Broken World (Book 6): Forgotten World (11 page)

A part of me wishes we were driving at night. Maybe then I’d be able to sleep. At the moment, no matter how hard I try to relax, I find it impossible to get my mind to shut off. All I can do is go through everything that could go wrong, listing the things that could happen and how we’ll respond. Replaying all the comments Dax has made and trying to figure out what to do about him. There’s nothing I can do, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying.

“You okay?” Axl asks, pulling me against him.

“I am. Just thinking.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything. I scan the bus, counting. Fifteen men and women in Dax’s group, plus three in the truck. We could take them if it came to a fight, but it would be tough. We have ten, including Jim. But that’s also counting Ginny and Angus, neither of whom need to be involved in a confrontation that could get them killed.

But they aren’t our only weaknesses, and Dax knows. Lila and Al, for example. He’s missing an arm, and she’s small. She tries, but any of these guys could take her down in a second. Ginny would distract Jon, and Axl would do anything to save me. And vice versa. Parv, though good with the bow, is just as small as Lila. She’s tougher, but she wouldn’t stand a chance against most of these men. Then there’s Joshua. He’s never killed a person, not to mention the fact that right now he looks like someone just ran over his dog.

“You think Joshua is going to be okay?” I ask, trying to distract myself. Even if all I’m doing is replacing one worry with another.

“The doc’ll be good. He was down in the beginnin’, but he pulled through. He’ll get through this, too.”

I nod, remembering how hard Joshua took all of this when we first picked him up. I thought he’d be a liability, but he came around. This is different, though. I’m not sure if he’ll make it through this.

“I’m going to talk to him,” I say, getting to my feet.

Axl moves his legs so I can get by, and I head down the aisle to where Joshua is sitting. He’s alone and staring at the wall like the window isn’t covered in metal and he can actually see the passing landscape. He doesn’t look good.

“How are you doing?” I ask, sliding into the seat at his side.

He tears his gaze away from the window and turns his whole body my way. The smile he shoots me looks painful. “Okay.”

“You’re lying.”

He doesn’t blink as the smile fades away. “Yes, I am.”

I pause, holding his gaze and waiting for him to say something. To tell me what he’s thinking or what happened with Anne. Anything, really. I want to make sure he’s okay.

“Do you want to talk?” I ask when he doesn’t say a word.

Joshua sighs and shakes his head, and I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me to get lost. Then he says, “What would you like me to talk about, Vivian? About how I lost a patient I had grown close to or how it almost destroyed me? How about how Anne saved me and how I thought she was the person I’d be able to lean on for the rest of my life? Or how I fell in love with her? How I thought she felt the same way? How we slept together—yes, we had sex—every night, but when the end came she didn’t choose me. Turns out, she never wanted me to begin with. She just wanted
someone
. Anyone. She even said she would have slept with Angus if he hadn’t been with Darla. I was nothing more than a warm body to her. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Joshua’s eyes are red, and his shoulders heave like he’s trying to catch his breath, but he doesn’t cry. He just stares at me. His eyes flashing with all the anger and hurt that’s piled up over the last few months.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m not,” he says, turning away form me. “But like Angus, I have a job to do. I’m a doctor, and the world needs me. I refuse to let everyone down, and I refuse to let these dead bastards get the better of me.”

I don’t know if Joshua is on the verge of crying, but I know I am. My eyes are so full of tears that I have inhale a few times before I try to blink them away. I don’t want him to see me cry, because he will know I’m crying for him, and he doesn’t need that kind of pressure or pain added to everything else he’s going through.

“I am sorry, Joshua,” I say, getting up. “And I’m also here if you need to talk to someone. You have friends.”

He nods but doesn’t look my way. I wait a few seconds, hoping he’ll decide to open up. When he doesn’t, I go back to my own seat.

11

SOMEHOW I GET my mind to shut off long enough to take a nap. I wake a couple hours later to discover that Jon and Axl have moved closer to the front, which also means closer to Dax. I’m sure not being able to control what’s happening is driving Axl nuts—he usually likes to be the one in the driver’s seat—but I don’t have any real desire to join him up there. Not with Dax glaring at everyone associated with our group.

“You get a good nap?” Jim asks, drawing my attention to the row behind me.

He sits by himself, leaning against the side of the bus and totally alert. Like he’s on watch and he can’t rest if anyone else is sleeping.

“It was better than I expected it to be,” I say, twisting to face him. Out of the corner of my eye, I find Ginny watching me. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I hear you,” Jim says, pulling a pack of cigarettes out.

“Don’t light that,” Ginny snaps.

Jim shrugs and shoves himself off the seat. “No worries.”

He heads to the back of the bus, and even though Ginny has to know he’s going to smoke the thing back there, she doesn’t say anything. I don’t either. In this world, everyone deserves a vice or two to get them through the day.

