Brides and Betrayal (Reconciled and Redeemed Book 1) (3 page)

“Holly...” emotion got the better of him and his words. He leaned across the table to capture both of her hands. “I don’t think you can understand how much my mother’s actions hurt my father - how they hurt our whole family.” He leaned back in his chair, raking a hand through his hair in frustration.

Their food arrived at that moment, and he sat back trying to quell the wave of anger that always came surging over him with the mention of his mother. Just one thought of what his mother had did to his father left him burning with anger. He didn’t want that to destroy his marriage. So if he got a little protective of Holly - well, couldn’t she see that it was because he loved her so much?

After the waiter left, he pushed his untouched plate aside, recapturing her hands. “I love you, Holly. I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“But why do you think I would leave you? When you look at me, do you see someone who would turn her back on her marriage? Do you see someone who would throw away the biggest blessing she has ever received?”

There was an edge to her voice, as if her question wasn’t merely rhetorical. Hunter shrugged it off as the strain of their fight. He paused longer than he should have, and regret came at the sight of her tears. “Holly, no, I don’t see an adulterous woman when I look at you.”

“I’m not that woman.” Her voice was soft, scared, and uncertain.

He ran his thumb across the back of her hand. “I know you are not. I am just worried about others - people just don’t respect the sanctity of marriage...”

“I am not that woman.” She interrupted. Her voice still as soft, but there was a thread of steel wound throughout her words.

“I know, but just please promise that you will be wary of others...”

Her sapphire eyes met his, and there were tiny pools of tears hanging onto her lashes. “I am worthy of your trust.”

I do trust you,
he thought to himself,
I just wish you’d be more receptive to me. Why are you always pulling away? What is it that you are missing with me? If a gentle touch or a kind word from another man comes your way, how can I trust that you won’t find yourself in the grip of adultery?

Hunter didn’t say any of the words on his heart. “I know and I love you.” He refused to lose his marriage like his parents did.

H
olly was grateful when the awkward lunch conversation was over. She truly loved her husband and she understood the reason for his fears, but the more he questioned her faithfulness, the more she questioned her saintliness.

You’re just like your mother.
Her stepmother’s words wound their way through her mind.

When Holly graduated high school, she couldn’t wait to get out of her father’s house. The looks, the stares, the condescension wrapped in lukewarm smiles – living with her biological father and stepfamily did little to heal her after her parent’s death. While her dad had tried his best to make her feel loved, all she felt was unwanted. A stained and tainted girl unworthy of what she wanted most - to be loved and accepted.

Hunter had changed all of that with his persistent pursuit of her. His jealousy, at first, had made her feel cherished, treasured and prized. She was worthy of being protected – and she welcomed that protection. But as the years wore on, that notion faded. In its place was that familiar painful feeling of a stained soul unable to be cleansed.

“You really don’t have to do this.” Holly said as they drove back to the church.

“I told you,” Hunter reached across the center console for her hand that rested on her lap. “I want to share this with you. I want to show you that I am trying.”

She looked at his profile as he drove. He was so handsome, with his deep blue eyes framed by dark eyelashes. He had a strong jawline, which always bore the beginnings of a beard. On the surface he was controlled, strong and firm, but underneath he was just as insecure and broken as she was. She needed him as much as he needed her. At least that is what she had been telling herself for years.

“What are you staring at?” He asked; the nervous smile on his lips revealed his dimples – the dimples she loved to touch too much.

“I was just thinking about how handsome you are.”

He turned his attention from the road to stare at her for a moment. Turning back, his brow was furrowed. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”

Chagrined, Holly realized how true his statement really was. “I’m sorry.” She whispered to Hunter as they pulled up in the parking lot of the church. She leaned across the console and pulled his head down to hers for a brief kiss. “I do love you. I will always love you.”

She watched as his blue eyes scanned her face. His hand and his eyes both slid gently down her hair, and she didn’t know if she felt the caresses more from his hand or from his stare. “Please, don’t ever stop. I need you.”

