Bound by Sin (15 page)

“Is there such a thing as too much pleasure? There are so many hard and harsh things we have to live with every day. Can we not live happily with pleasure as a means of counteracting all that hardness?”

Bemused, he smiled at her. “I never thought of it like that before.” It was an idealistic attitude, one very much in keeping with the woman he had begun to understand. She was right. Their time together was growing short. What harm was there in giving in to his impulses when they did indeed give him some much-needed pleasure?

He didn't need to argue with himself a moment longer. He simply grabbed hold of her, pushed his mouth onto hers, and kissed her with all the ferocity he could muster.

“Very well. We will have this your way,” he said roughly. “But after this I
will
go to my brothers.”

“Yes. I know,” she said.

“Swear to me now you will do nothing to interfere with that further.”

“Nothing at all,” she vowed.

“Ah, damn you…I don't believe you for a second.”

“And so you shouldn't.” She laughed. “For I am most untrustworthy when it comes to this.”

“So be it. A contest of wills, then.”

“Ah. A challenge.”

“Yes.”

“Well then, you should know…so far you are losing.”

“And yet somehow losing feels very much like winning.” He chuckled.

After Jaykun finally managed to join his brothers, they got a great deal of work done. Unfortunately, his brothers caught him daydreaming about long silken limbs and mysterious green eyes on more than one occasion and they had fun taking turns teasing him.

“So I suppose we won't see you for several more days now,” Dethan said as he pushed back from the table and stretched. They had been working the entire day, and for men of action, sitting for hours on end was never a preferred activity.

“No,” Jaykun said with a slow shake of his head. “She leaves tonight.”

His brothers exchanged looks across the table.

“So you needn't fear me losing sight of my purpose,” he barked out further. “I know that's what you've been thinking behind my back.”

“Not at all,” Garrett denied. “We would never begrudge you any happiness. There is no law in this that says you cannot have a woman by your side. It's just that…Well, war camps are not safe places. You would not want your woman to follow the camp. That means leaving her behind for all but the winter months. It is an untenable situation and we—”

“Stop. It doesn't matter. She will be gone and that's that,” Jaykun said, holding up a hand to fend off any further words from his brothers.

“It doesn't have to be. If you care for the girl—”

“I feel nothing for her,” Jaykun said harshly. “We have enjoyed our time together and that is the end of it.” He stood up and pushed away from the table and the eyes of his brothers. He turned and walked out of the room, his gait swift and determined.

No, he told himself, he felt nothing for the girl. She was delightful, yes, pleasurable to be sure. But there were no actual feelings to be had. After three days? That was a ridiculous concept. People did not form attachments over three days' time.

Or at least they shouldn't. He had fallen in love with Casiria on sight. He had known nothing about her and yet fancied himself in love immediately. It was pure proof that he had been both young and foolish. Only the young made such fantasies in their minds. The young, who had no experience in the ways of the world. Jaykun had faced many hard truths since then.

No. Wait. It was wrong to say he felt nothing for her. Of course he felt something. She was an incredible woman with a wonderful personality. Beyond the sex, she had always been a delight, with bright humor and gentle wisdom. To say he was untouched by her was a lie.

But she must go, he told himself sternly. She was too much of a distraction. He would get nothing done if she remained close by.

And yet…these past hours had proven that she would not escape his thoughts so quickly. His mind had turned to her again and again. Who was to say that distraction would stop just because she was gone? Perhaps…perhaps he needed her to stay a short while longer. Long enough for him to work her free of his system. Surely he would grow bored of her after a while. The passion would run its course and that would be the end of it. If she left so soon, it was possible he would simply find himself obsessing about that which was gone.

No. He was in control of this, in control of his thoughts and desires. He was…

He thought back to the way she had been just hours earlier, lying in his bed with her hands on her own body, filling his head and body with fast, searing heat. Who was he kidding, he thought painfully. She was under his skin. Utterly and completely. He had sworn no woman would ever be able to do so after Casiria, but here she was just the same. He was not in love with her…No, there he drew the line. He would never love another woman. But this woman was too uncommon to simply let her slide out of his life without at least trying to figure out how to manage these passions. Either that or he should let her go, bear the brunt of whatever came to be, and move on with his life.

