Brody's Vow (Colebrook Siblings Trilogy Book 1) (20 page)

Bracing herself, she looked over her shoulder and met Brody’s gaze. Giving him a small smile, she lifted a hand in farewell, the ache of tears burning the back of her throat when he did the same. He made her feel safe, cherished. Knowing she was about to walk away forever was almost too much to bear.

You’re making it worse. Go.

She forced herself to turn away and head for the security lineup. When she glanced back to look for him a minute later, he was gone.

As a cold emptiness spread through her, she felt a sharp stab of pain in her chest and finally knew what a broken heart felt like.

****

Brody needed to get drunk. As soon as possible. It was the only way to escape the pain for tonight.

He could drive back to the Shenandoah before getting shitfaced but he didn’t feel like being interrogated by his dad and Wyatt. He’d rather drown his sorrows in private, at his own place. Which would only remind him of her. And when he crawled into bed tonight his sheets would still smell like her.

Dammit…

Heaving a sigh, he headed back toward his rental car. It hurt like hell to let her go but he had no other choice. She’d made it clear that last night was a one-time thing and she was clearly anxious to get back to London.

He worried about her though. She might be the strongest woman he’d ever met but he knew she must be lonely. There was so much life in her, so much passion, he couldn’t handle thinking of her living the kind of bleak existence she had up to now. And part of him feared that if she continued that life, sooner or later it would catch up with her.

Sooner or later, someone better than her would catch her and end her life. Jesus, even thinking it made him sick to his stomach.

He stopped as a bus of tourists poured out onto the sidewalk and blocked his path, making him miss the light. It didn’t surprise him that Trinity had pulled away from him emotionally the moment they’d gotten into the car tonight. He wasn’t sure what he’d been hoping for, but the way she’d left filled him with bitter disappointment. She’d text him when she landed in London, but he already knew how this was going to play out after that.

He’d be the one to reach out, try to maintain some sort of contact. She’d never call him. Whether it was because she just wasn’t as into him as he’d hoped, or whether it was to protect herself from what he’d made her feel, he didn’t know. And it didn’t matter. Bottom line, as far as she was concerned, they were done.

It felt like his chest was filled with lead as he walked to the car. This sucked ass and it fucking hurt worse than when he’d been shot. He didn’t even have his job to keep him busy and give him something else to focus on. The thought depressed him even more.

He felt weary to the bone, hollowed out as he slid behind the wheel and cranked the engine. God, he missed her already and it had only been a few minutes. How was he supposed to get over her after what they’d been through, what they’d shared last night?

Shifting into reverse, he waited for the cars behind him to pass before backing out, using his mirrors. He turned the wheels, shifted into drive and glanced up, only to hit the brakes when he saw Trinity standing there in front of him. She stared at him, unmoving, her expression unreadable.

Stunned, he quickly put it in park and opened his door, his heart thudding. He climbed out and approached her slowly, an invisible cable squeezing his ribcage. Did this mean what he thought it did? Had she changed her mind?

As he started toward her, her expression shifted, the calm mask slipping. She looked bewildered, a little lost even and his heart turned over. “Hey,” he said, wanting to grab her so bad he had to shove his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching for her. She looked ready to bolt. “What happened?”

She stared back at him for a long moment, the confusion and uncertainty on her face tearing at him. Then she lifted a shoulder and shook her head. “I couldn’t do it.”

Couldn’t do what, get on the plane? A wild surge of hope exploded inside him.

She didn’t move as he closed the distance between them, just kept watching him with those fathomless, deep blue eyes. There was fear there. Fear he wanted to wipe away forever. It was like she was afraid to come to him. Afraid to take that last step.

The hand holding the strap of her bag on her shoulder squeezed once and her throat worked as she swallowed. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she confessed, her voice unsteady. “I’ve never done this before.”

Unable to be this close and not touch her, Brody caught her free hand. “Done what?” he murmured, lifting his other hand to stroke his fingers across her cheek.

So damn soft. She was so beautiful and strong, but right now she was afraid and it floored him. She needed him and it shook her.

He wanted to gather her up in his arms and never let her go.

“I’ve never not been able to walk away,” she whispered, looking so vulnerable it broke his heart.

Hell, she undid him without even trying.
“I’m glad you didn’t. Now God, just…come here.” With a groan of sheer relief that came from deep in his chest he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight.

Trinity wrapped her arms around his ribs and held on hard, plastering her body to his, as if she couldn’t get close enough. It felt fucking incredible. He never wanted to let her go.

She gave a shuddering sigh. “What the hell did you do to me?” she accused, her cheek pressed to his chest.

“Same thing you did to me,” he answered, not one damn bit sorry.

Raising her head, she met his eyes. Hope. That’s what reflected back at him. “So what happens now?”

He smoothed a lock of hair away from her cheek. “Guess that depends on you.” Because he was all in. She needed to decide whether she was or not.

Now her expression turned tormented. “I don’t know what I want, I just know that I couldn’t leave you. I don’t…”

“Hey, shhh.” He took her face between his hands, the need to comfort and reassure her overwhelming. “Don’t look so scared, sweetheart. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” He rubbed his thumbs across her cheeks. “So what do you want?”

A sheen of tears glistened in her eyes and the sight pierced him. He knew for a fact she wouldn’t let anyone else except maybe Briar see her this vulnerable. “You,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

Warmth and longing and something a lot like love filled his chest until he thought it might burst. “Then I’m all yours.”

As long as you’re willing to be mine.

He didn’t dare say it aloud, knowing that for her it would be too much too soon. The last thing he wanted was to spook her into running now that she’d finally reached out to him. But this was one hell of a start, and way more than he’d ever dreamed of having.

“I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know where we go from here.” Her eyes practically begged him to give her the answer.

