Brave (9 page)

“Part.
I never belonged to a tribe. My mother married my father and left and
never returned. She made her stand with him, she often said. I have
to say, I like that about my parents standing together. It was
something that grounded me in childhood.”

“What
about now? Why are they not here? Why aren’t they helping you?”

“You
have to be open to receiving help. I pushed them away and refused to
hear anything but my own thoughts. It might have been wrong, but at
the time it seemed to be the only way to handle my blood-soaked
memories.”

“Don’t
say that, Dakota.”

“It’s
true. It’s what happened.” I turned to her. “But
things have a way of changing, shifting beneath your feet, like sand.
I feel like you’re the foundation and I’m just the
shifting sand.”

“Let
me be your foundation then, Dakota. Seek help. That would be what I
would wish for you, and yes, I’d like you to say a prayer,”
she said, giving me a warm smile. I smiled back.

“Kinship
with all creatures of the earth, sky and water was a real and active
principle. For the animal and bird world there existed a brotherly
feeling that kept the Lakota safe among them, and so close did some
of the Lakota come to their feathered and furred friends that, in
true brotherhood, they spoke a common tongue. So it’s said.”

“And
do you believe that?”

I
shrugged. “Like I said, I wasn’t raised in a tribe. My
family is my tribe and I know I hurt them. I know they’re
worried about me, but they’ve honored me in giving me the
solitude I asked for.”

“I
think that’s a bunch of bullshit.”

“What?”

“You
don’t need solitude. I don’t think that’s helped
you at all. You need people, and the kind of people who know how to
help you through this. I’m just a poor substitute.”

“No,
you’re not. You’ve helped me more than you know.”

“I
can only hope that’s true.”

“It’s
true. Now pick out a tree before we freeze to death.”

She
walked around and looked and finally pointed to a beautiful
evergreen, easily the most full and lush of all of them. I approached
it and, before I sank the ax in, I said a short prayer asking
forgiveness, and expressing appreciation that the tree would give up
its life for our benefit.

I made
quick work of getting it to the sled and back to the cabin, all the
while with Alissa’s words tumbling around inside my brain. Had
I been a complete idiot, running from civilization, trying to find a
balance out here alone to lick my wounds? I know the real reason why
I was here, but that had been six months ago, and I was still alive,
still struggling with my demons. Just as I bent to unload the sled, a
collision of cold-packed snow hit me in the middle of the back.

I
turned to look at Alissa. She had the most mischievous expression on
her face. “You trying to start something with me, killer?”

“What
if I am?” she said defiantly.

She
laughed as I bent down and rolled snow into my gloves. “Are
you, now? You sure about that?” I let the snowball fly, but,
lithe creature that she was, she ducked it and fired off the one she
had behind her back. It hit me square in the face and the shock of
the snow made me gasp. I took off after her, but she couldn’t
run only hobble awkwardly. I easily caught her and took her down into
the snow. “You little sneak.”

She was
laughing so hard, the joy of her settled into my bones and my joints,
embedded itself deeply into my heart. I scooped up snow, but before I
could, she’d already pulled my jeans away from my groin and
dropped in a handful.

I
howled as the cold and wet hit my dick, my body heat melting it
almost immediately. She scrambled away and pelted me with more snow.

I held
up my hands as I fell back in the snow. “You win! You win!
Uncle!” I cried. I heard the snow crunch as she limped over to
me.

“You’re
a pathetic snowball fighter.”

I
lunged up and grabbed her. She squealed as I pulled her down and
rubbed cold snow in her beautiful face.

“That
was a glorious ambush.”

We both
lay back in the snow. She turned her head to look at me. “I
hope I didn’t do any permanent damage to your…”

“Male
pride?”

She
laughed. “Yeah.”

I
raised myself up on my elbow. “No, it still functions,” I
said softly as I dropped my mouth onto hers, defying the flashbacks
and the memories and my own pain and suffering. Defied it for the
feel of her soft lips, warm breath, and the connection that only
strengthened each moment I spent with her.

She
rolled toward me, pressing her body against mine, slipping her arms
around me to hold me against her.

