Breathe Again (2 page)

My reaction at seeing the video had been brutal, and instinct had kicked in without any consideration of facts. My defenses had shot up and the wall that Tate had smashed through had reappeared within seconds, brick by brick, blocking my heart from his. My words
“Just leave, Tate”
still echoed in my ears, tormenting and haunting. Tate had kept a promise to me on that day though, a painful promise I wished we had never made. He had promised that he would always do what I asked of him, and he had done exactly what I’d asked. He’d left and we hadn’t spoken about that day since.

My heart ached when I awoke each morning to find a text message from Tate. His concern and love for our unborn child was incredible. Questions about how I was feeling and whether I was eating and drinking enough were filling my inbox, and most recently he had taken it upon himself to send random pregnancy facts. That was all we talked about—my pregnancy and Jellybean. He hadn’t mentioned what happened once, and I hadn’t brought it up either. The thought of having that conversation over the phone and not being able to look him in the eye as we spoke killed me. His eyes had always been the key to seeing his truths, and they’d spoken to me so many times when words had failed him.

The moment Blake had brought me back to the hotel room after I had fled, I had been slapped in the face by the hard hand of reality and the seriousness of what had just happened. Chelsea had been long gone, but her path of destruction had been far from over. She’d had one goal in mind and she’d gotten exactly what she’d wanted. Her pitiful and hateful desire to drive a wedge of mistrust between Tate and me had exploded around us.

In my haze of tears and spiraling emotions, I had taken a nervous step into the empty room and immediately noticed two things—the scent of Tate still lingering in the air and the plain white envelope that rested on my pillow, with Tate’s perfect scripted handwriting on the front. Why did everything about him have to be perfect? Reading his words had destroyed me and I’d collapsed on the floor, sobs echoing through the air. I had soon been in Blake’s arms, being lifted to the bed that only hours earlier had witnessed the love Tate and I had for each other.

Perfect and intense was the only way to describe the relationship Tate and I had been handed, and that was how it had been since day one. Intensity and Tate and Sav went hand in hand with jealousy, trust issues, frantic, earth-shattering sex, and unimaginable love. Never again would I ever experience that kind of love with anyone but him, and that was what terrified yet exhilarated me.

Tate was it for me, like a ray of sunshine that had lit up my constantly cloudy days, but here I was, on the other side of the country, petrified about going back to Los Angeles because of what could be waiting for me. The unknown scared yet energized me. I had a fierce independence, but I wanted nothing more than for my independence to be taken and owned by Tate.

My body came to a sharp halt as my eyes caught my reflection bouncing off the mirror on the far wall of the bathroom. My eyes grew wide as they traveled down the length of my body and focused solely on the soccer ball that had decided to attach itself to the front of me and the impressive set of boobs that had taken ownership of my chest. My girls, as I called them, were always fabulous, but holy shit these were freaking amazing! I was five months pregnant, and my body was proudly showing off my pregnancy to the world. There were days when I still couldn’t believe I was pregnant, but then I would feel the tiny little butterfly kisses within me and then the tiniest of kicks and I knew that Jellybean was with me. I often found myself cradling my precious cargo, and my baby was my constant company in the loneliness that was New York. Jellybean, Mr. Davenport, Lucas, and surprisingly Blake.

Since everything had blown up with Tate, Lucas and Blake had become my biggest supporters. They checked in with me every day, sometimes more than once. Blake and I were friends, and we both knew that. I knew I was going to get hell for being in contact with him, but I saw the way the whole Chelsea incident had affected him. I had seen the way he had looked at Tate as it all had unfolded around us, and I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew he needed a friend. Blake’s main concern was for Tate, and he constantly asked if I had spoken to him. He and Chelsea had been long over. Blake wouldn’t tell me, but I knew she was holding something over his head. All he would tell me was that it was something he needed to talk to Tate about.

Tearing my gaze away from my stomach, I rushed through the room at a million miles an hour, throwing the last of my belongings into my brand-new suitcase. My shopping addiction and being on my own in the city meant that my time had been spent buying too many clothes for myself and Jellybean. Seriously, my kid was going to be the best dressed kid around.

