Bringing Up Bebe (33 page)

strictness, 234–35

trust and respect for children, 247–48

Parents
magazine, 94

parent time (adult time), 7, 187–88, 194, 223

patience

attend
command,
xv
, 60

baking projects, 63–64

benefits of frustration, 53, 71–72, 75

calmness and resilience, 59

child’s capacity to learn, 74

for child’s own enjoyment, 60–61

coping with frustration, 61–62, 73, 210–11

family’s daily rituals, 56–57, 64–65

learning in crèche, 110

learning through
cadre
, 230

modeling of, 66

practice and skill-building, 62–66

saving treats, 64–65

self-distraction, 62, 71–72

solitary play, 66–67

See also
solitem> self-control

The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54

perfection as mother, 131, 145–48

perineal reeducation, 183–85

permissiveness,
n’importe quoi
,
xviii
, 68–70

Pernoud, Laurence, 202–3

Piaget, Jean, 79–80

play

narrated, 138–40

solitary, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45

Pleux, Didier, 72

PMI (Mother and Infant Protection service), 100, 123, 177

Pradel, Jacques, 88, 93

praise, 244, 251–56

pregnancy

anxiety over, 16–20

eating during, 18–19, 25, 27–28

fertility treatments, 168–71

pleasure during, 23–26

weight gain, 19, 26–28

weight loss following, 124–28

preschool,
xvii
, 103, 150–53, 156

punishment, 240

 

rapporter
,
xviii
, 249–50

rational understanding

in building
cadre
, 228–30

children’s capacity for, 41–42, 52, 88–96, 109, 152–53

complicité
,
xvi
, 232, 237–40

in discussions about food, 112, 203, 208

language of rights, 110, 229

relation fusionnelle
, 146–47

relationship, marital.
See
marital relationship

respect

of adult for child, 90, 93, 110, 238–39, 246, 257

complicity with child,
xvi
, 232, 237–40

greetings and magic words,
xv
, 154–58

for needs of others, 41–42, 54, 74, 156, 187–88, 228

rights, 110, 229

Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 81–82, 84, 86, 241

rules.
See
boundaries and limits;
cadre

 

sage
,
xviii
, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87

self-control

doucement
,
xvi
, 94–95

sage
,
xviii
, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87

See also
patience

self-distraction

coping with frustration, 62, 71–72

solitary play, 53, 66–67, 144–45

self-esteem, 244, 251–56

self-expression, 70–71, 224–25

self-reliance.
See
autonomy

sex

perineal reeducation, 183–85

during pregnancy, 20, 23–24

shouting at child, 220, 233

sleep

adaptation to family’s needs, 41–42, 54

child’s capacity to learn, 52–53, 54

child’s frustration and self-reliance, 42–43, 45, 53–54

consequences of childhood insomnia, 51

cycles and rhythms, 42, 46, 48–49

enforcement of bedtime rules, 187, 223, 235–36

nighttime feeding, 50–51, 52–53

norms and expectations, 36–38, 39–42

parents’ lack of, 177–78, 179, 180

The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54

scientific findings on, 49–51

sleep training, crying it out, 38–39, 51–52, 54

sommeil agité
, 48

sommeil paradoxal
, 43

talking to child about, 52, 223

teaching of, 49–50

Sleep, Dreams and the Child
(Thirion and Challamel), 40, 42–43, 48, 53

snacks

chocolat chaud
recipe, 218

chocolate, 214–15

gâteau au yaourt
recipe, 77

goûter,
definition,
xvii

official time for, 57, 64

saving treats for, 64–65

throughout day, 199

social development

appropriate use of curse words, 166–67

bilingualism, 159–62

in day care, 101, 103, 105–6

dealings with other children, 248–50

in
école maternelle
, 150–52

greetings and magic words,
xv
, 154–58

moral messages, 162–64

national and religious cultures, 164–66

respect for needs of others, 41–42, 54, 74, 156, 187–88, 228

solitary activity, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45

sommeil agité
, 48

sommeil paradoxal
, 43

spanking, 240

Spock, Benjamin, 91–92, 186–87

stay-at-home mothers, 115, 130, 137, 142

Steingarten, Jeffrey, 206–7

< height="0">

Also by Pamela Druckerman

Lust in Tran
slation

1.
French parents are very concerned about their kids
In a 2002 survey by the International Social Survey Program, 90 percent of French adults agreed or strongly agreed with the statement
“Watching children grow up is life’s greatest joy.” In the United States it was 85.5 percent; in the United Kingdom it was 81.1 percent.

2.
“more attention to the upbringing of children than can possibly be good for them”
Joseph Epstein, “The Kinde
rgarchy: Every Child a Dauphin,”
Weekly Standard
, June 9, 2008. Epstein may also have coined the word “kindergarchy.”

3.
benefit from more stimulation, too
Judith Warner describes this in
Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Arhont filepos-id="filepos796266">
(New York: Riverhead Books, 2005).

4.
has plunged since its peak in the early 1990s
According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, the rate of violent crimes in the United States fell 43 percent between 1991 an
d 2009.

5.
when I discover a research study
Alan B. Krueger, Daniel Kahneman, Claude Fischler, David Schkade, Norbert Schwarz, and Arthur A. St
one, “Time Use and Subjective Well-Being in France and the U.S.,”
Social Indicators Research
93 (2009): 7–18.