Broken Heart (Broken Heart #1) (18 page)

baby, let me inside of you,” he whispered as he sat up on the couch and gently swung me over his hips to straddle him.

That was it. I wanted to come right there and then. Make love to me? The words I’ve wanted to hear, especially from him. The words I longed for from someone, but coming from his lips, those were the words that would drive me insane. He pressed his hips into my wide-open legs, in

there…right there. I pushed down on him I felt him in full. He was big and solid. Oh my God! What am I going to do? He grabbed me by my face and startled me for a moment. 

“Do you really want me to stop, baby?” Michael leaned in and kissed me hard. His tongue invading my mouth as he sucked, tugged, and wrestled with mine. I began to rub myself against him hard

as he felt me on him, he moaned, groaned, grabbed my hair, and pulled it hard. The pain of the pull woke me up from my wild stallion bucking, dry humping him as the friction of my moist, wet

area between my legs ignited. I was suddenly hit with my mother’s haunting voice in my head. No mother…no…not now.

“Jenesis, don’t sleep with a man on the first date, trust me, it will be your last.” 

I stopped moving. I was frozen. I couldn’t hide the guilt on my face. Michael held me by the waist the he let go and cupped my face in his hands as he looked into my eyes. He lowered his head and shut his eyes for a few seconds. He knew I couldn’t do it; he wanted to say it was okay, but he

couldn’t. I stared at him as my heart raced. I sat breathless, speechless and unfulfilled. Then I spoke.

“Michael, I can’t.” I gently pushed him away with my hands. “Please, I’m not ready for this. We just met…it’s too fast.” I said almost afraid to look at him. 

His blue-green eyes were glinting with frustration as he slid his hands off of my face and placed them down by his side on the couch. He turned his face away from me. He slowly lifted me off of

him. He stood up and placed his shirt over his head. I can hear the disappointment as he took a deep breath and let out a sigh of dissatisfaction. 

“I don’t understand!” he said abruptly as he tucked his blue polo shirt into his black jeans. “You didn’t stop me when I was feeling you up? What happened?” His face turned red as he scowled at me while he was fastening his belt around his waist.

I stood up slowly and began to fix my blouse embarrassed and dying on the inside as he scolded me so harshly. It almost sounded the same way my father called me a whore on the day of my prom. 

“I don’t have to explain anything to you. I just can’t and that’s it!” I said nervously as my body conformed to a different type of excitement. I was getting defensive the same way I did in Dr. Logan’s office.

Michael eyed me for a moment, and as I walked away from him, he grabbed me by my arm holding it tightly…tightly enough for him to hurt me. I looked at him with pain in my eyes. I was shocked

and couldn’t believe the audacity he had to grab me by my arm. My reaction set in, and I yanked my arm off from his grip. He was standing in front of me, and then slid his hands through his hair.

You could tell he wanted to explode. He was frustrated, and he looked as if he wanted to release it…on me.

“Really? What the hell is this all about? You invited me to your apartment, remember? Why are you giving me mixed signals? I thought you wanted the same thing I did,” he said sternly as he

raised his eyebrows in displeasure and his beautiful lips quivered with anger. I stood there staring at him, speechless and concerned about the way he manhandled me. I was a little frightened, but I

wasn’t going to allow him to do much more if that’s what he was thinking of doing. He looked away and turned around and walked towards the living room. He sat on the couch breathing hard,

exasperated. He pulled on my arm a little too hard, I thought to myself. I stood in the hallway rubbing it as it ached and I glanced over at him. His leg was shaking up and down in his fury. I

felt guilty because I knew he was right. I did invite him over. What else was he going to think if I let him touch me? I inhaled deeply and cautiously walked over to him and said,

“You’re right, I did give you the wrong impression, but if I gave myself to you now, what would you have really thought about me?” I whispered as my voice trembled. “I’m not a one night stand, Michael. I’ve never been with a man before. This isn’t how I imagined it, especially not on my

first date with a man I…I’d like you to leave now.” I stood in front of him with my head down trying my best to choke back my tears.

Michael looked up at me then stood up and grabbed me gently and placed my head on his chest as he hugged me. I wept into his chest.

