Breaking Brandon (Fate) (20 page)

Sitting up a little straighter, Regina tried desperately to regain some of the composure she felt slipping away so quickly. “What exactly did you panic about, Br
andon?”

This time Brandon took a sip of his own water, and that made her nervous. Her heart ached to think maybe she really was on to him and he knew it.

“Give me your hand,” he said, gently but firmly reaching his out for her.

If she weren’t in such need
to feel instant comfort, she might’ve protested. Instead, she glanced down at his hand, tempted to give in.

“Please,” he added.

She did, trying her damnedest to keep it from shaking, and prayed whatever he said next would make everything better. She wasn’t ready to give this up just yet.

“I told you,” he began as reached for her other hand and squeezed both in his. “I fought my attraction to you from the very beginning. That morning when you confronted me, I already knew I was losing that battle. As much as
I was still determined to continue fighting it, I knew the one thing that would make it impossible was the remote possibility that you were attracted to me too. Because of the way I had treated you up until then, I didn’t think you could be. Yet I saw something in your eyes, even through your anger, that morning. Then, when you showed up at that restaurant looking at me like you did, I panicked.” He shook his head with a frown. “It was a last-ditch effort to walk away with my rules still safely intact and my world not being turned upside down.”

Regina stared at him, relieved by everything he’d just told her, except that last part. Before she could ask, the waitress dropped off their coffee and tea, and Brandon put in the order for her slice of tiramisu and
a crème brûlée.

Hating that she couldn’t bring herself to even look away from him for even a moment, she chastised herself for the instant heat she felt as he smiled at the waitress sweetly. She’d never been this insecure. Ryan used to flirt with their wai
tresses openly, and she’d laugh. Brandon was just being polite here. As serious as he was, until that night she saw him with that girl, she’d been certain he never smiled, much less had a flirtatious side.

The waitress had just walked away when Regina aske
d, “I turned your life upside down?”

To her surprise, he nodded, still very serious. “Yes. Yes, you did.” He lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it. “But in a good way. As fast as this happened, I already can’t imagine my life without you. I ju
st wish I could make you understand the reasons behind my rules. Kissing like I love kissing you was another major no-no. It’s why that kiss you saw me give Serenity was the only time I kissed her that entire night. And it was only because I panicked.”

Reg
ina peered at him, still finding that hard to believe.

Taking a deep breath, he suddenly looked very determined. “I’ve always been a loner, Regina, my whole life. My home life wasn’t anything I wanted to share with anyone. It wasn’t pretty.” His jaw went t
aut as she’d seen it before when his expressions would go so icy all of a sudden, so she squeezed his hand. “My father was abusive, mostly to my mom but also with me sometimes if I ever tried to defend her, which happened more and more as I go older. Then, the only time I ever allowed myself to get close to anyone and open up even just a little bit was with the girl I told you about.” He shook his head. “It’s a long story, babe.”

“You said she wasn’t a girlfriend.”

“She wasn’t, and she’s not the whole reason for my fear of attachments.”

Fear?
He’d called it a rule. Never once had he mentioned a fear, and this girl was
part
of the reason? Swallowing back her sudden anxiety, Regina reminded herself this was a long time ago. Obviously, he’d seen the unease on her face because he reached for her other hand.

“It’s complicated, Regina, not the part about her but—”

“Then tell me the part about her. You said she wasn’t your girlfriend but it’s a long story. I’m curious now.”

Brandon’s head fell back for a moment; then he inhaled deeply and began. He went all the way back to when he was a kid. Her name was Sofie. He’d grown up down the street from her and what he referred to her junkyard dog brothers. No one dared mess with her
unless they had a death wish.

