Breaking Leila (22 page)

We were seated
for dinner shortly after. Aidan and Nikolai were at our table,
called Tatooine, along with Caroline and her husband Dan. Caroline
was one of only a few girls on the Ladarna books. I’d worked with
her a couple of times but we had never enjoyed much more than a
polite rapport. Matt’s eyes bulged as I explained this below the
buzz and chatter of the other guests.

“I never really
thought about you being with other women,” he whispered.

“Oh. You
should!”

It turned out
that Nikolai studied engineering at university and Dan did it for a
living. They fell into a rather boring conversation about Rolls
Royce, and the rest of us played with our food, exchanging
conspiratorial glances.

“I want to make
puns about this.” I gestured to my steak tartar. “But I’m running
low on inspiration.”

“Something
about munching beef curtains?” Aidan chirped.

Caroline choked
on her mouthful of bread. “Oh, please. How predictable.”

“I never really
thought of them as curtains anyway,” Aidan said. “More like the
mouths you get on blowfish.”

Matt cocked his
head. “I see what you mean, actually. Well. Besides the fangs.”

Caroline
gnashed her pearly teeth at me and I recoiled in mock horror.

“Should we take
this as an insult?” I asked her.

“I’d prefer
something a bit more eloquent, but…oh well.” She shrugged. “Better
than gash, snatch…”

“…minge,
flange, chuff,” I went on. “They’re like rat names for Muppets,
aren’t they?”

“Let’s hope the
next course is sausage and then we can make them feel bad about
their genitalia.” She giggled, nodding at the men.

“I think you
could compare Aidan to some sort of mud-dwelling crustacean and
he’d still take it as a compliment.”

The next course
was a turnip and garlic soup. Thick and creamy, it near enough
stuck to my spoon.

“If we make
puns about this, I probably won’t be able to eat it,” Matt said
quickly.

Dan threw back
his head and laughed.

To Matt’s
evident relief, we moved to topics other than sex for the haggis
main course.

“Look what I
brought,” Aidan declared, slapping a wad of paper down on the
table.

I winced. “That
looks familiar.”

“It’s my tax
return,” Aidan said with a mixture of fear and disgust.

“They aren’t
due for ages,” said Matt.

“Yeah, but I
figured if things got really awkward, I could whack this out and
you guys could get all excited over it.” He paused. “Also, I don’t
know what the fuck you do with it, besides write lots of numbers.
And cry.”

“Too bad.” Matt
sighed. “I don’t think Leila’s bag was big enough for the yellow
book of dreams.”

Aidan pursed
his lips. “Yellow like custard dreams?” he repeated in some sort of
pseudo-alien accent.

A joyful smirk
cracked across Matt’s face. “Custard like hydrogenated man fat?” He
also sounded like a Martian about to have an orgasm.

“Oh my God!” Aidan cried, grabbing Matt’s hands across the
table. “You love Gabe Tovey!
 
I
 
love Gabe Tovey!”

Matt blinked for a second. “
Egg
Fuck
 
was a
masterpiece.”

Nice recovery,
Matthew.

Aidan released his hands. “I prefer
 
Sodden
Omelette
, but still. Gabe fucking Tovey!”
He practically danced his chair. “Won’t be needing this, then,” he
added, folding the tax return roughly and shoving it into his
jacket pocket.

Nikolai, who
sat next to me, leaned in a little. “He’s going to hate me when I
say I don’t know who Gabe Tovey is, isn’t he?”

“He’s a
comedian who looks like a hobbit,” I replied. “And yes, he probably
is. But Aidan hates most people and it never seems to stop him
sleeping with them.”

The speech
brought more laughter and more Champagne. The more Matt relaxed,
the more I enjoyed the alcohol, and when dessert turned out to be a
filthy chocolate fudge creation that made me feel sick after three
mouthfuls, he gleefully cleared my plate. I had no room for cheese.
I still managed to eat quite a lot of it.

“That was
yummy.” Caroline tried to suck in her stomach. “Kind of wishing I
hadn’t gone for the corset.”

“I like you in
the corset,” I said. “It’s very pretty.”

“Ah, thank you,
chick.” She flashed me a gratuitous smile, and Dan glanced between
us. I couldn’t tell whether he looked amused or aroused–both,
probably.