“Fuck…don’t cry, I’m sorry for grabbing you by the arm like that. I get angry without thinking…one of my biggest flaws. I’m sorry Jenesis. I can’t believe I did that to you.” He held

me gently by the back of my neck and kissed the top of my head. I cried into his chest with my hands against my face. “I’m just so happy to be with you…you don’t even understand how I feel,”

he whispered apologetically. He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes. I let out a sigh of relief. The tears slid down my face. I couldn’t stop crying. I just couldn’t.

“Baby, please forgive me. You must think I’m a creep right now. I’m not baby, I’m not. I’m sorry, please forgive me.” I moved away from his chest and wiped my tears with my hands. I looked up at him and his eyes were tearing, he glanced away, feeling embarrassed. He placed his hands in

the front pockets of his jeans and waited for me to speak. I didn’t know what to do and I thought at that very moment if I forgave him I would be just like my mother. 

“Michael,” I said without looking at him, “please leave.” My tone was cold and I started to walk away from him and walk towards the bedroom.  “No,” he whispered. My heart sank, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Please, don’t make this any worse than it is.” I wanted to cry again, but I needed to be strong.

“I’m not going to walk away from you. I’ve done this too many times in my past relationships, never giving anything a chance. I’ve walked away and never came back.”

“Then you never cared about them and…that’s your choice. You’re not going to hurt me, ever. And I’m sure as hell never going to let you hit me.” “I didn’t hit you. I grabbed you a little too tightly. Jenesis, please…I’m sorry.” He walked towards me, and I took a step back.

“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, blinded by your good looks and your charm can leave a girl with a broken heart…or arm.” I was angry, and at that point there was nothing he could say or do to calm me down. I had to send him a message, and if he didn’t like it…he needed to leave.

“I’m leaving.” He shook his head, grabbed his coat and shoes from the bathroom, gave me one last look, and walked out.

CHAPTER 10

I woke up the next morning feeling sick. My heart was broken and I really felt the pain. My God…I loved him. I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I had to get my head together before going

to work tonight. I needed to talk to someone and I knew I had to make that phone call to Dave. I needed some fatherly advice. I walked downstairs in my pajamas to Dave’s apartment. I’d never

been there before. I always made sure his apartment was off limits to me. It just didn’t feel right; but, I needed some fatherly advice, so this time, I broke the rules. I knocked lightly on the door.

“Who is it?” I heard him ask.

“It’s me, Jenesis” He opened the door slowly.

“Jen, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No…well, yes…I mean, can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course, come on in.” I walked in and was surprised to see what a beautiful apartment Dave had. It was immaculate and as I scanned the room, he had a batch of fresh white orchids

sitting meticulously on the glass dining room table. The White leather sofas, the Oriental rug, the paintings on the walls, it was such a beautiful place for a man who lived alone. Of course, he was

playing his favorite 80’s music on the stereo and I smiled inside, it brought back so many memories of my mother and me listening to the music in the car on our way to the precinct to pick up my

father. I was impressed, I mean, compared to his office, I would have never thought he lived like this.

“Jen, sit, please. You want some coffee?” He walked into the kitchen.

“Yes, please.” I stood staring in amazement at the paintings on the wall.

They were mostly paintings of women from the Victorian era. I stood up and walked over to the fireplace. The fireplace… It wasn’t real, but it was decorated so methodically, with crystal studded frames, candleholders, and trinkets he bought on some of his vacations. They were placed in order

with the dates of the vacations engraved in them. The frames were different shapes and heights, but were matched with the height of each candleholder.

You could tell if something was displaced, he’d notice in a heartbeat. The frames displayed photos of his friends at the precinct and an old picture of what looked like his father whose blue eyes lit

up the frame. There was a photo of a woman with long black hair and she had her arms around his shoulders hugging him tightly. He was holding her by her waist kissing her forehead. I could hear

the espresso machine that I bought him making all sorts of noises in the kitchen. I laughed internally. I leaned in to get a better look at the photo but was startled when Dave walked back in.

“Umm…here you go. Hot stuff…sit at the table.” He placed the piping hot cup of coffee on a coaster on the glass dining room table. The scent of the fresh white orchids brought back memories

of my home in Pennsylvania. I smiled at Dave as he sat to join to me and grabbed a coaster for his espresso. I didn’t know how to start the conversation so I got right to the point.

“Michael…grabbed me by the arm last night,” I whispered then glanced up at Dave as I blew on my hot cup of coffee.

“What? What do you mean?” His eyebrows raised and his eyes peered at me.

