Bridge of Hope (29 page)

I had to go to her.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

The rain was really hammering down and even though I’d dried out in the house from my earlier jaunt, as soon as I walked to my car again I was completely soaked. The water felt soothing as it seeped through my clothing and I stood there, head toward the heavens, and let myself be cleansed.

After I had parked the car outside the pub—so as not to alert Mallory to my presence in case she decided not to let me in—I jogged down to her cottage. I hammered on the door, stepped back, and waited. I could hear music coming from inside.

Shit. She’s listening to the CD now.

The door flung open and there she stood, my beautiful friend, her red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears ready to join the ones already leaving damp trails down her face. My God, even in a state of raw emotion she was stunning.

“I couldn’t wait any longer. It’s been hours. I was scared you’d packed up and gone.” Without giving her time to protest, I stepped into the cottage and swept her up into my arms as “The Reason” played in the background. She
had
listened all the way to the end.
Thank you, God.

Pulling away slightly, I kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I murmured. I expected her to push me away; but instead she pulled me closer despite my sodden clothing.

She eventually pulled away and gazed up into my eyes. “Don’t hurt me like that again, Greg, please.” She said I looked at her with hate. But she was so wrong.

Taking her face in my trembling hands, I stared deeply into her glistening blue eyes. “I could
never
hate you. It’s
me
that I hate. I’ll never,
ever
be so stupid again, I promise. I’m such an idiot. I care about you so much. I would never want to hurt you,
ever.
I just don’t know what else to do, Mallory. I… I love you
so much
… I don’t
care
anymore if it’s wrong… All I care about is you. If friends are what we are, then that’s what we are. I’ll get used to it, I promise I will.”
Oh, fuck it, I’m rambling like an idiot
. I pulled her into my arms again. “I can’t be without you in my life. I said some
terrible
things. Can you forgive me? The songs were meant to make you understand, not make you cry.” Taking her face between my hands once again, I paused for breath, my chest heaving. I caught her tears and wiped them away. “I want to kiss you so badly right now…”
Whoops
. “Oh, God, I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” I closed my eyes and waited for the fallout.

She pulled me down so that my forehead rested and on hers. “So do it.”

Huh? Great, now my mind’s playing fucking tricks on me.
“What?”

“Kiss me, Greg.”

With a strangled sound releasing from my throat, I crushed my lips against hers, slipped my hands into her hair, and grasped at her, not quite believing this was happening. She tasted so good.
This has to be a cruel dream. It has to be.
But I didn’t dare break the spell as my tongue wrapped around hers in a magical, sensual dance of love. Because despite trying to fight it, that was what it was for me.

Love.

She gripped my shoulders and tugged at my hair as if she couldn’t get close enough. I wanted her. Desperately. But I was terrified of ruining things, so I pulled away and we both gasped for breath. My gaze flicked from her eyes down to her swollen lips.

