Broken Things (Faded Photograph Series) (6 page)

Logan gave her a smile. “No, there doesn’t have to be a youth activity.”

“I thought maybe you had second thoughts...”

“No, Marilee. I’m not having second thoughts about our relationship. Not a single one.” He brushed back a few strands from her cheek, “It’s just that with Mrs. Littenberg arriving in town on Friday, my conversation with my dad that night, then mounds of paperwork to sort through and phone messages to return yesterday, I just got busy. But I guess I could have found a few minutes to give you a call. I apologize.”

Marilee took his hand and held it between both of hers. “Maybe I expect too much.”

Logan’s heart swelled with affection. He longed to pull her into his arms, hold her close, and soothe her insecurities. However, he embraced a strong, personal conviction regarding limited physical contact between men and women during their dating season, and he occasionally shared these views with his youth group.

Sure, his ideas sounded old fashioned and even backwards to a modern society, but Logan knew from experience that promises between couples didn’t always materialize at the altar. Therefore, he figured it was better to err on the conservative side than give into feelings that only muddied the waters later. Besides, the teens at church were watching him, and Logan had vowed early on to practice what he preached.

However, it sure made things hard on a guy. If he and Marilee didn’t get married soon, he’d likely go crazy despite his senior pastor, Noah Warren’s assurance that this process was developing Logan’s “character.”

What’s more, if he didn’t get married soon, he just might be out of a job.

Pulling his hand from Marilee’s soft grip, Logan strolled the length of the balcony. Two years ago, when he was offered the position of youth pastor at Parkway Community Church, Logan had been engaged. He and Sarah Malloy began dating while Logan was completing his Masters Degree. Sarah was an undergrad in her senior year at the same college. Over the Christmas break, they’d met each other’s friends and family. Everyone approved. Everything seemed wonderful.

After graduation, Logan asked her to marry him, and Sarah said yes. Unfortunately, they were separated during the following summer months. Sarah kept busy, planning their wedding. However, as the day grew closer, Logan became more and more unsure. While he couldn’t put his finger on anything specific, he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that Sarah Malloy wasn’t the woman for him. When he phoned her at her parents’ place in Michigan and expressed his concerns, Sarah turned quiet, refusing to discuss the matter.

She was hurt, Logan knew. But he needed reassurance. He never received it. Two days later, Sarah called off the wedding, leaving Logan with his own wounds. How could she could give up on their relationship so easily? She had professed to love him―enough to agree to marry him. But obviously her “love” hadn’t been strong enough to weather his gale of insecurity, and Logan realized his inner promptings had been correct―Sarah wasn’t the one for him.

Thus he became Parkway Community Church’s first single youth pastor, much to the dismay of its congregation. The majority of its fifteen hundred-plus members hated the fact he didn’t have a wife, children, and the experiences that came with having his own family. Although Pastor Warren acted as his frequent defender, Logan sensed the intense pressure to marry...or to leave the ministry, something that would tear his heart apart.

Nevertheless, he refused to rush things. It had to be right. Perfect. The woman he married had to be God’s choice for his wife. And Marilee seemed the primary candidate. She challenged Logan spiritually and since they’d begun seriously dating, his walk with Christ had grown closer, his faith stronger. Of course, it’d taken him better part of a year to ask her out. He’d been that petrified of repeating his mistake with Sarah. Or worse, he didn’t want to end up like his dad, divorced, bitter, and alone. Logan knew the story. His father had been forced to marry his mother...

“Earth to Logan.”

Marilee’s sweet voice penetrated his reverie, and he discovered he had gazed off in the direction of Lake Michigan again. Looking back at Marilee, he grinned. “Sorry.” He closed the short distance between them.

She smiled. “It’s okay. I just wish I could help with whatever is troubling you.”

“By just being yourself you’re helping. Although, for the record, I’m not really ‘troubled’ about anything in particular.”

Marilee nodded slightly while a pensive frown furrowed her dark brown brows. “You know Logan...well, I’m probably speaking out of turn...”

He laughed.
So what else is new?
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

She hesitated, seeming to weigh her words with care. “Logan, I’m not Sarah, and our relationship is different than the one you had with her, isn’t it?”

