Bound Together (16 page)

My mother let out a long, slow sigh. “Karin, you're my daughter and I love you more than anything. That will
never
change.”

“I know, Mama.” I sounded miserable, which made sense, because I felt miserable.

“Then stop being foolish and stand behind your choices,” she snapped. Then she turned to Misaki, her Mom Voice fading away, her sharp-eyed expression softening. “I'm sorry, dear, that you were thrust into such an uncomfortable scene. Perhaps if my daughter wasn't so prone to acting like an idiot, then we'd be enjoying some tea and sweets right now instead of feeling so terribly out of sorts.”

I pulled a cigarette out of my jacket and lit it. My mother didn't react, even though in the past she'd given me endless amounts of grief for smoking. Of course, she grew up in a time when cigarettes could actually kill you, so I understood, but I guess she decided I'd been beat up on enough for being stupid, so she let it slide.

“I'm sorry, Mama,” I mumbled.

“You should be,” she retorted. “I want you to be happy, sweetie. Your happiness is much, much more important to me than becoming a grandmother—and that'll probably happen anyway.”

I gawked at my mother. “W-what?”

“So-yi didn't tell you?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Maybe I shouldn't, then.”

“I talked to her just a few days ago. She didn't say anything that could possibly be—no, that's not possible. So-yi is sterile and
doesn't even have a uterus
. How could that even be possible?”

My mother glanced at Misaki, unsure as to whether she should actually get into this family drama with an outsider—even an outsider her daughter was romantically involved with—present and listening.

“I already told Misaki about So-yi's history.”

Mama's eyes widened in surprise and something in her expression shifted. It was almost undetectable, but I could have sworn her small teasing smile became something far more genuine. I was probably imagining things.

“Oh. Well, then. I spoke to her last month about this. Apparently, before So-yi's final surgery, she contacted a fertility clinic and had something, well,
preserved
for future use when she decided to settle down. I'm surprised she never mentioned this to you. The two of you were always inseparable growing up.”

“I can believe it,” I muttered. And it really wasn't as much a surprise as my mother was making it out to be. So-yi probably never told me about it, probably never told
anyone
about it, because we all would have come to the wrong conclusions about her decision.

When I was younger, I would have objected to it fiercely, doing my best to convince my little sister that she had no obligation to the family to procreate, no obligation to create a living reminder of her dysphoria.

But I was older and wiser now, and I realized some years ago that there was a huge difference between defending my sister's choices and trying to make those choices for her. I understood that So-yi wasn't sure about what she wanted at that point in her life and chose to do everything she could to keep all her options open. It made sense to me, now, after my anger had time to cool off.

“So-yi and her partner will be starting the process with the fertility doctors soon,” my mother continued. “From what she's told me, there's a very good chance that Nicole will be able to get pregnant with the material available.”

I pulled on my cigarette, letting puffs of smoke drift out from between my lips, but I didn't say anything. I didn't feel betrayed or even really upset. If anything, I actually felt a little childish. My little sister was all grown up and soon, if everything were to go according to plan, would be a mother herself.

Misaki placed her hand on mine and squeezed it reassuringly.

“I feel like everyone else is moving right along through life, but I'm standing still. I just don't seem to have any clear goals, or even a clear destination. I just... live, day in and day out, doing my job and getting paid.” This really hadn't even changed since I took the AEGIS job. My goals were universally short-term and material in nature.

“Karin, you're not even thirty yet,” my mother admonished. “You can't start getting fatalistic about the direction your life is headed until you're at least sixty and nothing's changed. Besides, you don't even
like
children, so what's the issue?”

“Contrary to popular belief, Mama, I am not a grumpy child-hater,” I grumbled, though I wasn't sure how accurate that statement really was. My mother was the master of the cheap shot, I swear. “I'm just... I don't fucking know.”

“You have Misaki, don't you? Isn't it enough that you met someone special?”

I glanced at Misaki and noticed she was watching me very, very closely. This visit was not going according to plan. I was hoping just to have a nice, noncommittal visit with my Mama and then Misaki and I would be on our way, but oh no. Of course it couldn't ever be anything so simple and ordinary.

“We just started dating like a month ago—”

My mother gave me a hard look. “So what?”

“So what... what?”

“So what if you just started?” She looked at Misaki, peering deeply into her eyes for a few long seconds, before settling her sharp gaze on me. “Karin, do you know how long your father courted me before he proposed to me?”

