Bridge Of Birds (31 page)

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Authors: Barry Hughart

Tags: #Humor, #Mystery, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Historical

BOOK: Bridge Of Birds
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We just made it. I climbed over the ledge into the little cave where we had found the
first of the duke's treasure troves, and I secured a hook and a rope and climbed down the
stone chimney into the labyrinth. Li Kao lit a torch and looked around thoughtfully.

“It's a pity that we no longer have the dragon pendant,” he observed mildly. “If ever I
could use the ironclad memory of Henpecked Ho, it would be now.”

Master Li's mental processes were as alien to me as the inner thoughts of Buddha. He never
wavered, even though he had to retrace every twist and turn and do it backward, and I
trotted behind him listening nervously for the first metallic snarl of the tiger. The duke
had not been idle since his return from the tax trip. The air reeked with blood and
rotting flesh, and fresh corpses stared blindly down at us from crevices in the ceiling. I
stared in terror at dark streaks that were sliding across the floor, and back in the
blackness a tiger began to growl.

Li Kao grunted with satisfaction, and trotted through an archway to the cavern where a
pool of water lay beneath a trapdoor high overhead. I tied a rope to a jutting rock on one
side of the pool, and another rope to another rock on the other side. Then I secured both
ends around my waist with a slip knot that I could release with a jerk, and I glanced up
fearfully at the darkness where the trapdoor should be. If it didn't work from this side,
we were going to join those happy fellows wedged in crevices.

The water was rushing in faster and faster, climbing around my thighs. I began to float
upward, treading water, with Master Li riding on my back. I heard the tiger screaming, and
then the full force of the tide struck us. We were buffeted from all sides, but the ropes
held firmly and we continued to lift straight up. Master Li got as high as he could on my
shoulders and reached up. I could hear him strain and grunt, and then there was a screech
of metal as a bolt slid through grooves. He ducked and the falling trapdoor missed his
head by an inch, and I jerked the slip knot and released the ropes and climbed through the
hole into the throne room of the Duke of Ch'in.

From a chance comment by the Key Rabbit some time ago, we knew that the throne room was
locked at sunset, and nobody but the duke was allowed to enter. Li Kao's torch flickered
palely in the darkness, and I heard the clash of weapons and the heavy tread of the
soldiers who patrolled outside the golden doors. Then the storm passed as swiftly as it
had come, and the wind drew the clouds as though opening curtains in front of the rising
moon, and light poured through the windows. I gasped in horror and stopped dead in my
tracks.

The Duke of Ch'in was seated upon his throne, and the terrible mask was glaring straight
at us.

Li Kao continued to trot ahead without a care in the world. “Don't worry, Ox, it's just an
empty shell,” he said reassuringly, and when I forced my feet to move again I saw that he
was right. Moonbeams stretched out like pale gold fingers and reached through the
eye-holes in the tiger mask and touched the back of the throne. It was just a mask and a
long cloak of feathers, propped upon a light metal framework.

“Well, Ox, we have a promise to keep before we can worry about ginseng roots,” Master Li
said. “That means that we have only a few hours to find the feathers of the Kings of
Birds, the golden crown, and the Princess of Birds. We'll also need the key to a casket,
so let's get started. The first time you hit the duke with that axe, it bounced right off
him. Do you remember where the blade struck?”

I reached out toward three tiny white feathers that were woven into a cloak of feathers.

“Feathers that stop axes?” I whispered. “Master Li, are these the feathers of the Kings of
Birds?”

“We'll soon find out,” he said. “Try to pull them out.”

The feathers could not be pulled, and they could not be cut, and Li Kao's torch couldn't
even scorch them. He opened shells in his smuggler's belt and handed me three trinkets. I
placed the tiny tin flute upon an arm of the throne with trembling fingers, and I reached
out to the cloak.

“Snowgoose returns the flute in exchange for the feather,” I whispered, and the first
feather slid from the cloak as smoothly as straw sliding from warm butter. I placed the
crystal ball upon the arm of the throne.

“Little Ping returns the ball in exchange for the feather,” I whispered.

The second feather slid out as easily as the first. I placed the little bronze bell upon
the arm of the throne.

“Autumn Moon returns the bell in exchange for the feather,” I whispered, and the third
feather practically jumped into my hand.

Li Kao put the feathers in his smuggler's belt.

“The rest of it isn't going to be so easy,” he said grimly. “We're going to need help, so
let's go find it.”

We waited for the tide to go out. Then we jumped back down into the pool and Li Kao
retraced our steps through the labyrinth. The rope and hook had held, and I hauled us up
the stone chimney to the cave. Then we used the ropes and hooks to swing back down the
side of the cliff to a sea that had calmed enough to allow me to swim across the bay to
the city.

The greatest pleasure city in the world was coming to life. Laughter and oaths and the
cheerful sound of smashing wine jars followed us through the streets, and lurching
merrymakers swarmed around us, but we shoved them aside and hurried on. We climbed a wall
to a small garden. The guard dogs knew us well, and after a few pats they made no
objection when we climbed through a window. Sometimes one can find help in the strangest
places, such as a modest little house where a meek little man and his gloriously greedy
wife were enjoying a rare evening of domestic tranquility.

“Boopsie!”
Lotus Cloud yelled happily, and the Key Rabbit screamed
“Ghosts!”
and dived beneath the bed.

29. The View Through a Half-Closed Eye

It took some time to persuade the Key Rabbit that we had really survived the terrible
plague of ten thousand pestilential putrescences, but when we coaxed him out from under
the bed, we made quite a happy little family group. He was even inspired to bring jars of
wine from his meagre cellar, and we sat around the table sipping wine and nibbling grapes.
When the little fellow's long nose had stopped twitching in terror, Li Kao said as gently
as possible:

“Lotus Cloud, will you catch your husband before he hurts himself? You see, Ox and I have
decided to assassinate the Duke of Ch'in.”

Lotus Cloud grabbed the Key Rabbit just before his head hit the floor. After several
applications of smelling salts he was able to sip some wine, and color began to return to
his face.

“You are going to help us,” said Master Li.

Lotus Cloud grabbed her husband in the nick of time, and I ran for more smelling salts.

“Feel better?” Master Li said sympathetically when the Key Rabbit had regained some color.
“Perhaps I should begin by explaining why the duke deserves to be assassinated. It all
begins with a charming story that Lotus Cloud is sure to enjoy, because it involves the
handsomest god in Heaven and the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“And her wicked stepmother!” Lotus Cloud said, with shining eyes.

“Oddly enough, the wicked stepmother doesn't appear. I can't imagine why,” Master Li said
thoughtfully.

“Thank goodness!” the Key Rabbit exclaimed. “Wicked stepmothers terrify me. Come to think
of it, most things do,” he added sadly.

Li Kao played the host and refilled our wine cups, and then he followed Henpecked Ho's
account almost word for word as he told the tale of the Star Shepherd and the Princess of
Birds. No one could ask for a better audience than Lotus Cloud, who hopped up and down in
excitement when the August Personage of Jade placed the crown upon the head of Jade Pearl,
and who wept for joy when the princess stepped from the beautiful Bridge of Birds and ran
to the arms of the Star Shepherd. It didn't take a genius to see that my darling Lotus
Cloud was daydreaming that she could be the most beautiful girl in the world, and become a
goddess who could climb to the stars.

“And they lived...” Master Li refilled his cup. “No, I am sorry to say that they did not
live happily ever after. You see, there was a slimy fellow who wanted to live forever. He
learned that if he stole something that belonged to a god he would never age so long as he
possessed it, and that he would be invulnerable if the wisest man in the world, the Old
Man of the Mountain, removed his heart. So he set a trap for the most innocent and
gullible deity that he could find, meaning Jade Pearl, the Princess of Birds.”

“Oh no!” Lotus Cloud cried.

“Oh yes,” said Master Li. “She had three handmaidens who were as innocent as she was. The
slimy fellow bought three marvelous trinkets from the Old Man of the Mountain, as well as
three feathers that precisely resembled the feathers of the Kings of Birds. Then he
disguised himself as a lame peddler and he approached the handmaidens with some sort of
tale - he worshipped the princess from afar, for example, and would give anything to own
something that she had touched - and he offered to give the marvelous trinkets to the
maidens if they would do him one small favor. Simply substitute the feathers in his hand
for the feathers on Jade Pearl's crown, and bring the real ones back to him.”

“They would never do such a thing!” Lotus Cloud said indignantly.

“Did the girls know that the feathers on the crown were important?” the Key Rabbit
wondered.

“The Key Rabbit has put his finger on it,” Master Li said approvingly. “The handmaidens
didn't know that the feathers were those of the Kings of Birds, and one should remember
that this was a thousand years ago, when feathers were used to decorate headgear of all
sorts, including crowns. Why should it be a terrible crime to substitute new decorations
for old ones? Besides, those trinkets were truly irresistible. But the handmaidens were
firm on one point. The peddler must swear a binding oath that if for any reason the
princess wanted her old feathers back, he must return them in exchange for the trinkets.
Of course he took no chance of that happening. One by one they returned with the feathers,
and one by one he handed them the trinkets, and one by one he stabbed them to the heart.”

Lotus Cloud began to cry. “Poor girls,” she sniffled. “Poor faithless handmaidens.”

“And poor Princess of Birds,” said Master Li. “I would imagine that the slimy fellow
committed his crimes on the seventh day of the seventh moon, so that Heaven would have no
warning. Jade Pearl had been commanded to return to her husband, so she called to the
birds of China, but the birds could no longer hear her because she no longer wore the
feathers. Poor little princess. Calling birds that did not come, turning around
helplessly, gazing up at the Great River where her husband waited - and waited in vain,
because the seventh day of the seventh moon had come and gone. A vow had been made, a vow
had been broken, and the Princess of Birds passed from the protection of Heaven. Then it
was a very easy matter for a sly fellow in a peddler's robe to steal a crown from a simple
peasant girl.”

“Tragedies terrify me!” the Key Rabbit wailed.

“I'm afraid that it gets worse,” Master Li sighed. “The slimy fellow returned to the Old
Man of the Mountain, who removed his heart. Now he was invulnerable, and so long as he
held the crown, he would never age. As the centuries passed he bought many secrets from
the Old Man of the Mountain, and his power grew. And you, my dear Key Rabbit, know him
better than any of us, because he became the Duke of Ch'in, and he has been sitting upon
the throne ever since, concealed behind a golden mask.”

I grabbed the Key Rabbit in mid-fall, and Lotus Cloud waved smelling salts.

“The same duke throughout the centuries!” he gasped when he had recovered. “One thing I
beg of you. Do not force me to see the face behind the mask, for it must be the most
terrible face in the world!”

“Well, maybe not, because we are talking about a very unusual man,” Master Li said
thoughtfully. “He burned the books of China and massacred millions to erase all records of
the Princess of Birds, but why did he bother? She had already passed from the protection
of Heaven, so millions died for no good reason whatsoever. He built a castle with
thirty-six imperial bedrooms to confuse assassins, but the assassins couldn't harm him
because he was invulnerable. He lives only for money, but does he guard his hoards with
iron vaults and armies? He does not. He guards them with labyrinths and monsters that
might have come from children's books, and while the monsters are frightening, they are
not very effective. Great Buddha, any half-witted staff sergeant could plan better
defenses!”

“Do you think that he is crazy?” Lotus Cloud whispered.

“Oh, not at all,” said Master Li. “This is a fellow who arranged things so that anyone who
went after him would have to wander through the landscape of a homicidal fairy tale, which
makes no sense if you think of him as a great and powerful ruler, but which makes perfect
sense if you think of him as he once was: a cowardly little boy lying in bed at night,
staring in terror at every noise and seeing monsters in every shadow. He grew older, but
it can scarcely be said that he grew up, because he was so frightened at the thought of
death that he was willing to commit any crime, and even to lose his heart if it would keep
him from the Great Wheel of Transmigrations. There is one more thing about the Duke of
Ch'in that is perhaps the strangest of all.”

Li Kao reached into his belt and pulled out the gems that I had picked up along with the
casket: a diamond, a ruby, a pearl, and an emerald. He placed them upon the table.

“Key Rabbit, look at this stuff,” he said. “We have been talking about a little boy who
lives only for money, yet he employs you as Assessor of Ch'in. You are forced to impose
his fines, and collect his share of every transaction, and accompany him on tax trips and
determine what every village owes. Night after night he forces you to stay in his treasure
chambers and count every penny of his loot. The mysterious Duke of Ch'in, who lives only
for money, has arranged matters so that his Assessor must spend far more time with it than
he does. Peculiar, isn't it?”

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