BREAKAWAY (The Dartmouth Cobras) (11 page)

A metallic creak filled the room as Ramos turned off his shower hard enough that it seemed like the faucet might come off in his hand. He shook water from his hair, the long strands slashing at his face as he approached Luke.

"You don't go to the club alone." His harsh tone made it unclear as to whether he was asking, or telling. But he squeezed Luke's shoulder and spoke quietly. "What you are doing is good. It is right to want to learn. But you will not be too proud to say red if you must."

"I bet you anything he will be." Callahan rinsed off and scowled. "But I'll be watching you, kid."

Demyan nodded. "We all will. I'm not sure I want to be a Dom, after hearing all this, but I
ain't
letting you go there alone. We all get enough scars on the ice. You're not getting more being a tough guy while someone's beating on you."

Damn, it felt good to know they were looking out for him. His girlfriend—
ex-girlfriend—
might not think he was worth much, but these men did. And what they thought was all that mattered.

Cut the tension. This is getting weird.
He choked out a laugh and wiped under his eyes. "Aw man, I'm all teary. You guys rock! Group hug!"

Callahan shook his head and walked away. Demyan snickered and slugged Luke in the shoulder before following.

Only Ramos didn't seem to get the joke.

"You will learn to say red." Ramos glared at him until Luke had to look away because it was freaking him out. A rough hand caught his chin and forced him to face the man. "Even if I have to teach you myself."

Chapter Five

In her comfy little apartment, sprawled out on her orange and pale blue patchwork sofa, Jami watched Akira go over the dance moves for what seemed like the thousandth time and tried not to sigh as she glanced over at her cell. Akira was awesome for trying to teach her, but Jami just couldn't focus. She'd really
really
hoped Sebastian would have call by now.

It's only been two days.

True, but the team was back. He'd said he wanted to go out for coffee when they got back.

Playoff time. He's probably too busy.

Akira slapped her hands on her hips and frowned at Jami. "Will you just call him!"

"Ha! As if!" Jami sat up and grabbed her phone to stuff it between the sofa cushions. "He's hot and all, but I'm not that desperate."

"Just hot? The way you talked about him last night, I thought he was someone special."

"Special? After one date?" Jami laughed. "Akira, what you heard last night was me being antsy. It's been
months.
"

"Since that boy in the shed?"

Jami groaned. Damn, she'd really over-shared while drinking those Strawberry daiquiris. But Akira had gotten all depressed after telling her about being raped by two of her father's coworkers when she was only sixteen. They'd stolen her virginity and left her with a fear of men that practically paralyzed her when any came close. She'd wanted to hear about how it could be good. Strangely enough, Jami found herself talking about Ford. Things had been
amazing
with Ford in the beginning.

Before she'd turned into a freak.

"The boy in the shed—damn, I can't even remember his name. Sad,
ey
? Anyway, we only kissed and groped a bit. It was like being back in high school with a clumsy boy that doesn't know what he's doing." She sighed. "Ford was the first
man
I was with. And, well, I told you how it was. He was gentle. Tender. He always made sure I enjoyed myself, but . . . ."

Taking a seat beside her, Akira hugged herself and leaned forward. "But what? You made it sound so wonderful last night. I still can't understand why you broke up with him."

"Well, we both got drunk one night and—" Jami wasn't sure she should tell Akira any of this. The girl was so broken from the things that had been done to her. She couldn't possibly understand. And yet . . . talking to Akira was so easy. After just a few days, they were pretty much best friends. Not just from lack of options. They'd clicked. "He had some friends over. Things got hot and heavy and—I was totally willing. I wasn't so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing. Anyway, one of his friends got really worked up and called me their little slut. Ford got pissed off, but I got him to relax. And I told him . . . I told him I liked it. Things were weird after that. I wanted more. Ford didn't."

"That's when you started doing drugs?"

