Broken Road (37 page)

“If they ask tell them the truth. Tell them that you don’t remember. It’ll be enough. Really.” Riley looked down at the ground. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and his feet were kicking at the loose gravel on the driveway.

“I didn’t come here to mess things up or make things harder for you.”

“Then don’t. Come inside. Eat supper with us and let them meet you.”

“But what if I’m not ready to meet them?”

“I wasn’t ready to meet you, Riley. But I’m glad I did despite all of it. . .” She shivered at the memory of Riley and his ex-fiancée kissing on the steps of the old farmhouse.

“Whatever you think happened that night. It was a misunderstanding. The whole thing between me and you was a misunderstanding wasn’t it?” he said and she cringed because it meant she had to take responsibility for her part in all of it. Especially, the lies.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry for what happened that night. For what you saw happen between Misty and me. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for weeks but I didn’t have your number and I didn’t know where you went. Louis wouldn’t tell me right away. He was protecting you.”

“We don’t have to talk about it. It’s over and I’m sorry for lying to you about who I was. That’s what I’m truly sorry about, Riley. The rest of it isn’t any of my business.” She told him but as she said it Brenda couldn’t help but feel a little spark of jealousy as she thought about him with someone else.

“Everything’s been really complicated since I came back home. Nothing’s the same. The people I thought I knew are all different from when I left. But everyone wants me to stay the same. Then, you came along and gave me a chance to start over.” He took a step closer and Brenda found that her heart was pounding. He took her hand and felt it hard to catch her breath.

“Riley. . .”

“I don’t care what your name is- Renae or Brenda.
 
Sure, I was mad about it. You shouldn’t have lied to me but I understand that you wanted answers. I want answers too. But these past few weeks I realized something, I realized that I missed you. I don’t know what that means in the long run. I can’t worry about that. What I know is that I can only think about what matters right now.” He pulled her close enough for their foreheads to touch.

“Riley, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you missed me too.” He said with a grin.
 

“I missed you too.” She answered and as he pulled her in to kiss her she gently pushed against him. “But what about Misty? What really happened that night?”

“I thought you didn’t want to know.” He said kissing her forehead. It was her turn to smile as she looked up at him.

“I’m sorry I lied.”

“You have a habit of doing that don’t you?” He joked and she sighed. He was right. It was a habit she’d developed and nurtured too much over the last few years. It had to stop.

“Tell me, please.”

“I ran into her after that reporter came around. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think and I went to a spot I used to go to as a kid. The problem was that it was the same place my friends went too. Misty was there. She and Brandon had a fight. Misty was crying and I was angry about everything the reporter had said was happening in town and confused about how I felt. . .about you. It was so surreal. There we were in a place we’d been a million times together acting as if we had no idea how we’d gotten there or what had happened to us. I offered to walk her back home but she didn’t want to do that just yet and I just wanted to feel like I used to-like everything was the same. I walked her back to the house because she wanted to call her dad to come get her. There we were, standing on the steps and for a moment it was like we were back at the beginning before this war, before all the craziness. We kissed.” Brenda felt her heart contract as she saw the images play out again in her mind.
 

“Did you feel something?” Brenda couldn’t help asking him the question.

“Yes.” He answered and she felt the tears well up in her eyes. “I felt that it was finally over. Whatever we had was done. It was over. I was kissing her goodbye.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and that’s when you found us.”

“Why didn’t you come after me?”

“How was I going to explain something like that to you and have you believe me?”

“Exactly the way you just did, Riley.”

“You believe me?”

“I want to. You believed me didn’t you? When I told you that I was sorry about what I. . .what I did to Shane?”

“People make mistakes.”

“Do you still love her?”She couldn’t help herself. Riley sighed.
 

“Yes.” He said and her heart sank. “Do you love Shane?” The question startled her and for a moment she didn’t know what to say.
 

“Yes, of course I do.” She admitted and he smiled. “But that’s different, he’s really gone. Misty
is
here and you still love her.

