Break Your Heart (5 page)

“Girl, you
know
I can,” I replied as I shut my email down. I joined Casey and Daniel on the couch, and we fired up the amazingly funny and bad eighties film we’d stumbled across on accident over winter break. She and I had watched it a few times already, cracking up at the horrible rapping and the eighties-tacular clothing.

Even as I laughed and talked with them, the email exchange lingered in the back of my mind. I couldn’t help the faint secret grin that wouldn’t leave my face.

I
slicked the soft pink lip gloss across my lips and eyed myself in the mirror. My hair was wild and fun tonight—I’d let it loose with a swirl of puffy curls around my head. My top was tiny, my jeans were slim and my black boots were high.

I was so looking forward to a fun night out.

Not that school was going badly or anything. It was the end of January, and my classes were moving along at a steady pace. I’d done well on the papers and assignments I’d turned in. Work had even bumped up my hours; another employee, a sophomore, had quit to move out of state.

I grabbed my clutch, tossed on my coat and left the apartment, locking it behind me. Since it was a Friday, Casey was already deejaying at The Mask. I was going to meet Kelly there.

I found a spot on the street a block from the club, pulled my car into the tiny space and parked. Crossed the street and followed the siren song of the pulsing music thrumming from the brick building. People poured in and out, smiling and laughing and talking and dancing.

I couldn’t help but feel uplifted. Gotta love a good crowd.

“Megan!” I heard from my right side.

I spun to find Kelly standing against the brick wall near the corner, dragging on a cigarette.

She gave me a sheepish grin and waved the cigarette in the air. “I keep trying to quit, but old habits die hard.”

“No judgment here,” I told her as I gave her a quick hug. “We all have our crutches.”

The warmth in her eyes was genuine. “Thanks. My parents ride me about it all the time. I had quit for a while, but . . .” Her smile cracked a little around the edges. Then she smashed out the cigarette against the wall and said with a light laugh, “Anyway, you know how stress can eat away at you.”

“In fact, I do,” I replied. My psych prof had talked about stress and addiction just last week—surprisingly, I was retaining information from the text. “If you ever need to talk . . .”

“I appreciate it,” she said in a light tone that didn’t quite match the look in her eyes. “It’s not a big deal. Just some shit from my past that won’t get out of my head, that’s all.”

My heart dipped in sympathy for her. This close, I could see the stress lines between her brows, around her eyes. She didn’t seem to be getting much sleep. I wanted to ask her more questions, but I was afraid of making tonight too depressing for her.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

Her smile was a bit sad. “No, but thank you. I’ll get back to my normal self again soon enough. I just need a distraction right now.”

“Well, if tonight doesn’t work, I know a few hot football guys,” I said, only half joking.

She squeezed my upper arm, and this time her smile was real. “I might take you up on that.”

“Let’s go inside,” I said, and we headed into the building.

The music throbbed, almost like a second heartbeat in my chest.

Kelly clapped in anticipation, the shadows gone from her face now, and eyed the dance floor. “That looks awesome!” she shouted. “And I love this song—I’ve never heard this mix before though.”

“Casey probably created it,” I said proudly. “She’s amazing.”

We peeled our coats off and hung them on nearby racks.

I grabbed her hand and led her into the middle of the crowd. Bodies swayed around us. We thrust our hands in the air and shook our asses, laughing and bouncing along with the music. Casey kept the jams going, sliding one song effortlessly into another.

A hot Latino guy sidled up to Kelly and shot her a crooked grin. She blinked, then gave him a tentative smile in response as she tossed me a quick look.

I waved her off with a laugh and did my own thing for a while. Closed my eyes and let myself just . . . feel. There was something so awesome about getting out of your head and living in the moment. People bumped into my sides, but we didn’t care. We simply kept moving. A light sheen of sweat glistened on my skin.

When the song changed, I checked on Kelly, who was grinding against the guy, his hands sliding down to her ass.
Go get
’
em, honey.
Nothing like new eye candy to get your mind off old troubles. I bit back a chuckle and left the floor to get something to drink. My throat felt dry, and I needed a moment to cool off.