“Definitely.” Logan had confided in Marilee about the situation some time ago. He’d wanted her to hear it from him and not someone else in their congregation. “And if I have somehow been comparing you to Sarah, I’m really sorry. It hasn’t been intentional.”

“I don’t know if you have or not. It’s just a guess.”

He pursed his lips in thought, uncertain as to how to reply. It was true that his past experience caused him to be leery of jumping into another engagement without being absolutely sure of God’s will. But he didn’t think he went so far as to match one woman to the other.

“Logan,” Marilee said softly, “I want to get married. I’m twenty-six years old, and I’m not getting any younger. I want to have children someday. Don’t you think you and I have arrived at a point in our relationship where we could take the next step toward marriage...soon?”

“Don’t beat around the bush, Marilee.” Logan swallowed a laugh. “Just come right out and say what’s on your mind.”

She gave him an indignant roll of her eyes. “Will you please get serious. This is important.”

“I apologize.” He mulled over what she’d said. “And maybe you’re right about it being time for that ‘next step.’ But I don’t want to feel coerced into proposing, not by you and not by the well-intentioned parents of the kids in my youth group. Please believe me when I say that I’m not just thinking of myself, but of you, too.”

“I know.” A little sigh escaped her. “I don’t mean to force you into a decision. I only meant to...prompt you a little.”

Logan noted the twinkle in her eyes and grinned.

She gave an exaggerated shrug. “Okay, so I’ll be forty when I give birth to our first child. So what?”

“Maybe you should give up on me and find another guy,” Logan half-teased. He figured his heart would break if that happened, but he wanted Marilee to be happy. “There are a dozen deserving bachelors at church who would count it a miracle if you’d date them.”

“And it would be a miracle, Logan Callahan.” Marilee folded her arms in front of her. He had to chuckle at the wry grin tugging at the corners of her nicely-shaped mouth. “My heart is set on you and I’ll stick it out for as long as it takes.”

“You might be sorry,” Logan warned her, smiling all the while. He considered popping the question right now and eloping tomorrow afternoon. But, again, giving into an urge, a feeling, might produce mistakes they’d both come to regret.

“I won’t be sorry,” Marilee promised. “Unless God shows me otherwise, or shows you otherwise, I’m committed to our relationship.”

“I am too.” Logan glanced toward the lake again. Thoughts of his biological mother, a woman he’d never known, surfaced from out of the blue. Had she ever felt “committed” to either him or his father.

“What are you thinking about?” Marilee stepped closer. “Tell me. Please?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Logan saw no reason to conceal his thoughts from her. “Ever since I was old enough to understand, I’ve wondered what would make a mother leave her eight-month-old son the way my mother left me. My speculations have increased since Mrs. Littenberg came to town.” He took the last gulp of lemonade. “Mothers aren’t supposed to desert their children. My Aunt Nora would throw herself in front of an oncoming locomotive if she thought it’d make a difference in any of her kid’s lives. I’m sure she’d do it for me too. And most mothers I deal with would probably do the same for their teens. But not my mother. She abandoned me. Dad said I’d probably been by myself for a couple of hours that afternoon until he came home from work.”

“I don’t mean to sound cruel, Logan, but the woman obviously had some psychological problems. I can’t imagine abandoning my baby…or anyone else I love.”

“Maybe my mother didn’t love me. Maybe she was forced into marrying Dad and giving birth to me and she despised her circumstances.”

“Maybe…”

* * *

As Marilee considered Logan’s profile, the subtle downward slant of his eye, his perfectly shaped, straight nose, and strong jaw line with its hint of stubble, she gleaned an insight into his heart.
He’s afraid I’ll leave him too
, she realized.
His mother left, and for all intents and purposes, Sarah abandoned him.
How could Marilee prove herself different from those women who had hurt him so much.
Help me, Jesus. Help me to show Logan Your grace and love...

“I’m thinking of searching for my biological mother,” Logan blurted.

Marilee tensed from the shock of his statement. “Why do you want to find her? Don’t you think the past is better left alone?”

