Brooklyn Rose (5 page)

"When will it be?" she asked. I told her Rene wanted to wed before he leaves at the end of next month, but I didn't know if we could get a wedding together by then. She offered to help. She kissed me and said she'd miss me. I know I shall miss her.

MY WEDDING DATE
is March 27, and like Heppi, I shall be wed here at home in the parlor. Oh, Mama is ecstatic. And I am glad I can make her happy. She so deserves to be free of worry. But am I marrying Rene for my parents or for myself? Is there any difference? If there is, I am afraid to think on it. Because this isn't a dreadful thing I am doing and there are days I know I could love him.

There was talk about my wearing Heppi's wedding dress, to save time (and money?), but it is too large and Mama said I should have my own to give to my daughter when she weds.

My daughter! Oh, I can't think on it.

Right then and there, of course, Rene said he'd supply the silk, he hoped he could do that for his own wedding, at least. There was some talk about inviting his brother, but Adrian is in New York, running the business up there, and with Rene to be wed and not available for a while, he can't come.

So Josh will stand up for Rene, and Heppi, for me, of course.

BUT STILL
, our daily life must go on. Today Daddy said he's going to soak the corn on the cob in salt water before giving it to the horses, because then they will eat the whole cob and he will need less corn. I wonder how much in debt he is. And I wonder, when I leave here, how I will miss these little (and big) decisions that keep the place going. I went to the barn today and told myself: I won't be able to just wander out here anymore. Rene has promised to ship my horse, Tom Jones, and his up north. Oh, I was so happy. I couldn't bear to leave Tom Jones! But my head got dizzy when I realized I'm leaving Mama and Daddy and Benjamin and everything else down here. And I'll soon be a Yankee. Oh, all my life, everyone I knew hated Yankees. And here I am marrying one.

I cannot even imagine what it will be like, leaving this place. I know no other life than this. How will I fare?

Mama is endlessly giving me advice about running a household, about hiring servants. But I told her likely Rene will do that. She said not to put too much on my husband but to take the reins in my own hands on occasion. "He'll appreciate it, you'll see," she promised.

YESTERDAY
, Mama and Heppi and I went again to Beaufort to have me measured for a dress. Rene has gotten the silk for both of us, and Heppi is to wear rose, in honor of me. I felt like a fairy princess draped in my fabric. The mood at the dressmaker's was joyous one moment and tear-filled the next. Since Rene took us, he accompanied us to the hotel and to supper. He was there for us every moment we needed him. Mama says it is so nice to have another man in the family.

***

I HAVE BEEN
skipping rope in my spare time here at home. Mama says it is good exercise, and I want to lose five pounds before my wedding. I can skip almost to a hundred jumps, and I was breathless and my hair disheveled when Rene rode up in the backyard on his horse, dismounted, and bade me stop. Then he handed me a small box. I knew what it was, of course. The ring for my betrothal. He slipped it on me, then and there, and kissed me. I ran into the house to show it to Mama.

There was a beautiful full moon last night. We all watched it from the front porch. Rene whispered in my ear that it meant good luck. In Chicago they have had a severe snowstorm that stopped everything. Rene says the city is at a standstill and railroad cars filled with cattle are stranded on Madison Street. I could see the businessman's concern in his face.

I SUPPOSE
I shall have to invite Amelia to the wedding. After all, if she isn't the reason all this is happening, I can't think of another.

MAMA AND DADDY
said I must continue on with school until I wed, with only one week off ahead of time. Last night Rene came to visit and brought some photographs of the house he owns in Brooklyn. It is a large Victorian, with porches and turrets and a wide lawn. The street it is on is called Dorchester Road, and it is a wide avenue with green in between the lanes and other large, lovely houses just like ours. Oh, I can't wait to explore this house. Rene says I may have whichever room I want for my own pursuits. Think of it! He has a housekeeper, and there will be maids and a gardener and a stable boy. Rene says there is a stable and carriage house out back. Oh, sometimes I am so frightened I want to hide under my covers and forget the whole thing. But I'm excited, too.

