Breathe (15 page)

driving him on, he spread Lincoln"s ass cheeks and brought his dick to the other

man"s body. He breathed deep and surged forward, pushing the tip of his cock inside

Lincoln, the pressure so intense Jay squeezed his eyes shut and had to force himself

to stop. He gulped in another deep breath.

He wanted to give in, shove into the man. But it had been a while for Lincoln.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No.” The word was barely audible, the man"s forehead plastered to the bed.

“Just give me a sec.”

Jay moved his hand over Lincoln"s hip, rubbing in circles.

“Okay,” Lincoln said. “Didn"t want to come yet.” He shifted beneath Jay, the

action sliding his ass along Jay"s cock. “Fuck me, Jay. It"s okay.”

Thank God he had Lincoln"s go-ahead. Jay was ready to explode, and he

wanted to pump inside Lincoln a few times before he lost control, wanted the

moment—this first time—to last. He gripped Lincoln"s hips in his hands again and

buried his dick inside the man. He groaned with Lincoln that time.

“Yes!” Lincoln shouted. He pressed his forehead to the sheets and moaned

louder, despite the muffle.

Breathe

73

Jay didn"t wait, couldn"t wait for more. He drew back and thrust in, starting a

rhythm that had his balls tingling, his cock on fire, his whole body alive. The most

alive he"d felt in months.

Lincoln reached for Jay"s hand, and he guided it to his own dick. Jay grasped

the base and dragged his palm over the flesh to the head, matching his strokes with

the drive of his hips. Lincoln held Jay"s hand, gripping his fingers as they worked

his cock together. So sensual—the way Lincoln touched him. Hard or soft, slow or

fast—the man"s hands on Jay felt passionate, erotic, like nothing he"d expected.

He rocked again, burying balls to ass and bent forward. He clutched the

bedsheet beside Lincoln in his free hand as an explosion erupted inside him. The

sounds that poured out of his chest were unlike any he"d let out in a long time. A

freedom he"d been missing overcame him, and he shuddered, the intensity burning

through him until every muscle in his body went slack. He wanted to lie on top of

Lincoln and sleep for three days. Good thing he still had Lincoln"s cock to distract

him. He quickened the pump of his hand over the sleek shaft, precum aiding the

glide, slipping between his fingers.

“Oh, fuck.” Lincoln bucked beneath him. “Fuck yes!”

Jay spread the warm cum over Lincoln"s dick, loving the feel and smell of the

man. He collapsed onto Lincoln, his chest pressing along the heat of the man"s back.

The wedding bands dug into Jay"s flesh. “Damn.” He lifted up and got the

condom off. He dropped to the bed, his ass hanging off the side, his legs tangled

with Lincoln"s. There was not one inch of free space. A twin bed was not designed

for two grown men to lie side by side. But he didn"t care. About anything. He hadn"t

felt this light and free in weeks. “We are doing that again.” He hadn"t meant to say

it aloud, but he wouldn"t take the words back, wouldn"t hide what he felt.

Lincoln hadn"t moved. His ass was still in the air, his forehead plastered to the

mattress, his body moving up and down with each gulp of air.

It went on for several minutes.

“You okay?” Jay finally asked when his own breathing had slowed.

Lincoln eased his body flat to the bed and rolled his head to the side. “Hell,

yes. I haven"t felt this great in a long time.”

Jay couldn"t stop the smile that spread over his lips.

“Except,” Lincoln added, “there"s no escaping the wet spot in this bed.”

Jay laughed—a genuine, carefree sound. A tightness he hadn"t noticed before

eased in his chest. His eyes grew heavy.

“You look tired.” Lincoln touched Jay"s forehead with his thumb and followed

an invisible path down his nose, over his lips, along his neck to his chest. Lincoln

settled his palm below the rings. “Sleep.”

No. He couldn"t stay. He never slept well. Lincoln wouldn"t get any sleep

sharing the small bed with him. Never mind that Jay would never forgive himself

for spending the entire night with someone else—she"d been the only one.

