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Authors: M.T. Pope

Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends (22 page)

BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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Chapter 37
 
Wallace
It’s Over Now
May 23rd 6:40
P.M.
 
“What the hell happened in here?” The police had just carried Alex and my brother off to jail. My mother sat on the side of me while I questioned my brother and sister/brother-in law.
“Well, we—” Rebecca looked at my mother and then at Grace. Both had tears in their eyes. “We did some bad things.”
“What do you mean bad things?”
“We weren’t quite honest with our men.” She shook her head in shame. “They didn’t know that they were dating/married to transsexuals. We didn’t mean to hurt them. It’s just that we—we—”
“We wanted someone to love us for us and not what we used to be,” Grace chimed in. “We went about it the wrong way and now it’s all over. We are back at square one.”
“How could you?” my mother asked with her hand over her chest. “You can’t play with people’s feelings like that. It’s just plain wrong. Wrong I tell you.” She had a really disappointed look on her face.
“Ma, I know. I’m sorry for it now. I really am.”
“I can’t blame them for acting out the way they did when they found out,” Grace said solemnly to my mother. “I am sorry for hurting your son. I did love him though.”
“Sweetie, you couldn’t have. You don’t love you, so how could you know about loving someone else? I think you two got just what you deserved. I don‘t know about how you got the way you did, but I
now
know about my son‘s plight. It doesn’t excuse the actions though.” She looked at them with a pitiful face.
I shook my head in unbelief.
Then Grace spoke up, “Ma’am, I was molested as a child and it severely damaged my sense of who I was or supposed to be. I wanted to be a man, but being so young and being molested, I thought I was supposed to be. I was always a pretty boy and my molester always said I was as pretty as a girl, so I thought that God or somebody had made a mistake and this is what I was supposed to be. He messed me up bad. That is how Rebecca and I met; at the reconstructive surgery office. We’ve been best friends ever since. We lost touch all this time, but we still are good friends.”
“Okay.” My mother spoke as she nodded her head.
“Sorry for letting the cat out of the bag earlier.” Rebecca grabbed Grace’s hand and squeezed it. “I was caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s all right. It would have eventually come out anyway. Thank God he didn’t kill me, though. Even though I’ve been feeling half dead for most of my life anyway.” She was crying really hard now. I personally couldn’t imagine going through any of that. The surgery and all. I liked men, but getting my manhood cut off was out of the question. Sad thing is manhood has nothing to do with what you got between your legs. That is a small part of it. It was about total being. These two had their manhood stripped from them at a young age.
“It’s such a shame. All of this mess.” My mother shook her head with tears in her eyes.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her toward me.
“My babies are messed up because of me not paying attention to what was going on in my house.”
“Well, Ma. That is partially true. You couldn’t be everywhere and with us at every turn. And these two should have said something to someone no matter what,” I stated as I looked on to the two deceivers.
“It’s not that easy, when you have someone like Daddy doing stuff to you.” Rebecca sniffed back some tears.
“Lawd, I don’t know what to do. Truth be told, your daddy and I did separate for a small period of time. We were having problems and we decided to take a break. I didn‘t know he was doing that guy in there. You guys actually were too young to remember. I didn’t know he was that way. I would have never left him around you boys. I just thought that I was too nagging and putting a lot of stress on him. His practice was just starting and we were struggling and he just snapped one day. He said he needed a break and he left. It hurt me to my heart. You boys and the Lord were the only things that keep me sane. I just can’t believe I missed all of this. I—I—don’t know what to do. A mother is supposed to know when something is wrong with her family. I was too wrapped up in saving my marriage and my husband’s happiness, that I neglected you boys. I wasn’t paying attention to the signs. For all of this to come out now. I—I’m so brokenhearted. I failed you boys. I failed. ”
“No, Ma. You did a wonderful job on all of us. Don’t blame yourself for Dad’s actions. He made those decisions and that is the truth. Him and ...” My voice trailed off. I immediately went to the videotape that I saw earlier today and tears filled my eyes. This was a real, real bad situation for my family. Anyone’s family for that matter. I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes.
“John Parks is his name.” I finally spoke up. I shook my head in shame and confusion.
“How do you know who molested me?” Grace interrupted us.
“Excuse me?” I asked. “He molested you too?”
“Yes, he did. And I think he molested my cousin Jerry too. His own son. The sorry son of a bitch.” Her face twisted up in anger.
“What? You’re Jerry’s cousin?”
“Yes, why do you ask?”
“He was my lover.” I lowered my head.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Grace spoke with compassion.
“No need to be sorry. I’m doing fine with his loss now.”
“Good ... good,” she spoke back.
“Look let me go down to this jail and see if I can get these two released.” I stood up and stretched. “Ma, stay here I’ll let you know what’s going on and you do the same.”
“Okay, baby.” She kissed me on the cheek. “I sure will.” I didn’t know my mother well, so I didn’t know how she could still be so quiet when she knew the man who was her husband let someone else molest them. I don’t know if I would be so nice and stay by his bedside in the hospital.
“We’ll go too,” Rebecca and Grace spoke up together.
“No, I don’t think that is a good idea right now. We need to let them cool off. I just need you two to be honest and let the authorities know when the time comes. Okay?”
“Okay,” I hugged them both, because I know they too would be having a difficult time to adjusting to what is going on now that their partners know about them.
I walked out of the hospital totally exhausted. I was in over my head for sure. I slowly walked across the parking lot toward my car.
I’ve never experienced so much drama in all my life. I lived drama-free almost all my life and up until I met James, my life was pretty calm. Even with me selling drugs and all of that. I loved him, but, man; if I would have known that it would have led to all of this then I would have never hopped in his car. But, on the other hand, if I had not met him I wouldn’t have found out about all of this mess in my family and I wouldn’t have gone looking for answers to questions I didn’t have. As of right now, I wasn’t sure how this was going to end, but I hoped that it all ended well.
 