I picked up the tiny white jumpsuit I had found that proudly displayed the Australian flag and smiled. My baby would always know that Australian blood was running through its veins. My pride for my country would not be lost on my child, and the thought of taking Jellybean to Australia to experience the beaches, the weather, the meat pies, and the Tim Tams excited me.
My child
—fuck, what a mind trip.

I cradled my stomach and lowered my voice. “Well, Jellybean, we are going home today. We are going to see Papa and we are going to see your aunts and uncles.” I swallowed hard and slammed my eyes closed. “And we are going to see Daddy.”

Goodbye, New York. Thanks for the memories.

“W
e
LL LOOK
at you, sexy momma.”

My cheeks flushed the moment the words left Lucas’s lips and floated through my ears. Without a second of hesitation, his arms enclosed around me tightly, forcing the suitcase I was wheeling out of the exit of LAX to thud to the tiled floor below me. I fell hard against his firm body, my head resting over the thumping of his heartbeat. Tears threatened to spill over as the emotions of being back in Los Angeles flooded me. The flight had been uneventful, and now, as I stood in the California sun, I was beaming.

I was home. I was back to familiarity. I was back to the chaos of Los Angeles. I was safe in Lucas’s arms.

“You like my new accessory?” I asked, stepping out of his arms and rubbing my hand over my expanding stomach with a raised eyebrow.

“It looks good on you. It really brings out your…” His eyes traveled down from my face, and with a smirk that lit up his entire face, he took in my ever growing boobs. “Eyes.”

I snorted. “Oh yes. My eyes are looking amazing, even if I do say so.”

“The guys back at the apartment will have a field day looking at your
eyes
.” Lucas’s laughter echoed around us as he grabbed my suitcase from the floor and started to dodge through the raucous crowd of recent arrivals who were standing in what seemed like a never-ending line, waiting for a cab. I followed diligently behind him, laughing softly to myself.

Suddenly, I stopped as his words finally hit me. Guys? Apartment? “What do you mean back at the apartment?”

“It’s Jack’s birthday so there is a small get-together planned for this afternoon at his place and then I’m sure we will move to Red Velvet tonight.”

Fuck! Jack’s birthday. His place meant Tate’s place, and Red Velvet meant Tate Connors. I felt the color drain from my face, dripping and flooding the floor below me. My heart beat furiously in my chest, and my ears were swamped with white noise. I felt like I was thirteen years old and going to a birthday party where my crush would be.
Pull yourself together, Savannah.

“Do I have to go? Can’t we pretend that I am not here?” I dropped my eyes, hoping to god that my best attempt at puppy-dog eyes was working.

Lucas shook his head and chuckled. Obviously my attempt had failed. “If Jack knows you are back in LA and didn’t come to his party, shit will go down.”

He was right.

Whether I liked it or not, I had one option and one option only. I was going to this damn party and there wasn’t anything I could damn well do about it. Independent Sav hated this, but the time had come for me to shuffle through my suitcase and locate my big girl panties. Swallowing hard, I stopped at Lucas’s car and watched as he lifted my suitcase into the trunk.

Slamming the trunk shut, he turned towards me and immediately his eyes swam over my face and narrowed in hard. Damn my face and its constant need to show the world what I was thinking. He put his hands on my shoulders and held me still. “It’s so good to have you back, Sav.”

“It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you.” I dropped my eyes as my voice cracked. “I’ve missed everyone.”

“You need to speak to him.” Lucas lowered his voice calmingly, knowing exactly who I had been referring to. “You know that I haven’t always been Team Tate, but he is struggling big time. You don’t have to do anything tonight, but please think about it.”

Was I hearing this correctly? Was I suddenly in an alternate world where Leprechauns and Centaurs roamed free through deliciously green fields of a fairytale world—a world where Lucas and Tate were friends?

Lucas dropped his hands from my shoulders and moved quickly around the front of the car and slid into the driver’s seat while I climbed in the car and buckled up in the passenger’s seat, still trying to comprehend the thought of Tate and Lucas having any form of friendship.

“Everyone is going to freak the fuck out when you turn up.”

I twisted in my seat, directing my attention to him. “Is Ali going to be there? I’ve missed that gorgeous little pixie.”

