Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (27 page)

My eyes narrow in on her, but she continues, “Come on, Colton, cut me a break. I promise it will all work out. I just have to—”

“No.”

“Pardon me?” she asks, like she misheard me.

I know exactly what she’s doing: She’s playing the boss card. She’s not my lieutenant anymore. She’s not my FBI partner. She’s my mate. I’ve protected her from afar, taken orders from her, let her work things out on her own before, but this is different. We’re different.

“Don’t ‘Colton’ me. You heard me. No, as in, I’m not staying out of this.” I’m not leaving without getting answers about this Will.

She sighs in frustration and her hands go to her hips. “Please be reasonable.”

“I
am
being reasonable. This is personal, not business.” My voice is harsh and unapologetic. “You need to stop acting like you have to handle shit on your own when you don’t have to. We’re together now. You need to let me in.”

She veers away from me, and her delicate face is all angles and straight lines. She’s clenching her jaw so tightly she’s going to blow a blood vessel.

“I can’t.”

I barely hear her, but I can’t back off. I have to keep pushing if I want to get to the bottom of this.

“Why? Who is he Lil,
really
?”

She shakes her head no. Her profile is stoic, her perfect eyebrows pinched together and her eyes squeezed shut. She’s stubbornly silent, fighting an inner battle all her own but I press on.

“Here I thought that I knew everything about you. How long have we known each other? Now we’re together, and things were going good. Then his name comes up and it all goes to hell.” Each statement claws its way up my throat, my chest rumbling with pain, hurt, and anger. I’ve had enough. It’s all or nothing. I have to get through Harper if I want to get to my Lily.

Stalking forward, I use each word as ammunition, intent on taking down the walls she’s erected. She retreats, shaking her head in denial. I come closer, my words clipped, cutting deep into her defenses.

“You’ve been calling his name out in your sleep, and when I asked, you said you didn’t know who he was, so you lied. To
me
.” She winces, her arms wrapping around her torso, but I don’t relent. “Then, out of nowhere, you run straight for him without so much as an explanation. You get him out of the hospital and bring him here, to
our
home. I’m not having it.”

“So,” she asks in a small voice, “after everything we’ve been through, you don’t trust me? If I don’t tell you who he is…what, that’s it? We’re done?”

“No, Harper. It means there’s something going on between you two. Admit I’m right.” I push hard, testing for weaknesses in her defenses.

“Please, Tommy—”

“You were vulnerable, and he was there for you when I wasn’t.” My words attack mercilessly as she tries to build her walls back up but can’t. “You couldn’t help it, one thing led to another,” I spit within inches of her face.

“Stop it—”

Cornering her small frame, I deliver the death blow.

“That’s it, isn’t it? You fucked him and—”

The sound hits my ears before the burning of my cheek registers.

She slaps me as our worlds collide.

قلب

“Take it back.” Her voice is low and raw, her chest heaving in outrage.

My face stings as blood rushes to the spot her fingers are imprinted on my cheek.

This Will has shaken my entire belief system when it comes to Lil and me. He’s wedged between us, and that wedge will grow, pushing us further apart, unless I get to the bottom of it.

Harper is scrambling for cover. My first wave of attack left but crumpled ruins. I hold back, trying to hang on to that last single strand of hope that I’m wrong, that he’s nobody of consequence.

Come on, Lil. Say he’s no one. Say your heart is mine and mine only. Say you love me.

“I’m sorry, but there’s only one reason in my book for what you’ve done for him. You have feelings for him. I have to look at the facts. Maybe he’s the reason why you’ve never said you love me.” There. It’s out on the table.

I haven’t said shit about it, but I’m not pulling any punches.

“Are you serious?” she sneers, narrowing her eyes at me. “God! You’re such an asshole!” she spits in frustration, squinting at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Yes, I know! You’ve said that a billion fucking times, but you can’t say the ‘other thing’ can you?” That’s it. The gloves are off. I’m treading on thin ice, and I don’t care.

“Who gives a flying fuck, Tommy!” she screams, ready for round two, and by God, I’m rising to the occasion.