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Sloan Parker

He didn"t make a move to get off the bed or get dressed.
In a minute
. The

warmth beside him was too good. He liked the easy way his breaths came to him.

That slow, soft caress Lincoln had given him had been what was missing in his

life for the past year.

He let his eyes fall shut.
Just for a minute.

Breathe

75

Chapter Twelve

Jay awoke slowly, his eyes still closed, his body relaxed like he hadn"t been in a

long time. He savored the sensation until realization sank in…he wasn"t in his own

bed. Why had he slept on the couch? He was breaking so many promises lately.

He rolled to his side, and his ass slipped off the edge of the cushion. He

tumbled toward the floor, flailing his arms and legs, trying to latch on to something

until he smacked his left arm on the top of a small table. A lamp teetered and fell to

its side, the lampshade crushing in on impact. He landed on his ass, his feet

wrapped in a sheet, his left hand still clutching the table, his other gripping the

fitted sheet that covered the mattress. The eyes of a metal robot stared back at him.

Right. Not the couch.

He and Lincoln McCaw had spent the night together. They"d had sex and slept

in the same bed.

“You okay?” Lincoln leaned over the edge of the bed and peered down, a huge

grin plastered on his face.

“This bed is ridiculous.”

Lincoln laughed. “Sure it is. Try to tell me it wasn"t worth it.”

What could Jay say? It had been an intense night. One worth sleeping in a

small bed, but was it worth the guilt?

Only there wasn"t any of that. Hard to accept, but Jay wouldn"t lie to himself,

or to Lincoln. He felt nothing but an overwhelming peace.

Lincoln"s smile faded. His eyebrows drew in.

“Yeah,” Jay said. “It was worth it.”

The other man"s tight expression eased. Music and high-pitched voices of a

kid"s TV show filtered in through the closed bedroom door. Someone had either

turned on a television or increased the volume. Along with the cartoonlike voices

came the laughter of young children.

“You want to go watch?” Jay asked. “Maybe the
Transformers
cartoon is on.”

“Fuck you.” Lincoln smiled again. “Get back up here.” He gripped Jay"s

forearm and yanked him onto the bed. Jay sprawled half on Lincoln. No room to do

much else. Did he want to do anything else? Touching the man was like downing a

tall glass of water after months spent in the desert with miles and miles of heat and

sand.

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Sloan Parker

Lincoln lifted his head and kissed Jay. Over and over. On his lips, his chin, his

earlobes, his neck.

No more sand and all the water Jay wanted.

Quick steps padded in the hall outside the door and more giggling followed.

“Shit.” Lincoln wrenched out from under Jay, crept to the door, and pressed in

the lock. “Can"t believe I left the door unlocked last night.”

“You were somewhat distracted.” The firm muscles of Lincoln"s ass captivated

Jay. He"d had that ass in his hands last night. Lincoln faced him. He"d also had that

dick in his hands, his own inside Lincoln. And Jay had loved every minute of it,

loved how the man made him lose focus, lose control, and how easy it had been to

give in and feel again.

Lincoln smiled and got on the bed. “You liked it, huh?” He draped his body

over Jay"s. Was Lincoln touching him on purpose or was it just the lack of space?

It didn"t matter. Jay pulled him closer, rubbing his groin against Lincoln"s,

touching the man"s flesh wherever he could reach. He wanted to take all he could

get before whatever they were doing ended. Because it would end. It had to.

And yet…it felt so damn good. The contact, the connection, to lie next to

someone. To have a man"s hands on him—finally. Hands that were large, rough

from work, strong. Hands that—

Drove a pickup truck into his wife"s car.

What the fuck was he doing? Allowing lust to give him a reason to forget.

Lincoln raised his head. “You okay?”

“Sure. Those are your sister"s kids?”

“Yeah.”

“You live here with them?”

“I do now.”

“How come?” Jay shouldn"t ask. He shouldn"t be interested in the man"s life at

all. But he was. “The lovely decor aside, shouldn"t you get your own place?”