WE HAVE HAD
dress fittings, and gone shopping, and had tea parties galore for everyone involved in the wedding. I feel as if I am on a skiff, drifting down the river. Speaking of rivers, Rene says our trip north will be by both boat and train. I shall have to sleep on the train. Will I be able to do that? I don't want to be a child and ruin everything for Rene.

TONIGHT AT SUPPER
I caught Daddy watching me with such sadness in his eyes that I wanted to go over and put my arms around him and promise him I would never leave. Ever.

THE HANDS
are finished planting the corn. Think of it. I will not be here when it is full grown. Today is Saint Patrick's Day and Daddy has his club dinner.

RENE HAS NOT
been around much. Mama reminds me that he has to wind up his business here in Beaufort and Charleston before we go north. "He's a businessman," she said. "You have to let him do what he has to do, Rose." I miss him.

I HAD MY
last day at school this week. The girls all crowded around me when we said good-bye, and I could hear the envy in their voices. I pretended to be superior and happy at leaving. But I was scared and knew I wanted to come back tomorrow.

Our banns have been announced in church, although we won't be married there. Rene is Catholic, being French, but he says he isn't serious about it, that he will embrace my religion, which is Episcopalian. The Reverend Framingham will wed us, same as he wed Heppi and Josh. And, oh, they have finally moved out into their own house in Beaufort. It is lovely and large, and beautifully refurbished. It is made of three hundred thousand Carolina-made bricks. They have been very busy moving in. Poor Mama. She has her girls going in two different ways. Well, at least we're not eating the bread of idleness.

We shall each be mistress of our own home and will look well to the ways of our household. And more than that, we won't be a worry to Mama and Daddy anymore.

I want to ask Heppi what she knows about Rene holding the mortgage on this place, and what my marriage will mean as far as that is concerned, but somehow I sense she would not want to speak of it. And then again, maybe she doesn't know, and I don't want to shock or sadden her. She is so happy.

Today she took me on a tour of their home. It has a wide, lovely center hall and two parlors and a dining room that overlooks the garden. It suits Heppi. I am happy for her.

IT IS VERY LATE
, yet I can't sleep. Tonight we had a before-wedding dinner. Tomorrow I get married. The whole house is silent.

After dinner I slipped out of the house and walked down to the waterfront and looked back. It is the only home I have ever known. What will I do in Brooklyn in a house without a tabby foundation and strong pillars to hold it up? The wind off the water was persistent yet gentle, and blew some sand around my face. I breathed in the fragrance of it, even as I listened to the rattle of the palmetto trees out back and the ever-present sound of the tide behind me. Then I went back up behind the house to the barns. A single lantern burned inside. I told Jimmy I wanted to ride Tom Jones, so he saddled him for me and I took him out, over sand dunes and past the swampy places. I walked him very carefully past the twisted cedars and crooked pines behind the house, not going too far because it was dark by then. But I knew my way without seeing, and so did Tom Jones.

All this will be gone from me tomorrow. Will I be able to bear it? How will my world change? What does Brooklyn have to offer me?

I saw a lantern behind the house near the back door and knew it was Rene looking for me. I can't alarm him, I thought. So I let Tom Jones take me back to the barn. Rene was waiting there for me when we arrived, and he helped me off my horse, then held me.

"It'll be all right, Rose," he told me, holding me close. "You can come back whenever you want to."

He knew! Somehow that makes me feel better.

I HAVE NOT
, of course, been able to write in this journal for days. Now, here I am on a train, going east to New York because our boat ride took us inland. Rene had business with some men about shipments on the Erie Canal. We traveled the canal on a paddle steamer and had a suite of our own that was luxurious. At every turn there was good food and music. Of course Rene got the royal treatment. It is late and now he is in the bar having a drink and I am in my nightgown and robe, trying to write. The ride is really very smooth.

I shall be quick. My wedding day morning, Becky Sharp, one of Daddy's mares, dropped a foal. