Brightly (Flicker #2) (55 page)

Somehow, that made Nasser feel even worse. He stuffed the photo back into the folder and tried to hand it back to Jason. “Can you get rid of this?”

Jason hesitated. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m just tired.” He was, deeply, but it was more than that. “Can you just get this out of here? Please.”

“Sure,” Jason said, his voice oddly sad. He accepted the file and stood. “Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?”

Nasser nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He didn’t need to; Jason didn’t say anything more. He just slipped into the hallway and left Nasser with his thoughts.

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Nasser was walking in circles when someone knocked on the bedroom door. He spent a lot of time just crutching back and forth. It was something to do that didn’t involve trying to talk to other people. More than that, it just felt better to stand—more normal.

“Come in,” he called, already knowing who it was. He could sense the barest shimmer of energy in the hall.

The door swung open and Amelia stepped inside. She smiled pleasantly at him, just as she always did. Nasser managed a small one in return. Talking to her had gotten easier over the last few days. It was still hard for him not to imagine her holding a bone saw, but he was only here because of her, and that mattered. He was trying.

“I’m leaving in the morning,” Amelia said, without preamble. “I want to talk to you about something first. Sit down for a minute.”

Somewhat reluctantly, Nasser crutched over to the bed and sat down. Amelia perched beside him on the edge of the mattress.

“Your brother told me about your… condition,” she began. “The migraines and the seizures. He was hoping I might have some idea of what causes them.”

Nasser paused. It hadn’t occurred to him to ask Amelia. His mind had been elsewhere—and besides, he’d more or less resigned himself to the seizures and the blinding headaches. They were just part of his life. He assumed nothing could be done about them.

It also hadn’t occurred to him that Jason was concerned enough to ask. “And… do you?”

“I think so.”

Nasser stiffened. “I have a brain tumor, don’t I?”

A startled laugh escaped her. “No, nothing like that. Chronic, debilitating migraines like the ones Jason described to me—”

“I wouldn’t call them
chronic
.”

Amelia raised an eyebrow. “Oh? How often do you have them?”

It was a moment before he admitted, “Two or three times a month.”

“And they’re bad. Right?”

“Right,” he admitted. On those days, migraine days, the slightest sound or light was like a silver spike being driven through his skull. The first time it happened, when Nasser was fourteen, he’d thought he was going to die.

“Medicine doesn’t relieve the pain, either,” Amelia continued. “Not for long.”

That was true. Most of the time, the best Nasser could do was lock himself in a dark room and lie perfectly still while he waited for the pain to pass, hours stretching into what felt like an infinity.

“They’re not normal headaches,” Amelia said. “It’s your sensitivity to energy. You come into contact with a massive amount of energy every day—from people you pass on the street, from every building you enter. You feel all of it, and when it becomes overwhelming, your body processes it as pain.”

“And the seizures?”

“It goes back to your sensitivity. The people you care about…. You feel them inside your head, don’t you? And sometimes, you feel what they feel, as if it’s happening to you, even when they’re far away.”

He nodded uncertainly, and she smiled again.

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” she assured him. “When people become close, there’s an exchange of energy. Your magic attaches itself to the people you’re closest to. Energy passes back and forth. Anyone can potentially sense things through the bond—even normal humans sometimes have premonitions, bad feelings—but most aren’t sensitive enough to consciously detect the energy. You are.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with seizures,” Nasser said.

“When something traumatic happens to someone you’re close to, the connection is thrown wide open and energy rushes to you,” Amelia explained. “Unlike most people, you’re conscious of it. Your body can’t always cope with the surge of energy. That’s when the seizures happen. Actually, that reaction isn’t uncommon in people like you, though most have it controlled by the time they’re your age.”

He blinked. “It can be controlled?”

“Of course.” She paused. “How old are you, Nasser?”

“Twenty.” His birthday had been a few days before Clementine, Henry and Davis turned up at Flicker. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

“Is that all?” Amelia looked thoughtful. Clasping her hands together, she said, “About a year after you attain the rank of master, the Guild begins to encourage you to take an apprentice. It’s not mandatory, but it’s strongly preferred. I’ve been a Guild master for almost ten years. I’ve only taken one apprentice. Since she finished her training with me, I haven’t had the time or the inclination to take another.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

She leaned forward slightly. “Nasser, I would like to take you as my apprentice.”

At first, Nasser didn’t speak. He just frowned at Amelia, waiting for her to correct herself. When she kept looking at him, calm and level, he sputtered, “That’s not—I couldn’t—I’m not even in the Guild!”

“No,” she acknowledged, “but by formally taking you as my apprentice, I would make you part of the Guild. At first, your membership and standing would derive from me, the same as any apprentice. But by the time you left my tutelage and became a journeyman, you would be a full member of the Guild, with all the rights and protections that come with it.”

Nasser was shaking his head. “They wouldn’t want me. They’d put out my eyes as soon as look at me.”

“Is that what you think the Guild does?”

“Are you saying they don’t do that?”

She hesitated, as if weighing her words. Delicately, she said, “Not as punishment for breaking our laws unknowingly or unwillingly.”

That was cold comfort. “I didn’t do anything unwillingly.”

“I disagree. Jason and I spoke about this at length. Your fey masters kidnapped you when you were a child, correct?”

“Yes, but—”

“And by the time you broke free of them, your magic was your only means of supporting yourself. Correct?”

