Break Away (The Baltimore Banners Book 5) (3 page)

"Aunt Emily, why did Mom say John Peer was a bad man?"

Emily choked on the swallow of soda. She fumbled with the cup, finally placing it in the holder attached to her seat, and leaned forward, coughing. When she could finally breathe without wheezing, she turned a wary gaze to her niece.

Taylor was sitting on the edge of her seat, leaning forward enough that she could clutch the outside edge of the boards with both hands. A minute earlier, her attention had been focused on the hulking machine moving in large circles on the ice in front of them. But now her head was tilted to the side, her wide brown eyes focused on Emily with a curious expression. Not judging, not worried. Just curious.

Emily took a deep breath and looked around, searching for a distraction while her mind struggled to come up with an answer. When had Taylor heard that? It had to have been before Monica left for work, when she had pulled Emily to the side to make her thoughts known once more. How had Taylor overheard them? And what else had she heard?

Emily took another deep breath and let it out slowly, then reached over and pushed a strand of hair from her niece's face. "Well, I don't think she really meant he was a bad man. She just..."

Just what? Hated him for what had happened? Emily had never given it much thought, certainly not five years ago. Monica was her older sister, protective. And even though she had never met JP, she had formed an opinion of him after everything that had happened. And no doubt that opinion had hardened over the years, made even worse by the experience of Monica's own marriage and divorce.

But Emily certainly couldn't tell the curious seven-year-old that.

"I think your mom just doesn't like him."

"But why?"

"Because of something that happened a long time ago."

"Oh." Taylor looked out over the ice, then back at Emily. "What happened?"

"Well, I guess..." Emily's voice trailed off and she shifted in the suddenly-hard seat. She blew out another breath and tucked her hair behind her ears while her mind searched for an answer that would satisfy her niece’s curiosity. "Well, JP and I used to see each other, and then we didn't. And I think your mom doesn't like him because of that."

"Okay." Taylor leaned back in her seat, her legs dangling off the edge as she looked around them. Emily didn't know whether to laugh or cry at her easy acceptance of the answer, then called herself a fool for worrying about it. Taylor was simply curious, that was all. She needn't have worried about such an innocent question.

Seats began filling again, the music building in the background as the clock wound down for the intermission. The third period would be starting in a few minutes, which meant the game would be over soon and she could take Taylor home, and this night would be nothing more than a nice memory for her niece.

As much as Emily didn't want to admit it, the night would be a nice memory for her as well. The excitement, the crowd, the energy. It had been years since she had been to a professional hockey game—five years, to be exact. She had forgotten how much fun they could be. And she was glad Taylor had the chance to experience it, especially with such wonderful seats. Emily could overlook where the tickets came from if it meant a fun evening for Taylor.

"Aunt Emily, look!" Taylor tapped her leg then stood up, jumping in excitement at something happening a few rows behind them. Emily looked over her shoulder, a smile spreading across her face as the mascot for the Banners hopped down the steps.

Emily shook her head and laughed at the sight of the mascot, knowing it couldn't have been easy to come up with something to represent the team. The mascot was dressed as a soldier from the War of 1812, complete with blue coatee and odd-looking tombstone shako cap. No doubt he was supposed to represent the battle of Fort McHenry in 1814, when Francis Scott Key penned the words to the Star Spangled Banner on a ship in Baltimore's harbor.

The mascot moved his arms in an exaggerated wave, then made a huge show of tossing a few souvenirs into the crowd with the help of his assistants. Taylor laughed and climbed over Emily to get closer, then waved as the mascot jumped the last few steps, stopping at the edge of their row. He waved at Taylor and made a sweeping bow, leaning forward to give Taylor a high-five.

Emily wished she had thought to bring her camera so she could capture this moment on film. But she had left it at home, not wanting to drag it with her to the game. That didn't mean she couldn't snap a few with her phone.

She reached down for her bag, searching for it, only partially aware of Taylor's squeals of excitement. Scattered applause and a few cheers echoed around them and Emily looked up, wondering if she was too late as her fingers fumbled with the phone. She swallowed her sigh of disappointment when she saw the mascot climbing the stairs, already moving away from them.

Taylor didn't seem to notice, because she was still bouncing up and down, clutching something to her chest. Her hair tumbled around her smiling face, her excitement clear.

"Did he give you something, sweetie?"