It occurred to
me that he and Nikolai were the only people on the table that I
hadn’t had sex with. I was almost proud.

After coffee,
we moved out to the bar again for the entertainment to set up. I
switched to ginger ale before I got too dizzy, and Matt had a
Coke.

“Are you
enjoying yourself?” I prodded his shoulder.

“Yeah, a bit. I
think. Why’d you ask?”

“Just
wondered.” I sank back into the leather bar couch, smiling at him
lazily. “I was worried you’d be uncomfortable here.”

“After meeting
that Paul guy, I was.” He loosened his hetero tie. “You’re right
about Aidan, though. He’s not all that bad.”

“So you’ll be
joining us for that threesome later?”

The glare he
shot me was the human equivalent of a freeze ray.

“Oh. Too soon
for that joke, then.” I recoiled.

“There’s not
going to be a good time for that joke, Leila.” He put his glass
down. “Need the bathroom. Back in a bit.”

I wallowed in
dejected poutiness for a moment, sloshing my drink around to give
myself something to concentrate on. Remembering, I slid my phone
out and read the text.

Thinking of
you, little girl. J x

I could almost
hear Joseph murmuring the words, and I had to close my eyes to
contain the shiver, like I was afraid someone would see.

For a moment, I
indulged in the fantasy that Joseph had been my date. He would have
simultaneously filled in Aidan’s tax return whilst fingering me
under the table. We’d already be in a hotel room now, toasting the
happy couple with more than Champagne, and then he might leave me
tied up there while he went down to the party, sending teasing
texts I couldn’t respond to.

What would
Aidan and Will have said if I’d turned up with Joseph?

Would I have
cared?

Chapter 10

“Shall we go
back in? The music’s started.” Matt offered me his arm. Apparently,
he’d forgiven me for the threesome pun.

“Can I
hear…bagpipes?”

“They do appear
to be bagpipes, yeah.” Matt made an effort at the robot dance. I
turned around, pretending not to know him with a tuneless
whistle.

We made our
way in and watched Will and Angus perform a pretentious tango–sans
bagpipes, fortunately. I had to hold my head in my hands when they
got out lightsabres and started duelling at the end. Matt was in
bits.

“I take it
back, I take it back.” He guffawed. “Free booze and two aging
man-tarts decking each other with plastic swords. This is the best
Saturday night I’ve had in ages! Can I take pictures on my
phone?”

“No!” I
shrieked, trying to wrestle the phone from his hands. I ended up
mounting his lap, pinning his fists against the wall. Embarrassed,
I paused for a second and looked at Aidan sheepishly.

“Go ahead,” he
said, waving a hand. “Nobody’s going to bat an eyelid here.” His
other hand already groped at Nikolai.

I gazed down at
Matt, who was ever so slightly drunk and radiating heat in his
dress suit. I released his hands and peeled off his jacket, his
palms coming to rest on my thighs.

God, I wanted
so badly to kiss him.

I fought the
urge to twist my hips, and climbed off slowly, my eyes still glued
to his. He stretched out an arm and I settled into the crook of it.
Aidan grinned at me and I realized my nipples were poking through
the thin silk of my dress, as chilled and round as if I’d been
naked. Then Matt pulled me into his shoulder and I nuzzled into
him–all this freedom to touch him was shiny and new. This was what
it might be like to curl up with him after slow, lazy sex. Right
now…that would be enough.

I sat with Matt
for a good while as the others got up to chat and dance. He had
held me briefly after our encounter on the hotel room floor, but
not like this–the intimacy wasn’t nearly as intense. I noticed
every tiny movement he made, how his fingers crept across my belly
to knot with my own, how his chest rose up and fell with each
breath. The way my breasts melted against him.

“What happened
to not touching me again?” I said.

He smiled
faintly. “This doesn’t count. Friends would do this.”

I toyed with
the buckle on his belt. “I can’t quite see you doing this with
Eton.”

“Anyway.” He
straightened a little. “Feels like some people in this room need
reminding who you belong to.”

Was that aimed
at me?

Aidan appeared
beside us, and I’m ashamed to say I almost felt grateful.

“Come and
dance,” he urged.

