Breathless - Jesse Book 1 (14 page)

“You had the accident that messed up your leg and hand, right?”

“Yeah, I did, but that’s not what really fucked up my head. My mom, she’s not well...she tried to commit suicide a year ago. I whine and cry that my hand will never heal, but shit, that’s not what sent me into a funk, it was my mother. I felt responsible for it, you know, like if I had been there for her, instead of all over the world racing, she wouldn’t have done it. If I ‘d been there, she wouldn’t be confined to a fucking mental institution. Then the accident happened, I started drinking, drugging and well...whoring. You know the typical guy way to deal with emotions. Push them all down and drink them away.”

“Did you get help? Go for any therapy?”

“Absolutely. My therapist’s name was Jack. Jack Daniels. You may have heard of him.”

“Yeah, right.” She pursed her lips, tucked in her chin and looked at me with a little scold in her eyes. “Even now you are trying to dodge the issue. Hospital? Sounds serious.”

“Well, it’s more like a long term care facility. She has to stay until she’s well enough to be on her own.”

Niki laid her dainty hand on my forearm. “I’m so sorry Jesse but don’t blame yourself. These things are complicated. The human mind is mysterious and we’re all driven by our emotions to do crazy stuff sometimes. I believe things happen for a reason. You’re here in California, sitting with me, right now because of all that.”

Niki stared into my eyes long and hard. Hers were half closed, very sexy. It would’ve taken an act of God to pull my gaze from her face. I moved closer. My pulse picked up, my head dizzy, and it wasn’t the alcohol this time. I was careful tonight not to drink too much around Niki.

But damn, I had to have those lips now.

I leaned over, inhaling her scent and slipped my hand around the nape of her neck. I pulled her to me and filled my mouth with her softness. She leaned into the kiss.
Yesss
. She submitted to my advance, twisting into the kiss, her taste on my lips when she pulled away. God she was sexy. And sweet. Her kisses tasted fucking sweet. I swear, like candy. I couldn’t believe she’d give a jerk like me the time of day, yet here she was, cuddled up next to me. I couldn’t explain it, everything was different with her, intense, my clarity, my remedy. I wasn’t used to this, putting myself on the line. l was raw and exposed, vulnerable, I guess would be the word. It excited me and scared me at the same time. I found my heaven on this earth tonight.

 
Fuck, look at me, I’m such a pussy.

I was getting my groove on with Niki, when Kat announced her last song to the audience. She sounded amazing. I was surprised at her talent. I had her pegged as all looks and no brains, or talent. After finishing her set, Kat came to our table and ruined my monopoly on Niki. Shit, I was already possessive of Niki’s attention. I wanted her all for myself, but I was different than that other asshole she’d just dumped. I could take it slow, if she wanted. It would be hard, I mean difficult. Hard was what happened in my damn pants every time I kissed her.

After a couple of hours, we left Hotel Cafe with Kat and a couple of her friends who’d showed up to watch her perform. We headed to Kat and Niki’s apartment for an after party. I craved more alone time with Niki, but I would be patient. Taking it slow.

Niki

My stomach fluttered, as I waited for Jesse to pick me up. It was another summer day in California, the place where beautiful weather was included in the rent. Jesse rolled into the parking lot of my apartment complex in his big pickup truck and I hurried down the stairs to meet him.

“Ready for your tour of Santa Monica?” I asked as I crawled up into his giant truck.”

“Sure, as long as you are my guide, I’ll do whatever you want.”

I had planned to show him the pier. It is a landmark here on the West coast, a special place, a romantic place. Today it would be a place where I could get to know Jesse better. I was excited as we pulled into the parking lot on the wooden pier.

Older men dotted the edge of the pier with their fishing poles, casting their lines in hopes of catching today’s dinner. Kids begged their parents for yet another ride on the screaming rollercoaster, while the younger ones preferred the famous Merry-go-round. Scanning the beach down below, we spotted hundreds of people on bikes, roller skates and skateboards. A small group of tourists maneuvered Segways along the narrow concrete path that stretched for miles along Santa Monica beach.

“I’ll race you down to the beach,” Jesse said.

He gave me a head start. I ran down the wooden stairs leading to the ocean front as fast as I could, and soon I kicked at the sand as we strolled along the water’s edge, catching our breath. Thoughts of our last walk on the beach in Malibu, the night of the bonfire, drifted into my mind. My pulse quickened in response to the memory of Jesse’s kisses. Who was this guy, this hunk from New York? He had a very strong effect on me. One might call it “love at first sight”. No, this was “lust at first sight”. I chuckled. People don’t fall in love after merely seeing each other a few weeks. Or do they? Whatever it was, it pulled me in two directions at the same time. Could I trust him? Could I trust myself? I didn’t exactly have a rock solid past when it came to emotional issues. I had a lot of hurt from my mother’s death and resentment towards my father. And then there was my step-mom, Cinnamon, practically my age

. What had I learned about good loving relationships? In my world, love had been a difficult thing, and the
love between a man and a woman,
was the most mysterious. One moment you’re flying above the clouds, and the next, you’re buried in the darkness of earthly realities. Love hurts, and if Jesse was just a “player” this could sting. The thought of it scared me, and that’s why I resisted.

“Did you know that Santa Monica beach is one of the most recognizable beaches in the world? It has more screen time in movies than most actors get in a lifetime. They even filmed some scenes in the old TV show “Baywatch” with Pamela Anderson here.”

