Brass Bed (9 page)

“That’s better. I don’t know why you couldn’t have been reasonable to start with.”

Sid went over and got a beer and stood holding it, and Fran looked across at Kirby and Jolly and saw how he was standing with his arm around her.

“Isn’t that cute?” she said. “Had you heard? Kirby’s being pals with Jolly, and everything is perfectly rosy. It’s almost like a honeymoon or something.”

Kirby smiled at her pleasantly and pulled Jolly tighter against him with the arm around her waist.

“Go to hell, Fran,” he said. “You know better than to try that hocus-pocus with me.”

Fran turned to me and said, “It’s true. It’s very difficult to make any progress with Kirby because he’s so virile and crude. If you make him angry, he just hits you in the eye, and that’s all there is to it.”

“The fact of the matter is,” Kirby said, “you’re just a crazy dame. You’re nuts. That’s what Sid meant by all those fancy words, but he was too soft to come right out with it.”

“Well, you’re not too soft. I admit that. You’re big and tough and can black any woman’s eye in the world without half trying. I will concede, however, that there’s been a very agreeable change in you for the moment, you being palsy and just too God-damn compatible and everything, but it’s my opinion that the change is against your nature and won’t last.” She turned to me again. “That’s another thing that’s making Sid so sulky, you know. Had you noticed how sulky he is, being contrary about the beer and all? It’s because Kirby is being pals with Jolly and is forever putting his arm around her and kissing her publicly. Sid is end-over-elbows in love with Jolly himself, and he resents it.”

“For Christ’s sake, Fran, shut up,” Sid said.

Kirby laughed and waved his beer can magnanimously.

“Forget it, Sid. Forget the crazy dame. You don’t think I pay a damn bit of attention to anything she says, do you?”

He knew perfectly well, however, that Sid was in love with Jolly. It was quite apparent, and his attitude was not really one of generosity, but of contempt. He just didn’t take any competition from old Sid seriously, considering it a kind of joke, and Sid knew that he was being treated with contempt, and it made things very bad for him. His face went white, and he stood looking down at his can of beer without saying anything.

“Just look at him,” Fran said. “Isn’t that disgusting? Sometimes I think it’s simply ridiculous of me to concern myself with him or ever try to help him solve any of his problems at all. It’s depressing, that’s what it is. Well, I’ve done all I can to make him behave properly, and now I’m going to put him completely out of my mind. What lovely whiskers you have, Felix! I must say that I find them admirable.”

“They’re not really whiskers yet,” I said. “They’re just stubble.”

“They’re very luxuriant, however, and show a lot of promise. I suggest that you let them grow.”

“I don’t think I’d care for whiskers on myself. Anyhow, Harvey’s are much superior. His are light and don’t show up so well in the early stages, but they are actually thicker and of finer quality.”

“Is that so?” She leaned forward and peered closely at Harvey, who had sat down on the ground by himself a little way off. “Is he telling the truth, Harvey?”

“I’m sorry to say that he isn’t,” Harvey said. “I’m bound to say that I don’t consider my whiskers exceptional at all.”

“Do you mind if I inspect them a little more closely?” Fran asked.

“Not at all. Feel free to conduct any kind of inspection you like.”

She got up and went over and sat down beside him on the ground. She inspected the stubble on Harvey’s face closely and finally rubbed a hand across it several times.

“I’m unable to come to any conclusion,” she said. “Felix’s whiskers are nice, but yours are also nice. Do you know that I get a most peculiar sensation from rubbing them? The reason is, I’ve always had an abnormal desire to be kissed by a man with whiskers, and I’ve never managed to accomplish it. Would you consider kissing me just to satisfy an abnormal desire? I admit that I have a face that does not ordinarily incite one to kissing, but my legs are good. Don’t you agree that my legs are good?”

She stretched them out for Harvey to look at, and I could see that old Harvey was a little puzzled as to what good legs had to do with kissing, but after a moment he obviously abandoned the whole line of thought as being one that might lead to a serious confusion of functions.

“Your legs are extremely good,” he said gallantly, “but I don’t see anything wrong with your face, either.”

