Breathe You In (11 page)

“Sounds like a good idea,” Ruben said.

Four mechanics were around the hatch of the car,
then suddenly, as the engine went silent, the driver jumped out. Tall and lean,
wearing a red leather suit with McLaren written in white on the arms and legs,
he tugged off his helmet.

I recognized him. Even if Ruben hadn’t mentioned
Dean
Cudditch
I would have known it was him. His jet-black
hair, trademark crew cut and small dark goatee was known the world over.

He spotted Ruben instantly. His face lit up and
he strode over, passing his helmet to someone as he went.

“Bloody hell, Ruben, I didn’t know you were
dropping in.”

“Just passing,” Ruben said.

His arm left my waist. I missed his touch.

I thought the two men would shake but they
embraced, slapping each other on the back and grinning.

“You look much better than last time I saw you,”
Dean said. “How’s the new ticker?”

“Perfect.” Ruben smiled and weaved his fingers
with mine. “I wanted to bring Katie here, show her what I used to do.”

Dean inclined his head, studied me and nodded.
“Ah, I can see why you have a sparkle back in your eye, mate. A beautiful woman
on your arm is the best medicine.”

I smoothed my free hand down my black clothes.
Shifted from one foot to the other.

Ruben squeezed my fingers. “I agree with that.”

“Nice to meet you, Katie.” Dean extended his hand.
He was smiling, his tanned skin was flushed, and there was a horizontal groove
on his forehead his helmet had left.

“You too,” I said. “Though I think you just
bruised my eardrums.”

He smiled. “Whoops, sorry, I suppose we kind of
get used to it.” He pointed at the car. “It’s going well, even though we got
soaked in Japan last week, it did nothing but rain.”

“Not good, all that water.” Ruben shook his head.
“I watched the race, you aced
Farrah
.”

“Yeah, only just.” Dean put his hand on his hip.
“Could have done with you there, you always got the tension just right in wet
weather.”

“Ah, these guys are great.” Ruben grinned and
pointed at the men fussing over the car.

Dean followed his gaze. “Yeah, they are, I just
live in hope you’ll join us again.”

Ruben laughed. “Maybe one day.”

“I suppose that’ll have to appease me for now.” Dean
gripped Ruben’s shoulder again. “Listen, I have to go, but we’re staying at the
usual place. Why don’t you join us for dinner one night this week, catch up
with everyone? The team would love to see you.”

“Yeah, I will, Wednesday probably.”

“Perfect.” Dean smiled at me. “Great to meet
you, Katie, and whatever you’re doing with my good friend here, keep doing it,
it’s clearly working.”

* * * * *

“Do you want to come up?” I asked Ruben when he
parked in front of my flat an hour later. “I could make us something to eat.”

He switched off the engine. “If you’re sure.”

I shrugged. “I’m actually quite hungry so I’m
definitely going to eat tonight.”

He studied me. “Don’t you eat every night?”

I looked away, concentrated on a child zipping
along the pavement atop a bright pink scooter with shiny tassels on the
handlebars. “No.”

“You should.”

“Well, I know that.” I turned to him with a
frown. “It’s just sometimes I get tired of forcing myself to eat.”

“Maybe you should stick to cream cakes, that
seemed to go down well enough.” He lifted his eyebrows.

My mouth watered at the memory. “
Mmm
, and picnics, those dips and sandwiches you did
yesterday were delicious.”

Ruben tugged his keys from the ignition. “There
were lots of delicious flavors on that picnic. You being one of them.”

I tapped him playfully on the arm. “You’re
silly.”

“And you’re tasty.” He laughed, a full belly
laugh that rumbled around the car. “And yes, I will come up, just to make sure
you eat. I feel it’s my duty.”

I bustled about in the kitchen making pasta with
tuna and a side salad. Ruben poured us each a glass of water and set the table.
He then sat on the sofa, remote control in his hand, and flicked through the
channels.

My new flat felt alive, as if it were a real
home. The sweet, grassy breeze ambled from the living room to the kitchen. The
pan on the stove was bubbling away, creating steam that clung to the window.
The tangy smell of the onions I’d fried filled my nose, and I could hear the
TV, only the news, someone talking, but knowing Ruben was in the living room,
that it wouldn’t be empty and soulless when I moved from one room to the other,
created a feeling of hope in me—one that made me warm and content for the
first time in a long time.

I also felt I knew Ruben better for having seen
a glimpse into his old life. Understood how much he’d had to change because of
his illness. Maybe he was right. Perhaps he would go back to his old job one
day. Return to a wild, hedonistic, fast life of racing and globe trotting and
leggy women with perfect bodies. I couldn’t show him my old life, or ever go
back to it, but it had been nice to see his.

I flicked the pasta off the boil and stood in
the kitchen doorway, one hand on the frame, pushing my hair from my face with
the other.

Ruben looked up. Stared at me. He pulled in a
deep breath and frowned.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes, I…”

I didn’t move. “What?”

“It’s just…”

“Tell me?”

He smiled. “You’ll think I’m being stupid.”

“No I won’t.”

“I had a dream last night, it just came back to
me, really vivid.”

“What was it about?” I straightened.

“You.”

“Me?” I couldn’t deny the little thrill that
word gave me, to think I’d been in this handsome man’s dream.

“You were stood, just like that, in a doorway,
holding the side, fiddling with your hair.”

“Whose doorway?”

He silenced the TV. Put the remote on the tall
table by the sofa. “Mine. My bedroom.”

“I see.”

He trailed his gaze down my body. Licked his
lips.