“She’s married and about to have another man’s baby.”

“But what if she told you she’d leave him for you? What if she decided to come back and ask you to raise the baby with her?” It was Riley’s turn to be silent.

“I couldn’t do that-not because of the baby. She’s married to the guy who was my best friend since I was six years old and even though I hate him for what happened, I can’t step in and take his family. That’s what they are now whether I like it or not. Besides, I know he loves her. He always has and when I saw her that night it was obvious to me that she felt something for him too. I can’t go back to Misty anymore than you can go back to Shane. Maybe he’s not here anymore but the guy who was in love with Misty isn’t either.
 
I’m here. . .with
you
.”

“But it’s crazy what we have isn’t it? Sometimes, I don’t know how to make sense of it.”
 

“I’ve stopped trying to make sense of anything a long time ago.” He gently began to wipe the tears away. She put her head on his shoulder and he hugged her close. As they stood there, Brenda suddenly heard the sound of a car door shutting behind her. Riley let go of her and she turned around to see both of her sons standing in the driveway staring at them. Suddenly, her youngest son Taylor wriggled out of his older brother’s grip and ran straight for Riley. The look on his little face was one of joy as he wrapped his arms around Riley’s midsection.

“Daddy!” Taylor cried out and Brenda’s heart broke into a million pieces.

Riley stood still as the little boy hugged him tightly unsure as to what he should do. At the end of the drive stood Brenda’s eldest son. He made no effort to move any further than where he was and his face remained expressionless. Riley was struck by how much the boy resembled his father.
   

“Daddy, Daddy!” Taylor was still crying out. Riley couldn’t keep deceiving the little boy so he gently pried his arms away and bent down so they were eye to eye. The child seemed confused.

“Daddy?”

“No.” Riley answered softly. “I’m not your daddy.” The boy touched Riley’s face tracing around his eyes and his nose down to his mouth. Then, realizing that he’d made a mistake he jerked his hand away and stepped back a safe distance. Looking frantically for his mother the child ran over to Brenda and began to cry.
 

“I want Daddy!”

She picked him up and was holding him tight. Riley felt awful. He stood there watching the three of them and knowing that they were in pain. He hated that he was the cause of it.

“I’m sorry. I should go.” He said and started to walk down the drive.

“Wait, Riley. Don’t go.” Brenda called after him. “Please. Don’t go.”

“Brenda, I’m only hurting them by being here.”

“It’ll hurt whether you’re here or not.” She said and Riley stopped. He looked at her and the little boy she was holding and then at the older boy, who was still staring at him.

“I think it would be best if we did this some other time.” He said and started walking again.

“Wait.” It was the older boy this time. Riley stopped only a few feet away from him. The boy step forward and held out his hand.
 

“I’m Callan.”
 

“Riley.”
 

“I know.” The boy answered as they shook hands. “You’re the soldier that tried to save my dad.”
 
Riley swallowed hard as he nodded.

“Are you here to see my mom?” Callan asked and Riley looked over at Brenda.

“Actually, I came to see all of you.” He said and Brenda looked relieved.
 

“Cal, why don’t we all go inside. It’s cold out. I have some chili on the stove and some cinnamon rolls in the oven.”
 

“Ok.” Callan answered and made his way up the drive to the front door. Brenda went next carrying her little boy and Riley followed. As the door closed behind them and he stepped inside he was immediately hit by the smell of food cooking and a barrage of pictures of Captain Jenner, Brenda and the boys hanging on almost every wall. His throat tightened as he took his coat off and he took in the images of the family on vacation, at Christmas, birthdays and especially the pictures that focused on Brenda and her husband. He didn’t know if it was jealousy or guilt he felt as he stood there looking at the images. Maybe a bit of both. As he turned to step down into the family room he noticed a picture of Captain Jenner in uniform next to an American flag encased in glass and polished wood. He had to look away.
 