That was as unpalatable as the poisoned soup would have been. He did not want to think of it. But he should force it on himself. He should take the bitterness in and let this passion die.

Damn her and her wicked eyes, her bountiful body, her searing, passionate nature. Damn her. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let her leave. He looked at the sky through a nearby window and knew the evening meal was almost upon them. He had to find her and speak to her before then. He would ask her to stay. Just a few days more. Just long enough to…to…to whatever. To figure this all out. To work it through. Three days simply wasn't enough time.

And now that he realized he was going to ask her to stay, he grew excited. His pace picked up as he headed for his rooms, hoping she was there. Yes. Just a few more days. That was all he needed.

He burst into his rooms and found her asleep in the bed. Dead asleep. She didn't even stir at his exuberant entrance. It made him chuckle. For all of her seductive ways, she was just as worn out by their lovemaking as he was. Perhaps it was because they had been trying to cram so much into so little time. Perhaps with a relaxed atmosphere things would calm down and be quieter.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch her bare back. Her skin was cool, the days having grown steadily cooler and the nights following suit. Winter would be upon them soon. Perhaps he could have her for the winter. Just until he had to move his army onward. Yes. That was a fine idea. Surely by the time winter was over he would have grown tired of her.

“Jileana,” he whispered into her ear. “Wake up.” He gave her a nudging shake. She made a complaining sound and weakly tried to push him away. “Come, now. It's time for dinner and we must talk.”

She opened an eye then and looked at him. She groaned and rolled over, away from him. “No. Don't wanna talk. Don't wanna eat. Wanna sleep.”

“Come on. Up you go!” He reached out and smacked her backside hard.

She yelped and sat up, her entire body bristling. “Ow! Hey! That's not fair! First you wear me out with your unending appetite for sex, then you wake me up.”

“Um…the unending appetite for sex was you,” he pointed out.

“What?” She seemed to think about it. “Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“Don't be sorry,” he said with a chuckle. “I like your unending appetite for sex.”

“Yes, I seem to recall that,” she said with a grin.

“Jileana…I want you to stay. At least for a little while. I find three days to be woefully insufficient when it comes to learning about you. I…I should like to get to know you better.”

Her iridescent eyes brightened and she smiled. “You would?”

He smiled back. “I would.”

“Oh, that's so nice,” she said. “But I can't stay.”

“You…” Jaykun was taken aback. It had not occurred to him that she might not want or be able to stay. He hadn't realized that their three-day timetable might be restricted for a reason on her part. “But surely you can put off whatever business you have for a few more days,” he found himself saying. “Or perhaps you can come back when you are done.”

“No. It's nothing like that.” She gave him a wan smile. “I must go home. You see, I wasn't supposed to come at all. My family is probably wondering what happened to me. Or they may have figured it out and are likely quite cross with me. Either way, I must return home.”

“Well, maybe if you go home and tell them where you are, surely then you could come back and—”

“No. My family is not very understanding about these things. You see, where I come from a daughter does not leave her father's house until she is bonded with her husband. I may be rebellious enough to leave for seven days, but any more than that would be disrespectful to my father. And hurtful. I would not do that to him.” She brightened then. “But you could come with me. I know you would like it in Serenity. And it would give you the opportunity to discuss with our leader the possibility of erecting some temples in Weysa's name. That is, after all, your purpose, is it not? You did say you first would try peaceful methods over war. I do not know how successful you will be, but it would not hurt to try.”

“No, you are right. It would not hurt to try.”

But if he failed, then what? Then he would make war on Serenity and Jileana's people? He found the idea surprisingly distasteful. He scoffed at himself. A warlord who did not want to make war? What was wrong with him?

He didn't want to admit it, but the idea of going with her to Serenity and spending more time with her under the guise of diplomacy was more than appealing. He could do two things at once. His brothers could manage without him for a little while, couldn't they? Just a few days?

“Very well. I shall come with you as an ambassador in Weysa's name. My brothers can manage here for a little while. Can you give me a day to prepare?”

“No. It must be tonight. Tonight or a moon from now. That is your choice.”