“I mislead him and he got angry. I know he didn’t mean to, but he was mad and then I asked him to leave. I feel terrible. I love him Dave and now, I think I lost him…forever.” My eyes welled up with tears as I looked at Dave for advice. I needed him to make me feel better, now.

“I should break his fucking neck!” he shouted.

“Dave please, I need you to think, don’t be hot-headed right now. I need you to listen. I need advice,” I pleaded.

“I still should snap his neck. What do you want me to tell you?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head as he sipped on his espresso. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I asked for it. I’m sure he was thinking that about me.

“I love him. I love him so much that I’m dying inside right now. How can I make it right?” The lump in my throat reached its capacity. I began to cry and I couldn’t contain myself.

“Why the fuck do you have to make anything right? He fucked up, not you!” He shouted. I was shocked at his response. I thought for sure he would reprimand me for my behavior even though I didn’t give him any details. He was making me nervous, and at that point I just wanted to get up

and leave. He must have saw the expression on my face and started to rethink his approach. “Okay…look, if he feels anything for you…he’ll call you…today, if not, then you’re going to have

to move on. He left because he knows he did wrong. It’s okay to love him, but you’re not going to let anyone hurt you and believe me, I’m never going to let anyone hurt you.” He stood and walked

around the table and kneeled in front of me. “I’m not your father, but if I was, I’d break his fucking arms. Now go upstairs, take a shower, and relax. I’ll see you at work tonight.” He kissed my

forehead and sent me off like a child. I didn’t feel any better, but I knew he cared… in his own way he thought he made me feel better and I was…happy. 

I walked up the stairs towards my apartment in my pajamas and as I reached the top step Michael was standing in front of my door with white orchids and a teddy bear. I stopped and stared at him. I couldn’t help but smile. My heart melted at the sight of him.

“I’m sorry, Jenesis. Please forgive me,” he whispered as he approached me. “By the way, I love your pajamas.” His smile lit up my world. He handed me the flowers and the teddy bear that held

a little white flag with red letters that read I’m sorry, then he leaned in to kiss my forehead. I opened the door to my apartment contemplating whether to let him in.

“Thank you. Do you want to come in?” I asked, making that split second decision to move on.

“Yes,” he whispered softly. I knew he was relieved. I was so happy I could jump up and down like a two year old, but I didn’t show it.

He sat in the living room as I went to the bedroom to freshen up and change my clothes. 

“Do you mind if I turn on the stereo?” He shouted.

“No, go ahead!” I yelled back. “But don’t play the CD…I don’t think you’ll like the song.” I laughed and walked towards the bedroom.

“You never know,” he said loudly.

He pressed the CD player and Adore You by Miley Cyrus began to play. I was slipping on my bra when I heard my bedroom door slowly open. I could feel his presence, and as he walked up behind me, he slid his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes at his touch, my body quivering as I leaned

my head back against his chest, placing my hands on top of his. He turned me around slowly, staring at me as he unhooked my bra with one hand, sliding my bra down my arms. He was eyeing

my breasts with lust in his eyes, and then he trailed his finger between my breasts down to my belly button making tiny circles around it as he smiled at me seductively. He grabbed my hands

and pulled me close to his body, kissing me gently on my cheek and then my nose. He lifted me by my waist and I wrapped my legs around him. I kissed his neck as he nuzzled his face into my

hair. I whispered the words to the song softly in his ear. His warm, sweet breath, against my ear sent chills up and down my spine and my nipples hardened as I sang to him softly. I inhaled his scent, him, sweet like a martini, yet strong like his body, that drove me insane. He pressed his body

against mine as he swayed his hips from side to side, grabbing on to my bottom, grinding himself slowly into me. He blew my mind and my body into complete ecstasy. I leaned my head back as

my soft black curls lay against his arms as I followed his hips to the beat of the music. It was so sensual and we danced as my naked breasts pressed against his chest and my sweatpants hung

from the corner of my hips. He slid me down his body and gave me baby kisses on my forehead. He gazed into my eyes as he gently hooked his thumbs into the sides of my sweatpants and slid

them down my hips and thighs, then down to my ankles. I lifted each leg up as he removed the sweatpants and tossed them on the floor. I stood in front of him with only my panties on. I didn’t

know where to place my hands so I placed them on my stomach. I blushed with embarrassment as his blue-green eyes flared with desire and, I knew if I let him, he would swallow me whole. 