"We were already smoking pot, but Ford didn't like the harder stuff. I met a new crowd at his bar and they came to a few parties. The women were all over Ford. I didn't mind, it was like one big orgy. But at one point, Ford gave me this look, like he was disgusted with me." Her throat tightened as she recalled that look. It came back to her how she'd suddenly realized something was wrong with her. Some guy held her while she cried and gave her some pills. She took them and everything was all better. More than better. Shiny, erotic. Pure pleasure with no regrets.

Until the next day. But her 'friends' were around to give her more pills. To listen as she ranted about Ford. He’d caught her popping pills during another party and kicked everyone out. Restrained her as she completely flipped and told her 'No more'.

Nobody told her what to do. He'd even gone so far as to tell her she couldn't see her friends anymore.

He'd been right to do so. But she hadn't seen it then.

As she told Akira everything, she watched her face for disgust, for any kind of judgment. To her relief, she found neither. Actually, Akira looked fascinated.

"The drugs—the drugs were bad." Akira took a deep breath. "But everything else . . .
God,
Jami! I don't think I could let that many men touch me—or any man, at this point, but it's all so exciting! So crazy!"

"Crazy is right!" Jami gave Akira a one armed hug. "And you'll get past this one day, sweetie. I won't let those bastards permanently fuck things up for you. No gang bangs for you, but we'll find you a man that can make you feel so good, you'll tell me about it and
I'll
be jealous!"

"That would be cool." Akira ducked her head and blushed. "Since you've told me so much, I should probably tell you something."

"I agree."

Slipping off the sofa, Akira went to fetch her overnight bag. She hugged it tight and bit her lip. "You have to promise not to laugh."

"Akira, I swear, I will
never
laugh at you." Jami folded her knees under her and held her breath, wondering what in the world her sweet, shy friend was about to show her. When Akira didn't move, Jami groaned. "Come on! The suspense is killing me!"

Closing her eyes, Akira reached into her bag, pulled out a book, and handed it to Jami. The book's cover was faded, creased, obviously read often by its condition. But the title was clear enough.

Jami's eyes widened. She gasped. "Oh my God, Akira!
The Story of O
? Wow!"

"Yeah." Akira stared at her bare feet, her black hair covering her face like a sleek, black veil. "
I'm
a freak, aren't I? Reading this after what happened to me—"

"No way! Damn, girl, don't you get it?" Jami set the book aside and took Akira's hand. "This tells me you're going to be okay. That maybe, just maybe, you're almost ready to explore, you know? Not to this extreme . . . unless this is what you want?"

"Oh no! Nothing like that!" Akira giggled, her hands hovering over her throat. "But sometimes I wonder what it would be like. Giving up control. I read a lot. Other books that make me feel like maybe it would be nice. Not to have to worry. To have someone taking care of me . . . ."

Nodding slowly, Jami held her tongue between her teeth. "You know it's not like that in real life, right?"

"So you know what it's like? Have you ever, like, let a man take over?"

"I've let several!" Jami laughed, then wrinkled her nose. "But not like in your books. We could find out though, if you want. My dad owns a club where people do that stuff."

Akira gasped. "Stuff like that? Really? You'd go even though your dad might be there?"

"Not while he was there, no. That would be weird. But he's going with Silver and her husband to visit my grandparents this weekend."

"So no one in the club would know you?"

Jami made a face. "Umm, well, considering a lot of the Cobras go to the club . . .
but
I have a key to the back door. My dad gave it to me in case of emergencies."

Akira's brow shot up. "This isn't an emergency."

"Yeah, well he doesn't have to know we were there. We sneak in, watch from the stairs or something—if we're dressed right, no one will even notice us."

"Your hair is
blue,
Jami. I'm sure someone will notice that."

"With all those kinky broads, I doubt I'll be the only one with funky hair."

"I don't know . . . ."

"Well, you don't have to decide tonight. My dad isn't leaving until Friday and the club is only open on the weekends, as far as I know anyway." She gave Akira a mischievous smile and went to the shelves under her wall mounted TV to grab a movie. "You staying over again?"

"Sure."

"Cool. I got a movie you might like. Want to get some snacks while I set it up?"