“I
do
!” I yell back, punching my own chest, bitter fury in charge. “
I
give a fuck Lil. I love you! I’ve told you a million fucking times, and you haven’t said it once!” Raw desperation, agony, and pain dictate my words.

And that’s when I see her.
My
Lily.

Raw and real. The iron curtains are down. Now she’s here, crumbling before me.

I just shouted against the mountaintop and unleashed an avalanche and all I can do is brace for impact.

“You…unbelievable…,” she sniffs, her voice losing its fight. “What do you want,
huh
?” She pushes against my chest, but standing my ground, I don’t budge; instead, her small frame bounces back, her own force backfiring on her. My insides are killing me, my whole being screaming to embrace her, bury my face in the crook of her neck and whisper I didn’t mean any of it. That I pushed for our own good, to get to the truth. But I can’t. She has to meet me halfway. If she doesn’t, we’re not going to make it.

“Lil,” I implore softly.

She sniffs again, her small upturned nose red, her face shiny from tears. She rubs the heels of her hands angrily against her eyes, wiping any leftover moisture, refusing to meet my eyes. We are inches away physically, miles apart emotionally. This is my chance. I need to grab it.

“You don’t have to say it, Lil. Just tell me what’s going on. I know you. Something is eating you up inside. Let me in. I can help, if you just let me.”

Come on, Lil.

I’m fighting for her with all I got.

She swallows thickly, and slowly raises her head, eyes tracing my features as if she’s trying to read me. Apprehension and dread swirl in those beautiful hypnotic whiskey eyes.

What is she so afraid of? There’s nothing she can say that will send me running for the hills.

Our gazes engage, binding us together.

She takes a deep breath, bracing herself.

“I…I remember everything.”

CHAPTER 24

Tommy

I’m stunned into silence. What the ever-loving fuck. She remembers what happened to her?

My cell rings at full volume and we both flinch.

Dammit!

“
Ignore it.” I reach into my pocket, struggling to silence my phone, trying not to break eye contact. “Come on, Lil. I’m here.”

Her eyes plead silently, her jaw slack, like she’s struggling to verbalize her thoughts.

I swallow thickly. Fury and dread pound at my chest, begging to be unleashed.

“Was I right? Are you and him…?” I wait for the answer, locked and loaded.

“No!” She’s stunned and insulted. “He helped me get home, Tommy. Now I need to get—”

My phone chimes again, cutting her off mid-sentence.

“Dammit.” This time I pull my phone out, and that’s when I get a peek at my caller ID. It’s Marcus. He knows not to make contact unless necessary. My eyes go back to Lil but she’s seen my face.

“Answer it,” she says, voice small. “I know it’s work.”

“Fuck work, Lil. This is more important.” I run my hand through my hair, worried, but trying to ignore the still-vibrating phone.

Her small hand grips my wrist. “Answer it,” she orders in a level tone.

“Lil—”

“It’s fine. Really.”

I take in her expression. I lost her. I had her out in the open, and now she’s gone.

She pushes back a few errant strands of her hair, gathering the pieces and trying to put herself back together, and it eats me up inside.

I hit answer and growl into the phone. “What?”

“Listen man, I know you don’t like me calling this line—”

“The fuck, Marcus?” I yell into the receiver, looking at Lil apologetically. “Hang on,” I spit at him.

I press mute and turn to her. “You and I are not done.”

Lil seems calm and collected. “We are for now. It’s okay, Tommy.”

She’s too calm. I eye her suspiciously, but her face still shows the scars of our recent battle: bloodshot eyes, wet lashes, red nose, and swollen lips. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

For her to tell me what happened while she was gone. We have to finish this.

On impulse, I reach over to caress her jaw. She pulls away ever so slightly, avoiding contact with my fingertips. It stings, I can’t lie. I think of the times she’s leaned into my touch. The times she’s curled up around me looking for warmth.

Now she’s avoiding me, and I deserve every bit of it. I pushed her to the breaking point.

I’ll retreat. Whatever it takes, but we’re not done.

She shows me out, the door clicking quietly behind me.

When I’m at a safe distance, I bring the phone to my ear.