“Two months,” I mumbled.

“So what's your excuse?”

This
definitely
wasn't how I wanted this visit to go.

“Mama—”

“I'm not blind, sweetie, even if you seem to be both blind
and
dense,” my mother cut me off, once again proving that it was
totally possible
to be both endearing and insulting toward one's offspring simultaneously. “You can't expect me to sit here and watch you be so indecisive, especially after you already opened your heart to Misaki. You might fool yourself, but you can't hide from me.”

Shit, I might as well be made out of glass with how easily she saw through me. Mama was right, and I had very neatly talked myself into a corner. For the most ephemeral sliver of a moment I regretted revealing that I told Misaki about the past, but it passed quickly. It would have come out regardless.

“What exactly is it that you want from me?” I was starting to get more than a little angry. I mean, seriously. My mother was really beating up on me in front of Misaki, which had my cheeks stained red and sweat starting to bead around my forehead. I stubbed out my cigarette and lit another.

My mother's response was exactly what I was afraid it'd be.

“For you to be honest with yourself,
Karin dear
.” And with a certain other person currently present in the room, she didn't say, but she didn't have to. I wasn't so dense I couldn't catch the unspoken implication.

I was trapped. I had no way out. There was nothing I could do but face what I didn't want to admit, what I was afraid to say because I was terrible at making real decisions in my own life. It was... easier... to just float without a destination. Life wasn't so scary when you had no goals and expectations, but it was also empty.

Misaki looked at me expectantly, hope written all over her face. I was an idiot, and she was smart, smarter than anyone else I'd ever been involved with, and beautiful, and sweet, and had a good heart.

It didn't matter that she was six hundred years old, an immortal spirit, an artificial weapon created to destroy specters. None of that mattered to me at all.

“M-Misaki, I... I...”

She squeezed my hand again.

“I love you.”

midnight

It was several hours later that I finally managed to get a single moment to myself. As I had predicted, my mother insisted that Misaki and I stay the night. Unsurprisingly, she immediately drafted me into helping prepare the guest room and help cook dinner for the three of us. When Misaki offered to help, Mama would have none of that and practically doted on her—all while barking orders at me, of course.

The topics of conversation intentionally veered away from the extremely weighty matters that had been discussed earlier in the day. A lot of meaningless small talk was made and even more food and alcohol was consumed, with my mother easily out-drinking everyone else at the table. Misaki spent a great deal of time playing with my mother's little Shiba Inu, Kaede. I wondered if the dog could detect Misaki's fox-like traits.

My phone told me it was almost midnight. My mother was kind of a night owl, a trait I'd obviously inherited from her, and I had a feeling she wasn't asleep yet, but likely locked herself in her bedroom to play video games.

Yeah, my fifty-seven year old mother played video games, and not just occasionally, either. I caught a peek inside her bedroom and she had a flat panel display set up with all of the current major game consoles and a bookshelf filled with row after row of game disc boxes, mostly role-playing games and romance visual novels. I suppose it made sense. She didn't have much else to do with her time and she'd have even less once she retired. Everyone needed a hobby, right?

I walked out onto the porch behind the house, overlooking the yard where Kaede was currently walking around looking for a good place to relieve herself. Reaching into the pocket of my borrowed yukata, I pulled out a cigarette. It was about twenty minutes since I got out of the bath, feeling considerably fresher and clear than I did before. If there was one thing I loved about visiting the Takeda family home, it was the impressive bath that was deep enough to come up to my shoulders. I never understood why Western baths were so shallow.

“Aren't you sleepy yet?”

I lit the cigarette and turned my head to the left. Misaki stood next to me on the porch. I could tell from her slightly-damp hair and the brown yukata she wore that she'd just finished with her bath. Her ears and tail were visible. I suspected she risked releasing the illusion for my benefit.

“A little.”

Misaki turned toward me. “Can we talk?”

“Of course. What's on your mind?”

I sat down on the bench. Misaki sat down next to me. The silence stretched out for several long and uncomfortable seconds before I realized that her tail had stopped its usual swaying and was lying perfectly still on the bench.

“You said you loved me,” she murmured, her voice low and even. “Did you really mean that? Or was it simply because your mother was pressuring you to say something?”

I blanched. “W-what?”

“Please, Karin, I need to know the truth. I promise you, I won't be upset if you made a mistake. It was a very awkward situation, and...”