“A moon from now? Why are you pressuring me so? I do not understand what one day has to do with anything!”

“You will once I show you the way to my people. Please. Tonight or a moon from now?”

“I see. You have a ship leaving tonight,” he murmured.

He couldn't wait for a moon from now. His brothers would be gone by then and there would be no one to manage the city while he went on an ambassadorial mission. He did not like to be so pressured; it was probably very unwise of him to allow it. There was no time to prepare.

“I would need to get a guard together. I cannot go to a foreign court with merely the clothes on my back and no one to protect me.”

She laughed at that. “Jaykun, you do not need protecting. You are immortal.”

“What? H-how did you know…?” he stammered.

“You burn yet do not die. I therefore guess you to be immortal. Am I wrong?”

“No. You are not wrong,” he said, relenting. “I
am
cursed. I
am
immortal. And I will suffer that curse until the end of time. That is the way of it.”

“Very well. So you are immortal and do not need protecting.”

“Immortality does not protect me from imprisonment.”

“Jaykun, you have my word. No harm will come to you. You will be a free man in our court. We have guests very rarely, but when we do, we treat them well. It is an exceptional thing, to be extended an invitation to Serenity. I hope you appreciate it as such.”

“And you are certain your court would welcome me?”

“As certain as I can be. Come…come with me. I would like for you to meet my mother and father. I think you would enjoy meeting them and they would enjoy you as well. You are an intelligent man and my mother does appreciate someone handsome to look at.”

That made him chuckle. “And does this mean I get to stay in your bed? Or will the rules change once we are in your home?”

“Well, some rules will certainly change, but being in my bed will be, I'm afraid, a requirement of your visit.”

He laughed at that. “Very well, then. Let me discuss it with my brothers and pack some belongings. Then I will make my first diplomatic mission to Serenity.”

“The first of many, I hope. We worship Diathus almost exclusively, but it is perhaps unwise not to appreciate all the gods. We should not give insult through neglect.”

“Even if you raise just a few temples in Weysa's name, I think I can be satisfied.”

“You will have to be. War on Serenity is impossible. Diplomacy is your only option. But I should like to give you the opportunity.”

“War is impossible? How so?”

“You could never get your army to Serenity. There is but one way there and it is heavily guarded.”

“It is an island and I now have an armada.”

She laughed at him. “Your armada will mean nothing. Serenity is impenetrable. The storms, remember? You will see. You had best hurry. Dusk is approaching.”

He smiled at her, then called for a servant.

I
t was very nearly suppertime. Jileana had packed her second dress with Jaykun's belongings. She had grown to like it very much and she didn't have the heart to leave it behind. Besides, she might need it again someday…provided it lasted long enough for her to use it again.

Once that was packed, she wandered around the castle for one last look at everything. She had much to tell everyone once she got home and she didn't want to forget a single detail. From the crotchety old cook who baked the bread she loved so much to the way the wind felt as she stood on the battlements of the castle. She was up there now, walking slowly around so she could see everything in all directions, including the stormy clouds that hid Serenity from sight.

She heard a sound behind her and, startled, swung about. The body that lunged at her was built as she was built, about the same height and weight. But because she was taken off guard, when he plowed into her, he sent her sprawling backward. He followed her every inch of the way down, then clambered up onto her body, straddling her. His hand swung upward through the air. Dazed from striking her head, she barely registered the knife in his hand. He stabbed down.

But just before the weapon would have pierced the flesh of her breast, the man drew it back. That was when she registered that he was shaking like a leaf and…crying.

“Please don't—” she began hesitantly.

“Shut up!” he yelled into her face. “I have to kill you! It's my only choice!”

“No. It isn't,” she said calmly, soothingly. She could tell this man—this boy, really—was no killer. He was perhaps desperate enough to kill—it was written on every ounce of his body—but he was no stone-cold killer. This boy would be torn by tremendous guilt for the rest of his life if he succeeded in killing her tonight. Not that he could anymore. He had lost his advantage of surprise and she could easily overpower him and take the knife.

“What do you know about it,
prava
?” he spat. “You don't even belong here!”

“Perhaps not. But you don't belong here with a knife in your hand.”

