Borrowed Dreams (Debbie Macomber Classics) (3 page)

“A lot of people see Alaska as big and lonely. Its appeal isn’t for everyone.” His smile was wry.

“Alaska is isolated, that much I’ll grant you. But not lonely. I’ve sat in a crowded room and been more alone than at any time in my life. Alaska demands and challenges, but not everyone is meant to face that—”

Abruptly, Carly broke off and bit her lip. This was the very thing that had attracted her to this frozen land of America’s last frontier.

Brand studied her, his expression revealing surprise at her answer. “George purposely hired someone in early spring,” he told her. “Only a fool would move to Anchorage in winter.”

“That bad?” She, too, hoped to lighten the mood.

“You have to live through one to believe it.” The edges of his mouth deepened to reveal a smile.

“I’ll make it,” Carly returned confidently. She wasn’t completely ignorant. Diana had taken delight in relaying the fact that temperatures of twenty degrees below zero weren’t uncommon during the winter months in Anchorage. Carly had known what to expect when she’d accepted the job.

“I don’t doubt that you will.” His dark gaze skimmed her face. “I like you, Carly Grieves,” he admitted, his voice low and gravelly, as if he hadn’t meant to tell her as much.

“And I trust you about as far as I can throw you,” she teased. “But then, I’m stronger than I look.”

*  *  *

Once they returned, they ate in a restaurant not far from the Anchorage International Airport. A companionable silence hung between them. The men Carly had dated in the past were talkers; she preferred it that way. The experience of sharing a meal with a man she had seen only a handful of times and feeling this kind of communication was beyond her experience, and that excited her.

They rode back to the airport, where Carly had left her car. “Come into my office and I’ll
show you around,” Brand invited. “I’ll put some coffee on.”

“I’d like that.”

He opened her door for her, and she followed him into the small building that served as his office.

A flicker of uncertainty passed over Carly’s features as she entered the one-room office. The area was too private, too isolated. Once inside the darkened room, Brand didn’t make any pretense of getting coffee. Instead, he turned her into his arms; a hand on each shoulder burned through her thick jacket. He seared her with a bold look as his eyes ran over her.

“I’m not interested in coffee,” he muttered thickly.

“I knew that,” she answered in a whisper.

His hand cupped the underside of her face as his thumb tested the fullness of her mouth. When his hand fell away, Carly involuntarily moistened her lips.

She watched, fascinated, as a veiled question came into his eyes. He looked as if he were making up his mind whether to kiss her or not. His fingers slid into her hair, weaving through the dark strands and tilting her head back. Although her heart was pounding wildly, she continued to study him with an unwavering look. His eyes were narrow and unreadable.

With a small groan, he fit his mouth to hers. Carly opened her lips in welcome. The kiss was the most unusual she had ever experienced: gentle, tender, soft … almost tentative. Gradually, he deepened the contact, his arms pulling her closer until she was molded tight against him. His hands roamed her back, arching her body as close as possible as his mouth courted hers, exploring one side of her lips and working his way to the other in a sensuous attack that melted any resistance.

He broke away, his mouth mere inches above hers. His warm breath fanned her face as his fingers worked the buttons of her coat. Again his mouth covered hers in long, drugging kisses as he slipped the coat from her shoulders and let it fall unheeded to the floor.

Carly fought for control of her senses. This was too much too soon, but she couldn’t tear herself away. The throbbing ache his mouth, his hands, his body were creating within her was slowly consuming her will.

She moaned softly as he buried his face in the curve of her throat. Her eyes closed as she tangled her fingers in the hair that grew at the nape of his neck.

“Brand.” Breathlessly, she whispered his name, not sure why she had.

Instantly he went still, as if the sound of her voice had brought him to his senses. His hand closed over her wrists and pulled them free.

“What’s wrong?” she pleaded.

He took a step in retreat. His eyes no longer met hers, but were cast down at the floor as he took in deep breaths. When he looked up and ran a hand along the back of his neck, Carly saw something flicker in his eyes that could be read as regret or guilt or perhaps shock.

