Breaking the Rules (44 page)

What did magically appear was the bouncer, who shifted closer.

“All right, how about an iced tea, no sugar, heavy on the lemon,” Izzy said wearily, then looked at the bouncer. “Name’s Zanella, I’m with SEAL Team Sixteen. I’m going on forty-eight hours without significant sleep. My wife’s kid brother was in the hospital and … Long story. Bottom line, he’s fine, but I’m freaking tired. Anyway, she works here—Jenny—do you know her? Is she on today?”

The big man definitely knew her, and the look he gave Izzy was filled with disbelief. Like,
You really expect me to believe
she’s
married to a dirtbag like you?
“I’d have to check,” he said. “But I’m not sure why she didn’t just tell you. You know. Her schedule?”

“It’s been a crazy coupla days,” Izzy said.

He nodded. “Navy SEAL, huh?” He gestured to Izzy’s hand with his many chins. “Where’s your wedding ring?”

“Back in San Diego,” Izzy said. “I came here via Germany.”

Any American—forget former military—who gave half of a shit about the servicemen and -women who were fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq knew that Germany was one of the places you went when you were wounded.

The bouncer took that in and nodded, but then said, “I don’t want any trouble.”

“I’m not looking for trouble,” Izzy said. “I’m looking for my wife. If you see her before I do, please tell her I’m here. I’ll be sitting down in front.”

And with that, he took his plastic cup of mostly ice and a little tea and went down the aisle to one of the few empty tables that was directly in front of the stage. It wasn’t as close as he would’ve liked, but it was close enough for her to see him, should she appear.

And if she did appear? Whether her being there was a
fuck you
message or a
whatever
, there was one thing he knew.

He didn’t have the right to tell her what to do.

So he’d sit and watch while his stomach churned, and he’d make sure she wasn’t harmed or disrespected—at least not more than she already was, simply by climbing onto that stage—and then he’d see her safely home.

“Guy who says he’s your husband’s out front.”

Eden looked up at Big John in surprise, and then turned to peek out from behind the curtains that let Alan, the manager, keep an eye on the floor even while he was up here in his office.

“Center,” John told her. “About halfway back.”

And sure enough. There was Izzy, dwarfing the little round table he was sitting behind.

He looked exhausted.

And sad.

Far more like the man Eden had first encountered here at D’Amato’s just a few short days ago than the troublemaker who’d tried to talk her into having a quickie in the bathroom while they waited for Ben at the hospital.

Izzy had been kidding about the going-into-the-bathroom thing—but his kidding was definitely on the square. Which meant if she’d called his bluff, he would have done it. Without hesitation.

Despite the fact that there wasn’t a lock on the bathroom door.

And even though he’d thought, at the time, that she’d stolen money from him.

“I didn’t know you were married,” John said in his deep-woods Arkansas drawl.

“He’s been … out of the country.”

“He was in here a few days ago.” John was definitely suspicious, and determined to protect her—even from herself.

“Yeah,” she said. “We were separated and I thought we were breaking up, but then we weren’t, and … I think we probably are again. Doomed, you know?”

“You need to slip out the back?” John asked. “I could give you a ride home.”

“No,” Eden said. “That’s all right. I’ll just get him and … He’s a good guy, John. Really. He’s just … not the right guy.” She corrected herself. “Well, right guy, wrong time. You know what I mean?”

John nodded seriously. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him. You can tell him that. Navy SEAL or not.”

Eden forced a smile, even though she felt more like crying. “Give Ricki a hug for me, and tell her I say
hey.
”

“I will,” John said.

“Thank you,” Eden said, “for everything.” And she headed out of the office and down the stairs. The dancers weren’t supposed to use the door that led directly out onto the club’s floor, but she opened it anyway and slipped through.

Izzy didn’t see her. Not at first.

But then, even though his back was to her, he somehow sensed that she was there, because he turned. He did a double take—probably because he hadn’t expected to see her here while wearing all of her clothes. Or maybe it was because she was coming toward him, not running away.

“I hate you,” she said as she sat down next to him. “You suck.”