“Is that so? I can see you’re taking your tour guide duties seriously. You know, if this whole fashion thing doesn’t work out for you, there’s always the travel industry. I hear those Hollywood tour busses make excellent money.” He grinned and ducked out of the way in time for my punch to miss his shoulder. “Hey baby, no need to get all violent on me.”

Jesse laughed and wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I was extremely conscious of his hard muscles shifting smoothly under his shirt. My nose picked up the light scent of fresh cologne, leaving me powerless to resist, the implications sent waves of excitement thrumming through my body. Each time I was near him, the pull was stronger. He released me and slipped his hand over mine as we walked.

“How’s your hand? Is it getting any better?” Jesse had been working out at the gym on an improvised rehabilitation plan that Chase devised to help build muscles and flexibility.

“Actually, it’s getting much better. I have more strength in my grip now. Chase is a bad ass trainer. I didn’t think it was be possible, but he push me harder than anyone. The guy’s a fucking slave driver and it hurts. He says it’s for my own good, but I think he enjoys inflicting pain on me.” He tossed his head to clear the hair from his eyes and chuckled.

“That’s amazing, Jesse. Maybe you’ll be able to ride again soon.” I pulled our locked fingers to my mouth and kissed the back of his hand. “And your uncle…I really like him, by the way. He’s a nice guy and hilarious sometimes. It must be fun living with him.” The expression on Jesse’s face darkened and he studied the sand as we walked.

 
“Hey, did I say something wrong?”

“No, it’s just…Kenny hasn’t been feeling well lately.”

“Oh?”

He kicked the sand. “I hate seeing him down and not well.”

“You mean like the flu?”

“Don’t have a clue. He doesn’t either. He’s tired all the time and complains that he feels nauseous.”

“That sounds like the flu. How long has it been going on?”

“Too long. He’s missed a lot of work. I’ve had to cover for him at the bar, work a lot of extra shifts.”

“Has he gone to the doctor?”

“Not yet. He keeps hoping it will go away. You know us men. We don’t want to be a pussy and admit we need someone else’s help. My idea of treating an illness is to drink myself freaking blind with whiskey and tequila. It’s a sure fire remedy. Alcohol kills all diseases.”

“Ha- that’s figures you would say something like that. Most guys are like babies when they get sick. I hope your uncle gets better soon and tell him, I said he needs to go see the doctor if this doesn’t blow over soon.”

Jesse stopped walking and stepped in front of me, putting both hands on my shoulders. His touch was like velvet, smooth and soft. He gazed into my eyes, the light ocean breeze blowing those stray strands of hair into his blue eyes.

“I’m having great time. I love being here with you. You are magnificent, Niki. I love your heart and compassion, so sweet and caring, thinking of other people’s needs before your own.” His finger traced down my cheek and caught under my chin. “Every day when I wake up I wonder, how will you surprise me today?” My knees weakened and I felt his hot breath on my lips as he spoke the next words. “Maybe you are just a beautiful fantasy. Kiss me, before you evaporate and disappear.” He tilted my chin. Hot tingles shot through my body, as his tongue probed my mouth. He ran his hands up and tangled them in my hair, as we twisted into fiery kisses.

God, it was like he had a remote control that sent me into a lusty frenzy at the touch of a button. It wasn’t one thing that he did that spiked me into a dizzy spiral of hot emotions. It was everything, and anything. A word, a smile, a look, and of course the “the hair move”, the thing he did to push it out of his eyes. That was like drawing the Community Chest card in Monopoly, “Advance to Go” and collect $200. But this was more than just a game. Jesse burrowed into my heart and this time, I was playing for keeps.

~*~*~

If it’s true that actions speak louder than words, then Jesse’s actions were screaming full blast. My phone blew up with his texts to me. He sent me flirtatious messages, fun messages, serious messages and I ate it all up.

On Wednesday, Jesse stopped by the pedestrian mall. I met him for a study break in between my afternoon fashion design classes. He stood in the same place where he had smashed his cell phone against the wall, only this time held a pistachio and vanilla, double decker ice cream cone, a little love offering for me. Green rivulets of ice cream melted and dripped down the sides of the brown waffle cone and ran onto his fingers. He said I needed a sugar rush to give me energy for my next class. I licked the droplets of ice cream from his fingers, before taking the cone. How long had he waited in the hot sun? Instead of showing up with flowers in hand, he had dripping ice cream. I loved his original approach to winning over women.

By the end of the week I was in deep with Jesse. How did it happen? I didn’t know. If Jesse had his way, he would have seen me every day of the week, but that made me anxious. Only fools rush in. Slow and steady wins the race.

There was no logic to how it happened. We met, I felt that mysterious pull and that was that. Then I got more tangible information, confirmation that I was headed down the right path. I trusted a little more and now he tugged at my heartstrings.

Saturday night was coming up and after literally overheating my phone with a gazillion texts and numerous calls, we made plans to go out.
This was a really exciting place in my relationship with Jesse and t
he thought of sex no longer lingered in the back of my mind. It crashed into my frontal lobe. By the end of the week, my emotions had put out a contract on my logic and any concerns about “dating rules” lost the battle. I threw caution to the wind and said to hell with rules and what other people thought. These were matters of the heart and my heart screamed for Jesse.

I laid in bed each night and traced every inch of his body in my mind, longing for his arms to hold me. I imagined his hands pressing over my feminine curves, willed his fingers to slip inside me, begging him to take me and thirsting for him to devour me with endless hot kisses, laved with his velvet tongue. Fighting this tidal wave of desire was exhausting, so I decided that Saturday night, Jesse would bang the shit out of me.