Breaking Free (35 page)

“What did it look like?”

“Just like the ones we found in Brett’s duffle. It was about the size of my thumb, cylindrical in shape, and had a face carved on one side. I took the ones that were in Brett’s stuff and put them in a frame for him. It was going to be a housewarming gift from me and mom.”

She motioned for Hawk to follow her down the short hallway. Decorated in cream and brown, the small bedroom held a dresser, a chest of drawers, a bed and a nightstand.

She went to the chest and opened one of the drawers to find it a jumble of unpaired socks. She ran her hands under the socks but felt nothing but the lining of the drawer. She pulled open the next drawer, and the next, searching each one. “It’s not here. And I know I put it in here.”

Hawk opened a dresser drawer and looked through it. She crossed the room to search the drawers on the other end.

“If Flash needs money, why would he buy a car worth sixty thousand dollars?” she asked.

“You missed his news earlier. His car was stolen a few days ago, right after I saw him driving it last.”

“But you don’t think it was.”

“No.” He turned to search the dresser drawers. “If he set it up, the insurance will pay off the lien, return the money he paid down and whoever stole the car would pay him what they’ve settled on between them.”

“It’s because of his gambling isn’t it?”

“I think so. I think he’s in over his head and he’s desperate. When I went by his apartment last, all his electronic gear, except his computer, was gone. He said he’d put it in storage, but--” He shook his head.

“There’s nothing here,” Zoe said as she stepped back from the dresser.

“Nothing here, either. God damn it!” He shoved the drawer closed with enough force the dresser moved. He rubbed a hand over his hair making it stick up. “Without the stones, I don’t know how we’ll prove any of this.”

“You could turn it over to NCIS and let them follow the insurance fraud trail. There has to be a trail of some kind.”

“Greenback said he and Brett were arguing about something and Flash told him to mind his own business. I think Brett was trying to talk to him about this. That’s complete conjecture on my part, but the whole thing fits.”

Flash was the one who’d attacked her that night. She flinched away from the thought. “He invited me to go to Vegas with him after the break in. Why would he do that?”

Hawk froze and his gaze searched her face. ”A guilty conscience. He probably never expected you to show up here. What were the odds?”

Was that why he had told her about Hawk’s mother as well? She looked up to find Hawk watching her.

“You didn’t go?” he asked.

“No. Of course not. Brett was waiting for his release from the hospital and they hadn’t settled on the exact day. I didn’t want to leave him.” And she hadn’t wanted to leave in case Hawk came to her.

“Was that the only reason?”

Zoe slid one of the drawers more firmly shut. “No, you know it wasn’t.” Her voice dwindled away.

When he reached for her, she hadn’t the will or the desire to resist. For countless moments, Hawk studied her features one-by-one with a look of such raw desire it stole her breath.

“What we have isn’t a fling, Zoe.”

“No.” She couldn’t bear it. She had to touch him. She cupped his face in her hands.

His pale gray eyes took on a feverish hue. He pulled her close and buried his face against her throat. “After the way I treated you---I don’t deserve another chance.”

“You can’t keep punishing yourself for what happened with your mother.” She breathed in the scent of his skin and smoothed the thick hair at the back of his head. “You taught me how to break free of the past and reach for the things I want. Now it’s time you allowed yourself to do the same.”

His arms tightened around her almost painfully. “I want you, Zoe.”

Emotions coiled tight inside her released.

He pressed his lips to hers, their pressure harsh with need. His arms loosened, and as his tongue found hers, the kiss became, by degrees, more tender. Zoe ran her hands beneath the t-shirt he wore to stroke his back. The thrusting pressure of his arousal pushed against her.

A high-pitched ring tone cut through her desire laden concentration. Breathing hard, Hawk drew back to remove the cell phone hooked to the waistband of his cut offs. He flipped the phone open and identified himself in a brusque tone. The look on his face triggered knots of anxious tension along her shoulders, and her arms tightened.