The world came to a stop as she realized what must have happened. How could she have been so blind not to see what was right in front of her? All the clues were there. She’d been so stupid. A coldness settled over her as a hoarseness filled her throat.

“You’re married, aren’t you?”

“No.” Brand issued the single word with a vengeance.

“I’m not entirely stupid—” Carly’s voice became a whisper.

“I’m a widower,” Brand interrupted harshly, wiping a hand across his face.

It doesn’t matter
, Carly’s mind screamed as she retrieved her coat. If she hadn’t been so blinded by her pure physical attraction to him, she would have recognized those blatant red lights for what they were. His wife might be dead, but it didn’t make any difference.

“Carly, listen.”

She ignored him, irritated with herself for her own stupidity. “I had a great time today,” she murmured.

“Carly, I want to explain.”

She could hear the frustrated anger in his voice. The anger wasn’t directed at her, but inward. Every dictate of her will demanded she turn around and run from the building. Both hands were tucked deep within her pockets as she took a step backward. “Thank you for dinner. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” Not waiting for his response, she hurried from the office. By the time she reached her car, Carly’s knees felt as though they could no longer support her.

When she arrived back at her apartment she had an upset stomach.
Brand had been married
. Forcing herself to breathe evenly, she deliberately walked around the living room, running her hand over the back of the sofa. Everything she owned had been purchased new. She wouldn’t take second best in anything. Not clothes, not cars, not jobs. After a life filled with secondhand goods and a hand-me-down childhood, she wasn’t about to start now—especially with a man. All right, she was being unreasonable, she knew that; Diana had taken delight in telling her so a hundred times. But Carly didn’t see any reason to change. She liked herself the way she was—unreasonable or not.

*  *  *

Three days later, she was still unable to shake the confusion and disappointment that Brand’s announcement had produced. She’d made up her mind not to see him again. Yet her mind entertained thoughts of him at the oddest times. She forced his image from her brain, determined to blot him from her life completely.

Thursday evening, when the phone rang, Carly stared at it in surprise. The telephone company had installed it at the beginning of the week and, although she’d made several calls out, she had yet to receive one.

“Hello.”

“Carly?” The voice reverberated, sounding as if it came from the moon.

“Diana?” The soft echo of her words returned over the line.

“I couldn’t stand it another minute. I had to find out how everything’s going. I miss you like crazy,” Diana said softly. Then, as if she’d admitted more than she’d wanted to, she quickly changed the subject. “How’s Alaska? Have you seen any moose yet?”

“No moose, and I love Alaska,” Carly responded enthusiastically, knowing that her friend was uncomfortable sharing emotions. “It’s vast, untouched, beautiful.”

“That’s not the way I heard it,” Diana said, and released a frustrated sigh. “How’s the job and the mysterious George Hamlyn?”

“We’ve had a few minor clashes, but all in all everything’s working out great.”

“After all I did to convince you to stay in Seattle, you wouldn’t admit anything else,” Diana chided. “How’s the apartment?”

“Adequate. I’m looking into buying a condo.”

“I knew it.” Diana didn’t bother to disguise her friendly censure. “I wondered how long you’d last in a
used
apartment.”

“It’s not that old,” Carly responded with a dry smile. Her friend knew her too well.

“When are you going to get over this quirk of yours?”

“Quirk?” Carly feigned ignorance, not wanting to argue.

“No, it’s become more than that.” The teasing quality left Diana’s voice. “It’s an obsession.”

“Just because I happen to prefer new things doesn’t make me obsessive. I can afford the condominium.” But barely. The payments would eat a huge hole in her monthly paycheck.

“How’s Barney?” Carly quickly changed the subject. “Have you got a ring through his
nose yet?”

Diana’s laugh sounded forced. “So-so. If I’m going to marry again, you can bet that this time I’m going to be sure.”

“I’ve heard love is better the third time around.”

“Love maybe, marriage never. Besides, that’s supposed to be the
second
time around.”

“In your case I had to improvise.”

Diana gave a weak snort. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“I do,” Carly supplied, with the confidence of many years of friendship. “I’m the little girl you’ve always wanted to mother. Problem is, I’m only six years younger than you.”