“Nah. This"ll do for now.” Lincoln threw him a serious look. “Except, I"m going

to be in a shitload of trouble.”

“Because of me?”

“Nancy won"t like this.”

“That"s gotta suck.”

“It"s not "cause you"re a guy. She"s great about me being gay.” He moved off Jay

and looked toward the door. “It"s hard to tell kids not to have sex with someone they

barely know when the adults in their lives can"t follow that rule.”

Jay rolled to his side and faced Lincoln. “I shouldn"t have stayed.”

“It"s fine. I don"t hide who I am. Nancy"ll get over it.”

“No, I meant—”

Breathe

77

“Right.” Lincoln sat up and swung his legs off the bed. He bent for his jeans,

crammed one leg into the pants then the other, forgoing underwear. “You know this

can"t happen again, right?”

Jay got up and searched for his clothes. “Yeah.” He yanked his briefs out of the

pants. Why had he said anything at all?

Lincoln stood and watched Jay zip up his jeans. “Do you?”

“This wasn"t a great idea to begin with.” Quieter, Jay added, “Just couldn"t

stop myself.” Couldn"t pretend what he felt wasn"t powerful. Consuming.

Dangerous?

“Yeah. Not a lot of options for gay guys in Edgefield.”

“It"s not that. It"s—”

“We can"t forget for the sake of our dicks.”

What could he say to that? Jay would never forget. His wife would always be

with him. “It was an accident.” What was he hoping for? To make Lincoln feel

better? Or did he think they could have something?

They watched each other, neither speaking until Lincoln lowered his gaze to

the rings on Jay"s chest. “I can"t let you get involved with me.”

Jay laughed and pulled on his shirt. “So noble.”

“I try,” Lincoln said with a smirk.

It was odd, how easy it was to spend time together, how comfortable it was to

be around Lincoln McCaw. Even with the conversation they were having. Time for

Jay to get going. “About the threats—”

“I won"t let anyone hurt my family.”

Jay scrubbed his hands over his face. “I can"t imagine whoever"s doing this

wants to hurt anyone.”

“I"m not taking that chance. If it was just me—”

“I know. I don"t want anything to happen to your family either.”

Lincoln went to the dresser and opened a drawer. He yanked out a T-shirt and

tugged it over his head. Jay righted the lamp he"d knocked over and clicked the

switch. It didn"t turn on. Must have damaged the bulb. The nightstand drawer was

open a crack. He went to close it, but the typed page inside stopped him. A match to

the one he had in his jacket pocket, except for the message.

Ever wonder if she cried out in pain? If she felt the snap of bone? The crush of

her chest?

“Oh God.” He sank to the bed and stared at the paper in his hands.

“You weren"t supposed to see that one.” Lincoln sat next to him.

The printed words read like something Jay"s mom would say. Or Stuart. He

had to stop this. This wasn"t anything Katie would want.

A silence built between them until Lincoln finally spoke. “I looked away from

the road for a second. I must have turned the wheel—I don"t know.”

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Sloan Parker

Jay closed his eyes. “You don"t have to say this.”

Lincoln came back quick with, “I do. You and I both know I do.” His voice

lowered with his next words. “I was trying not to drive too fast, trying to stay calm,

but I was worried about Nance, about the kids. When I realized I"d crossed over, I

freaked, pulled back, and lost control of the truck.” He leaned forward, his elbows on

his knees, and stared at the
G.I. Joe
poster across the room. “All those years on the

track and my instincts flew right out the window.”

Jay fought the tears building. A hint of anger sparked inside him. An emotion

he thought he"d gotten past, crippled by meeting Lincoln, by talking to him, by

having sex with him. He looked at the broken man beside him. Lincoln had held on

to his guilt in much the same way Jay had held on to his grief, and it was time for

both men to be free of that day.

How could they, though, with someone wanting Lincoln never to forget? “This

can"t be from my family. They wouldn"t—”

“Say something like this?”

“Oh, they"d say this. My mom would say this, but if she wanted to hurt you,

she"d come after you, not your niece, not a little girl. I can"t believe she"d go that far.