“What is it?” she asked as soon as he hung up.

“We’ve been called up. I have to report to duty right away.”

****

How did the married members of the teams do this? Five years had dulled the memory of what it was like to walk away from a loved one for him. A week without seeing Zoe had seemed an eternity. How was he supposed to endure six months, or longer?

The other members of his team, including Flash, had already bugged out. Weighted down with gear, Langley strode through the living room and out the front door. Trish and his three children followed close behind. Cutter slapped Hawk’s back as he meandered through in their wake and walked outside.

Hawk pressed a house key into Zoe’s hand. “Try and convince Cutter to move into the house with you. There’s more room there and I’d feel better knowing you were sleeping in a bed rather than on his couch. The utilities and things come out of the bank at the first of each month. And the car will be there in case you need it.”

“Brett may not agree to that.” Her eyes looked dark against a face pale with stress, but she hadn’t cried.

“Sleep in my room. If I can think of you there, it will make me feel closer to you.” He swallowed though he hadn’t enough saliva in his mouth to do so.

She nodded. “I will.”

Jesus. Why hadn’t he fallen at her feet and told her what a fool he’d been? “There’s not enough time for me to say the things I want to, Zoe.”

“I know.”

“I’ll email or call as soon as I can. If you don’t hear from me right away, don’t worry.”

She nodded.

He grasped her hands and bent his head to kiss each one. His throat ached. “You’ll be careful.”

“I’ll be fine.” Her arms went around his neck. “Do whatever you have to to come home, Adam. No matter what it takes. Okay?”

“No matter what it takes.” His arms tightened. The curve of her breasts pushed into his ribs, as she tiptoed to align her body with his. He breathed in the vanilla scent of her shampoo then drew back to look down at her. She shed no tears, but the struggle to suppress them showed in the careful composure of her features.

“It’s only six months, maybe less.” Was he reassuring her or himself? “We can call, email. Hell, I’ll even write.”

She nodded again.

He kissed her once, twice. His chest tightened painfully, his gut tangled with emotions stronger than any he’d ever known.

“Will you wait for me, Zoe?”

“You know I will.” Her voice sounded choked.

“Hawk, man, we got to go,” Langley spoke from the door.

“I’m coming.” God, he didn’t want to. He pressed his lips against her forehead then drew away. “I love you.” The words sounded as choked as hers. He swallowed in an effort to clear his throat of the softball size knot there.

Her composure slipped, and her eyes grew glazed with tears. “I love you, too.”

“You don’t have to come outside.”

“I’m coming.”

Trish and the children huddled in a tight knot close to Langley’s car. The girls, Anna and Jessica, clung to Trish. Tad stood a little apart, his thin shoulders hunched.

Hawk waited until Lang had embraced Trish and the children before doing so himself.

Brett shook the hand he extended, his features taut. “Watch your six, LT.”

“Roger that. Watch over your sister for me.”

“Consider it done.”

Zoe stood at the car. Once again she’d managed to compose herself. “I can take care of myself.”

Her tone brought a smile to his lips. “I know. He’s going to have a hard time adjusting to not being with his unit, Zoe.”

She gave a brief nod. “I know. He’ll be back soon.”

Hawk embraced her one last time. “I’ll call as soon as I can.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

His lips clung to hers. If only this kiss didn’t have to end--If he didn’t have to quit holding her-- He got into the car and started it. Putting it in gear and pulling away was one of the hardest things he’d ever done.

CHAPTER 26

Brett tossed the remote control onto the coffee table. “I can’t stand this one minute longer, Zoe.”

Zoe drew a deep breath. She didn’t want to go where he was leading the conversation. She had to get him out of the house or he’d explode and she’d have to respond to that and she’d end up in tears. They’d both end up feeling bad. “Why don’t we go for a drive? We’ll go to the beach and you can get some sun.”