“You don't understand!” he shouted into her face. “I am a
trega
half-breed in a city of people who take one look at me and spit in my face. I make my living shoveling dung or digging ditches or scrubbing the sewage pipes. I am dirty all the time, starving all the time, lacking for a bed all the time! I need this gold piece! I need it to get out of here!”

“There are easier ways of getting gold,” she said gently. Gingerly.

“Not in this city! Not for me! Not for
trega
!”

“But don't you see? The city isn't going to be run by Krizans any longer. The
trega
have come and will rule this city for many years to come.
Trega
will infiltrate every part of it, live here, and build businesses here. Businesses that will need strong, hard workers. You will no longer be an outsider. You will be a part of the new order and the old will be brought down.”

“But…” He hesitated and looked around himself nervously. Then he gripped the knife tighter and drew it higher. “You don't know what you're talking about! Just shut up!”

“Can I at least know the name of the man who is going to kill me?” she asked in a calm and strong tone.

“What for?” he asked.

“Where I come from, knowing the name of our killer allows us to forgive him so we might enter the heavens with a light heart and no malice. If we hold those feelings into our death, we risk becoming a shade, doomed to walk the world, haunting it for eternity. Though I feel no malice toward you at the moment, I want to be certain my heart and soul are cleared.

“I…” He swallowed. “Dremu. My name is Dremu.”

“Dremu, you don't have to do this. There are better ways. Dremu, I promise you. I can find an alternate solution for you.”

“Sure.” He scoffed. “You say that only because I'm going to kill you!”

“You aren't going to kill me. If you were, you would have done so already.”

“I am too! You just…Stop talking to me!”

Jileana suddenly moved, one hand snatching the wrist of the hand holding the knife, the rest of her strong body bucking him off her, over her head, and hard onto his back. She leapt after him, his wrist twisting until he cried out and dropped the knife. The knife was in her hand an instant later and then it was she straddling his body and holding the knifepoint to the top of his throat. He swallowed hard beneath the blade, his eyes wide and wild, panic in every inch of his body.

“Now you listen very carefully,” Jileana said. “Are you listening?”

He gave a ginger little nod, aware of the knife tip that was just shy of breaking his skin.

“There are better ways to earn gold and I am going to prove it to you. In fact, you don't need gold at all to make your way in the world, live comfortably, and eat and have a bath whenever it pleases you. Besides, you are no killer, Dremu. You know it as well as I do.”

“B-but if I fail, the finia will beat me or order my death. I cannot stay here! She will find a way to punish me for failing to do as she demands!”

“Ah. So it is the finia who is behind this. Thank you. I was wondering who it might be. It was so clearly not your own idea. Tell me, Dremu, what do you know of my people?”

“Only that you are to be feared, that you are deadly and dangerous and that I should run in the other direction if I ever lay eyes on one of you.”

“Hmm. Then you know we are powerful and we are able to do things no one else can, yes?”

“I…guess so.”

“Then will you believe me when I say I have the power to make your life better?”

He swallowed again, nervous and confused. Dremu couldn't understand why she had not killed him the moment she got the advantage of him. He couldn't understand how she was talking about giving him what was, for all intents and purposes, a reward. For that is what it would be. A life as described by her was all he had ever wanted, so it would be the ultimate reward from his perspective. Why? Why would she give that to him after what he had just tried to do to her?

“I do not believe you, but I am willing to put myself in your hands and to see what comes of it. After all, it's clear you have the upper hand and can do what you wish with me. You would be within your rights to have me killed to answer for my crimes against you.”

“No one is going to die tonight. Not you and not me. But you will learn to live…and to trust. Now come.” She pushed off him and gained her feet. She held out her hand to him and helped him up.

“What is this?”

Jileana whirled about at the sound of Jaykun's demanding voice, quickly hiding the knife behind her back and standing between Dremu and Jaykun. “Jaykun! What are you doing up here?” she asked with a bright smile.

“Looking for you,” he said with a frown. “And here I find you with this boy?”