“I’m feeling every minute of thirty-one. Why’d you bring that up?”

“Good friend, I guess.”

“Too good. Listen, sweetie, I’m worried about you. Don’t let your pride stand in the way if you want out of that godforsaken igloo.”

“Honestly.” Carly released an exasperated breath. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. So straighten up, crack the whip over Barney’s head, and quit being such a worrier. I’m doing fine on my own.”

“True. You don’t need me to louse up your life, especially since I’ve done such a bang-up job of screwing up my own. You’ll keep in touch, won’t you?”

“A letter’s already in the mail,” Carly assured her.

“I suppose I should go.”

“It’s good to hear your voice, my friend.”

Diana sighed softly. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Take care of yourself and let me know when you’ve come to your senses and want to head home.”

“I will,” Carly promised. But she wouldn’t be moving back to Seattle. In fact, she doubted that she ever would. Alaska felt
right
. In a few short weeks it seemed more like she thought a home should be than anything she’d known as a child.

*  *  *

Late Friday afternoon, as Carly was working on a claim, George sauntered into the office, an oily pink rag dangling from his back pocket. He’d been working with a mechanic. It hadn’t taken
Carly long to discover that George was a man of many talents.

“Get Brand St. Clair on the line for me,” he said on his way to the coffeepot.

Carly’s fingers tightened around the pencil she held. As much as she’d fought against it, Brand had remained on her mind all week.

Flipping through the pages of the telephone directory, Carly located Brand’s number and punched the buttons of the phone with the tip of her eraser. She would be polite but distant, she decided. He hadn’t made any attempt to contact her this week, so apparently he was aware of her feelings toward him.

With the receiver cradled against her shoulder, Carly continued working on the claim.

“No answer,” she told her employer, hoping the relief in her voice was well disguised.

“Leave a voice mail and try again in five minutes,” George returned irritably. “That boy wears too many hats. He’s working himself to death.”

Carly had punched out Brand’s number so many times by the end of the afternoon that she could have done it in her sleep. At five-thirty she straightened the top of her desk and removed her purse from the bottom drawer. George was talking to a mechanic when she stepped outside to tell him she hadn’t been able to reach Brand.

“I never did get hold of St. Clair.” The brisk wind whipped her shoulder-length hair about her face until it stung her cheeks.

George glanced at Carly with a smile of chagrin. “Since it isn’t out of your way, would you mind stopping off at his office and leaving a message on the door?”

Carly swallowed tightly. “Sure.”

“Tell him I’ve got a couple of jobs for him next week and ask him to give me a call.”

“Consider it done.” She turned before he could see her reaction. She didn’t object to doing George a favor. What she wanted was to avoid Brand. If someone were to see her and tell him she’d been by, he could misinterpret her coming.

The portion of the airfield that housed Brand’s office was only a mile or so from Alaska Freight Forwarding. As Carly eased her vehicle into the space nearest his office, she noticed him walking toward her from the airfield. He’d obviously returned from a flight and had just finished securing his aircraft. Carly groaned inwardly and climbed out of her car.

Six days had passed since she’d last seen him, but time had done little to wipe out the pure physical impact of seeing him again. His glance was dry, emotionless, as he moved closer,
his face lean and weathered from the sun. Mature.

“Hello.” He stopped in front of her, revealing none of his feelings. The least he could do was look pleased to see her!

“George sent me over with a message.” It was important that he understand she hadn’t come of her own accord.

His nod was curt.

“He wanted me to tell you he has work for you next week if you’re interested.” She prayed the slight breathlessness in her voice would go undetected.

“I’m interested.”

A shiver skipped over her skin at the lazy, sensual way he studied her. Carly had the crazy sensation that his interest wasn’t in the flying jobs.

“You’re on your way home?” he asked her unexpectedly.

Her eyes refused to meet his. “Yes. It’s been a long week.” Goodness, she shouldn’t have said that. He might think she’d been waiting for his call.

“Have you got time to stop someplace for a drink?”