“It’s very kind of you to say so,” she said, “but it isn’t necessary to lie. As between legs and faces, I will take excellence in the former every time.”

“Well,” said Harvey, “so will I, so far as that goes.”

“In that case, are you willing to fulfill my desire to be kissed by a man with whiskers?”

“I’m willing to fulfill the desire, all right, but I’d rather do it sometime when I can put a little more into it.”

“What do you mean? Because Jolly and Kirby and Felix and Sid are here? What incredible shyness. Are you really that shy?”

“Yes, I am. I’m painfully shy.”

“Don’t you find it rather a handicap?”

“To tell the truth, I do. It’s a positive curse.”

“In a way, however, I find it rather appealing. Quite charming. I think I am liking you better and better all the time, and I am grateful to Felix for calling my attention to your whiskers.”

“You can always count on Felix to come up with a good idea. He does it instinctively.”

“I agree with that. Felix is a remarkable fellow. However, I am more concerned with you at the moment than I am with him. Although I find your shyness charming, I also find it a nuisance. Do you think you would be less shy if we were alone?”

“I think it quite likely,” Harvey said.

“Perhaps we could slip away together a little later. I am most anxious to have you kiss me.”

“I guess it could be arranged.”

Fran smiled. “It’s agreed, then, that we’ll slip away. In the meantime, I suggest that we all have another beer. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I certainly do. It’s as good an idea as Felix himself could have.”

He got up and started plugging cans, and Kirby took his arm from around Jolly’s waist but captured her free hand in his and stood there holding it.

“That’s a crazy woman,” he said. “She’s got the morals of an alley cat.”

“Fran?” Jolly said incredulously. “You mean
Fran?”

“Certainly I mean Fran,” Kirby said. “Didn’t you hear her practically begging the poor guy to kiss her?”

“Well, I never heard such nonsense in my life. What on earth has a kiss got to do with morals?”

“It’s not the kiss. It’s her begging him that way in front of all of us.”

“Oh, don’t be so vulgar, Kirby. I accept you as a pal, but I can’t permit you to slander poor Fran that way. Besides, she merely suggested that he kiss her. She didn’t beg at all.”

“Sure, sure. Next thing, she’ll merely be suggesting that he lay her.”

“I’m sure she won’t suggest anything of the kind. Fran is my very best friend, and I know her better than anyone else in the world, and I’m sure she’ll leave any suggestion like that entirely up to Harvey.” Jolly jerked her hand out of Kirby’s angrily. “You have made me simply furious, Kirby, and I don’t believe I care to hold hands with you any longer.”

She went over and sat down on the ground with her back against a tree. Kirby flushed and seemed to be savoring the anticipation of a black eye or two, but then he remembered that he was a pal and began to laugh.

“I confess that I’m a simple fellow,” he said, “and can’t understand these fine distinctions. If no one has any objection, I think I’ll go down and see if I can land a channel cat. May I borrow your rod now, Felix?”

“Certainly.”

“You may be down there quite a while,” Harvey said, “so you had better take several cans of beer with you. There’s an extra opener that you may take also.”

“Thanks,” Kirby said. “That’s a good idea.”

He got the rod and three cans of beer and the opener and went down over the bank to the gravel bar. Harvey served beer around, and everyone took a can except Sid, who hadn’t yet made much progress with his first one. When he had finished serving, Harvey went back and sat down beside Fran, and they began to talk. Sid lay down on his back and curved one arm up over his eyes and didn’t move for a long time. I looked at Jolly, and she looked at me, and I wanted her.

Q
UITE A
few empty beer cans accumulated in the passing of quite a bit of time, and at some point in the passing of the time, Jolly came over and lay down on the ground with her head in my lap. Sid lifted his arm from his eyes and looked at us and lowered his arm again and entered another period of not moving. Fran and Harvey kept talking with each other, and every once in a while Fran would rub a hand over Harvey’s whiskers for the sensation it gave her.

“I was just thinking that it’s been five years,” Jolly said.

“What’s been five years?” I said.

“Since Kirby and I were married. Would you believe it?”

“Five years is a long time, but not incredibly so.”