Brenda had disappeared with Taylor up the stairs and Callan had gone into the kitchen. Riley stood in the middle of the family room waiting for someone to return.
 
Callan came back first. The boy was almost as tall as his father had been, had his father’s build, hair and mannerisms but it was his mother’s eyes that looked back at Riley as he came into the room.

“You can sit down if you want.” Callan motioned to the couch behind Riley.
 

“Thanks.” Riley sat down placing his coat in his lap.

“I can take that for you.” Callan offered and Riley gave him the coat. After placing Riley’s coat in a closet right next to the front door he came back and perched himself on the arm of the love seat opposite the couch Riley was sitting on. The boy stared at him for another minute or so before asking another question.

“You knew my dad?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“He was the route commander for the team I was on.”

“What does that mean?”

“He was the guy that called the shots on road we had to clear.”

“From bombs?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that what killed him?” Callan asked matter-of-factly and Riley was stunned for a moment. The boy was direct just like his father had been.

“I’m not sure if that’s something your mom wants me to talk about with you.”

“CNN said that’s what killed him.”
 

“Callan. . .”

“I just want to know if that’s what killed him. Sometimes they lie for ratings.”

“Maybe we should wait for your mom to get back. . .”

“Taylor’s having a meltdown. It’ll probably take a while to calm him down. He thought you were my dad.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I did too.”

“God, I’m so sorry, Callan. I never meant to upset you or your brother.”

“You were hugging my mom. That’s why.”

“Oh.” Riley began to panic. Where was Brenda?

“You weren’t at the funeral.”

“The funeral?”

“My dad’s funeral. They said you were recovering in some hospital.”

“Yeah. I was.”

“Did you get hurt bad?”

“Bad enough.” Riley answered.

“How bad?”

“I don’t really like to talk about it.”

“They wouldn’t let us see him. My dad. The casket was closed.” Callan hung his head. Riley could tell the boy was getting emotional.

“I’m sorry.” And he was so very, very sorry.

“So, it had to be a bomb, right? That’s why we couldn’t see him?”

“ I don’t know. Maybe.”

“But you were there.”

“I. . .I don’t remember. I’m sorry.”

“Did you get hit by something too?” Callan was staring intently into his eyes and Riley couldn’t take it. “Was it an IED? That’s what they told us.”

“I don’t remember. Really, I don’t.” Riley felt the frustration starting to grow inside him.

“I just want to know what happened to him.”

“I know you do, but I can’t tell you. I don’t remember.”

“They said you pulled him away from an explosion. You were carrying a little girl too. Remember? Here wait. . .” Callan took out his cellphone and started to hit buttons. A few seconds later he had an image pulled up and he was showing it to Riley. It was
the picture.
Riley froze as he saw his face covered in dirt and blood contorted into a scream. He squeezed his eyes shut. The darkness was starting to creep in again. He had to fight it he had to.

“Just tell me what really happened to my dad!” Callan was begging. Riley stood up.

“I can’t do this. It was mistake.” He made his way to the door.

“Wait! Don’t leave! My mom’s going to be right back.” The boy was right on his heels. Riley grabbed the door handle and pulled. He didn’t even bother to grab
 
his coat. He stepped out into the cold night and felt nothing but the heat from the smoke and debris that surrounded him on the road to hell all those months ago. It didn’t seem to matter where he went or what he did. He’d always be stuck on that road. Always.
 

Callan was running after him but Riley didn’t care. He couldn’t do it. He thought he could come to Brenda and make things right, start over and maybe have the chance to leave the nightmare behind. But it wasn’t just about him or Brenda or what they felt for each other, there were others involved too. They were kids and that mattered to him. He couldn’t hurt them like he’d hurt everyone else. The lies had to stop that was the only way he-any of them would find peace. He had to tell the truth even if it meant losing everything again. Even if it meant losing Brenda. It was time to face the consequences of what he’d done on that road.