He was definitely tired because he didn’t try to hide the emotions that crossed his face. More of that surprise was mixed with a flash of very real gratitude—no doubt because he wasn’t going to have to chase her back across Las Vegas.

“I know,” he said. “Eden, look, I’m really sorry—”

“The money went missing from … where?” she asked, cutting off his apology, as she looked up to watch Darlene dance. She was new, and even though she was delicately pretty, she wasn’t very good. She definitely needed a how-to session with Nicola, of the basketball boobs. “From out of your wallet?”

“Yeah,” Izzy said. “It went missing from, um … Yeah.”

“Nice,” she said. She didn’t want him to see the hurt in her eyes, but she turned to look at him because she needed to ask, “Why would I take your money?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly, gazing back at her steadily. “That’s why it was a mystery. I couldn’t figure it out.”

“And it didn’t occur to you to ask?”

He looked away from her then, and she knew—exactly—why he hadn’t asked. He didn’t think she’d tell him the truth.

“Great,” she said, unable to look at him as she fought the rush of tears to her eyes. “You didn’t ask because you wouldn’t’ve believed me. I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I mean, why should you be different than anyone else? You think I’m a liar.
And
a thief. Big fricking deal. I wouldn’t believe me, either, if push came to shove. It just …”

He reached for her hand. “Eden—”

“It gets old after a while.” She jerked her hand out of his grasp, aware that Big John was hovering not too far away, as she caught her breath and steeled herself, forcing herself not to cry.

Which gave Izzy the opportunity to say, “I really am sorry.”

“Sorry for thinking I’m a thief and a liar, or sorry that I am one?”

He didn’t answer right away, which was telling. “Sorry for everything,” he finally said. “Starting back the night we met.”

“Wow,” Eden said. “That’s … an awful lot to be sorry about.”

Izzy nodded. “Yeah, it is.”

“So … What? You’d rather just have never met me?” she asked.

“No,” he said.
“No.”
He started to reach for her again, but this time stopped before he connected. “I just would’ve done everything really differently.”

“Like what?”

“Like, I wouldn’t have slept with you,” he told her. “Not that night, and not the night we got married, either.”

Eden looked at him. “Even though that’s the one indisputable fact that we both agree on—that we have the world’s greatest sex?”

“Is it really?” he asked quietly, his dark eyes so somber. “If I don’t trust you, and you don’t trust me …?”

“So … you think our not having sex—ever—would have made us trust each other?” she asked, struggling to comprehend.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure there’s anything I could’ve done to make you trust me,” Izzy told her.

Eden nodded, feeling sick. “So what do we do now?” she asked. If he left, they’d be at a disadvantage at tomorrow’s meeting. If he left, they might not get custody of Ben. If he left …

As usual, he knew what she was thinking. “I’m not going anywhere.” But then he amended it. “Unless you want me to.”

“I want Ben to be safe,” she told him. She wanted so much more than that, but she knew better than to couch their relationship in terms that dealt with anything other than sex and her little brother.

“Well, good,” Izzy said, “because I want that, too.”

“Enough to live with me?” she asked. “For an undetermined amount of time—but possibly as long as three years? That’s crazy. That’s longer than most jail terms.”

He sighed at that. “Living with you isn’t a hardship,” he told her.

“Despite the fact that the sex isn’t really all that great?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said. “I said it’s not as great as, I don’t know, as maybe it
could
be. And … maybe this is a good thing. That this happened. Maybe we could, I don’t know, start over.”

“Start over,” she said, unable to keep her hurt from making her sound surly.

“Yeah,” Izzy said. “If we both promise not to lie to each other—”

“I thought I did that,” she said. “Last night.”

“You didn’t say it,” he countered.

“Cross my heart and hope to die?” Eden asked. “What are you, twelve?”

“No,” he said, clearly frustrated with her, too, but like her, he was hyperaware that Big John was watching them. So he lowered his voice. “I just—”

“How does that work, anyway?” Eden interrupted him. She kept her voice low, too, but she didn’t try to hide her upset. “Because if you think I’m a liar, then I could be lying when I promise I won’t lie to you. So what’s the point?”