“No. Not in my case.” He turned to her again. “I want to look my mother in the face and ask her how she could leave her infant son―how she could leave me.”

“What if the answers aren’t what you want to hear?”

“Couldn’t be worse than the ones I’ve imagined all these years.”

Marilee’s heart ached for him. “What about asking your father. I’m sure he knows.”

“He refuses to talk about my mother, although I’ve managed to extricate bits and pieces from him over the years.” Logan exhaled audibly. “It’s just not enough.” He paused, pursing his lips in thought. “I’d look into hiring a detective, but I don’t think I could afford it. Even if I could, I often wonder what it’d do to Dad if I found my mother.”

Logan was certainly sensitive to his father’s feelings. But then Marilee reminded herself that Logan’s compassion for others was the very quality that drew her to him in the first place.

“I’m just praying that if God intends for me to meet her, He’ll orchestrate the whole thing―either that, or He’ll drop the means right into my lap. That way I won’t have to worry about hurting my father for my own selfish purposes, and the Lord will get all the glory.”

Marilee smiled. Logan Callahan was one terrific guy―one definitely worth waiting for!

* * *

Cynthia Matlock lay in the uncomfortable hospital bed, listening to the voices just outside her room. The door stood wide open. Did they think she was deaf? The two female attendants spoke about her as though she were already dead. “Pain-in-the-neck patient,” they both called her. Well, the two of them were the lousiest excuses for caregivers she’d ever seen!

“Water!” Cynthia croaked. “I need water!”

A good minute passed and she cried out again. Finally, one of the women stepped back into her room.

“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand, Mrs. Matlock?” The dark-headed attendant had a bite in her voice. Her sharp, blue eyes sparked with one thing, and one thing only―irritation.

“I’m thirsty. Don’t you get it?”

The woman huffed. “You’ve got a G-tube which means everything that goes in, comes out. No water. Only ice chips.”

“I’m dying,” Cynthia lamented. “How can you deny a dying person water?”

“Doctor’s orders,” she stated callously before exiting the room.

Alone once more, the story of her life, Cynthia cursed her two daughters for admitting her to this atrocious place!

Chapter Five

After a tour of Arbor Springs Healthcare Center, one of Lakewood Enterprises’ facilities, Allie seated herself in the dining room across from Evan Jacobs, the company’s CEO.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” he offered, “and maybe a sweet roll or something?”

“No, thanks. I’m fine,” Allie fibbed. In truth, she wasn’t “fine” at all. Depression gripped her after seeing scores of elderly patients tied into wheelchairs and lined up in corridors on the second floor. Alzheimer’s patients wandered the hallways on third, and cancer patients moaned in agony on the fourth. The wards were dark and dreary, and Allie had noticed that most patients wore miserable expressions as though they had been handed a life sentence to be fulfilled at Arbor Springs. Allie found herself secretly hoping and praying that she’d never end up in one of these places.

You’re going to have to help me through this, Lord Jesus…

“Do you have any questions?”

Giving herself a mental shake, Allie looked across the table at the young man with reddish-brown hair and bright hazel eyes. Smartly dressed in a suit and tie and an easy smile, Evan appeared just as chipper now as when they’d entered Arbor Springs. Obviously, he’d gotten used to the sights and sounds of this facility. But would Allie ever grow accustomed to them?

She spoke up at last. “I don’t have any questions at the moment, but I’m sure that’ll change once I get my bearings.”

He smiled amicably. “Probably.” Pulling several pieces of paper from his attaché case, he slid them across the table to Allie. “Let me give you some particulars.”

“All right.” She scrutinized the documents in front of her.

“First, you should know that we have about a hundred and ten patients in this facility. There are three distinct classifications of patients―elderly, subacute, and long-term. Many of our long-term patients are terminally ill and, unfortunately most don’t have family members who can care for them or the income to hire someone and that’s why they’re here.”

“Why aren’t they in hospitals or hospices?” Allie had to ask.

“Too expensive. That’s the number one reason, but health insurance coverage might be an issue for them as well. Here at Arbor Springs, we accept government funding to help pay for some of our patients’ expenses.”