 
I finally got to my car and heard footsteps behind me. I quickly turned to see John Parks behind me. He had a couple of bruises on his face and a swollen lip.
“Wallace, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Man, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I know, but there is just something that I needed to tell you. It’s about your father.” I looked at him and wondered what he could possibly tell me about my father that I wanted to hear or cared about hearing. I should have been breaking him off another ass-whooping just for my mother’s sake, but I knew she wouldn’t approve of it. Even though she did let my brothers whip on him first. I also had an unbelievable tolerance for forgiving and letting go of people wronging me. I didn’t like it as a kid and even now, but it was a part of me, so it naturally happened. Now I’m not saying I’m God with the forgiveness piece, but I do let stuff go easily.
“Man, make it quick.” I leaned back on the trunk of my car, folded my arms and waited for him to start. His old ass was good-looking though, I had to admit. James probably would have looked like him at this age too. If he were alive.
“Look, your father and I had a relationship that wasn’t like everybody played it out to be. I wasn’t a home wrecker. We just had a natural bond. At first we were client-patient and then we became friend-lover, it was wrong. I know that now. I was seeing him for my issues and against policy he started to tell me about his past and then we just clicked. One thing led to another and we started getting sexually involved and then he suggested that we involve your brothers. At first I was against it, but the more he talked about it the more I gave in. He said he could never do his sons himself, but he wouldn’t mind watching someone else doing it. Twisted and hellish it is. And I accept my fate or eternal damnation for it. I let my demons run me and my love for attention from your father consumed me and I was forever lost. You know he always talked about you. You were his favorite.”
I thought back on how my father treated me as a child and the things he said to me. I just couldn’t see how I was his favorite son and the fact that he could treat me the way he treated me.
“That can’t be true. He hated me and then he put me out of his house.”
“I know, I know.” He nodded. “That was a front for your mother, he didn’t want to let on that he and you had the same affliction. You were a mirror to him. He wanted to beat it out of you verbally, seeing himself in you tore him apart. He would cry and cry in my sessions with him. He didn’t want you to be like him, but since you were, he thought it only fair that your brothers suffer the same fate. He didn’t want you to be alone in the house with the affliction he shared with you. You know what they say one bad apple spoils the bunch. That’s what he did. He thought he was making it even, but he only made it worse.”
“Nah, man you telling me some real sort of crazy shit right now. He had to be mentally challenged to think like that. I mean real crazy. That kind of crazy you can’t hide. I mean he was a freaking psychologist. How he gonna be one and need one too? I’m not wrapping my mind around this man. This ain’t no normal shit here you telling me.”
“True, but it is the truth. You ever hear of a functioning drug addict, well, your father was a functioning crazy. Loosely put.” He chuckled a little bit, but I didn’t find anything funny. My father had literally screwed up his family intentionally.
“Look, man, I got to go. I can’t ... I can’t ... I just got to go.” I got up off the trunk of my car and walked around to get in the driver’s side.
“Wait ... wait, I need to ask you something,” he said with pleading eyes.
“What now man?” I said a little pissed off and disgusted. “I don’t want to know any more about my father. You said enough.”
“No, I want to know about my son. What was he like?”
“He wasn’t like you.” I looked at him sternly. “Nothing like you.”
“I never meant to hurt him, but I was so young when we had him and I was confused about my sexuality and I took it out on him. I know it’s too late to be apologizing, but I am. I loved my son. Well, I tried to love him. I—I—I know now that I did the worst thing a person could do to a child and I will never be able to forgive myself for it. So, I’ll ask you again. What was he like?”
“Your son was the most loving, attentive man I knew. He loved with all that was in him. I’m learning now that he wasn’t a saint, but he was a victim of circumstance and malicious treatment. All he wanted was genuine love and attention. We had that in the short time that we were together. But his past caught up with him and it didn’t end well for him. It was no one’s fault but his, but I am pretty sure that if you would have tied up the loose ends in your mental health, demons and such and got the help that you needed, he just may have ended up on a different path, but that’s too late now. What’s done is done.”
Tears glistened in the corner of his eyes and fell one by one down his cheek. His tears were fifty some odd years too late. He should have gotten the help he needed then and he wouldn’t be here asking about a son he could have gotten to know if it had not been for his foolishness.
BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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