“I’m not really
a dancer.” Matt squeezed me. He seemed perturbed when I sat up.

“Go on,” I
said. “If you can do it on a stage, you can do it on a dance floor,
surely.”

“I’m good,
really. You go.” He released me and I stood up, shaking my skirt
out.

“Well, if you
don’t mind…”

He shrugged.
 
Be like that.

Aidan took my
hand and led me out on to the floor, where Nikolai and Caroline
were already working up a sweat. Dan had escaped to the hotel room
sometime earlier. It wasn’t easy to dance beneath the weight of
Matt’s gaze, but I swatted Aidan’s hands away as we swayed. Let
Nikolai spin me until I went dizzy. Aidan pretended to grope
Caroline and I feigned a suitably jealous pout.

As the music
slowed, Will greeted me with a warm hug. Richard, the camera-happy
tosser from last night, stood beside him.

He gestured to
me and Aidan.

“Are you
together in real life?”

I shook my
head. “No. We’re both here with other people, actually.”

“Sorry to spoil
the fantasy.” Aidan sighed. “Since she’s not a real schoolgirl, the
attraction is lukewarm to say the least.”

I made to kick
him and he leaped away.

“You act like
it.” Richard laughed. “No spoiling the fantasy here.”

He winked at me
and wandered off.

Will pulled me
aside to talk.

“I meant it
when I said you were wonderful last night,” he gushed. “Everyone
was enthralled. But I can see that you and Matt are quite the pair
now…you’re really not coming back, are you?”

“No. I’m sorry.” I wanted to say so much more to him: that I
had to leave if I wanted to stay in law. What would become of me if
I did the
 
other
 
job for much longer? I’d been wanton before I started, for
Christ’s sake. I wanted to be
 
normal
, to learn the lines and ideas that comprised of.

Charlotte
longed to shout that I wasn’t going because of Matt, that the
assumption was almost a bit offensive–but as I checked over my
shoulder and found him studying me so intently, the mere thought
seared me with guilt.

I gave Will’s
hand a squeeze. “You know I’ve loved working for you. It was a
privilege. Most of the time,” I added, grinning.

“You’re a
remarkable girl. We miss you already.”

“Stop stroking
my ego. Besides, you haven’t seen the gift I got you yet.”

“You mean
there’s more of last night?”

I laughed.
“Sadly not. This one comes in a bottle.”

“Just like a
sailor!”

“Erm, Lei-Lei?”
Aidan tugged on my hand. “Your manflesh needs rescuing.”

I glanced back
at Matt, who now tried to converse awkwardly with Metro Paul.

“Oh no. I’ll be
back in a minute.”

“Waah, and
spoil such a beautiful union? They’ll be spooning soon.”

I glared at
Aidan.

“Lei-Lei. If
the wind changes, you’ll stick like that.”

“Lying
toad.”

He tucked his
auburn curls behind his ears. “I’ll sort it out, okay? You have a
dance with William here–it’s obviously what he’s loitering
for.”

Will held up
his hands in mock denial. “Honestly. What do you take me for?”

“Never ask that
question.” I giggled as I led Will back out on to the floor.
“Aidan, you better keep your penis to yourself!”

He did a
wiggly, precocious little dance at me before skipping off to peel
Paul away from poor Matt.

Dancing with
Will was a bit like doing so with my dad. He had lighter feet,
though. Graceful, almost.

“I think you
made Matt’s night with the lightsabres,” I told him. “Thanks for
that.”

“I’m glad he
liked it. It’s our comment on modern society.”

“Oh?”

“It’s…well…it
seemed like a good idea when we got drunk and visited Toys R Us on
a mini break.”

“Mini break?” I
snorted. “You smug gits. You disgust me.”

“Now you sound
like Aidan.”

“I’m not sure
that’s a compliment.”

“It isn’t, my
dear.”

The song
withered away, and he handed me to Nikolai with a bow. I made a
mock curtsey and rejoined our little dancing group. I was so full
of thought and energy. No release again tonight, ugh. I had to work
it off somehow.

The music
slithered beneath my skin and simmered there, turning my blood to a
liquid stampede. I went where it told me, closed my eyes and lost
myself. I even almost forgot how much my heels were killing me.