“I kept dreaming about getting stuck or being surrounded by zombies,” Ginny says when Jim has wandered off. “It’s a long way to go, and we’d be stupid to believe we won’t run into trouble.”

“Tell me about it.” I roll my eyes, thinking of Dax and how insanely arrogant he was when we talked about this mission. Like he’s God and can somehow control the future. He wishes.

“Would you two stop yappin’,” Angus mutters from one row in front of me. I turn as he pushes himself up, his hair smashed down on one side. “It’s like a damn henhouse in here.”

Ginny rolls her eyes as she climbs to her feet. “I need to stretch my legs.”

“Hold onto the seats,” Angus mutters. “Last thing we need is for you to take a nosedive,
Hollywood
.”

He chuckles, and Ginny returns his smile. Ever since the Monte Carlo, those two have had a strange bond. Like siblings. Just like everyone else, Angus gets on her nerves, but Ginny has a soft spot for him. And vice versa. Angus can be a softy when really wants to be.

“Sure is strange to have her back,” he says, shaking his head as Ginny heads to the front of the bus where Axl and Jon sit. “Never really thought it would happen.”

“It does seem like a miracle. With everyone we’ve lost, it’s about time we had some good luck.”

Angus nods, his lips pursed as he thinks. Probably about Darla.

I feel a little bit like an ass, because we’ve never talked about it. It’s been weeks since she was killed, and I haven’t brought it up since the day she died. Part of it is that I have a lot of guilt surrounding my mother, but it’s also about Angus. I don’t want him to hurt more than he already does. I don’t want to pour salt into an open wound.

Still, maybe he needs someone to talk to…

“I’m sorry,” I say, then look down at my hands. Hoping to give him so privacy. “About my mom, I mean.”

“Yeah, well, it was bound to happen. Life never was all sunshine and roses for me. Shoulda known this wouldn’t be no different.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shake his head. “Stupid thing was, it took me by surprise. I thought life had finally dealt me a good hand. You know, between this immunity thing and her.”

“Even a little time with someone you love is better than nothing. Right?” I say, finally looking up to hold Angus’s gaze. “And you still have Axl. I know it’s not the same, but he’s more important to you than anyone else, and he’s here.”

“I kept him alive,” Angus says, his eyes moving to the front of the bus where Axl sits. “Truth is, I’d still die for him if it came down to it. Don’t matter what Dax says or what anybody in Atlanta wants me for. Axl is better than me, and he deserves to make it outta this.”

I stare at Angus, unsure of how to respond. His statement has me torn. Of course I want to see Axl make it out of this alive. He’s the love of my life, and I know that if he left me, there wouldn’t be much in this world worth living for. Not with the way things are now. But Angus has an important role to play in all this, and it’s bigger than Axl and me. It’s about the whole world and whether or not the people fighting to move on have a future.

I should tell him he
can’t
do something like that. That it would be stupid to sacrifice himself for Axl. That the world needs him to live.

Only, I can’t.

Angus nods when I don’t say anything, the expression on his face one of total approval. I look away when guilt swirls through me, and my eyes meet Jim’s. He must have finished his cigarette and was heading back up to his seat. He heard. Heard it all.

Jim’s eyes move from Angus to me and back again. I don’t know the guy, so I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but he is part of Hope Springs, and to them, Angus isn’t a person. He’s a symbol, and they don’t give a shit what happens to the rest of us as long as he makes it to Atlanta. If Jim is anything like Dax, we could be in for some trouble down the road.

But Jon trusts this guy. Which should mean we can trust him too. Right?

“We’re all on!” Dax calls as Ginny—the last person outside—climbs on board.

We stop every two hours for a bathroom break. Not a minute later and not a minute earlier—Dax has us on a tight schedule. The power trip he started on back in Hope Springs has apparently taken the scenic route.

The bus lurches forward, and Ginny grabs the seat to steady herself, grinding her teeth together. She glances back at Dax, but the guy isn’t paying attention, so he doesn’t get to see the killer look she shoots his way.

Ginny keeps walking, shaking her head. She stops next to me, and I scoot closer to the wall, making room so she can slide into the seat.

“Where’s Jon?” I ask as the bus bumps down the road.

He got off the bus with her, but he didn’t get back on. I know we didn’t leave him behind, though.

“He rode in the truck.” She says, shaking her head. “It’s his turn to keep watch. Parv is there too.”

She doesn’t look happy about it, and I can’t blame her. I only hope Dax is too threatened by Axl to ask him to take a turn in the lead truck. Despite how safe Dax thinks we are in these vehicles, I have serious doubt about that. I want Axl as far away from any danger as possible.

“Of course Parvarti would volunteer to take watch,” I say. “Maybe I should too even though I don’t want to. Dax did insist that if we came on this trip we would need to pitch in. It could be a peace offering between our groups.”