“I lived in that house in the neighborhood,” he said then took a bitter drink of his tea. “You know the one. There’s one in every neighborhood—the one where the cops have to be called out at least once a week because of some
domestic disturbance. My family was the only trouble in the otherwise peaceful upscale neighborhood. I was known as a loner and a loser, and, yeah, when I was a lot younger, my way of dealing with being called a loser or looked down on was to act out. So I pissed her brothers off a lot. Even got my ass kicked a few times, so, of course, there was no way I was allowed anywhere near her where her brothers were concerned.”

Regina listened intently as he fast forwarded to his senior year in high school. Sofie w
as all grown up and really turning heads, including Brandon’s. He said he really thought he’d made a connection with her because she was in his Geometry class and they sat together. Sofie had told him she’d come to realize over the years he was misunderstood, not bad like everyone made him out to be.

“We talked a lot, and I thought we’d gotten pretty close.” He shrugged. “Closer than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. And then I left to join the Marines. Long story short is during a leave when I came back
she was all grown up and in a relationship. But that didn’t stop us from having a moment.” For the first time since he’d begun talking, he broke their eye contact, looking down at his glass. “I kissed her, and not only did she let me but she kissed me back. Up until then, it was the only time I’d kissed someone, and it didn’t feel meaningless. I thought she felt it too.” Finally, he looked up and met Regina’s eyes again. “I was wrong. End of story.”

“What do you mean you were wrong? Did she tell you or you
just assumed?”

“Nope, she told me.” He shook his head. “I was nothing more than a curiosity to her, a chance to be with the forbidden bad boy, to kiss someone other than the only other guy she’d ever kissed—her boyfriend. But she called it a mistake.
I
was probably the biggest mistake a good girl like her ever made.”

“How good could she be?” Regina asked, trying not to sound as bitchy as thinking about this girl made her feel. “She let you kiss her when she had a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well, like I said, she took it back real fast and sent me packing. She didn’t want anything to do with me after that. Of course, when her brothers found out about our moment, they made me out to be the villain who’d taken advantage of their innocent little sister. One of them even made it a point to come down to my place and warn me of what would happen if I ever came around her again. So that was that.” He squeezed her hand but sat back when the waitress arrived with their desserts.

Regina had just about lost her appetite. Brandon
thanked the waitress and motioned for her to eat as the waitress walked away.

“She’s not the reason I swore off attachments of any kind, okay? She’s just been the closest thing I ever had to one. I’d been so far off the mark it confirmed I didn’t do them—
I was no good at them. My dad was cold and heartless with no desire to connect with anyone. It wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t even cry at his funeral, but then when my mom was killed less than two weeks later, I went completely numb. I didn’t feel anything. I never cried. I didn’t take time off work. Hell, I didn’t even give her a proper good-bye. No services, no nothing. Just took her ashes and dumped them out in the lake the way we discussed at my father’s funeral just weeks earlier. She didn’t want services, but as her only son, I should’ve given her a proper good-bye. That’s when I became convinced that I’d turned into my dad, and I wasn’t about to put another woman through the hell he put my mom through.”

Regina had only taken a few bites of her cake, but
now she was sick to her stomach. She stared at him, speechless.

“
That’s
why I swore off attachments of any kind.”

“You said you feared them,” Regina reminded him, but he said nothing. “Do you still?”

To her relief, he shook his head. “I know now that, unlike my dad, I
am
capable of feeling very deeply for someone, but I’m not gonna lie. It makes me nervous to think maybe this won’t work out. I made the exception to take a chance this
one
time. If something goes wrong, I know I never will again.”

Suddenly, t
hat knot she’d felt earlier was back, but this time it was for a different reason. She reached for his hand and kissed it as he so often did to her. “Nothing’s gonna go wrong,” she assured him. “As long you promise me you’ll always be this honest with me, we’ll make this work.”

Regina had thought it before, but now she was sure of it. Brandon
was
different from any guy she’d ever met. Now that she had a better understanding of his heartbreaking past, she understood why. They weren’t so different from each other. She too had gone through some very dark times. Now she and Brandon could look forward to the brighter times ahead of them. Together.