Taylor nodded, then climbed across Emily's legs before plopping back into her own seat. The lights in the arena dimmed, the music blaring louder before fading under the announcer's voice. Taylor said something, but her voice was lost in the surrounding noise and Emily had to lean closer.

"What's that?"

Taylor waved two large colorful tickets in front of Emily, moving them so quickly they were nothing more than a blur of red, white, and blue. "Passes, Aunt Emily!"

"Passes?"

"For after the game. Look!" Taylor finally stopped waving the tickets in front of her and held them out for Emily to see. She took one from Taylor's hand and looked down at it, the words blurring in front of her eyes.

Emily shook her head in outraged disbelief and looked out over the ice, her eyes narrowing on the player's bench across from them. She could see JP, watched as he jumped over the small wall and skated out to center ice. The ref dropped the puck and action exploded around them, but Emily didn't understand why JP was still moving. By all rights, he should have collapsed under her death stare.

Why would he do such a thing? It had to be him. Emily couldn't believe otherwise. No, it was too much of a coincidence that Taylor would suddenly be given passes to meet the players after the game. This had to be JP's doing.

But why? Why would he do such a thing?

Emily jumped when two players hit the glass directly in front of them, the sound startling her as much as the savage ferocity on their faces. But Taylor laughed and leaned forward, banging on the glass with the palm of her hand before play moved down the ice.

Emily glanced over at her niece, her heart squeezing at the sight of the girl's bright smile and excited face. Then she glanced down at the tickets in her hand and felt her gut twist and clench.

Why? Why would JP do this?

And how was she supposed to tell Taylor they wouldn't be using them?

JP closed the locker and adjusted the sleeves of the dress jacket, tugging them down to cover the cuffs of his shirt. He swallowed back the unexpected quiver of nervousness then glanced at his watch.

Shouldn't Emily be here by now? Surely enough time had gone by, even given his hasty shower. But so far, nobody came back to get him, nobody came back to announce any visitors.

"Where are you off to?" Randy stopped next to JP, his quick gaze eyeing him from head to toe before he reached into his own locker.

"Nowhere, my friend."

"Really? Then why do you look like you're anxious to get going?"

"Not to get going. He's waiting for someone." Mat pushed by him, a shit-eating grin splitting his face and pulling on the small bandage taped across his chin. JP shot him a dirty look then turned away, ignoring the expressions on both men's faces.

"Yeah? Who this time? Another one of your 'fans'?" Randy chuckled, the question lightly teasing. JP flinched, his nervous smile disappearing at the innocent question. He searched his mind for a comeback, a sarcastic quip, and came up empty. After the last few years, why would Randy expect anything different from him?

His mouth opened and closed, stumbling over every possible answer, when someone yelled for him from the door to the locker room. JP breathed a sigh of relief at the interruption then adjusted his jacket once more.

"Guests?" Randy gave him a quizzical look, his brows lifting in question. JP ignored him and headed out of the locker room. He groaned when Randy and Mat followed him.

Then he stopped, his breath hitching in his chest as he caught sight of Emily and her niece, standing so awkwardly just inside the door. No, only Emily looked awkward, uncomfortable and hesitant, like she had been dragged there against her will. JP swallowed and dragged his damp palms along his legs, just watching her.

A faded denim jacket hung loose over one arm, the blue a contrast to the oatmeal colored sweater she was wearing. The sweater was loose, hanging off her slight frame and hiding her curves before it stopped just below the tops of her thighs. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, the honey gold shining in the bright lights of the room. She looked around, her blue eyes wide as she took everything in.

Her eyes widened even more, just briefly, when they rested on him before narrowing. JP's gut clenched at the contact, clenched again when Emily reached out and placed a hand on her niece's shoulder, the action protective. 

"No fucking way." The words were uttered in a low whisper and JP turned to give Mat a warning stare. He ignored the surprise on his friends' faces, knowing that Emily wasn't what they were expecting.

The realization sat like a heavy weight in his gut, souring his stomach.

JP forced the feeling away and pasted a bright smile on his face as he moved closer to Emily. He looked down at the young girl, his smile widening at the expression of awe on her face. Without realizing what he was doing, he leaned down and ruffled her long hair, the baby-fine strands soft under his hand.

"Did you enjoy the game, Squirt?"