“It’s just … I don’t know. A way to start over,” he said again. “To start clean.”

“Okay, then. I promise I won’t lie to you—about anything,” Eden told him, sitting back in her chair. “Not even to be nice. Cross my heart and hope to die. So look out if your ass looks fat in those pants, because I’m
not
going to lie about it.”

Izzy smiled at that. “I’m not really that worried about—”

“That was a bad example,” she said. “A stupid haircut. If you get one, watch out.”

“That’s a possibility,” he said, “having had my share of stupid haircuts. I’ll consider myself warned.”

“Your turn,” she said.

Izzy looked at her and his smile faded. “I promise I won’t lie to you anymore, either,” he said.

“Have you?” she asked. “Lied to me?”

“Yeah,” he admitted.

“About what?”

“About you working here. I don’t want you stripping, I don’t,” he said, then closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. “I was pretending that I wanted it to be your choice.
I think you should quit because yada yada
, but if we’re going to move forward from here?” He opened his eyes and looked at her, and it was clear that he was dead serious. “No more. Not here, and not in California, either.”

Eden gazed back at him.

But he wasn’t done. “Not even when I’m away,” he said. “
Especially
not when I’m away. I know you think you found yourself a good situation and that you felt safe. Safe enough, anyway, but the truth is, it’s dangerous. Besides, you’re better than that and … The idea of all those hands on you? I know they’re not supposed to touch, but I also know that they do. And I don’t want it. I don’t want to share.”

Eden could tell from his body language that he was expecting her to argue or to come out with some kind of
You’re not the boss of me
exclamation. Instead, she nodded. She’d already handwritten her letter of resignation and left it up on Alan’s desk. Because this way she
wouldn’t
have to lie to the social workers tomorrow. Plus she knew Danny was going to raise a stink if she tried to keep it up. Besides, she didn’t like being touched, either. “Okay,” she said.

“Really? Just like that?” He was surprised.

“No,” she said, a touch snarkishly. “I’m lying.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, “because you promised you wouldn’t.”

There was something in his eyes, now, that looked a lot like hope.

“You know what sucks?” Eden asked him, “almost as much as you do?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “When I work some stupid minimum-wage job, and the manager puts his hands all over me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Yeah, there is something—”

“Something that won’t get
you
arrested,” she added.

“How about you let me help you find a job?” Izzy asked. “When we get to San Diego.”

Eden shrugged. “I’m happy to let you try,” she said.

He smiled at that. “There is no try.”

“Yeah, well, people generally don’t want to hire me,” she told him. “Unless they want to get in my pants. Try to get in my pants. And there definitely is a
try
, because they do it. But they don’t succeed.”

“I’ll help you find a job,” he said again, “with people who’ll respect you.”

And there he sat, just looking at Eden, as just a few feet away, up on that stage, Darlene danced. She might as well have been invisible as far as Izzy was concerned.

And Eden opened her mouth and said, “If you get to tell me where I can or can’t work, then I get to tell you … No more Marias. If you’re with me, you’re only with
me
. For as long as we’re together. Whether it’s three days or three years.”

“That goes both ways,” he said.

“Of course.”

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” she said, too.

And she should have felt better. They’d reached an understanding. Like Izzy’d said, they’d started over. They’d set up some guidelines and rules for their relationship. It should have been a good thing.

But all she felt was as if they’d started a giant clock ticking, counting down to the moment Ben would turn eighteen and Izzy would say good-bye.

It wasn’t an
if—
he’d made that more than clear. It was a very definite
when
.

And that was on top of the fact that nothing they’d said, not even Izzy’s apology, had soothed the hurt that came from knowing he’d believed she’d taken that money right out of his wallet.

Izzy cleared his throat. “About Maria …”

Eden briefly closed her eyes. Way to bring her down to another, as of yet unexplored, level of hell. “I really don’t want to know.”

“Yeah,” he said. “You do. She hit on me, but I turned her down.”

She looked at him then as her emotions twisted within her. She
didn’t want to feel so stupidly happy at that news. “And … you want some kind of congratulatory medal …?”