And those kisses. Dear God those kisses that melted her into a puddle were something he’d saved exclusively for her—t
he only girl he’d made an exception for. Her heart felt swollen to twice its size.

“What’s past is prologue,” she whispered.

His eyes brightened, making her smile. “That’s right,” he said. “That’s why I’m here with you now.”

Chapter Seventeen

Brandon

The following two Sundays, Brandon had made sure to mention before Regina even brought up the brunches that he had plans. She had already told him these brunches would be a weekly thing and unless she had good reason to not ma
ke them she’d likely be there every time.

Brandon knew it was just a matter of time before he’d have to suck it up and meet her family. He just needed a little more time. This whole relationship thing was a huge change for him. While everything seemed to b
e going smoothly and telling her about his past and his dad had been less painless than he’d anticipated, he was still trying to get it right. What he
had
agreed to was to meet her friend Janecia for what had started out as their girls’ night out on Fridays but had now turned into date night.

This, of course, was another first for him. Fortunately, Janecia’s boyfriend, Clay, was a cool dude. He was a little on the foul-mouthed side but otherwise easy to hang with and talk to while the girls caught up on the
ir girl talk. It helped that he seemed just as crazy about Janecia as Brandon was about Regina, because at this point, there was no hiding how he could barely keep his hands and lips off her. It should have been embarrassing, but Clay’s behaving pretty much the same way with Janecia made Brandon’s behavior seem less offensive.

This was the third Friday they’d done this, and Brandon was feeling way better about it than the first time. Just like the first two times,
the girls laughed a lot, but this time there was a lot more talking between the couples, not just the girls having their own girl conversation while Brandon and Clay talked motorcycles, their careers, and sports.

Everything had been going fine until the gi
rls came back from their third trip to the restroom. They were both very quiet compared to how they’d been before they left, and Regina was noticeably upset. Brandon had noticed they were gone a bit longer this time, and he wondered if something may’ve happened to them on their way back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning in and clenching the arm of her chair as soon she sat down.

Regina shook her head, and Brandon stared at her for a moment then looked up at Janecia. “Did something happen?”

Clay’s concerned
expression went hard as he too noticed the change in the girls’ demeanor. Janecia quickly took Clay’s hand with both of hers. “Nothing happened, but Regina . . .” She gave Clay a strange look Brandon didn’t understand. “She’s not feeling too hot all of a sudden.”

Brandon turned back to Regina, feeling more than alarmed and rubbed her back. “What is it, babe?”

All Regina would do was shake her head, until she finally admitted it might have been something she’d eaten. “Maybe we should just call it a night?”

Her words were barely audible, spiking Brandon’s concern into overdrive.

“Yeah,” he said, immediately holding his hand up to the passing waitress. “Whatever you want.” Both he and Clay pulled out their wallets, but Brandon told Clay he had it then turned back to Regina. “Should we go to urgent care?”

She assured him she just needed to get home and lie down. They paid and said their good-byes to Clay and Janecia. Brandon didn’t miss how Janecia’s and Regina’s words to one another seemed strained.

By the time they reached his Jeep, Regina was in tears. Brandon held her against the door, his heart speeding up as he searched her eyes. “What is it, baby? Something hurt? Are you sure we shouldn’t stop at the ER?”

She shook her head again. This time she seemed angr
y. “Let’s just get out of here, please. Take me home.”

Things only got worse on the ride home. Brandon couldn’t get a thing out of her, but by the time they made it back to his place, she was
really
crying. He started to pull out of the driveway. “We’re going to the hospital,” he said as he turned to look back.

“No!” she finally said, reaching out for his arm and holding it. “I don’t need to go the hospital. I just need to get inside,
please
?”

She looked so broken up it he could hardly stand it. Parking the
Jeep again, he jumped out and practically sprinted around to help her out. He had no idea if whatever she was feeling might have her lightheaded, and he didn’t want to chance her falling.