“Listen up, Marcus. I got shit going on at home, shit I can’t talk about, okay? Why are you fucking calling me?”

“Victoria has been trying to reach you all day.”

“I turned off the phone. I can’t deal with her right now.”

“I figured—”

“I can’t do this right now, can I call you back?”

“You’re on speaker phone.”

My stomach drops. “What do you mean, speaker phone?”

“Victoria’s here. She been worried sick. She was going to call her dad to track you down, but I had to tell her the truth.”

I’ve never been more grateful that Marcus chose to go by his last name for his undercover first name.

“Tony?” she sobs; she’s barely coherent. Either she’s hammered, or she’s been crying for hours.

Fuck.
I reach for my burner phone and turn it in on. Instantly, the pinging starts, indicating the endless text messages and voicemails. All from her.

“Tony, I had to tell her about your divorce. I’m sorry, man.”
Divorce
? Before the word even registers, Marcus keeps talking over the sobs, “Vic said you left her place this morning all pissed off, and she’s been trying to reach you since then. So, I told her you’re separated and today you were trying to get her to sign the divorce papers.”

“Tony, is this true?” she whines, already grating on my nerves. I hate this part of the job: pretending to like this girl. Being this guy.

The DEA has a lot riding on my ability to pull this off. I can do it.

Come on, Colton. You can do this
.
Channel your inner douche-bag
.

“I’m sorry, Vic. Please forgive me.” Now I’m groveling to a woman I can’t stand, and fighting with the woman I want.

قلب

After going along with Marcus’s excuse, I spent a good fifteen minutes inside my car listening to Vic weeping, sniffling, and babbling incoherently.

This chick is off her kilter. I bet she thinks I’m some kind of victim and she can fix me somehow. Fucking Shades of Bullshit got these girls topsy-turvy.

“I’ll come over tomorrow, okay?”

“Promise?” she singsongs. She is getting off on thinking she’s the other woman. I can’t keep up with her moods. “I love you.” I press end without a word. I will never say those words to anyone other than Lil.

Fuck my life. I get those damn words from this crazy psycho like she’s handing out candy on Halloween, but my girl won’t give them to me, or anyone.

Or anyone.

That’s it. It’s not the words Lil has a problem with. It’s what those words represent.

Too damn bad. It’s too late now. She’s mine and I’m hers.

Determined to hash it out with Lil, I check the time before putting the phone away. It’s late, but I can’t leave things like this.

Marching back upstairs to her place, I try to collect myself before going back in.

All the lights are off, and she’s not out in the living room anymore. I tap softly on her bedroom door. No answer.

I knock lightly again. “Lil? Are you awake?”

What if she wants to break up? I need to stop pushing. I need to be the man she deserves, grow a pair, and just be there for her. Still, I need her to meet me halfway. She’s never let anyone in. No one, until now. This fucking guy—

I push him away from my thoughts because this isn’t about him. It’s about me and Lil.

“I won’t set a foot inside unless you tell me it’s okay,” I call through the door.

“Come in.” It’s faint, but it’s all I needed.

As my eyes adjust to the dim room, I spot Lil’s silhouette. She’s unmoving, her small frame slumped in defeat. The bathroom door is ajar, letting a slither of light into the bedroom. She’s sitting on the bed, facing away from me.

The sight leaves a sour taste in my mouth. This is foreign territory. I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman. I fucked them, humored them, but never actually let them close. Lil was the only woman that I ever let in. And now that’s she’s inside, she’s a vital part of me. She’s as vital to my survival as food and water, her energy nourishes every fiber of my being.

Fucking Christ, my hands are shaking.

Without another thought, I head for the light on the nightstand and turn it on. Now I have a full view of her beautiful heart-shaped face and it breaks my fucking heart.

In nothing but one of my old t-shirts, she sits there, hands curled up in her lap. Utter despair stares out into nothingness.

I’ve seen her like that before. In the sandbox.

Acid burns my throat. She’s fucking obliterated. But, this time, it wasn’t an insurgent attack, or civilian and troop injuries that caused her pain.

This time it was me. I did this to her.