“Then how about I drive you back to my place and we just take this one day at a time, see what happens?”

Relief filled her expression, her posture easing. A tremulous smile spread across her face, the hope shining in her eyes as tangible as a touch. “That sounds perfect.”

Yeah, it really did.

Three weeks later

Trinity fought the stab of disappointment that hit her when she checked her phone for what felt like the thousandth time in the past forty-eight hours. Brody hadn’t responded to any of her texts. She’d even left him a voice message a few hours ago because she missed him so damn much, and still nothing.

It wasn’t like him not to respond, not for this long. And she had a huge decision to make. One that would change the course of her life if she said yes. She couldn’t say yes without talking to Brody first, however.

Sighing, she got up and headed to the fridge, telling herself to cope already. She’d been the one to pull away and fly back here rather than stay with him, so she could have time and space to think.

Careful what you wish for, Trin.

Well, she was now thoroughly sick of having time to herself to think. After some in-depth soul searching during the first week she’d been back in London, she’d come to the conclusion that her worst fears had been realized.

She’d fallen in love with him.

Not that she really knew what love looked like or felt like, but this had to be it. She’d never felt anything this strong, had never wanted to be with someone this badly. Being apart from him for this long made it feel like there was a hole inside her.

It wasn’t just one thing she missed about him. They’d talked pretty much every day since she’d first given in and called him, rather than the other way around. She missed him like hell, missed just being next to him. She loved his strength and his integrity and his commitment to his job and his family.

Even the way he was moody in the morning before he had his coffee was a little adorable. He wasn’t perfect, no one was, least of all her, but he was perfect for her. As unexpected and terrifying as that realization was, there was no disputing it.

She wanted to be with him. To wake up beside him every day. To come home to him at night, and—holy hell, she never thought she’d feel this way, but—maybe even spend the rest of her life with him.

Trouble was, she had no clue if he was ready to make that kind of leap and she had no intention of jumping unless she knew there was some kind of safety net waiting below to catch her. She’d told him she had to do this, to get some distance for clarity, to think about them together and be sure she could trust her heart, and he’d agreed to give her time.

The kitchen tile she’d picked out was cold against her bare feet. Her place was nice enough. She’d had the kitchen redone about six months ago to suit her tastes. Everything was in shades of white and cream, except for the rich mahogany floors throughout her condo. She’d bought and redecorated it with the aim of creating a safe, calming environment of tranquility for her to surround herself with between jobs.

Normally in her precious and rare hours of downtime she loved curling up on the couch in front of the gas fireplace to read or drink a cup of tea. Today her surroundings felt cold and sterile. Empty.

Because she was lonely.

She missed Brody so much it was a constant physical ache in the center of her chest. She was done with this whole lifestyle that she had once thought was so amazing and empowering, but was really just a cage. For years she’d put her country’s needs before her own. Now she wanted a life for herself. She wanted to be
free
. And she wanted Brody.

It had been just over three weeks since she’d left the States. Three weeks since she’d finally forced herself to get on the damn plane and come back here to figure out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. The offer she’d received yesterday seemed like it might be the answer to all her prayers.

In the end she’d stayed with Brody four more days beyond her first scheduled departure date. At the time she’d told herself it was mostly for convenience’s sake, since they’d both had to attend interviews and meetings with Rycroft and other NSA officials during their investigation.

In reality, it was because she hadn’t been strong enough to leave Brody. She’d left with the promise only that she’d think about what she wanted in terms of a relationship with him.

The answer had become crystal clear to her at the start of the second week, she’d just been too afraid to tell him. Hell, she’d even thought about just booking a flight and going back to Virginia to surprise him. Her deep-seated fear of rejection had stopped her cold.

Her life wasn’t all loneliness and gray clouds though. Shortly after coming back to London, Rycroft had called to let her know he’d found out who the dirty CIA officer was.

No surprise to her, it turned out to be the contact she’d dealt with for the Salvatori job. He’d been arrested and charged, was currently awaiting trial and faced going to jail for the next twenty-five years. Rycroft said with the evidence she’d provided he was definitely getting convicted. In a few months she’d have to go there and testify. The only reason she wasn’t dreading that was because it gave her the chance to see Brody again.

She perused the meager contents of her fridge, made a face when she realized just how little was in there. A few apples, some Greek yogurt and veggies when what she needed was a heaping bowl of fettuccini Alfredo or a homemade bread pudding with extra chocolate. She’d have to order some takeout.

Resigned, she grabbed her phone and headed back to the couch, called her favorite Italian place to order some fettuccini for delivery. When the phone dinged half an hour later with a new message, her pulse spiked. But it wasn’t Brody texting. It was Briar.

More disappointment washed over her. She loved Briar but the only person she wanted to hear from right now wasn’t responding for some reason. Brody had been given the green light to go back to work—to a desk job until he’d fully recovered—but he wasn’t supposed to start until next Monday. Had he been called out somewhere and hadn’t been able to tell her?

She snorted at herself. God, she was such a hypocrite. When she’d gone on jobs she hadn’t told anyone where she was going. Of course, she’d never been involved with anyone before. Not to this extent.

Alex said he offered you the job. Are you going to take it?
Briar texted.

Trinity could easily picture her dancing on the spot with excitement as she typed it.
Haven’t decided yet.

She’d wanted to tell Brody first, feel him out in terms of what he thought, since taking the job would mean her moving to either Virginia or Maryland. She didn’t think she could be that close to him and not see him.

It wasn’t like they’d made any promises to each other or anything. He’d been careful not to push her on making any firm commitment, and dammit, it had worked because now she couldn’t stand being apart from him. Four days of hot and heavy and a few harrowing situations together before that did not a relationship make.