“Not nearly so long as forever, of course.”

“Not nearly.”

“That’s how long it’s been since you and I have
not
been married, I mean. Forever.”

“That’s not incredible, either. Lots of people have not been married since forever.”

“I fail absolutely to see what lots of people have to do with it. Speaking of you and me specifically, I certainly consider it incredible that forever should have passed without our being married sometime or other. Do you suppose we could have been married in some previous life or something?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t suppose anything of the kind.”

“Do you believe in previous lives?”

“I confess that I don’t. I’m not even sure that I believe in a subsequent life,” I added.

“That’s because you’re not religious. Sometimes I think you’re an absolute heathen, in fact. I regret it very much, because it prevents you from understanding me as you should. It’s quite difficult, of course, for a person who is not religious to understand another person who is.”

“I’m sorry that I’m a heathen and don’t understand you.”

Jolly’s eyebrows went up very slightly. “There is no necessity to apologize. One cannot be blamed for the way he thinks about such things.”

“Thank you. I’m glad to learn that your religion does not exclude tolerance.”

“Oh, no,” she said. “I am very religious, but I am also very tolerant. In my opinion, if more people were tolerant, everything would be much simpler for everyone.”

“You certainly have something there. Take Kirby, for instance. If Kirby were more tolerant of certain things, it would be much simpler for you and me.”

“Well, perhaps that’s too much to expect. I must say that Kirby shows very few signs of being exceptionally tolerant.”

“That’s the impression I get myself, and consequently it might be a good idea if you were to take your head out of my lap.”

“I don’t think we need to worry about that for the moment. As you know, Kirby is trying to catch a channel catfish, and he will consider it a great point of pride to succeed. Such things are extremely important to him, and unless he is fortunate enough to catch one quickly, he will be down there trying simply forever. Do you think he will catch one quickly?”

“I doubt it. I tried half the morning and was unable to catch one at all.”

“You see? So there is no need for the time being for me to take my head out of your lap.”

“Yes, I do see. Your point is, I believe, that it is unnecessary for him to be tolerant of things he doesn’t know anything about.”

“Well, that seems to me to go without saying. It is clearly obvious.”

“It is at that. You certainly do go straight to the crux of a problem.”

“I’m a very clear thinker. I really am.” A smile played at her lips.

“I’m convinced, however, that you were not thinking with your usual clarity when you were talking about our being married in a previous life. That seems rather foggy to me.”

She said, “I didn’t actually say we were married. I just asked if you considered it possible.”

“Nevertheless, the mere presence of the thought indicates an element of fogginess.”

Jolly pursed her lips. “Perhaps you’re right. The truth is, I don’t believe myself that we were ever married in a previous life, because if we had been married, I’m quite sure that I’d remember it. I wouldn’t be likely to forget something like that.”

“True. Now you are thinking as clearly as ever.”

“Thank you. Would you like to kiss me again?”

“In the presence of others?” I asked lamely.

“I really don’t believe they’d notice.”

“In this position, I don’t believe I could bend over for it. I’m not limber enough.”

She said, “I would be glad to come up to meet you.”

“In that case, we might accomplish it.”

We accomplished it, and apparently no one noticed, and afterward she let her head down into my lap again.

“Do you ever wonder how it happened?” she said.

“About you and me? I know perfectly well how it happened.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean about me and Kirby.”

“Oh. Well, I used to wonder, but I quit. I found it unpleasant.”

“I am willing to tell you, if you’d like to know,” Jolly said eagerly.

“Let me guess. He was handsome and gay and had a lot of money, and you were very young, and you fell desperately in love with him.”

“It was not like that at all. If I was ever in love with him, it was not desperately, and I have since gotten completely over it.”

“Perhaps it was mostly the money,” I said.

“That’s true. I’m sure it was mostly the money that appealed to me. I had never had any money, you see, and it seemed very desirable. Anyhow, it was not at all with him like it is with you. What I mean is, I am now all souped up and painful inside and cannot possibly live without you. Tell me, do you think I will someday get over being in love with you?”

“I’m certain of it,” I said firmly.

“That’s very sad. It makes me want to cry.”