“Well,
I’m glad about that,” she said.

“Alissa,
you unravel me. Maybe you’ll know how to untangle the knots.”

“Maybe
I can, if you let me in, Dakota.”

I
thought about what she’d said. Let her inside? With the demons?
They shredded me. What would they do to her? Once inside with the
tree, I set it in the stand and toted all the boxes over for her.

“I’m
sure that the lights are all tangled up.” She rummaged around
in the box marked tree and pulled out a mess of lights. “Yup.
Why is it that, no matter how careful you are when you pack them
away, they end up like this when you need to hang them on the tree?”

“You
would know better than I would,” I said. “Your kind
always makes mischief wherever they go.”

“My
kind.”

“Yup,
mischievous little elves.”

“Ha!
Let’s unravel them tonight. Then they’ll be ready to put
on the tree tomorrow.”

Each
time my hand brushed against hers, I got a jolt. Then very softly she
started singing Silent Night. I joined in after a moment. We weren’t
the best singers in the world, but that was okay. It wasn’t
about sounding good. When she looked up from the knot she was working
on, she grinned at me and my heart melted even more.

“How
is that ankle doing? It was a busy day for you.”

“It’s
pretty good. Just a few twinges here and there.”

“Let
me take a look at it before you go to bed.” She extended her
leg and I slipped my hand over her heel and pulled off her sock. Her
skin was warm. I gently cupped it and manipulated her foot, and she
didn’t make a sound.

“The
bruising should start to fade.”

“It
feels a lot better.”

“Do
you need any help before bed?”

She
shook her head. But, as we stood, she threw her arms around me.
“Thank you for indulging my Christmas wishes.” My heart
felt squeezed by many emotions. I could barely breathe. My arms
tightened around her. I slid my fingers over her face, tilting her
chin up and kissed her gently, and she kissed me back. “Goodnight,
Alissa.”

I
watched as she hobbled away. Basking in the afterglow of that kiss, I
followed her retreating form, looking toward my room. I sighed. I
could take a sleeping pill tonight. Now that Alissa could move around
easily, I didn’t have to worry about her needing me.

I
paused as everything inside me seized. She needed me. Damn, why did
that sound so good? She was like sunlight and strawberries, warmth
and comfort, passion and desire, all wrapped up in a gorgeous
package. I didn’t deserve her, a woman like her. I headed to my
room and stripped down to nothing, too tired to even care about
clothes. Swallowing one of my sleeping pills, I got into bed and let
the blessed darkness overtake my mind.

Splintered
silvery pieces of awareness filtered through my consciousness, and I
felt the heavy weight on my eyes that I always experienced when I
took one of those damn pills.

“Dakota?
Where’s my coffee? You know I’m a coffee whore.”
Her voice was distant, and I couldn’t seem to fully wake up
just yet.

Her
voice was much closer. “Are you still in bed lazy bones?”

I
lifted my sleepy eyes and saw her hobbling toward me. When she
reached down to strip the blankets off me, I tried to react, but it
was too late. The cool air drifted over my skin. She gasped, but
instead of looking away, she stared at me. Her gaze like a sensual
caress, she moved her eyes over my body, from my throat, down over my
chest to just below my waist. She lingered there, and I couldn’t
stop myself from reacting to the shocking frankness of her stare. My
dick went rock hard, a very easy task in the morning, but her eyes
continued on down over my hips and the length of my legs.

The
smoldering fire in me flamed and I made a soft noise—a groan.
“Alissa, please,” I said, “You’re killing
me.”

Her hot
blue eyes settled on mine and the tension in my body drew as tight as
a bow. She turned and fled, slamming my bedroom door behind her.

But the
heat in me didn’t subside. I wanted her. My body was on fire,
my reaction to her purely natural, purely male. I tried to slow my
beating heart, get myself under control. I couldn’t face her in
this state. But the desire in her eyes scorched me like a burning
brand. After everything she’d seen me go through, how could she
be attracted to this shell I inhabited?

