks like she's
run oil through it. Her white skin is bright and clean. Her lips curl into a
smile as she speaks to the blonde girl next to her. I can't imagine the
transformation she has undertaken in such a short amount of time. She looks
like a person from a magazine. She looks like she belongs in the white room
with the white girls everywhere. I notice suddenly everyone is white. There are
no other nationalities. The borderlands are diverse. This is the only group of
all white people I've ever seen. It's creepy.

The girl curls into me.

The girls in the room start to take
notice of me. Their eyes look haunted as they see me. They bite their lips and
try not to cry. I see it in their faces.

Anna's dark head turns slowly. Her eyes
recognize me and pain crosses her face. I give a subtle shake of my head. Her
lips tremble.

"So where do I sleep?" I ask.

Gloria's lips curl into a big grin,
"This way." She points to an open hallway. I walk through the room,
never letting my eyes fully take Anna in again. I float across the room and
ignore her, even though I know exactly how many running steps it would take me
to cross the room. I know how long it would take to stab the cooking knife on
the counter into Gloria. I know how much force it would take to break the glass
that surrounds the room. I know how long it would take for me to climb the
drain spout leading to the roof.

What I don’t know is how fast the girl
could do it all. I know how Anna would do. I can see the fight in her eyes,
even though I'm not looking at her.

I follow Gloria down a long wide white
hallway with wooden benches that stand out against the white everywhere. They
are covered with white pillows and nestled next to huge potted plants. The
greenery is bright compared to the white pot the plant is in. The brown dirt
inside of it makes me miss the forest.

"So this will be your room and since
you have her, you won't be getting a roommate."

She opens a white door and reveals a room
with two beds covered in soft looking blankets. There is a closet that's open
with white fluffy clothes inside. They are robes and gowns and fuzzy looking
pajamas that I would have worn as a child. I imagine the sight of a girl
running across the brown borderlands in one of these stark white outfits and I
know why they’ve made everything this way.

I step into the room and feel exhausted
instantly. The bed is inviting. The clothes make me want to stay. It's a
fleeting feeling of someone taking care of me. I let it sit inside of me for a
moment.

"Well if you need anything you just
push the red button just here." I turn to see the only thing with any
color. A red panic button on the wall. I'd seen them at the hospital in the
bathroom. Dad said they were for sick people who fell while going to the
bathroom. The idea of it always made me shiver. Being on the floor with one the
cruel backless gowns spread everywhere, unable to get up.

Gloria touches my arm and I resist the
urge to break her long manicured creamy white fingers with bright red nail
polish, "I will have someone down to re-hydrate you two."

She lets go and is gone.

The girl has walked away from my armpit.
I close the door and turn to her.

"I'm Emma. What's your name?"

She looks at me with her bright blue eyes
that seem muted without the filth all over her face.

"Sarah."

"How old are you?"

I go and sit on the bed on the left hand
side.

"Eleven."

She sits beside me. I guess we are
sharing a bed. I lie down and stare at the bright white ceiling. I wonder if it
will dull in the night or if it glows in the dark. Everything is too bright and
too clean. I feel exposed.

Our door is burst open and Anna leaps in,
scaring Sarah into a ball. Anna closes the door and fights the tears that
stream down her cheeks, "You came for me?"

I am off the bed and hugging her into me
instantly. She feels heavier. Less gaunt.

"Will and Jake are waiting for us in
the woods."

She pulls back, "Will? Will
who?"

"Your brother is alive Anna."

"No. No. It's the wrong Will. I know
it."

I nod, "It's him. He's with Jake.
He's fine. He's part of a rebellion now."

She laughs, "Well you've met the
wrong Will." I laugh with her. She sniffles, "I can't believe he's
alive. All this time." She stops herself from losing it and looks at
Sarah, "What's with the girl?"

I look back and wink, "We met in the
dark."

Anna smiles at Sarah, "I'm
Anna."

"Sarah." Her little voice makes
me scared again. The strength I mustered when I saw Anna is gone again.

"They're coming to see me and
re-hydrate me."

She nods, "It's not so bad. Just a
small needle and a bag of water that drips for about two hours. They'll bring
you food too. The food is good. It's full of fat and flavor."

I look at her stomach and can't help but
wonder. She has been here days. Have they already put a baby in her?

She rubs her belly. "They have spent
the last few days getting me healthy. They won't put anything in there yet.
It's not as bad as we thought anyway. It's done with robots and needles and
they put you to sleep."

"I know. Will knew all about
it." I raise my eyebrows hoping she will get the hint to stop talking about
it.

She shrugs, "Will. Weird. I can't
wait to see him."

"He was in the breeder farms for a
while."

She grimaces, "Gross."

Before she can get into details and scare
Sarah I change the subject. "How are things here?"

"It's not that bad."

"We need to figure a way out of
here."

Anna grins, "I will miss the food.
Better than Jake's cooking. What's the plan?"

I shake my head, "Give me a couple
days to work it out."

She sits on the empty bed,
"Okay." She sighs, "How's Will? Is he okay? I can't believe he's
alive."

My face flushes. "Good. He's a man
and he plays the guitar and sings. He's quite good." I look down
immediately.

She bursts into laughter, "Oh no
way. You and him."

I shake my head but I can feel the heat
on my cheeks betraying me, "No. No he's good. He looks good."

She covers her face, "Gross. What
about Jake?"

I feel silly, "It's not what you
think. Really it's not. I like them both as friends."

Anna raises an eyebrow and looks at
Sarah, "Hmm I think she has bewitched both of my brothers."

Sarah is giggling and covering her mouth.

I am humiliated.

Anna kicks a leg at me, "Oh they're
big boys. Let them fight over you. I will say I hope Jake wins though. At least
in some corner of this world people are falling in love still. Let me tell you
there is no love in this place."

Somewhere deep inside of me I wish for
him to win too, even if I don’t think he will.

The door opens and carts are wheeled in.
My stomach almost rips itself from my body when I smell the steaming food on
one of the carts. Sarah looks like she might attack the lady pushing the cart.

She lifts the lid and I see spaghetti and
meatballs. Tears flow before I can stop them. Sarah is at the cart shoving one
of the trays of food into her mouth like a wild animal before I can stop her. I
look at the cart lady who laughs, "We all know that feeling honey."
She passes me the other tray before Sarah can eat it too.

I use the fork and twirl the noodles. I
am dragging out the first bite. The sauce is glossy on the plump noodles. I
close my eyes and let the heat and flavor fill my mouth.

I am at my granny's table.

I am laughing at the show I'm watching as
the noodles slop on my face and fill my mouth.

Had I known it would be the last time I
ever ate my granny's spaghetti sauce I would have savored every second of it.

Here in this frightening white room I am
grateful for every bite that fills my mouth. I don’t even chew every bite. I
swallow mouthfuls of noodles before I realize I'm running out. I pace myself
and savor the last few bites. My stomach cramps as the food hits it.

Sarah eyeballs the meatballs on the side
of my plate. I nod. She takes them, stuffing them in her mouth one after the
other. I'm certain she never chewed them at all, but swallowed like a snake.

She burps and I laugh. The lady with the
carts is laughing.