“Uh, no she isn’t.” His eyes ripped away from mine and focused on the road ahead as he pulled away into traffic. It was as clear as day that he was refusing to look at me. The distance in his voice immediately grabbed my attention. What the hell had happened since I had been away? First Tate and Lucas and now Lucas and Ali.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why the hell not?”

“She is working.”

“Lucas Evan Douglas, do not lie to me. Where is she?”

He swallowed hard, eyes darting to mine quickly before looking back on the road ahead of him. “She is staying with her parents for a few days. A lot has changed since you’ve been gone Sav.”

What the hell did he mean?

“I’ve been gone three months and I talk to you almost daily. Why didn’t you say anything to me? I may be pregnant, Lucas, but I’m certainly not made of glass. I’m not going to shatter at the first rumbles of bad news.”

“I know, I know. I will explain everything. Can we just enjoy you being home first?”

I folded my arms across my chest and pouted. “Fine, but I am not happy about this, and we WILL be talking about it soon. I will be coming to your apartment tomorrow.”

“Uh, I am actually staying in a hotel at the moment. My apartment fell through.”

“WHAT!” I shrieked, looking back at him with wide eyes. “Right. You are coming to stay with me. Sleep in my spare room until you work out what’s happening.” He started to object but my words interrupted him. “Don’t argue with a pregnant woman, Lucas. It’s final.”

I clasped my hands together, resting them on my stomach, and sat back, letting the leather of Lucas’s seats caress my body. The dull hum of the engine instantly brought on a comforting mood to sweep through my exhausted body while my mind played tricks on me. So much had changed since I had been gone.

My thoughts suddenly traveled to Mr. Davenport. I missed him more than anything. This had been the first time we’d been away from each other for any extended period of time. It was scary. He was and always would be my family, my comfort, my protector. Being away from him had cemented what he truly meant to me, and in the loneliness of New York City, I had come to the knowledge that he had been in my life longer than my parents. He was my constant. The realization had stung me like a thousand bees attacking my body, and it had taken me days to truly get a grasp of it. He had been taking care of me my whole life and I had done nothing but given him hell. I would forever be in debt to him.

I shifted in my seat and shot a pleading look at Lucas. “Can we swing by the Beautify office? I really need to see Mr. Davenport.”

His eyes flicked with concern before he nodded slightly. “Sure, but this doesn’t mean that you will get out of coming to the apartment. If you aren’t at your apartment in an hour, I am coming for you.”

W
ALKING THROUGH
the Beautify LA office felt somewhat awkward. I hadn’t been here in over three months, and now, as I strode through, I heard the whispers and comments about my expanding waist line.

”New York certainly didn’t do her any favors.” “Did you know she was pregnant?” “Whose baby is it?” “I knew she’d slept her way to the top.”

When I left Los Angeles, I’d had a flat stomach and had been going to New York for a month, but now, I was five months pregnant and returning after an extended stay in New York. The office gossips would have a field day with this. I wondered how long it would take for someone to ask when Mr. Davenport and I would become parents. I shuddered at the thought. He was like my father.

The rumblings of an argument seeping through the walls of Mr. Davenport’s office stopped me mid-step. I knew those voices. I swallowed hard and increased my pace until I was standing just outside of the closed door. Mr. Davenport’s and Tate’s voices floated aggressively through the air as a heated discussion bellowed between them. I grabbed the door handle but froze on the spot, my ears pricking up at the conversation.

“I didn’t do a thing with Chelsea. Why would I touch her when I have Savannah? She is the mother of my child for god’s sake. Sav is the one who owns my heart and who I’d do absolutely anything for. Do you really think I’d jeopardize losing her and our life together for a cheap fuck?”

“Well I don’t know, would you? Your track record isn’t doing you any favors Tate. I warned you about this. I warned you that she couldn’t handle something like this and still you fucked it up.”

“I didn’t do it.” Tate’s voice increased as my heart stopped. “I know I’ve fucked up in the past, and I know my reputation doesn’t do me any favors, but everything changed when I met Sav. Every single fucking day I want to make her happy. Every breath I take is for her and our baby. I’m never going to be good enough for her, am I?”