I was about to sit and think about it for a while, but there was really no point. I didn't need to think to know how I felt now that it had been dragged out of my heart and pulled into the light. Besides, the furious blushing on my cheeks ensured that any denial at this point would be hopelessly transparent.

“It's the truth,” I said, my voice only shaking slightly. “I really do love you.”

Misaki turned to me, her eyes wide and huge and beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful. She sat there, saying nothing, simply looking at me. Her ears were perked up and still, her facial expression serene.

“I... nobody's ever loved me,” she admitted.

“Nobody? Ever?”

Misaki shook her head. “N-no. I've never... never been treated like this, not even once in all of the centuries of my life. Never this kindly. Never like I was a real person, just like anyone else. Never.”

I stubbed out my cigarette and looked away, trying not to cry, but it was a hopeless effort. Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes and I blinked them away. I felt the warmth and softness of Misaki's hand on mine. I forced myself to turn back to face her, not really caring if she saw the tears that traced down my cheeks.

“You
are
a real person,” I insisted, blinking through my tears. “I don't care that you aren't human. I don't care that you're six hundred years old. I don't care that you were created to kill specters. I care about
you
. I want
you
to be happy. I want
you
to have a good life... and I really hope that you would want to spend it with me.”

I could see the tears starting to gather in the corner of her eyes. I wasn't sure if I could understand everything she was feeling, but I knew what it was like to be lonely and to feel unloved. Loneliness was a familiar companion of mine. I'd been alone, truly
alone
in my heart, since I left home for university and was separated from So-yi. Because of our family circumstances, I poured everything I had into my sister.

When I left to attend college without her, it was as if I'd been cast adrift. Due to our age difference, So-yi went off to college around the same time I was about to graduate. Mama had already moved back to Osaka to take care of our grandparents. At university, my sister met a girl she liked right off and they had a stable, loving relationship.

I graduated and found a decent job, but I didn't move forward. Unlike my little sister, I was not gently uprooted and replanted in a more spacious flowerpot. I was cut off at the stem and placed into a vase of water. I managed to bloom for a while, but over the past six years, my leaves and petals were withering.

Misaki's expression changed to one of concern. I suspected she could see the emotions of the past through my eyes, feel them through the astral thread that tied us together.

“You've been hurting for so long, too.” Her voice was sweet and bell-like, gentle and supportive yet with a core of hardened steel. Misaki's strength was a humbling, awe-inspiring thing. I could not even comprehend the force of will it took to survive and stay whole for so many lifetimes.

“Six years isn't six hundred,” I objected, rather lamely.

“We're different souls and you know it, Karin. I wasn't actually awake for all six centuries.” Misaki shifted on the bench and wrapped herself around me, curling her tail around the small of my back. She was warm and soft and an oh-so-comforting tingle began to permeate throughout my body.

“Misaki.” My speech slurred just slightly. I wanted to blame it on the alcohol.

“Karin.”

“I love you,” I murmured. “I... I was falling in love with you from the start, but I didn't want to admit it to myself, much less to anyone else. Love at first sight, that's supposed to be a fairy tale, not something that really happens to real people.”

Misaki didn't say anything. She just clung to me more tightly. I shifted a bit on the bench and draped my right arm over her shoulders and drew her closer. I felt her body through the thin fabric. It wasn't enough. I wanted—
needed
her to be even closer.

“I didn't want to think about it. My mind kept telling me that it was the Relic, the bond, the mana. I couldn't trust it, I had to be careful to make sure that it was really love and not just some weird side effect of the Relic's parasitic connection.”

I laughed softly but with little humor. “It figures that Mama was able to get me to examine my feelings more closely, and without even knowing any of the stickier aspects of the whole situation. I'm such a coward.”

Misaki shook her head. “You aren't a coward, Karin. You were just scared. That's not the same thing as being a coward.”

“Isn't it?”

“No, it's not. Not even the slightest bit similar.” Misaki's ears flicked a few times in rapid succession, perhaps to remove an insect. She took hold of my chin and turned me to face her, to look her in the eye.

“Even the most courageous person feels fear, just as anyone would. Bravery isn't the
absence
of fear, but the strength and tenacity to overcome your fear and live on in spite of it. You were afraid, but you didn't let your fear control you, or stop you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you're a brave person,” Misaki told me, offering a gentle smile. She reached out and brushed aside my tears with a fingertip. The fingertip traced its way down my cheek to my lips.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I've always loved you, Karin. From the moment you risked your life to save mine. The moment you picked up the Relic, I knew you would be different than the wielders of the past.”