“More or less,” Nasser said. “But I don’t—”

“Clearly, you know next to nothing about the Guild or its laws,” Amelia went on. “Your understanding of how the Guild functions is badly skewed from years of hearing rumors and misinformation. Even so, you haven’t practiced harmful magic. Have you?”

“No.”

She smiled. “Just as I thought. You have legitimate grounds, Nasser.”

“Grounds for what?”

“Acceptance into the Guild.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The Guild punishes, but it also forgives. When we discover someone with talent, real talent, we want to be able to welcome them into our ranks. To do that, we need the flexibility to pardon past indiscretions, if the person in question is deserving. They would need a Guild master in good standing to vouch for them and monitor them after their acceptance. And you have that.”

“You can really just do that?” Nasser asked, bewildered. “Pick someone up off the street, take them as an apprentice and make them part of the Guild? That’s
allowed
?”

When Amelia smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkled. “Well, it’s not
quite
that simple. There’s paperwork to deal with first, but that’s no concern of yours. Once that’s finished, the process is fairly straightforward.”

“How does it work?”

“I would present you to the council, where you would take an oath to follow and uphold Guild law. All apprentices do this. The oath binds you to the Guild, and the Guild to you. From that moment on, your slate would be clean. Everything that happened before wouldn’t matter. You would start over as one of us.”

He paused. “What does that oath entail, exactly?”

“In essence, you pledge to serve the Guild until your death. I know it sounds daunting,” Amelia added. “But it isn’t what you think. When you commit yourself to the Guild, the Guild also commits itself to you. If you serve, it will provide. There will always be a place for you.”

“I’m a little old to start an apprenticeship,” Nasser said dubiously. He’d always heard that, in the Guild, children began their magical educations as young as six.

“Not really. Most don’t start the specialized training to become doctors until they’re fifteen or sixteen years old. Your practical experience will make up some of the difference. It wouldn’t be hard for you to catch up.”

Nasser started shaking his head again. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

Amelia’s expression turned somber. “If you learn to control your power, you won’t have the headaches or the seizures anymore. You won’t feel the emotions of other people, not unless you want to. I can teach you all of that and more. I can make you into a doctor, but only if you let me.”

“That’s…”
That’s crazy,
he almost said. He barely caught himself. “That’s very generous of you, but—”

“I can arrange for a prosthetic leg,” she added, softer. “It doesn’t have to be like this. You could have a completely normal life.”

That struck close to Nasser’s heart, and she seemed to know it.

He had never lived anything close to a normal life, and now he was even farther removed from it. He wondered what Amelia considered normal. For a moment, he imagined living among Guild folk, people who weren’t repelled by magic. He imagined walking.

“If I could get you a leg without making you part of the Guild, I would,” she continued. “But those resources are only available to Guild members in good standing. My hands are tied.”

“I can’t,” he said, clamping down on his previous thoughts. “My brother—”

“Your brother and your friends have grounds, as well,” Amelia said firmly. “Their situation will be taken into account.”

“But?” Nasser prompted.

She sighed. “
But
I can’t control their fate. There’s only so much I can do. I can’t help them directly. I
can
help you—but only you. I can’t take more than one apprentice.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” Nasser said. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“It makes perfect sense to me,” she said. “You have the touch, Nasser. Your gift is ideal for practicing medicine. If you’d grown up among Guild folk, the masters would’ve fought over who got to teach you. Even self-taught, your medical skills are impressive.”

He frowned. “Who told you about that?”

“Jason did. We had a long talk last night. He takes great pride in you,” she said. “Davis had a few things to say about your work with the curse victims, as well.”

“Why not take Davis? He has just as much—”

Amelia silenced him with a shake of her head. “I’m not the right person to teach him. Davis has a sense for plants. He can tell what they’re good for just by touching them, and while that certainly lends itself to medicine, it’s not a skill I can help him foster. You’re a different story. With the right training, you could be wonderful. You could help so many people.”

For a moment, Nasser was silent, his mind reeling. Then he blurted, “I don’t even
know
you.”

To his surprise, she laughed. “That’s fair. But have I given you any reason not to trust me? Do you sense me lying to you?”

“No,” he acknowledged.

“What’s the trouble, then?”

“Honestly? I can’t figure out your angle.”

“My angle?” she repeated.

He nodded. “What’s in it for you?”

Amelia huffed. “Why are all of you so convinced that I’m trying to trick you? Are you really that cynical?”

Nasser shrugged. “Years of rumors and misinformation, remember?”

“Ah. Right.” She sighed. “I want what’s best for the Guild—and what’s best for the Guild is promising young practitioners. That’s you. Letting you go on like this would be a waste of your talent. And,” she added, a bit reluctantly, “in all honesty, you remind of my brother, and I would’ve wanted someone to do this for him. Does that make more sense?”

“I guess so.”

“All right. So what do you say?”

“No.”

She blinked. “No?”

“I can’t. It wouldn’t be right.”

“For you or for your friends?” Amelia’s tone was almost sad. “If they care about what’s best for you, they’ll understand.”

Nasser felt himself flush. “It’s not like that. I can’t just—”

He broke off, unsure of how to make her understand. He’d abandoned Filo and Alice once before. He wouldn’t do it again—not for Guild standing, not for a leg, not for anything. There was Jason to think about, too. And Lee. Leaving the four of them to their fate while he went off safely somewhere wasn’t an option. Whatever happened to them would happen to him, too. But he didn’t know how to say any of that to Amelia.