“God damn it! It’s been two days, Zo.” He rubbed his hand over his head, roughing up his fine blond hair and then fingering the scar on his scalp left from the surgery.

“Tell me where you want to go, Brett, and I’ll drive you.”

“It isn’t that. It isn’t about that. It’s about you. I love you. You know I do. And Hawk is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. But seeing you like this, watching you pace the floors and--grieve---”

Zoe slumped into one of the dark blue chairs. Worry weighed on her like an anchor, dragging her down, and draining her reserves. She’d tried to hide the worst of it from him, but evidently she’d wasted her time, he knew her too well.

“Do you think it’s any easier when it’s you, Brett?”

“Jesus, Zo. I don’t want to hear about it. If you tell me, I’ll think about it and it will make it---We try not to think about how you guys feel. Hell, how we feel. If we did, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do.”

“Compartmentalize.” The word sounded so cold. Hawk and her brother were anything but that.

“Yeah. Thinking too much can get you killed.”

Doc’s agony over his girlfriend and what he’d viewed as his failure came to mind. “I hope Hawk doesn’t think of me for even a moment then.”

A frown creased his forehead and bracketed his mouth. “You always said you’d never marry a guy in uniform.”

“Things change when you care about someone.”

“Jesus, it’s weird. You slept with my boss. What were you thinking, Zoe?”

That I’d finally found someone who could love me despite my flaws and imperfections.
Brett’s deprecating tone made what they’d had sound cheap. Hot color stormed her cheeks and her anger ignited. “Are you being an asshole because you’re upset about that, or because you’re bored and just want a fight?”

His mouth fell open then he laughed. He leaned back and tilted his head back against the top of the chair. “All right-all right. I’m bored out of my skull.” He rubbed the top of his head again, making his hair stand up. “But it’s more than that and you know it.” His brows furrowed. “I should be with them, Zo.”

“You will be soon.” She picked up the stack of photos with labels stuck to the back. “Let’s work on your cards,” she suggested. She had been over the photos so many times she could recite the names of the weapons in the pictures herself. Learning about the weapons and equipment had helped alleviate some of her anxiety.

She held up the first one.

“Nine millimeter Sig Sauer handgun,” Brett said.

She raised the next one.

“Closed Circuit Daegar UBA.”

Reaching the twenty-fifth card she paused as he hit a blank spot. Zoe watched as his eyes narrowed in concentration.

“M-m-m 88 sniper rifle,” he said. He looked away but not before she saw the fear in his eyes.

“What does UBA stand for?” she asked so he wouldn’t have time to dwell on the stumble.

“Underwater Breathing Apparatus.” He shot her an impatient look. “Don’t humor me, Zo.”

“I’m not. I just think you should concentrate on how much you’ve accomplished in the three weeks you’ve been out of the coma and not dwell on these little glitches. Think of your brain as a computer. And you’re running a program that still has a few bugs to work out.”

His jaw tightened. “Bugs huh?”

“That sounds creepy, doesn’t it? Bugs in your brain,” Zoe wrinkled her nose. ”Ewww---”

Brett rose and moved to the couch to sit next to her. “I know I’m being a pain the ass. I just can’t seem to get past this. And not being able to remember what happened doesn’t help any.”

From her own experience, it was better that he couldn’t remember. Especially if it had been, in some part, caused by one of his teammates. “Lots of people don’t remember the moment they suffer a trauma, Brett. It wouldn’t help you heal any faster even if you could.” She stacked up the cards and set them aside.

Brett laid a hand on her arm, and she glanced up. A look passed between them and she knew he was remembering the flashbacks and nightmares she had suffered. She returned to their conversation. “Maybe the doctor will release you to take a class on post. You could take one you’ve already aced and review, and test yourself. You only seem to have problems with picture identification. You know what each thing is used for and how to use it. You just stumble over the name. That will come back once you’ve imprinted that information back into your memory.”