“You’re so beautiful…everything about you is perfect, Jenesis,” he said as he stood in front of me with his hands in his pocket admiring my body. 

“Michael, what are we doing?” I whispered.

“Nothing, I just want to look at you…all of you,” he said as he pulled his shirt up over his head and then placed over my head. I slid my arms through the sleeves and giggled as I stared at him

smiling at me like a little boy. His chest and stomach were ripped to perfection, the creases of every muscle defined by his tight, smooth skin. His body was amazing and not for a moment did

I take my eyes off of him. I didn’t care that I was standing there with only my undies. I wanted nothing more than to have him, right there and then.

“There…now, everything is perfect. Come on.” He grabbed my hand and walked me into the living room. I didn’t know what to think so I went along without hesitation. He grabbed the throw blanket from the couch and wrapped me in it, then sat on the couch and propped me on his lap.

“Hmmm…this is nice. Just you and me, together.” I covered myself and stared into his mesmerizing eyes. “What?” he said as he peered into my eyes.

“Nothing.” I gave him a tender kiss on his lips. I loved every moment of this. Every moment of him. Every moment of us.

“Jenesis, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I just want you to know that this is hard for me, you’re not like the other women I’ve had…you’re different. I want this to work, you and me.” I straddled over him and removed the throw blanket I was wrapped in and placed it on the couch. I lifted his

shirt off over my head and threw it on the floor. I sat on him, my breasts exposed. My nipples hardened as he eyed them. I grabbed his hands gently and slowly placed them on my breasts. I

stared into his burning eyes as he caressed my breasts in his palms. I closed my eyes tilting my head to the side, leaning into his chest, my hair gently brushing against my skin. He kissed my

neck tenderly and I shuddered inside. I loved the way he touched me, kissed me, and held me. The moisture between my legs was heating up, making me lose my breath. He licked my lips and bit

my bottom lip softly before plunging his tongue inside of my mouth while gently sliding his fingers up and down my naked back. I gently sucked on his tongue, savoring his soft, velvet strokes that

left me begging for more, and then I whispered into his mouth, “I’m everything you’ll ever need. You’ll never have to look any further for someone to care about you, Michael. I’m here.

I’ll always be…right here.” He grabbed the throw blanket and covered me up, holding me tightly as he wrapped me into his arms. I could feel his erection between my legs, and it drove me crazy, and he knew it. He lifted me up off of him and sat me gently on the couch.

“Here” he tossed his shirt at me. “Put it on, baby. Let me make you breakfast.”

“I’d settle for going to a diner,” I said, giggling, pulling his shirt over my head.

“I can cook, you know…I can make the best hard boiled eggs ever.” He laughed as he jumped on the couch on top of me. “I can also make love to you like no other, make you fall in love with me over and over as I make you come. Which do you prefer?” His eyes filled with longing as he lay

on top of me pressing his hard arousal against me. I froze beneath him, every muscle in my body tightening up.

“Pancakes please,” I said, trying to make a joke out of the situation. I really wanted him to make love to me, but I knew now wasn’t the right time, especially since I made a point to teach him to respect me after I asked him to leave.

“Pancakes?” he kissed me hard on the lips, surprising me and making me laugh, then he jumped up off of me. “Pancakes it is! Get dressed…let’s go to brunch.” I laughed, and then I asked him the dreaded question I know he didn’t want to hear.

“Can we invite Dave?” I asked, hoping he would say yes.

“Why?” he turned and looked at me, his eyebrows frowning.

“We always have brunch together. Please?” I smiled, batting my eyelashes at him, hoping I would his change his mind.

“Yeah…sure. Why not?” He kissed my forehead and whispered. “I need my shirt.” 

“Come and get it.” I ran into the bedroom and locked the door behind me. He ran after me and banged on the door.

“Open up little girl or this big bad wolf will blow your door down!” I unlocked the door and jumped on my bed under the covers.

“Come here!” he jumped on the bed and the bed crashed to the floor sending us both rolling off the mattress onto the hardwood floor, laughing hysterically. I laughed so hard I started to cry. Michael began to tickle me around my waist and under my arms. 

“No! Stop!” I cackled. He stopped and lay on top of me. He stared into my eyes, then cupped my face into his hands and kissed my tears, my nose, and then my lips. Then he lifted his shirt and took it off of me and whispered,