“And what was I wearing?” I asked. Part of me
was desperate to know, the other part afraid to ask. This was a new way for me
to be with anyone other than Matt.

“White,” he said. “You were in white.”

“A dress?”

He smiled, shook his head. “Oh, no, white
stockings with lace around your thighs. White teeny, tiny knickers and a corset-style
top, you know that…” He put his cupped hands on his chest and smiled. “That
made you look really pretty here.”

“Sounds like a very detailed dream.”

“It was. It was hot.” He nodded, bit on his
bottom lip. “
You
were hot.”

A tremble started in my stomach and moved lower.
Ruben thought I was hot. Hot enough to dream in detail about me. That in itself
was like being kissed passionately. It turned my attraction for him to top
level; it made me feel like the woman I had been once.

I even remembered a white outfit like that. It
was something I’d taken on honeymoon to surprise Matt with one night. I could
almost see his face again. His eyes instantly heavy with lust, his lips moist
where he’d licked them the moment I’d appeared in the doorway.

Ruben was wearing the same look now, and he shifted
on the sofa the same way Matt had shifted on the bed.

Taking a deep breath, I walked toward Ruben,
wishing I had that outfit on, and straddled his lap. I dug my knees into the
cushions and I rested my hands on his shoulders, let my bum settle on his
thighs.

“Tell me more?” I said in what I hoped was a
suitably sexy voice.

Ruben swallowed, frowned a little and looked
into my eyes. “We were alone, there was only us there. It was warm, you smelled
of fruit—papaya, melon, all things sweet.”

I smiled. “This is a very specific dream.”

He touched my cheek with the back of his index
finger. “I know, and it’s all flooding back to me like it was a real memory.”

“Maybe we should make it real, one day.”

“I’d like that.” He leaned forward and touched
his lips to mine. “You have no idea how gorgeous you are, do you?” he said with
a smile.

“I’m not gorgeous, not really.”

He jerked his head. “Why would you say that?”

“Well, the women you must have had, you know,
when you and Dean
Cudditch
were out together,
swanning
around glamorous places.”

“That was just fun. Messing about, there was
never anyone serious. I was too busy traveling the world, being part of the
winning team.”

“But weren’t they…?”

“They weren’t you. Katie. Matt must have told
you all the time how beautiful you are. I get the impression from you that he
was a great bloke, a wonderful husband who made you feel special and treasured.”

I nodded. “He was, he did, but…” I glanced downward,
kept that delicate balance of mine on the straight and narrow. “But now, well,
I’m a bit thinner than I was and smiles don’t come so easy.”

“I’ve seen you smile plenty since I met you, and
each one has gone into my happy memory bank.”

His words made me smile again.

“See, beautiful,” he said.

“Thank you. It’s nice to hear someone say that.”

“It’s nice to have a sexy woman sitting on my
lap.” He kissed me, softly, and stroked his fingers through my hair.

I broke the kiss and touched his hair too. I
loved the longish strands and the way they flowed through my fingers like fluid
silk.

He slid his hands down the column of my neck and
reached for the first button on my work blouse. As he undid it, his smile
slipped, and his eyebrows hung heavy in concentration.

My heart tripped. My nipples tightened. The dark
look in his eyes was so sexy it went straight to my head, like a shot of
alcohol.

He undid the next button, and the next, his jaw
seeming to get tenser with each twist of his fingers.

I sat absolutely still, the tops of his thighs
pressing into the backs of mine. Watching his face, each blink, each slight
twitch of his cheek and the way he dampened his lower lip with the tip of his
tongue. It was all making me want to grab him for a kiss but equally kept me frozen,
fascinated.

When all the buttons were undone, he looked up
at my face. It was a silent question.

I glanced out of the window—nothing but
treetops.

I nodded.

Carefully, he slid the blouse off my shoulders,
revealing my white lacy bra. It had a small daisy in the center of the cups and
one at the base of each strap.

“That’s so much better than my dream,” he
whispered, his breath like a caress on my chest. “And you are perfect.”

Words danced on my tongue. Words that wanted to
explain that I used to be a cup size bigger and filled out my bra better. That
maybe I would again one day. But I held them in, swallowed them down. They had
no place in this moment with Ruben. Besides, he looked happy with what he saw.

I reached behind myself, unclipped the hook of
my bra, let it fall open, but then held it in place with one arm across my
chest.

“Katie, if you want to wait…?”

“No, this is fine. More than fine, I want this.”
I let the straps slide off my arms and tossed the bra to the floor. “It feels
right with you.”

And it did. I’d worried that I’d feel like an
adulterous woman being with another man. But with Ruben, well, it was
different. Matt was part of it. Part of Ruben. Part of us.

Ruben collected the slight weight of the undersides
of my breasts in his hands. Watching his own movements, he parted his lips and
his features softened.

His touch was electric and sent a plethora of
forgotten sensations blasting through my chest, spiking my nipples and making my
flesh feel heavy and engorged.

I pressed into him, just a little, needing more
but not wanting to appear greedy. Fearing if I did that, I’d push myself into a
wall and cause the bubble to shatter.

He rubbed his thumbs over my nipples. They were
tiny stalks, erect and tight. I stuttered in a breath, the stimulation arousing
and wonderful.

He glanced up at me. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “Yes, I like you touching me.”

“I like touching you.” The left side of his
mouth rose into a languid half grin.

He moved his right hand to the center of my
back. Held me firm as he leaned forward and took my left nipple into his mouth.

I gasped and ran my hands into his hair, held
him close and arched my spine. Damn, it had been so long since I’d enjoyed this
feeling. It was heavenly.