Bowl Full of Cherries (24 page)

Tyler’s chair scraped across the tiled floor and he tossed his head toward the door, muttering, “I’ve got
something
for you in my room, asshole.”

“I….” T
YLER
stomped across his old bedroom as he fought to find the
exact
right words. He stopped, dropping his chin into his infinity scarf, hand raised as if he were about to speak, and then went back to stomping.

“You want some help?” Rell asked. He was sitting on his brother’s bed, his back against the wall. As far as Rell was concerned, if they could just get this yelling stuff out of the way really quick, they could go on with having a really good day together. “How about this? ‘Goddammit Averell! Did you really fuck him?’ And then I’ll say, ‘Could you be any more disgusting, Tyler? We were
together
. It was special. “Fucking” isn’t the same thing!’ And then you’ll say—”

“Would you shut up?”

Rell fell silent as his brother rounded on him, his blue eyes flashing. In that moment, Tyler looked so much like their father. It was kind of scary. He’d frowned so deeply and pressed his lips together so hard, they almost disappeared. Tyler was white around his mouth, red in his cheeks, with pink splotches coming up his neck. Full-on rage mode. It was something Rell hadn’t seen in a very long time, not since their father left, which made the fact that Tyler looked like him just then even weirder.

“Tyler?”

“He’s my
best friend
, Rell.” Every word was accented with a sickly kind of anger that made Rell’s stomach hurt. “I told you not to and… but no! Of course you didn’t listen. Do you even understand what you’ve done?”

That made Rell want to punch something. Did he understand what he’d
done
? He bit down hard on his tongue to keep from rising to Tyler’s level of rage.

“I get ‘experimenting,’ Rell. I get kissing. Making out even. But you
slept with him
. I
told you
not to sleep with him.”

Very slowly, Rell nodded, waiting for Tyler to reach his point. If he didn’t get there soon, their mom would be cleaning blood out of the carpet.

“What happens now? Huh? You go back to your life, banging girls, and send him on his way and… you knew he was a virgin. You
took
his virginity, Averell!”

“This isn’t the 1800s. I didn’t ‘ruin’ him. We decided
together
that it was right for us. So sorry that I didn’t consult you on it. Next time I’ll have my secretary give your secretary a call.”

“Make jokes,” Tyler snapped. “You’re really good at that.”

“And you’re good at having a stick up your ass. Really, Tyler, it isn’t your
business
what I do in the bedroom, but for your information, I went into it fully knowing that he hadn’t ever…. And I hadn’t either! Not with a guy, so it was like—”

“Were you safe?”

“Jesus, Tyler. Do you want the play-by-play, too?”

His brother’s eyes narrowed darkly behind his glasses. “You’re a leech. You always have been. Pout and Mom bought you whatever you wanted.”

“Are we going to talk about butt sex or are we going to talk about video games? You’ve got to make up your mind here. Can’t keep up this topic-hopping.”

“You’re selfish.”

“Well, you’re pretentious. And an asshole. And Crowley likes me better than he likes you.” That last part sounded childish even to his own ears, but Tyler’s eyes widened at the words.

“Screw you.”

If Rell weren’t so pissed off, he might have regretted dealing the low blow to his twin.

“Thanks for being happy for us, by the way.”

“What’s there to be
happy
about?” Tyler spat. “You bedded my best friend. You don’t even know what it’s like. Every time he thinks he likes some new jock and asks ’em out, guess who has to pick up the pieces when they reject him?”

Rell’s jaw tensed and he felt the blood rushing in his head. Jesus. He didn’t usually do jealous, but there it was—twice in one week. The thought of Crowley interested in those meatheads. And then the rage grew: anyone who didn’t think Crowley Fredericks was good enough for them had a hole in the brain.

“I’m not those guys. I’m not Peter Yeats.”

“Aren’t you?” Tyler snapped.

“You’re lumping me in with those other jerks. But you’re more like them than I am. You may think you’re so cultured, so underground. Oh, you befriended ‘the fat kid’ except that’s the problem, Tyler. You see him that way. Like he’s less than you, like he’s someone that needs to be coddled.”

For a moment, Tyler looked down and closed his eyes. It was a look Rell had seen many, many times before. To the casual observer, his twin seemed defeated. He wasn’t. When he opened his eyes again, Tyler Lang smirked.

“So what happens now? You proposing marriage?”

“No,” Rell argued, angry, but inexplicably embarrassed as well. “But I think we’re going to be boyfriends.”

“You ‘think’?”

“Well, I want to.”

“All right, so you’re going to be boyfriends.
Then what?
You never think this stuff out. Are you going to come out to Mom? Are you going to do a long distance thing? I’m sure that will work out just spectacularly. I know
so many people
who are in happy relationships six hours apart. Especially people with flighty, flaky, gay-for-you boyfriends.”

“I’m moving up to Avona.”

“Oh yeah?” Tyler mocked. “And where would you sleep?”

“Crowley’s bed.”

Tyler barked with laughter, shoving his hands deep in the pockets of his plaid trousers. “Never mind that
I
get a say because it’s my name on the lease, you snollygoster—”

“I swear to God, Tyler, I’m going to find whatever website you’re getting these stupid insults from and I’m going to shove it right up your ass.”

“Oh yeah?” Tyler shot back. “The website? You’re going to shove
the website
up my ass? Why are you so
stupid
? Stupid and selfish. Are you really going to do this?”

“Do what?”

“Screw up Crowley’s life. He’s a classically trained violinist with a bright future ahead of him. You’re an idiot who can’t even hold down a job, living in Mom’s house. How would you even begin to be a partner for him?”

“Well, then maybe I’ll get two jobs,” Rell sniffed. There were jobs in Avona. Probably. It would just be a matter of finding something. He’d done it before. He’d done it a million times.