Although
right this moment, I didn’t feel like a shell. I felt an
intense, dark hunger, but I couldn’t act on it. She was here
for only a short period time. It didn’t matter that I was
deeply attracted to her. Once I got myself under control, I entered
the kitchen, but she was very busy with her computer.

I went
to the fridge and got out eggs and bacon.

“You
know, you could warn a girl.”

“Right,”
I said, turning around and meeting her eyes. “How would that
come up in casual conversation? Oh, by the way, I sleep in the buff,
so don’t come into my room and rip the blankets off me unless
you mean business.”

She
flushed and looked away. “What if I meant business?”

“Alissa,”
I said, solemnly. “I’m not…sure…not…whole.
I’m too much of risk for you. I don’t want start
something I can’t finish. I hope you understand.” I had
to nip this in the bud. Getting physical with her…I didn’t
think it was a good idea. The demons so knew how to attack me when my
guard was down. And, it would be, with her. If I took Alissa like I
wanted to, I was afraid that they wouldn’t only find me…they’d
find her.

Alissa

I did
understand. That was the problem. But, I still wanted him. That
hadn’t changed one bit. It still hurt. The way I had looked at
him had been no joke. But it was probably for the better. I tried to
think around his nakedness, like he had beautiful eyes or his hair
was so sinfully dark. But there was no getting that chest out of my
mind, those washboards, his powerful thighs and his…oh, man,
the part that made him so deliciously male. Well, that was just as
impressive as the rest of his ridiculously gorgeous body.

I could
break Dakota down into body parts as if that was all there was to
him, but I was a woman and seeing a man like that…well it had
impact on a purely physical and hormonal level. But I had already
seen inside him, and I knew his heart was just as beautiful as his
physical appearance.

He set
the plate of eggs in front of me, and my hand seemed to move with a
will of its own. I grazed his forearm, just a brush of my fingertips,
compelled to connect to him and thank him.

I
needed
to touch him.
It was a compulsion I couldn’t seem to control. All of his
pain, all of his courage—all of him—just took my breath
away. I’ve never wanted a man more. But I shouldn’t just
go against his wishes. He wanted to be isolated; he’d come out
here for his privacy, and I’d crashed into it with a mission of
my own.

I felt
ashamed that I would or could so easily forget my promise to Charlie.
He was depending on me. I was his hope and his prayer and his Pooh
Bear. I couldn’t fail him.

Dakota
didn’t say anything. He just stood there gazing at my lips, my
eyes, roving over my hair. And although his expression never changed,
I felt his intensity. I was used to his face now, his male beauty,
and the tantalizing man behind those gunmetal gray eyes.

But
after seeing him in all his…glory—I groped for
equilibrium and found that instead of steadying myself, I was the one
who was losing it. The memory of him lying on his side, the power of
his muscles, those tantalizing heavy lids relaxed over his dark
silver eyes, like the moon on a wild and cloudy night, just…

Our
eyes met then, and for an instant it hung between us, the image of
him fully, and spectacularly naked. I felt my skin grow hot with the
memory. His mouth seemed tense with some unspoken emotion, and I
suddenly felt that I was precariously too close to him.

Desire
flared in his eyes. But was so quickly gone, I wasn’t sure I’d
actually seen it. He was so unbelievably beguiling, focusing all the
controlled energy of him into a ray of light on my heart.

“Eat
your eggs before they get cold. You’ll like them, being a Pooh
Bear.”

I felt
a different kind of hunger, one I hadn’t known before my eyes
met his as he looked down and saw me on that ledge. A lesson in
passion he was teaching me by degrees, and the heat was rising, out
of my control.

“Why
is that?”

“I
made them with a little bit of honey. It makes them sweeter.”

“You’re
sweet.”

His
shoulders tightened, and after everything we had experienced
together, that withdrawal felt like a betrayal. Was I that closed,
too? Was I bottled up and wounded like he was? Was that why men
seemed to avoid me like the plague after a few dates?

That
made me a little sick to my stomach to think that I put off other
people that way. Had my parents cursed me? Had they raised someone
exactly like them? It was as if that pain couldn’t be contained
in my body. As if the very thought of their apathy had been imprinted
on me just by association. It was almost too much to bear.