"Yes, thank you." She glanced over her shoulder at her aunt, then bounced a little on her toes. "This is so awesome John Peer!"

JP ignored the smothered laughter and snorts coming from behind him. "Why don't you just call me 'JP' instead? Might be easier, eh?"

The little girl nodded, her brown eyes shining with excitement as she offered him a toothless smile. Something tightened in his chest, squeezing. He had thought...well, it didn't matter what he thought. Not really.

JP straightened, his gaze moving to Emily. She hadn't moved, her discomfort clear in the rigid stance of her body and in the hard look in her eyes. No, not hard. Wary, hesitant. He offered her a smile, not surprised when she didn't return it.

Could he blame her? After everything that had happened five years ago? No, he couldn't. Not for that. But he wanted to see her smile now, see her face soften and her eyes sparkle when she looked at him.

JP figured he had a better chance of winning the Vezina this year. Considering he wasn't a goalie, that meant his chances were pretty much nonexistent.

"So." JP shifted, glanced over his shoulder, looked back at Emily. "Would you like a quick tour?"

"We can't stay—"

"Could we? Please?" The girl bounced up and down, strands of her long hair floating in front of her face as she looked back at her aunt. "Please Aunt Emily?"

"Taylor, I told you before we came down here that we couldn't stay long. You have a game in the morning."

"Just real quick? Please? That way I can tell everyone I was here!"

"Bragging rights." JP nodded, his grin contradicting the seriousness of his words. "Very important."

Emily flashed him a look loaded with fire and impatience then looked down at her niece. She let out a deep sigh then nodded. "Five minutes, Taylor. That's all."

JP looked over his shoulder, his eyes searching out his friends. Mat met his gaze, amusement flashing in his green eyes as he stepped forward and held his hand out to the young girl.

"Looks like I'll be your guide, Taylor. I'm Mat Herron."

Instead of shaking his hand—which JP knew had been Mat's intention—the girl reached out and placed her hand trustingly in his. She craned her neck back and looked up at him. "I know who you are! You had seventy-nine points last year. But you messed up that shot tonight. You should have shot lower. I bet you would have scored if you had."

Laughter erupted around them, quickly choked back at the look Mat tossed around the room. He pinned JP with a glance, his green eyes flashing a promise of retribution. JP tried to hide his grin and failed when Mat looked back down at the young girl.

"I'll try to remember that next time."

"Okay. Aunt Emily, can I use your phone to take some pictures?"

Emily hesitated, the request obviously catching her off-guard. She looked down at the jacket folded across her arm then started fumbling in the large bag hanging from her shoulder. JP didn't hesitate, just pulled his own phone from his pocket and tossed it to Mat. "Use this. And then I can send the pictures to your aunt."

"Thanks John—JP." Taylor waved at him then pulled a still-surprised Mat along, leading the way to...somewhere.

Randy stepped past JP, stopping long enough to give him an assessing gaze. He didn't miss the question in his friend's eyes and knew he'd be grilled later. But he wasn't worried about that now, not when Emily stood there watching him, her full lips compressed in a thin line, her displeasure clear on her face.

"That wasn't necessary."

JP shrugged and moved closer, close enough that he could reach out and pull her into his arms if he wanted. And yes, he wanted. But he didn't, not when her body language made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him.

"It's no problem. I can send the pictures to you later."

Emily raised one delicate brow at him, letting him know she wasn't happy. "Is that an underhanded way of getting my phone number?"

JP shrugged again and offered her a grin, hoping she would smile back, hoping to see the lines of her frown soften. Instead of smiling back, she folded her arms in front of her and looked around, her eyes scanning the room with curiosity, her gaze taking in the leather recliners and large television. She finally looked at JP, her clear blue eyes settling on his for a fraction of a second before fixing on something over his right shoulder. Her chin lifted a notch, her jaw tightening as she clenched it. A flash of regret seared JP as she dug her fingers into her arms and he moved toward her, reaching out.

"Emily, I—"

She stepped back so quickly she stumbled. JP grabbed her elbow, wanting to do nothing more than steady her. Heat, instant and searing, tore through him at the contact. The heat was replaced by a cold wash of regret when Emily tore her elbow from his grasp and stared up at him.

"Don't touch me."

"
La vach
e
!
You would rather I let you fall?"

"I don't need your help, Jean-Pierre. I never did."

