Broken Dolls (22 page)

Lisa slams her hand on the counter and strides towards me, bending over to meet my gaze. “
What
did you say about my parents?”

“I’ve gone back and forth from human to doll, human to doll, human to doll many times,” I say calmly. “This is probably my fifteenth time, but unfortunately, my memories are erased each time. I do remember Daniel saying something about his good friend Tony…”

“That’s my dad.” Lisa clenches her jaw. “What about him?”

“Tony was worried about his daughter. She was going through
a phase
. Cutting herself, drinking heavily.” I pause and narrow my eyes at Lisa. “You know the drill. Tony’s daughter contracted something very bad one day. Something
incurable
. He asked Daniel if he could help his little girl’s body heal by transferring her consciousness.”

“So you’re
in
on this?” Lisa whispers, backing away and leaning against the counter. Her chest rises and falls as she struggles to comprehend the situation.

“Untie my husband,” I repeat, managing to pull myself into a sitting position. “He’ll be able to tell you if you’re cured or not. If you are, you’re free to go back to your family.” I cringe as I listen to my voice. It gets more grating the more I speak. It sounds like I need to cough up a frog.

I’m actually surprised when Lisa reluctantly steps behind the professor–I mean,
Daniel
–and complies. Maybe it’s because I’m an older woman, and she feels obliged to listen. Or maybe she’s still in a state of shock. Regardless, I’m getting my way.

“And when you’ve done that,” I say steadily, “retrieve my granddaughter from outside. We will begin the process to turn her into a doll. We don’t have a lot of time.”

“A lot of time for what?” Lisa flings the ropes to the ground. Daniel rubs his chafed, old-man wrists and stands uneasily. He glares at Lisa and steps around her to the computer.

“Gabby is dying. Once she’s in the tank, it will slow down the virus. In time, she will heal. Hurry,” I add when Lisa gapes at me. She hops on the spot a moment before briefly disappearing through the door and reentering with Gabby in her arms.

My granddaughter, Jason’s daughter, is unconscious. We really are running out of time.

Daniel flicks a switch that turns the bubbles on within one of the empty tanks. He motions for Lisa to join him.

“What are you doing?” She pants, her arms shaking from the weight. Granted, Gabby wouldn’t be heavy–but Lisa and I are both weak from not using our bodies.

“Saving her,” Daniel replies quietly, untangling cords. He proceeds to plug the end of one into the computer, and sticks the other end onto her temples. Lisa passes Gabby into Daniel’s arms, and he slips her into the tank.

Gabby bobbles in the murky green water like a buoy in the ocean. Reluctantly, Daniel closes the lid and turns back to type furiously into the computer, pausing only to readjust his glasses.

“Activation takes twenty minutes,” Daniel says to Lisa once the sequence initiates.

“Where will her consciousness go? Do you have a doll already made?” Lisa doesn’t speak with conviction anymore. She’s out of her element–she’s scared, timid,
worried
.

“Of course I have a doll for her,” Daniel snaps. “I’ll retrieve it momentarily.”

Lisa clears her throat. “Is it true? My parents asked you to… to cure me?”

Daniel nods. “At a cost, I should tell you. This equipment is expensive.” He pauses. “I suppose you want to see if they’ve gotten their money’s worth?”

Lisa mimics Daniel by folding her arms and shrugging, so as not to commit to an answer. Daniel looks her up and down, his resentment unyielding. Eventually, he sniffs and walks towards another monitor, his movements rigid–his body’s reaction to an unwelcome task. That, I still remember.

“Give me your hand,” he says harshly, fumbling with a large needle. Lisa flinches when the scarlet liquid burbles up on her skin. He squeezes a few droplets onto one of his scanners and waits for the blue light confirmation to flash. Even with my returned memories, I still can’t name or describe his equipment–it all looks the same. Silver, shiny, and relatively large.

“Here,” he says rudely, handing her a cotton ball. “Dab off the excess.”

“What did you need my blood for?” Lisa shakily presses the cotton to her wound.

Daniel motions at the machine. Numbers flicker wildly on the small screen until they settle into: “5TATU5: CUR3D”.

“Does it…” Lisa bends over to read the screen, squinting her eyes against the glare.

“Yes.” Daniel says. “You’re finished. Done. I don’t have to manage you anymore. You can find your own way home because I’m certainly not wasting any more time.”

Lisa cradles the cotton ball close to her chest and looks to me for reassurance.