“
Getting
the job isn’t the problem, Rell,” Tyler said snidely. “You’re constantly
getting
jobs, you just can’t seem to keep one. And you know what? Even if you do get a job, I don’t want you in my apartment.”

“Then I’ll get a job and I’ll get my own apartment and Crowley can move in with me.”

“It’ll be a goddamned Christmas miracle.”

“Y
OU
GOING
to pack up?” Crowley grinned, his dimple showing, when Rell walked back into the room. Warm, beautiful, amazing Crowley. The snow had started to come down hard again, and the light that filtered through the window was muted. “You have so much cool stuff. I don’t know where we’d put it in the apartment, it’s really small, but—”

“Owly?” Rell said quietly. “Let’s sit down.”

That morning when they’d awoken, he’d held Crowley in his arms and whispered all the beautifully mundane things they could do together once he moved to Avona. Suddenly he was fantasizing over washing dishes side by side, and burnt scrambled eggs that Crowley would choke down with a smile, and making a chore chart. He’d never used a chore chart in his life, but he’d suddenly wanted to make one and make it work. He’d been planning to rock the whole living together thing.

There was a moment where Crowley’s smile held as he studied Rell. It lingered on the hope that there were still shared chores in their immediate future. Slowly, as Rell sat down on the bed, Crowley’s smile began to slip. He let out a long, low sigh. “You’re breaking up with me.”

“What? No! No, not at all.”

“Then you aren’t coming?”

“I….”

Beautiful, mature, well-put together Crowley. Had Rell really lain next to this amazing man and asked him to run away to the mountains? Really asked him to give up everything he’d ever known to camp and live off the land? And when that didn’t work, had he really had the gall, the gumption, the
balls
, to decide he was infiltrating Crowley’s life? He hadn’t even considered how he might support himself until Tyler said something to him. Never crossed his mind.

Rell, as he’d done so often that Christmas season, reached out and touched Crowley’s beautiful hair. Crowley melted into his hand, rubbing his cheek against Rell’s palm. “I’m sorry, Crowley.”

“It’s too soon. I don’t want it to be over,” Crowley murmured.

“Me neither. I… I do want you to be my boyfriend, though. You okay with that?”

“Sure,” Crowley said, but instead of the excitement Rell had felt when he’d first thought about the B word, and the excitement he’d expected from Crowley, instead the other’s voice was quiet and strained. “It’s just….”

“What?”

“Avona is a long way away.”

“We can call, we can text. I paid to have my phone turned back on this morning. Just for us, Owl. I could give half a crap who else has my number. And we’ll play
Rain Queen
online every day and—”

“What changed your mind?” Crowley’s eyes were searching, dancing in the low light. “Why aren’t you coming with me?”

Because I’m not good enough for you yet, Owly. Not like this. Not like I am. I’ve got to figure out that first piece.

“There’s just some things I need to do, Owl. It’s not going to be forever. I promise.”

Crowley drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“Can you wait for me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Crowley asked quietly.

Rell closed the small distance between them and quietly tugged on one of his curls. They should be holding each other. Making love. Making the most of this last day before the end of Crowley’s vacation. Instead, they were like two morose ducklings.

“It won’t be forever.” Everything he said sounded less and less optimistic and more pathetic, more reaching, like he was trying to convince himself and not Crowley.

“I know.”

Crowley’s body had become tight and he looked at Rell. “So….”

“Right, so.”

“I guess I should go help Tyler get ready to go.”

“Y
OU
REALIZE
you haven’t spoken to me in almost two hours?” Tyler was looking at his phone when he asked and Crowley, lost in thought, didn’t immediately realize he was being addressed. When Tyler said, “Crowley?” he blinked.

“Sorry, what?”

Tyler sighed, long and heavy. “I should never have brought you down here.”

Crowley raised his head off the seat, turning to look at Tyler, who was staring levelly at him. Heat rushed into his face and a series of apologies tumbled out, most of them jumbled. “I didn’t… I mean, I’m so sorry, Tyler! Did I screw everything up? I…. Rell and I….”

Tyler let out another long, low sigh, crossing his ankle over his knee. He turned and looked out the window, the snowy landscape reflected in his glasses.

“I was jealous for a while. I’m not too proud to admit it.”

“Jealous?”

Tyler’s lips quirked. “It’s stupid. Feel free to laugh at me, I would. I don’t like how quickly you warmed to Rell. Never mind the
business
that transpired between you two.”

Crowley listened patiently, trying to keep his mind
off
“the business” that’d transpired. God, he wished he’d kissed Rell one last time. He’d been such a baby about it. So Rell wasn’t moving up? Rell had still called Crowley his boyfriend, still asked Crowley to wait for him, still said he wanted to make things work long-distance. And what had Crowley done? He’d frozen up.

Of course Rell Lang didn’t want to move up. Less than a week together and their—
admittedly amazing
—first time did not moving-up material make. Rell had his own life. His own dreams. His own….

But God, how seductive he’d been when he talked about moving to the woods. Living off the land. Sleeping on the ground. Sex in the outdoors. It was wild, it was unexpected, it was so not Crowley. But then again, Crowley Fredericks was becoming something of a different Crowley, wasn’t he? Owl.

He should have said yes. Yes absolutely, let’s go right now, find a cave to live in like bears and hibernate together. Forget school, forget life, forget….

Crowley smiled sadly.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel left out, Tyler. And I’m sorry… y’know… with your brother.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “One of my
sisters
even would have been okay, sir. But Averell?
Averell?”

“Never mind that your sisters are married and I’m gay.”

“Well, I didn’t say it wouldn’t be odd.” After a very long pause, Tyler raised his finger to the glass and drew a heart with an arrow through it in the condensation from his warm breath. “You know I care about you, right?”