Holding her close, he walked her into his apartment’s front room. A
s soon as she sat on his sofa, she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Feeling completely helpless, Brandon sat down next to her and held her. She continued to sob against his shirt. He racked his brain, wondering what could have her so upset as he smoothed her hair and kissed her head. A couple things came to him: the strange look he’d seen Janecia give Clay that calmed him immediately and Regina and Janecia’s strained good-bye.

“Did . . .” He stopped to kiss her head again as she struggled to catch h
er breath between sobs. “Did something happen between you and Janecia? You two argue?”

To his enormous relief, she nodded against his chest but clenched her hands on his shirt a little tighter. Whatever they argued about was obviously upsetting, but at lea
st she wasn’t sick.

He pulled away from her, gently wiping a few of her tears as they continued to flow without slowing. He kissed her wet cheek then got up. “I’ll be right back.”

Rushing into his bedroom, he grabbed the box of tissues and brought it out to her, taking a seat next to her again and wrapping his arm around her. He couldn’t imagine what she could be so upset about. Whatever it was, it wasn’t something she’d be getting over anytime soon. Kissing the top of her head as he continued to run his hand up and down her back, he whispered, “You wanna talk about it?”

“She promised me!” Regina said, startling him as she pulled away to look at him. “She promised me she’d never get on Clay’s motorcycle, and now she’s gonna do a run to Puerto Nuevo with him.
” She sobbed. “A whole weekend to and from Puerto Nuevo on that death trap!”

Brandon stared at her, not sure how to respond to this. He knew Regina’s late husband had been killed on a motorcycle, but they’d yet to discuss the details.

“Babe,” he said cautiously as he rubbed her thigh gently. “Not everyone who gets on a bike gets hurt.”

She stood suddenly. “Yes, they do!” It took him a moment to recover from her sudden jump, but he was up with her now too. “When I was in grade school, my friend’s dad was kil
led on one. In middle school, my little league softball coach was killed on the way to one of my games. Then in high school, two different boys I knew were in accidents on them. One was killed instantly. The other one was a vegetable for years before he died. Everyone I’ve ever known who’d come in contact with one of those things has died or has been very seriously injured.” She looked around desperately. “I have to call her!”

She grabbed her purse and started rummaging through it. Brandon took her by her h
ands and realized she was trembling. “Calm down, Regina,” he urged as she fought with him to grab her phone.

“Let go of me! I have to call her and beg her not to.” She was beyond crying now. She was hysterical, but most alarming was how her eyes bugged out
and her hands flayed and trembled uncontrollably.

Brandon had no choice but the bear hug her and bring her down to the sofa over him, risking a knee to the groin if she didn’t calm down. “Regina,” he said loudly and firmly as she squirmed to get loose. “S
top this and look at me, baby.”

Breathing very heavily, she stopped for a second to look at him then collapsed against him, crying again. “I can’t let her go, Brandon. She’s gonna die. I know she is.”

“Sweetheart,” he said a lot gentler this time. “When you hurt your ankle, you told the guy at the ER you were on anxiety pills before but didn’t take them anymore.”

Regina pulled away from him and looked at him wide-eyed. Like all the other times he’d sprung something on her, she’d obviously expected him to
have forgotten, and he’d stunned her again. “I don’t need them anymore.”

Brandon remembered the other time he’d seen her hand tremble out of control: the day she’d been upset and confronted him about the girl she’d seen him with at Gaslamp. He’d let it go
then without mentioning it, but there was no way he was letting it go this time. “I think you do.”

She continued to shake her head. “No.”

“Yes, baby.” Sitting up, they both straightened out, and he took her trembling hand in his, showing her how it shook. “Look at you.”

Pulling her hand away, she continued to disagree. “That’s not why I was on them.”

“Then why were you?”