“Oh! You mean Dremu?” She laughed, hoping she didn't sound nervous. Clearly Jaykun had seen her sitting astride Dremu. Now he was angry and distrusting. He was…jealous. Yes, that was it! The temper in his tone and the aggressive tension in his body…He was jealous! “Dremu and I have just met. He was telling me something very interesting about the finia. He claims it is she who has been behind the attempts made on your lives.”

“And how does he know this?” Jaykun asked.

“He…he overheard someone talking in the halls,” Jileana lied with an inward wince. She was not a very good liar, but she did not want Jaykun to punish Dremu.

“The fortunary,” Dremu piped up meekly.

Jaykun absorbed this with stony silence for a moment. “Very well. We'll handle the finia.”

“Dremu will be coming with us tonight,” Jileana added hastily. “I am in need of a good servant and he was wanting a change of scenery.”

“Oh. I see,” Jaykun said slowly.

“Are you ready? We should be leaving as soon as possible for Serenity,” she said.

She heard Dremu inhale sharply and then another of those nervous gulps.

“Are we not going to eat first?”

“There isn't time to eat, travel, and get you somewhere where you can…before dusk,” she said, moving past Jaykun briskly, hiding the knife in the folds of her skirt as she did.

Jaykun appreciated her discretion, that she wasn't going to tell everyone she met about his curse. He narrowed his eyes on Dremu and felt doubt swirling around inside him. He could have sworn she had been astride him, a position that was not easily achieved if they had just bumped into each other. It had seemed more blatantly sexual to him. Why else would she…?

He caught himself in the thought and the emotion accompanying it. What did it matter to him what she may or may not have been doing sexually? They had no commitment to each other, no ties. If she wanted to fuck his entire army, it should make no difference to him.

But damn, it did make a difference to him, he thought as he followed her back into the castle and down the stairs. At the very least she could wait until such time as they were done with each other.

But she was such a free spirit, going wherever she wanted to go from one moment to the next. It was one of the parts of her personality that drew him so inexorably toward her. But he found he was not of a mind to share her with anyone. The whole point of him going on this trip so precipitously was so he could spend more time with her.

The thought made him stop in his tracks. Wait. No, he thought. He was going to Serenity as an ambassador, in order to begin negotiations for erecting temples in Weysa's name. That was the main reason for going. He was not going just to be with a woman. He was not leaving a newly conquered city—which needed him to take the reins of it desperately—in his brothers' hands at such a crucial time just so he could—

“Jaykun? Is something amiss?”

He blinked and realized Jileana and Dremu were looking at him curiously. That was when he realized he had come to a halt.

“No. Nothing,” he muttered, pushing past them and moving on.

“I-I-I don't w-want to go to Serenity,” Dremu whispered to Jileana. It was clear he was terrified by the thought.

“Either you come to Serenity,” she whispered back, “or I tell him you tried to kill me. It is your choice. Previously you said you had no choice but to kill me. Well, now you have choices. Live with me or die by him. Which do you choose?”

Dremu gave her a look. “Live of course,” he said. “Who would choose to die? But…Serenity? I have heard stories…”

“Most of which are probably lies or exaggerations. Don't worry. It is a very nice place. You will learn to love it.”

“But how will I be able to—?”

“Trust me,” she said softly, reaching to squeeze his forearm. “You are under my protection and guidance. All will be well.”

Dremu took a deep breath and nodded.

“Jaykun, Dremu can carry any belongings you wish to bring with you. He will act as servant for you.”

“I have my own servants. I will bring one of them.”

She moved up to him and put a hand on his arm to draw him to a stop. “Dremu and no others.”

“Why?” he demanded to know.

“Passage to Serenity is limited and I must choose very carefully who to bring. You and Dremu may come; all others must stay.”

Jaykun didn't like it. Why was she suddenly taking an interest in this person she had just met? It didn't make any sense to him.

But the fact was that the passage to Serenity was controlled by her, and as a visiting dignitary, he had to be the one to accede to whatever Serenity's customs were…for now. That might change later if he found the people of Serenity intractable about building the temples he requested. But he did not wish to consider the ramifications of their potential refusal. Not at present, in any event. He had more than enough on his plate as it was. He would have put this trip off if not for the limitations on their travel. He chose to ignore the voice in his brain that whispered he could have just as easily done this in the springtime as now.