“Don’t look at me,” I bark. “Be grateful you’re alive and healthy. Just don’t mess it up this time.”

“I didn’t even know I was sick…” Lisa whispers, her eyes watering. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t understand. I only remembered the good things. I didn’t know I was…I didn’t know I
am
…”

“Honestly, Lisa, shut up.” I shake my head. “We get it. You’re a dumb person, and you’ve done stupid things. Rather than complain about it,
fix
it. You were a broken doll, but you’re not a broken human. Get your act together.”

“Ella,” Daniel hushes. “Don’t be like that.”

“I
am
like that!” I’m also tired of sitting on the floor like an idiot. “She’s cured! She’s cured after inflicting this on herself. She’s cured after terrorizing me. She’s cured after the turmoil she put her loved ones through. Yay for Lisa, she’s
cured
! The bad guys
always
win!”

No one responds. No one ever does when I’m in human form. I’m not as cute or polite as the doll I was in.

“I’m sorry,” Lisa says, her eyes focused on the floor. She awkwardly bows and runs through the door, her footsteps slapping the stairs. When the front door clicks closed, I know it’s the last time I’ll ever see Lisa.

Daniel steadily walks towards me, about to sit me up on the stool he rolls over.

“Stop,” I hiss, waving him away. “I’ll be fine here.”

“You can’t sit on the floor like that,” he says softly, his eyebrows puckered. “You’re soaked, and, and there’s glass everywhere!”

“I’m fine,” I mutter, glancing down at my stubby fingers. “It gets harder to re-remember everything. I don’t recall it being so emotionally difficult last time.”

“That’s what you said last time,” Daniel smiles grimly, taking his place on the seat. He tents his fingers and fidgets, sighing as if it’s going out of fashion. “I can’t heal you, Ella. I told you that last time, too. And the times before that. I can cure illness easily–in fact, I think it’s time I released it to the public–but,
physical
conditions like your spine…”

“Yes, it’s not meant to be,” I say with certainty, wiping away a rogue tear. “I was never meant to dance.”

“I don’t believe that!” Daniel grabs my hand to stroke it tenderly with his thumb.

“I don’t believe in a lot of things–herbal medicine, hypnosis–but it doesn’t mean they don’t exist, does it?” I counter, squeezing his hand the same way I did on the night of the accident. “I have to get over myself. It’s been thirty years. I never see my son because I’m too obsessed with being a dancing doll. Was this the first time I met Gabby? I don’t remember her…”

“You met her six years ago, when you returned to your human form for nine months. Since then, I told her that you moved to Florida to be with your sister, just so she doesn’t continually ask me where Grandma is. That was the last time you spoke to Jason.”

“
Really
?” Surely, it hasn’t been six years since I saw my son! “Was that when we had that fight?”

Daniel purses his lips so tightly, they’re barely visible.

“Oh…” I vaguely recall the day Jason said he never wanted to see me again. Maybe, I blocked out that memory, or maybe, it’s just taking a while for it to come back. It’s like having perpetual, yet fleeting, amnesia. “Remind me; did he not want to see me because I was a doll?”

“You were human when you fought.” Daniel sweeps my hair behind my ear. “He understood my experiment and how it helped others, but he… he said you were selfish and ungrateful for continuously wiping your memory to live a life free of responsibility.”

“And when did he come to you about Gabby?”

“It was only last week. This epidemic is
nearly
universally fatal to O Positive blood types. We knew Gabby would die, so he asked if I could help. He’s experimenting with medical cures too, but he’s not having any success. I’ve considered showing him how to transfer consciousness. It’d be great if he followed in my footsteps.” Daniel coughs into his fist. “I’m hoping Gabby will only need to go under for a week, at most. I’ve found a new technique that shortens the timespan. Libby will be cured in three days. It’s revolutionary, dear. It’ll be nice to have the money, and I’m thrilled to be saving lives… and yet, despite all the good I’ve done… I still failed
you
.” He chokes on the words and slumps over. I don’t expect him to break down into tears like he does, and I’m even more confused when he throws himself off the chair and snuggles into me, resting his head on my lap. I struggle to feel sympathy for Daniel. I suppose the whole ‘loving him’ part hasn’t returned to me yet. Truth be told, I’m far too busy pitying myself. After all,
he
was the one behind the wheel.
He
is the reason why I can never dance again.

“Can’t you just put my consciousness into another human?”