His words broke the dam of her carefully restrained emotions. She threaded her fingers through his hair and looked deeply into his eyes. “I need you, too. I need you to stop looking at me like I’m your mom. You have no idea how much I need your trust.”

He didn’t say anything, he just lightly pressed his lips to her forehead. She didn’t know if that meant “I do trust you,” or, “let’s not ruin this moment with the truth.”

With a sigh, she withdrew from him and they went inside to meet with the others in the group.

The pastor began once everyone had found a seat. “I’d like to begin today with an introduction. I know many of you have already met Seth Hargrove.”

Hunter whispered in her ear. “I met him in class today. Poor guy just lost his wife six months ago. You can tell he’s eager for friendship.”

Holly knew her husband’s heart enough to know that he felt for the man’s loss, but Hunter would be too controlled to let that show beyond superficial cordialness. She would suggest that they have him over for dinner, but she was afraid that he would interpret that as something other than it was.

After the introduction, the pastor began to lay out the purpose for today’s meeting. “There are different areas in which you all can sign up to work. We have concessions, games, and some rides.”

“What are you going to do?” Hunter whispered, and she could feel his breath tickling her ear. It sent a thrill down her.

“I’m not sure. What do you want to do?” She felt that familiar thrill of excitement rush through the pit of her stomach. She tried not to like it too much.

“I want to do whatever you want to do.” They both said at the same time.

Their hushed giggles drew a smirk from the woman sitting next to them.

The dark mood that had hung over them during lunch dissipated, and Holly loathed to do anything that might upset the lighthearted banter between them. “You choose.”

He looked down at her, his eyes sparkling with love. Holly knew if they hadn’t been in the middle of the church, he would have kissed her. That wicked part of her rose, but she shoved it down. If she could just keep her passions wrestled down, maybe he would look at her as trustworthy.

Everyone started to rise, signing up with whatever group they wanted to go with. Hunter laced his fingers through hers, and Holly tried hard to control the beating of her heart. Hunter stopped beside the newcomer.

“I’m not really sure what I’ll be good at.” Seth said as a smile lifted his mouth, but it wasn’t reflected in his light brown eyes. “My wife always did this with me...” Seth’s voice was barely a whisper, and Holly’s heart cinched with pain for this man. She would have reached out and touched his arm in comfort, but there was Hunter...

“Why don’t the three of us work together?” Hunter’s suggestion took her by surprise.

When she looked up at Hunter, she saw the compassion in his eyes - the compassion that kept him from serving, from ministering, from forgiving. Compassion was a weakness in Hunter’s eyes.

“I guess that would be great.” Seth’s shoulders lifted a little and Hunter shook his hand, reintroducing himself.

“Yes, we met in the men’s Bible study class.”

“And this is my wife, Holly.” The way Hunter said it, with such pride and joy, filled Holly with a renewed sense of worth.

She shook the man’s hand briefly before tucking her own back into her husband’s warm, waiting grasp.

“Well, we could do something simple like work with the bouncy houses. I don’t know about you, Seth, but I’m not that handy with a hammer. I’m not sure I could build one of the games the pastor spoke of.”

Seth laughed and agreed “I don’t fare much better in that department.”

Holly hesitated, but something within her propelled her to speak up. “I am.”

Both men turned toward her as she repeated. “I can build the game. I mean, I need your help, but my dad built and repurposed furniture.”

Hunter was staring down at her. She rarely spoke of her past, and he knew it was a sensitive subject with her, though she had never elaborated why.

“Do you really think you have the skills?”

Hunter’s question deflated a little of the wind in her sails. Her voice was soft. “Yes, I do. I used to help him all the time. I think we could build this one.” Holly pointed to a tossing game fashioned like Noah’s ark. “It is pretty simple to cut this out.” She placed her hand on Hunter’s arm. “And you are pretty good at drawing. Could you make the animals?”