She placed a hand on either side of my face and peered into my eyes and into my soul. “Greg… I
do
see you.” My heart skipped when I heard her chosen words. The meaning was loud and clear to me and I knew she was referring to a line in “3 Libras”. Knowing that she had listened so intently and heard exactly what I was trying to convey had me taking her mouth once again in another delicious, deep kiss.

~~~

We eventually moved over to the couch and sat snuggled together. Just the feel of her so close to me filled me with something I can only describe as elation.

This was it. This was
us
.

Well, we were close to becoming an
us
. But I wasn’t going to rush it. I had to make sure things were going at
her
pace. And there was no rush needed anyway. If I had my way, we’d have all the time in the world to discover each other. Right at that very moment all’s I wanted to do was to kiss and hold her and relish in the closeness of her body to mine. Every so often she gazed up at me and I kissed her head or her nose. I could hardly believe this was happening, and the tiny seed of useless hope I’d had all along began to grow inside of me as the possibility of a future with this amazing woman became tangible. We mostly sat in silence and I stroked my fingers up and down her arm, loving how her skin quivered beneath my touch. Admittedly there was nothing I wanted more than to carry her up the stairs to her bedroom, lay her down, and make love to her all night, but I had to keep calm and know that those things
would
happen. I just had to be patient.

But my God, patience was something I would struggle with. I knew this just by the way my body reacted to her every sigh or movement where our bodies touched so innocently. Thinking back, I tried to remember when I’d last had this feeling of desperation to claim someone as my own. To make the most of every single second. Had I felt this way with Mairi? Maybe I had, but I couldn’t bring it to mind. This all felt so new. So necessary. It wasn’t just a feeling of lust. As I trailed my gaze over her relaxed features, I was overcome by a sense of need.

I
needed
her.

Fuck.

The realisation both excited and terrified me. I was a fiercely independent man. In fact my independence verged on the antisocial but here I was desperate to not be alone for once, with this gorgeous, caring, sexy woman in my arms; and I was having to fight my masculine, caveman-like urges to make her mine, waiting to be fucking damned. What if she suddenly realised she’d made a mistake? Fuck, I’d fall apart, I just knew it. I tenderly stroked my hand down her cheek, and she closed her eyes as she nuzzled even closer.

She dozed off in my arms and I watched her sleeping for about an hour, taking the time to study her face and neck, the curve of her breasts and the sweep of her waist. I wasn’t helping myself on the taking-it-slow front and I was relieved when she awoke. She apologised for being asleep but I told her I’d enjoyed looking at her. It was true.

Her gaze flicked around the room and she knotted her fingers in her lap. “So… what happens now?”

Pulling her close, I cupped her cheek. “Well, that’s up to you. We take things at your pace. When you feel you want to move forward, we do, until then it’s whatever you want it to be.”

Biting her lip, she confessed, “I… I’m scared of making huge mistakes… I’m scared of being judged… I’m scared of judging myself and being disappointed that I didn’t give myself time.”

“Then time is what you’ll have. Mallory, earlier today was… I felt so happy just being
with
you. Kissing you was… wow… not what I expected. I’m so terrified you’ll regret it and that’s why I didn’t try to…” I hoped she knew what I meant when my words trailed off.

Her lips turned up in a sweet smile. “I know, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that.” She sat upright, trailing her gaze over my face, and her cheeks flushed.

Oh, no. She’s regretting it already
. “What? What’s wrong?” I couldn’t hide the panic from my voice.

“N-nothing… I was just thinking… never mind.” The colour of her cheeks intensified and she twisted her hands together.

I gently placed my finger under her chin and lifted her face so that her eyes would meet mine. “If you need to say something, please just say it. Don’t leave me wondering, I’m terrified here.” I smiled, trying to make light of the situation.

“It’s silly really… I was just seeing you through fresh eyes, I guess. You’re an incredibly good-looking man, you know?” She smiled nervously and relief flooded my body.
Thank goodness.
I felt my own cheeks heat at her words. It was wonderful that she found me attractive because I really,
really
found
her
attractive. It was like a magnetic pull for me.

I knew she was scared of what the people around us would think about our budding romance, but I also knew that the people in the village had really taken to her. All they wanted was for her to be happy and for her to stay. We chatted about her fears and I hoped she believed what I was saying. People really
wouldn’t
judge her at all. They’d be shocked she’d chosen a grumpy arse like
me
and would be more likely to judge her on her
choice
of man rather than the fact the she had
chosen
to be with
someone.

I felt her body relax and the tension leave her. She climbed onto my lap and rested her forehead on mine. The sensation where our bodies touched was one of intense pleasure and I groaned. She began to kiss me and as she leaned even closer, she ground herself into me. I don’t think she was doing it on purpose—it was just her natural movements as we kissed, but I hardened beneath her and the contact and friction were sending my heart into frenzy. I grasped her ass, pulling her even closer, and as the kisses became more and more urgent I could feel my desire taking over.

I had to stop it.

Lifting her from my lap I placed her down on the couch and moved away. Glancing back at her, I saw the hurt in her eyes. She thought I’d rejected her.
Oh, no, no, you’ve got it wrong, sweetheart.

“What… what’s wrong, Greg?” Her voice was a strangled whisper. I stood and walked over to the fireplace and rested my hands there, dropping my head. Breathing deeply, I willed my thudding heart to calm and my prominent arousal to subside.

“I… I have to stop now; before we go too far. You’re not ready… We need to be careful not to rush things. I don’t want to lose you… I can’t lose
you
too.” I knew it was the right thing to do. For
her
. I heard her get up and held my breath, wondering what she was going to do. Ask me to leave? Instead she slipped her arms around me and rested her head on my back. I released the breath steadily.

Turning around, I enveloped her in my embrace once again, and she tilted her face up to mine. I gazed into her mesmerizing azure eyes and inhaled deeply for courage. “Just promise me one thing.”

She reached up and kissed my chin. “Anything.”

“If you have second thoughts about us, or if I’m taking things at the wrong speed, even if I’m going too slowly, please talk to me. Don’t shut me out. I couldn’t cope with that, Mallory. I’m afraid I’m in love with you… deeply in love with you. I’m not sure how you feel about me right now. I’m not asking you to tell me. I just hope that we have a chance at a future.” Inwardly I cringed. There I was on one hand saying we’d take things slow and on the other telling her my innermost feelings.
Sheesh!

Her brow creased and I feared the worst again. “I… Can you give me some time? I have so many feelings whizzing around my head right now that I just can’t make sense of them. But please know that I
do
have feelings.”

As I smiled down at her, my heart melted. I felt a small crack appear in the facade of my burgeoning hope but did my best to ignore it.
Give her time, McBradden. Just give her time
. I forced a warm expression and told her, “That will tide me over.”

Chapter Forty

We went back to snuggling on the couch and sharing a bottle of wine and talked about all sorts of stuff. Our childhoods, our friends—or lack thereof in my case. Watching her delicious mouth as she spoke had me wanting her lips on mine again, and again and every time we made eye contact I felt a jolt of excitement that had desire unfurling low in my abdomen. The fact that she smiled so often throughout our conversation gave me a warm glow. Or it could’ve been the alcohol…. No, who am I trying to kid? It was
definitely
Mallory.

Glancing over at the clock, I realised it was almost the middle of the night. Placing my glass down on the floor, I said the words that I knew would make my heart sink. “I really should go.”

She slid her body closer to mine and stroked her fingers down my stubbled face. “You could stay.” My body was screaming
Yes, yes! Hell yes!
But I reminded her that we had agreed to take things slowly. And if I stayed, there was no guarantee that I could stick to that promise.