Ginny arches an eyebrow, looking up toward the front where Dax stands in the aisle like he’s propelling the bus forward with his presence. “I have a feeling he’d rather you stay on the bus with him.”

“All the more reason to volunteer,” I mutter.

Of course, there’s always the chance that if I volunteered, he would suddenly feel the need to be in the truck as well. His interest in me is past annoying at this point, and not just because of Axl’s aggression. Because I haven’t encouraged him
at all
.

Ginny shrugs, and we ride in silence for a while, the tires thumping over the road and the bus bumping up and down under us. It’s dark, but with the steel plates over the windows, we can’t see anything anyway. Which means I’m constantly studying the people on the bus. One row up, Angus is curled up like he’s asleep, while a couple rows back, Al and Lila are curled up together. Joshua leans against the wall, his lanky figure looking out of place in the school bus and his expression just as dark as it has been since his fight with Anne. At the front, Axl sits in the first row while Dax stands at his side. He probably won’t sit down the entire ride. I know he feels threatened because Axl was the one in charge of our group—if we had a leader, that is. It’s a stupid pissing contest that I have no desire to get involved in, though.

In the back, Jim is once again smoking, and everyone else on board is nothing more than nameless bodies to me. Dax’s men, who still haven’t warmed to us and don’t give a shit what happens to us between here and Atlanta. They’re all here with the intention of doing anything to keep Angus alive, but there’s nothing comforting about it. Probably because I know they’d do it at the expense of the rest of us or because they aren’t really prepared for what’s out here. Or maybe it’s a little of both.

Ginny winces, and I turn to face her, pulling my attention away from the men who would most likely shove me in front of a horde to save Angus’s life. “You okay?”

She nods and rubs her stomach. “Yeah. This baby has a powerful kick.”

I laugh and shake my head, and this time when I think back to my own pregnancy, I don’t feel sad. Emily died, but maybe she’s better off. The world is harsh now, and scary. It doesn’t really seem like a place for a child…

Not that I would say that to Ginny.

“You don’t have much time left,” I whisper, trying to push away the thought that Ginny is going to have her work cut out for her. Being a mom in normal times is hard enough, but she’s going to have to protect this baby from so many things that were never a concern before.

“A few weeks,” she says, staring down at her stomach. “I can’t believe it.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Big and uncomfortable,” Ginny says, laughing.

“But happy?” The words almost stick in my throat because right now, in this moment, as we barrel down a dark road toward an uncertain future, it seems impossible that someone would say yes to that.

“So happy.” Ginny’s smile grows wider as her hands make a trek over her round stomach. “You know what I’ve been through, so I don’t have to pretend with you. There were moments, especially back at the hot springs, when I was sure I wanted it all to end. It didn’t seem like we could have any kind of happiness. But Jon changed all that for me, and this baby is the start of something new and big, and now that we’re heading to Atlanta, I feel like it has a chance.”

I nod when my throat tightens. I hope she’s right. Not just for her sake, but for all of our sakes.

The bus slows, and I look up just as the truck in front of us has stopped. The entire bus shudders when we roll to a halt, and my body is thrown forward, slamming into the seat in front of me with a force so violent part of me wonders if we’ve hit a wall. We haven’t and I know it, but I can’t help sitting up straighter so I can see out the windshield. In front of us, smoke puffs out of the other truck’s exhaust pipe, but as far as I can tell, no one is getting out.

“What’s going on?” Lila calls, clinging to Al.

At my side, Ginny stands, worry etched in every line of her face as she stares at the truck in front of us. The one Jon is riding in.

“Not sure,” Dax calls. “I can’t see anything.”

He pulls out his walkie-talkie and holds it to his mouth. “Donovan, what the hell are you doing? Over.”

When he releases the button, static fills the silence surrounding us. We wait, but no one answers.

The static cuts out when Dax puts the walkie back up to his mouth. “Donovan! Where—”

His words are cut off when a boom cuts through the silent night.

The bus shudders, and a fireball bursts from the truck in front of us, lighting up the dark sky. Around me, people cry out and duck or jump up. Lila screams, and I pull myself up, my legs so shaky that they barely hold me. Axl turns my way, his wide eyes reflecting the fire blazing in front of us as they hold mine from across the bus.

The crack of gunfire cuts through the shouting, and all around me, people go crazy. Yelling, pushing, shoving their way toward the exits while they pull out weapons. Cursing and growling.

“Vivian!” Axl calls, trying to push his way through the crowd to get to me.

The aisle is too full, though. He’ll never make it.

“Vivian!” Lila shouts from behind me.

I spin around, still standing in front of my seat, and through the crowd of men rushing to the exit, my eyes meet hers. Then Ginny grabs my hand, pulling my attention her way. Her cheeks are streaked with tears, but like everyone around me, she’s pulled out her knife. As if she’s ready to fight. Only fighting isn’t what she needs to be doing right now.