“You asked me this last time.” Daniel straightens, wiping away his tears and the lingering moisture from my time in the tank that’s still weighing down my clothing. “I told you there are moral implications for that. I think religions and legal systems would agree with me.”

I huff. “Let’s not argue the semantics.” I pause, thinking that Daniel might reply. When he doesn’t, I change the subject. “Why did you make it possible for dolls to cry?”

Daniel bites the inside of his mouth. “It’s part of a separate experiment. I inserted tear ducts and small amounts of water inside the doll’s head. I wanted to see if it was possible to convey physical emotion through an inanimate object. It was successful, which means bright possibilities for future studies.”

I roll my eyes. I’m nothing but a guinea pig. “I met Sianne. You’re a jerk for sending her to spy on me.”

Daniel’s eyes widen. “I didn’t send her to spy on you!”

“Yes, you did! That’s how you knew I was at the ballet–or when I hurt myself outside! Don’t lie! I’m sick of the lies!”

“Fine! I didn’t trust you!” Daniel’s shakes when he inhales. “Sianne was worrying about her mortality, so I offered to turn her into a doll on one condition: that she watch you when I wasn’t around. I was so worried about you breaking that I needed someone to be my eyes. But her mind didn’t cope with the transition, and I lost her. Then I found her, and then I lost her again…”

“That’s because she deliberately hid from you. Lisa found her locked in a box. She’s absolutely mental, now. She kept telling me 3-4-7-8-1-9-2. She said it was the code to her lab.”

“It’s not.” Daniel sighs. “It’s our bloody lotto numbers. Where is she now?”

I shrug and motion towards the cupboard. “I’m guessing the miniature shadow in the corner belongs to her. She’s doing what she does best;
spying
on me.”

The shadow darts behind a box when Sianne realizes she’s been spotted. Daniel shakes his head and follows her until he manages to run her to ground.

“No!” she squeals, kicking and punching his hand. “The trolls want my money! They said it’s infected!”

Daniel purses his lips and grunts as he snaps Sianne over his knee. She stops moving instantly, the green mist wafting into the cool stale air. He drops her remains to the ground and hurries towards one of the tubes. Inside, a woman our age has just woken up. She thrashes in the water, her cheeks expanding like a pufferfish’s as she waits for Daniel to set her loose. Eventually, he presses the button on the side, and the water drains. Sianne gasps for air and leans against the tube while she catches her breath. I’m a bit annoyed. All Lisa had to do was press a button, and I would’ve avoided slicing my skin on the broken glass. What do they say? Hindsight is always 20/20.

“What happened?” Sianne coughs, her teeth chattering.

“I’m bringing you back to reality,” Daniel offers his hand so Sianne can gracefully exit the tube. She rubs her arms in an attempt to warm up, then steps out onto the dingy floorboards.

“Of course!” Her eyes roll back so only the whites show. She looks as weak as I feel. “Ella started remembering…”

The professor flinches and hands her another spare lab coat. “We’ll talk later. Why don’t you go freshen up outside for a moment? Once I help Gabby, I’ll tend to you.”

“Gabby?” Sianne wrings out her hair, so thin, she’s almost balding.

“Your niece,” Daniel clarifies. “It might take a while for your memories to snap into place.”

Sianne closes her eyes, small creases lacing her drooping skin when she tightens them. “Daniel, my mind is so muddled. Sounds and sights are reversed. My memories are like a dream. I don’t fear death now. I think it will be less confusing…” She pauses. “Daniel, Ella is beyond repair. You can’t keep her as a doll. You both need to let go.”

Daniel tugs on her, trying to lead her away. She’s a bigger woman, a lot like me, so he struggles.

“Daniel, will my mind ever go back to normal?” She gently rubs her temples with her index fingers. “Life is clouded.”

“I can’t guarantee that it will, Sianne,” Daniel says softly. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this. I just wanted Ella to enjoy a world of ignorance and bliss. I thought you could help protect her. I thought she’d be happier that way. That you both would.”

“She’d have been happier knowing the truth,” Sianne mumbles, finally shifting when Daniel pulls on her arm. He leads her out of the room, closing the door behind her. I wish I had something cogent to say, but really, what is there? He’d known turning her into a doll without the benefit of induced amnesia was bound to backfire. So, he’d gone and deliberately ruined his sister’s life to try and appease me. He’s always done that, though. He always put me first. Just ask Jason.