The words cut, clean and quick, the meaning—the accusation—tearing open past wounds JP had never wanted to acknowledge. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, surprised to see his fingers were shaking, and he was grateful they were alone in the room. There was no one there to see his reaction, no one he would have to explain things to.

Memories he had buried. Feelings he had failed to acknowledge. Foolish. Foolish to think he didn't remember, foolish to think he didn't feel.

He blew out a deep breath and looked over at Emily, noticed the paleness of her skin and the unnatural brightness of her eyes. He wanted to reach out and touch her. Pull her into his arms and hold her.

He did neither.

"I am sorry, Emily. For everything." The words weren't enough. They would never be enough, but he didn't know what else to say, what else to do—no more than he knew what to do five years ago.

Emily shook her head, just the barest movement as she pressed her lips together once more. A long minute went by, filled with a heavy silence that pressed on JP's shoulders. She finally exhaled, the noise nothing more than a loud hiss, and turned to look at him.

"How could you think Taylor was your daughter? Last weekend, when you saw her?"

"I—" JP snapped his mouth shut, not sure how to answer. He had known, even then, that she wasn't. But for a brief second, less than a second, when he had seen the young girl with Emily, his heart had squeezed with memory and regret. And hope. The emotion had floored him, completely wiping all logical thought from his mind.

Emily stepped closer to him, anger flaring in her beautiful eyes. She pointed a finger at him, dangerously close to pushing it against his chest. "Do you think I lied all those years ago?"

"Emily, no—"

"Don't." Her finger jabbed him in the chest and he stepped back in surprise. "How could you think I lied about what happened? Why? Why would you think that?"

"I don't.
Emilie
, I don't." He grabbed her wrist in one hand to stop her from jabbing him then closed his hand over hers. Her skin was chilled, her fingers shaking. She lowered her head, the fall of her hair covering her face. JP swallowed and pulled her closer, reaching out with his free hand to tilt her chin up. She blinked the moisture from her eyes but refused to meet his gaze.

"Our daughter is dead, Jean-Pierre. She died before she ever had a chance." Emily uttered the words in a hoarse whisper void of emotion. JP's lungs constricted and he had to fight to catch his breath, fight against the pain that suddenly seemed so fresh. He didn't think, just pulled Emily into his arms and held her against him.

"I know. I'm sorry, Emily.
Je suis désolé, ma douce
." He stood there for a full minute, his arms tight around her. But she didn't move. Her arms didn't come up around him, didn't wrap around his waist. Emily stood still in his hold, not moving, barely breathing.

JP reluctantly loosened his hold and stepped away, quickly schooling his face into a blank mask. He swallowed and looked around, afraid to let his eyes rest on Emily. Afraid of what he might see if he did.

"It was a long time ago, JP. It doesn't matter any longer." Her words were flat, emotionless. And they had the same effect on him as if a puck had slammed into his throat. He looked over at her, saw the same blank expression on her face that he made sure was on his.

She was lying. JP knew that as surely as he knew he his own name.

As surely as he knew there was nothing he could do about it. Not now, not here.

The silence shifted, no longer accusing or uncomfortable but not quite yet welcome. Emily moved around the room, stopping in front of the large white board hanging along the far wall. JP wondered if she was studying the scrawled diagrams and notes, or if she was merely using that as a distraction.

She turned suddenly, one hand reaching up and tucking her hair behind her ear. Her blue eyes were clear as they settled on him.

"What are you doing, JP? The tickets, the passes. What are you doing?"

"I thought your niece would enjoy them."

Emily nodded and looked away, her lips pursed. He could hear laughter getting closer, a clear sound that seemed so out of place. Emily tensed then took a few steps toward him—no, not him. Toward the door.

"She did. Thank you. But no more, JP. Is that understood? You can't do this again.
I
can't do this again." Her eyes held his, a thousand different emotions swirling in their crystal depths. JP couldn't read any of them. And then it was too late, because she looked away and shrugged into the denim jacket, a bright smile on her face as Taylor bounded into the room.

"Aunt Emily, look what Mat gave me!" Taylor skipped over to her aunt, a large hockey stick held in one hand. Emily's mouth pursed briefly, then lifted in a smile.

"That's pretty cool. Did you say thank you?"

"Of course I did. Duh." Taylor turned back Mat, offering him a toothless grin. "Thanks again Mat."