I didn't respond to that. It didn't need a response, really. We sat together for a long, silent moment. I could feel the down-soft golden fur of Misaki's vulpine ears against my cheek as she leaned on my shoulder. Neither of us moved for at least a full minute.

“I want to stay like this with you forever,” Misaki murmured. She shifted and curled more tightly around me. I enfolded her in my arms and laid her head against my chest, running my fingers through lustrous strands of red-tinged gold.

“Remember when I corrected you that it was the Relic that was bound to me?”

Misaki glanced up at me and rolled her eyes. “Of course I remember. That wasn't even very long ago. I remember things that happened five centuries ago and
you
forget what you did with your lighter at least three times a day.”

“Right, right, my apologies.” I giggled softly. “Anyway, I think I may need to amend my previous statement.”

“Oh?”

“It was true then, but now? We are each bound to the other.”

Misaki's smile was wide and joyful. “Mm, yes! We are absolutely, definitely bound to each other! Bound together by love!”

I couldn't help but laugh. The way she said it was just so adorable, over-the-top and corny, all in the sweetest possible way. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to mine. Those amazing green eyes locked on mine, plumbing the depths of my soul.

“I need to show you my love,” Misaki half-whispered, her tone sultry, breathy and a little bit strained. She disentangled herself from me and stood up, taking my hand in a grip that was both delicate and strong. “Let's go back inside.”

In a daze I stood up and let Misaki lead me back into the guest bedroom. The Takeda house had doors that locked, unlike the ones in the house I'd grown up in. Misaki practically dragged me into the bedroom and locked the door leading to the rest of the house. She turned around to face me. Her ears were laying flat and tilted as far forward as I'd ever seen them.

She smiled and plucked at the sashes of her yukata, loosening them until the garment fell open. Her shoulders shrugged lightly and the robe dropped to the floor, pooling around her ankles.

I stared at her, wide-eyed. She was perfect, flawless, lovely. Her skin was pale with the faintest hint of gold. Seeing Misaki nude for the first time, my eyes drunk her in. Her build was athletic yet soft, pure and deceptively feminine. She didn't have the more pronounced curves that I did. Her hips flared out more gently and her breasts were small and round and had delicate little pink nipples. Her thighs were smooth and melded into her torso as if they were poured from it, but I could see the taut, corded muscle beneath.

Misaki wore no underwear beneath the yukata. Between her legs was a fine dusting of red-tinged gold. I could just barely make out the contours underneath. Her lips curved into that faint, dangerous smile of hers as she approached me slowly.

“I want to see you, too.” Her voice was husky, thick with desire.

I fumbled with the ties to my yukata. My hands were shaking with nervous joy and I couldn't seem to untie the knots, but Misaki placed a steady hand upon mine. Mercifully, she took the lead, pushing my clumsy hands away and deftly removed the sashes, drawing the yukata off my body.

I felt a cool chill across my bare skin and then I felt her fingertips, brushing up my sides and to my breasts. They were larger than hers and not so perfectly shaped. I had big nipples, too, which always kind of embarrassed me when I saw myself naked in the mirror, but I felt no trace of shame as Misaki's fingers traced around them.

She drew her fingertips away, slowly, and took my hand, leading me down to the futon that I'd laid out earlier in the evening. I was pliant in her grasp, letting her guide me down to lay on the futon, resting my head on a pillow.

Misaki straddled across my thighs and leaned down to press her lips to mine. I felt as if I was going to melt into the floor as her tongue slipped into my mouth. My eyelids became so heavy I could barely keep them open, but I wanted to see her. I felt the softest fur of her tail caress my legs as she kissed me.

Her fingers slid down between my legs and I moaned into her mouth at the sudden and intense burst of pleasure. She drew her body up slightly and teasingly continued to brush against my mound with her fingertips. Her ears perked up and she grinned.

“Do you like this?”

I nodded vigorously. “Mm—y-yes, I do. It feels wonderful.”

“Good!”

Misaki let her fingertips linger for a moment longer on my opening before she decided to focus on something else for a moment. My vision was filled with waves of red-tinged gold and twitching vulpine ears as she bent down and brushed her lips across my nipples. I gasped as her teeth scraped across them and they instantly stiffened.