Hunter shrugged. “Sure.”

Seth clapped his hands once as if to signal the matter was over. “Well, if the lady believes we can do it, I say we trust her.”

Seth had no idea how much his words cut at her heart.

“Okay.” Hunter signed their names on the sheet and they gathered at a table in the corner, spending the next half hour discussing their plan of action.

Holly took the lead, hesitantly at first, but growing bolder from the encouraging looks she received from both men. They parted ways, and Holly was feeling very proud of herself.

The ride home was silent, and Holly caught Hunter shooting a questioning look every once in a while.

As they walked into the house, Hunter shut the door and dropped his keys on a nearby table. The metallic clink on the glass surface and his words were the first break in the awkward silence that had prevailed since they left the church.

“Elusive.”

She turned toward him and raised an auburn eyebrow. “What?”

He pulled her purse strap off her shoulder and pulled her into his embrace. “Elusive. I was thinking today that was the best word to describe you. After five years of marriage, I am just finding out you are a carpenter.”

Holly willed her heartbeat to stop drumming in her ears at his nearness.
If only he didn’t look so good, smell so good, I wouldn’t be filled with all of these thoughts.

“I’m not a carpenter.” She blushed as he ran his hand up and down her back.

His hand slipped into the auburn curtain of her hair, cupping her neck right below the ear. Using his thumb to tilt her face upwards, he lowered his lips to hers. “But you are elusive.”

Holly pulled back.
Did he mean cold?
She didn’t want to be, but she didn’t want to give reign to her emotions. She knew all too well the pitfalls of letting your emotions control you. Her stepmother had always reminded her of Colossians 3:5, “So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires.”
Reminded
? Holly scoffed.
She hissed it at me day and night the entire two years I lived there.

But as angry as she was with her stepmother, she had to accept the wisdom of her words. She had seen the consequences of letting those earthly things stay there. Her passion and desire for her husband was a raging thing that she fought with daily. And as good as it felt to be in his arms, she had to reign it in before it led to sin.

“I don’t mean to be.” Her words were a whisper against his lips, and he hovered over her, as if waiting for her to respond to him. She opened her eyes and looked into his. It was if he was begging her to let go, just once. To let go of her tightly reigned-in passion.

She pulled back a little more, and she didn’t miss the disappointment that registered in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I know.” He rubbed his nose lightly against hers, but still refused to kiss her.

Her restraint was snapping, and she knew if she kissed him now, her passion wouldn’t be controlled like she always kept it. She would have stepped out of his embrace, but he held her close. “I know you love me,” he whispered against her lips again. “Show me you want me.”

With a moan of defeat, she gave in to the mounting temptation, with her stepmother’s accusations ringing throughout her head.
If you don’t control all of your emotions, they will control you – and then you will be just like you mother, destroying the lives of those around you.

Later that evening, snuggled with her back against Hunter’s body, and wrapped in the protective shield of his embrace, she debated with the inner voices of her conscience.

He is my husband, it can’t be sinful
.

But then she remembered her stepmother’s words when she had asked to go to prom. “You cannot be trusted on a date. You are filled with uncontrolled emotions - just like your mother. You don’t see me swooning at my husband’s touch - I know control, and so should you.”

Hunter nuzzled her ear, sending goose bumps down her arms. She closed her eyes to the words of her stepmother and her heart.

“Hunter, I...” She paused, wanting to tell him more about her past. “I don’t want you to think that I’m elusive.”

“That was definitely not elusive.” She could feel the rumble of laughter coming from his chest through her back. Holly wasn’t laughing, but Hunter didn’t notice. He had pulled her hair away from her neck and was placing kisses from the nape to her shoulder.

She turned in his arms, and he leaned on one elbow, looking down at her.

He brushed her hair back from her face, entranced by the way it splayed out on the pillow beneath her. His words were absentminded dribbles from his brain. “I liked serving with you today.”

“Me too.”