A pair of guys at the bar saw me behind them and moved out of the way so I could lean between them. I murmured a thanks. I could feel their eyes on me as I waved at the bartender. What was his name? Casey had told me before.

Oh, that’s right.

“Justin, hey!” I said with a toothy grin.

He came over. “Megan, looking good! What can I get ya?”

“How about a beer?” I waved my hand in front of my face; droplets of water slid down the back of my neck, down my spine. “I’m roasting.” I eyed what was on tap and pointed to a local brewery’s beer. It was strong but full of flavor.

“Good crowd,” he said as he poured me a cup.

I gave him a few bucks from my clutch, strung around my wrist, and thanked him, backing out of the way so the guys could go back to their conversation.

“Hey, wait,” the one on the left said to me. “Megan, right? That’s what the bartender said.” When he grinned at me, I saw a huge gap between his front teeth. “You here by yourself?”

Ugh.
“My friend’s out on the floor.” I tried to keep my tone polite. “Have a good evening!” I moved away before he could keep talking to me. As I took a deep swig of my drink, I stopped in shock.

Near the end of the bar was Dr. Muramoto.

Nick.

I couldn’t help but check him out. He took a draw from his beer, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His hair was styled, his white dress shirt casually rolled up at the sleeves, opened at his throat. I could see his gaze roaming the dance floor, head bobbing in time to the bass.

My body hummed all over at the surprise of seeing him here. He didn’t look like a professor here. He looked like a very attractive man.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one to think so. A pair of girls just a couple of years older than me popped on either side of him and struck up a conversation. My heart pinched in response. I chugged a good portion of my beer to give myself time to cool down. Wiped my suddenly damp palms on my thighs.

Nick threw his head back and laughed at something one of the girls said. His lips were parted, and I could see his bright teeth in the open-mouthed smile.

I remembered the email he’d sent me last week with the coded response to my joke. Had I made him laugh like that? I wanted to.

Before I realized it, I had finished my beer. A light buzz stole over me, flushed my cheeks. It didn’t take away my nervousness though. So I slid up to the bar and ordered another. I tried to keep my attention off him, to just listen to the music and the conversations around me, but he was like a magnet.

I eyed him again. He still hadn’t seen me.

The next beer went down just as fast. I sat at the bar, torn between staying the hell away from him and wanting to go over and talk. But talking would probably be a bad idea, one part of my brain argued. Part of me knew I didn’t want to just talk. I wanted to lean close and smell him, wanted to see the flecks of colors in his eyes up close. Wanted to make him laugh, find out more about him. Pick his brain.

Kiss him.

My cheeks flared at that thought. My head felt all light and floaty from the beers. They’d been stronger than I’d realized. Maybe I should have eaten more than just a salad for dinner.

I needed to get away from this dangerous train of thought about my teacher for a moment. It was a good time to go say hi to Casey.

I pushed through the crowd and got up to the DJ booth.

“Megan!” Casey cried out in pleasure as she came over and hugged me. Her headphones were draped around her neck. “You made it. Is Kelly here? I wanted to meet her.”

I laughed and turned to eye the crowd from up here. “I think she already found a date.” I spotted Kelly, still dancing with the guy, their mouths so close they were almost kissing. “I’ll tell her to come by and say hi if she detaches herself from him.”

Casey darted over to the system and fiddled with a few switches. She pressed one of the headphone cups to her ear. A new song transitioned in. She beamed at me. “So, how’s your evening going? Any requests?”

I shrugged. “No requests I can think of. Just keep doing what you’re doing. The crowd is loving it.”

A shy smile stole across her cheeks. Casey was so confident behind the DJ booth, but she was rather unassuming in real life. She shrugged. “So have
you
seen anyone hot out there?” Apparently, she read the answer on my face, because one brow shot up. “Where is he? I wanna see. Tell me everything. Do you already know him? And why aren’t you out there dancing with him?”

Oh, man. Do-or-die time. Should I keep bottling up this secret, or should I spill the beans and see what she thought? I thought about all the ways Casey opened up to me, how she’d trusted me with her secrets. Friends did that for each other. And frankly, maybe she had an idea on how I could handle this.