She still sniffled, but at least she wasn’t hysterical anymore. His bringing up her anxiety pills seemed to have done the trick. He’d stun
ned her into calming.

“It was for something much worse,” she whispered then looked up at him with those big beautiful but worried eyes. “But I’m better now. I don’t need to be on those pills anymore.”

“Okay,” he said simply with a reassuring smile. “Maybe not the pills you were on but,” he touched her still trembling hands, “maybe a lower dose?”

She stared at her hand for a moment without saying anything, and he hoped to God she wasn’t going to get upset again. Then she took a very deep breath. “I’m a fraud
, Brandon.”

“What?”

She nodded, continuing to stare at her hand. “My family all thinks I’m the headstrong, independent, always happy one of all of us. My parents and siblings are in awe of my
strength,”
she said sarcastically. “But look at me. I’m a mess. None of them know the real truth. They don’t even know I had to be on medication.” She looked up at him a bit hesitantly then continued. “Chris, my friend from New York? She’s actually my ex-therapist. Nobody except Janecia knows I was even in therapy or that I needed to be on anxiety pills for as long as I was.”

“That doesn’t make you a fraud.”

“Yes, it does. I lost it.” She stopped and seemed to think over what she was going to say next. “I held it together after Ryan’s death. My family came out to the services, and my mom even stayed with me for a week. I assured them I was fine but then weeks later I completely lost it.”

Brandon had no idea what she meant by lost it, but if it was much worse than tonight, he was almost afraid to ask. So he offered someth
ing else. “You lost your husband suddenly and very tragically. Maybe it took some time to sink in, but it’s normal to grieve and feel inconsolable over something like that.” She shook her head. “It is, babe, and if—”

“I bought a gun, Brandon. At first, I w
as just really lonely and depressed and missed him terribly. Then I found out I was pregnant.”

The pregnancy she mentioned in the ER was another thing he hadn’t forgotten, but he’d had no intention of asking her about it. It was just another thing he wasn’
t sure he could stomach hearing about.

“The baby gave me hope that at least I’d have a part of Ryan with me for the rest of my life. It was bittersweet, but I was happy, and then I miscarried. I hadn’t even had a chance to tell my family about it. I was wa
iting for the perfect moment.” Brandon wrapped his arms around her as the tears began to slide down her face again. He was determined to not let her lose it again. “As sad as I was, I was also angry. I hated him for having gotten on that motorcycle when he’d promised me he never would. He did it behind my back. He used to ride back home before moving out to New York, and he’d told me about it when we first started dating, but I told him I didn’t date guys who rode motorcycles, so he assured me he never would.” She stopped suddenly and looked at Brandon wide-eyed. “You don’t ever ride motorcycles, do you?”

Brandon had, but he’d never had any desire to own one. At this point, if he planned on keeping Regina in his life, and he had every intention to, he certai
nly wasn’t going to ride one now. “No,” he said, wiping away a tear from her cheek. “I don’t. And I won’t ever. I promise.”

Her eyes searched his trying to find any trace of dishonesty. Brandon felt for her since obviously both Ryan and Janecia had made th
e same promise and broken it. He kissed her on the forehead. “I’m into Jeeps and off-roading. I’ve never even been into dirt bikes. I swear to you I’ll never ride a motorcycle.”

That seemed to calm her worried eyes a bit, and she went on. “The day I miscar
ried I drank an entire bottle of wine, and I trashed my apartment.” They were both silent as she stared at her still-trembling hands, and Brandon held his breath. “I had every intention of taking my life. I even bought the gun off the street because I didn’t want to go through the waiting period and all the red tape of getting it registered. I was too much of a coward to take pills and try to overdose.” She looked up at him her, pained eyes once again swimming in tears. “I have the worst luck in the world, and I figured I may as well do it the sure way. Knowing me, I’d make it through an overdose and would have to face my family, who would then know what I coward and a fraud I really am. I bought the biggest gun I could find to make sure it did the job.”