Breaking Hammer (Motorcycle Club Romance) (Inferno Motorcycle Club Book 3) (39 page)

Hammer looked down at me.
 "Cold?" he asked.  "It's normal, afterwards."

After murdering someone, he meant.

I shook my head.  "I'm not in shock," I said.  "I knew what I was doing."

"I know," he said.

I didn't look at him.  "Do you think badly of me?"

"Jesus, no, Meia," he said.
 "Aston deserved exactly what he got."

Later that night, I lay in bed with Hammer, my head resting on his chest.
 He stroked my hair, let his fingers run down the length of my back.

“It’s all going to be different now,” he said, his voice soft.
 “You’ll see.”

“Do you think I’ll be different?” I asked.
 “Do you think it’ll change me?”

“Killing him?” Hammer said.

I nodded.  “Like it did with you.  Made you more angry somehow.”

Hammer rolled me over onto my back, kissed my cheek, then down my neck before looking up.
 “No,” he said.  “I wallowed, for a long time, alone in my misery.  You aren’t alone.”

“I’m not alone,” I said, the words unfamiliar somehow.
 I was used to feeling that way.  I wasn’t sure I knew how to feel otherwise.

Hammer’s touch broke me out of my thoughts as he slid down
 my body, applying kisses along the tops of my breasts, then down the middle of my abdomen.  He started to slide lower, then hovered for a moment, looking up at me.  “You’re not going to be able to get rid of me,” he said, with a grin.

I smiled, for the first time feeling free.
 “I wouldn’t want to.”

TWO WEEKS LATER

"Are you nervous?" Meia asked.
 She kissed me gently on the lips.

"Fu -" I started, then looked to Ben, sprawled on the couch reading, paying no attention to us.
 "Yeah, I'm nervous.  I haven't seen MacKenzie in months.  She may not want to come back."

Meia cocked her head to the side.
 "She wants to see her father.  I'm sure of it."

I sighed.
 "A lot has changed.  I'm not sure how to even introduce you guys."

Meia shrugged.
 "When it's time, you'll know.  Don't rush it.  Ben's still adjusting.  I'm still adjusting.  MacKenzie's been through a lot.  She doesn't need dad's new girl dumped on her."

I slid my arms around Meia's waist, and kissed her forehead.
 "You're more than just my new girl."

"I know," she said.
 "But I'm happy to take things slow.  After everything that's happened, slow is about my pace."

"Okay, I have to get going, before I'm late," I said.
 "Ben, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, Hammer," he said.
 "Later."

Meia smiled at him, then turned toward me, pulling at the t-shirt under my leather cut.
 She stood on tip-toes to kiss me again.  "I love you, you know."

Shit, I'd never get tired of hearing that.
 "I love you too."

And I did.
 I never thought I'd love again, after April.  Life had beaten me down pretty good.  I thought there was no hope for me.  I was trying to fight my way through, rid myself of all the rage I felt.  But Meia had come along, and changed everything.  She'd understood loss, and darkness.  And rage and hate.  She saw me.  And she loved me in spite of it.  Hell, she loved me
for
it.  

I loved all of her, every piece of her that was broken and battered and scarred.
 The scars made her all the more breathtaking.

Her darkness was beautiful.

"Dad!" MacKenzie yelled it loudly, as soon as she saw me, and my heart felt warmed by the sound of her voice.

"Shit, you look so different," I said.

She raised her eyebrows.  "Greeting your daughter by swearing, dad?  That's some good parenting."  She held a serious expression for a moment, before breaking into a grin.  "I'm just kidding, dad!  Lighten up, will you?"

Lighten up?
 MacKenzie had left a kid, and now I swear to God, she'd grown a full foot; her hair was long and bleached from the sun; and she was sporting an island tan.  
Jesus Christ.
 She looked like a different kid.  I felt my eyes begin to tear up, and before I could think, I grabbed her and pulled her into a bear hug.

"Dad!" she squealed.
 "This is totally embarrassing!"

"Too bad," I said.
 "I haven't seen you in months.  You're due a little embarrassment from your old man."

"So," she said as we walked toward the luggage claim.
 "Have you thought about the horse you're going to get me?"

"Oh, is that how it's going to be?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded.  "That's exactly how it's going to be."

I smiled.
 That's exactly how I wanted it to be.

A MONTH LATER

"What is this," Ben asked softly, pressing against my leg as we entered the monastery grounds.
 
It was too soon,
I scolded myself.  It would be a reminder of the time he was in Thailand with Aston.  And even before that, while he lived with the Thai family on Aston's payroll.

He was looking up, his eyes wide, at the buildings that surrounded the courtyard.
 As always, Sayadaw Tayza  walked toward us, the same serene expression on his face.  "This is your son," he said.

"Sayadaw," I said, bowing my head.
 "This is Ben.  My son."  I handed him our token offering to the monks, and his eyes caught mine.

"I am happy to see you here, Meia," he said.
 "I wondered if you were well."

"I was not well for a while," I admitted.
 "I was lost."

"But you are no longer lost," he said.

I nodded, holding Ben's hand in mine.  

I was home.
 I was found.  I knew it was a long road, the one that stretched out ahead of me, for me and for Ben.  I wasn't under some kind of delusion that everything was going to be sunshine and rose petals from here on out.  Nothing in my life had been that way.

Until Hammer had given me hope.
 He had stepped into the darkness that surrounded me, that ate away at me from the inside, and he had joined me.  I was no longer alone.