“Actually,” I started, then made myself say, “my cryptography professor is here.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Wow, that’s awkward.” Then she paused, and a knowing look flashed across her eyes. “Wait a minute. Are you attracted to him?” She looked toward the crowd. “Where is he?”

I groaned and leaned closer, telling her where he was sitting at the bar.

“Oh, he
is
cute,” she said in a rush. “I can see why you like him.”

I wrapped my arms in front of me. “It would be okay if I just found him hot. But . . . I don’t know. There’s something about him that sticks with me. He’s smart. Funny. And this is totally stupid and I can’t believe I actually have a crush on a teacher.” I dropped my attention to her DJ equipment. “What do I do here? I just don’t know. It’s not like I can avoid him, either—he’s my thesis advisor, so I have to talk to him. And I’m in his class.” I paused. “And frankly, I don’t want to avoid him.”

“Oh, honey.” The sympathy in her voice drew my gaze to her concerned eyes. “I want to tell you screw it, to explore whatever is going on here, if anything. But there are huge things at stake here. His career. Your schooling. If you get caught . . .”

I knew what she was going to say. “Of course, this is even assuming he has any interest in me. And given the way he’s talking to that redhead at the bar, that’s a big negative.”

“Well, he’d have to be a blind idiot not to notice you,” she said hotly. There was a fierceness in her gaze I rarely saw. “Anyone with two brain cells can see how amazing you are. You’re smart, beautiful, witty, caring . . . you have everything going for you. If he doesn’t see that, he isn’t worth your time or effort.” Her voice turned gentler. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Or in trouble.”

“I know. Me neither.” I huffed a sigh. “Actually, it helped to get that out. I’d been keeping it inside me since the first week of school.”

She quirked a brow. “I’m pretty sure a certain someone here told me it was unhealthy to bottle your feelings.”

“And that certain someone was right . . . and doesn’t always follow her own advice,” I replied in a droll tone.

Casey laughed. “Well, here’s my advice for you. Take it or leave it. If at the end of the semester it seems like he’s into you, see what happens then. That way you’re not
his
student anymore. The circumstances will be different and maybe a bit more forgiving. But in the meantime . . .” She shrugged. “I guess try to keep your chin up and stay the course. We’re super close to graduating.”

I knew she was right. As I hugged her and stepped out of the booth, her words resonated in me. It was the logical thing to do. The smart thing.

The
right
thing.

Not to mention I was all worked up over a man who had given me mixed messages at best. There was a big probability I was reading into it and seeing something that wasn’t there.

I glanced over at the bar and saw Nick was gone. Dr. Muramoto, I reminded myself. I shouldn’t think of him as Nick. That was too intimate. That crossed the line.

My mood felt dampened, so I moved right onto the dance floor and tried to fall into the music again. It took a few minutes, but I was able to shake off the slight edge of melancholy and self-doubt. Kelly wiggled her way over, her hand wrapped in her dance partner’s.

“Having fun?” I asked with a wide grin.

Her eyes sparkled as she leaned close to me and said in a low voice, “I am. Just wanted to check on you—didn’t want you to feel like I was ditching you.”

“Not at all,” I replied earnestly. “Go have fun. Seriously. Tonight is about relaxing. I’m glad you’re having a good time.” Not to mention that frown line between her eyes was gone. That alone made me happy.

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll text you later, okay?” The guy’s hand slid around her waist, tugging her up against him, and she laughed on a gasp. They disappeared into the crowd.

“I see you’re all alone,” an unfamiliar voice said from behind me. I spun to see the gap-toothed guy from the bar eyeing me. “Wanna dance?”

“I’m good, thanks.” I took a step back.

“I’ll bet you are.” He moved toward me and reached a hand out to touch my waist. I shoved my hand on his chest to push him away.

“I said no.” My bitch voice was out in full blast now. Usually I wasn’t this harsh, but the combination of alcohol and frustration made me edgy.

The smile fell from his face, and I saw a flash of shock in his eyes. Before he could respond, I walked away from him and made my way to the fringe of the dancing crowd. And there was Nick—Dr. Muramoto, standing by himself, swaying in place, a water bottle in hand.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was right in front of him.

He blinked. “Megan.” My name was a breath on his lips, and the sound of it set my skin tingling all over.