By the time Akira returned with the popcorn and drinks, the movie was paused on the title. Jami grinned as Akira fell onto the sofa laughing.
The Secretary
was the perfect movie after their little chat.

At one point, while the secretary was being spanked, Akira leaned over and whispered. "You ever wonder what that would be like? Has a guy ever done that to you?"

"No." Jami clenched her thighs as she drew her knees up to her chest, Sebastian's threat coming back to her as she watched. It had been made so offhand, but still, she wondered how it would feel to have his big hand coming down on her bare ass, over and over. "But I will try it one day."

Akira winced at a rather hard smack, but still nodded. "Me too."

* * * *

The next morning, all freshly primped and suited up in their Cobra Ice Girls uniforms, both excited about the day ahead since they would be showing off their skills on the ice for the judges, Jami and Akira took Jami's car to the forum and had a quick breakfast in the locker room. Akira was called in first, and Jami paced the halls, waiting to find out how her friend had done. Not that she doubted her in the least, but Akira was so shy . . .

A man cleared his throat and Jami froze as he spoke. "You're looking good, babe. Not so skinny."

Jami took a deep breath and turned to face Ford. Her skates put her almost at eye level with him, but she avoided his steady gaze, instead focusing on the shine of his Italian leather boots. "Thanks. You're looking good too."

"You haven't even looked at me." Ford sighed and touched her cheek with his fingertips, drawing away when she jerked out of reach. "Hey, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Jami wrapped her arms over her stomach, feeling practically naked with him in a fancy suit after seeing him so often in worn jeans and a leather vest. "I'm the one who messed up. I went all
dopehead
and freaky on you."

"I should have tried harder, should have protected you—"

"From what, Ford?" Jami's eyes narrowed. "The drugs? Your friends? Mine?"

"All of the above."

"Really? That's funny, because when things got all wild, you were into it. Then you made me feel like shit because I enjoyed it too." All her self-recriminations came back, but she realized, for the first time, that he hadn't been innocent. "Would you have felt better if I screamed and cried and begged you not to let your friends touch me? You handed me off, so I assumed you were cool with it."

"Maybe I wasn't."

"Then maybe you should have thought about that before you let it happen."

Ford hung his head and nodded. "You're right. I should have. But I can't change what happened any more than you can. I wish I'd treated you better. That's over with though, Jami. You've cleaned up, right? What are you doing with a man like Sebastian Ramos?"

After spending yet another night doing her best not to think about Sebastian, Ford bringing him up really pissed her off. They'd broken up over half a year ago. Who she got involved with was none of Ford's business.

"I'm clean. I worked my ass off to prove it. But what does that have to do with Sebastian?"

"I saw the pictures."

Already?
Jami swallowed hard. If Ford had seen them, maybe her father had too. But he hadn't mentioned anything on the phone yesterday. And he would have.

She hiked up her chin a bit more. "They're just pictures, Ford. They don't mean anything."

"Bullshit." Ford lifted his hand, fingers curling as though he wanted to grab her. But he let it fall to his side. "You were looking at him the way you—"

"The way I used to look at you?"

The muscles in Ford's jaw hardened. "Yeah. Exactly."

"I'm good at putting on a show. All kinds of shows actually. The man I lo—the man I'm with might make me feel nasty about it the morning after, but while it's happening I feel sexy. Worth looking at."

Ford dropped his head back. "
Fuck,
Jami! Why can't you get that I hated them calling you a slut. Hated you acting like you were one. You're better than that."

"Maybe I wanted to be
your
slut."

"I would
never
have treated you like that."

She got it.
Kinda
. Sex in public, in front of a crowd, hadn't bothered Ford. Even the sharing hadn't been a big deal. But the name calling, the degradation . . .

Could she really blame him? Most men wouldn't be okay with it. She wouldn't have gotten into drugs if she'd been totally okay with being turned on by being treated like that.

"I guess you were too good for me, Ford. And like you told me, I needed to grow up." She planted a strained smile on her lips. "And I think I have."

Nodding slowly, Ford reached out and took her hand. "If things were different, I'd want to try again. Hell, I'm tempted to—"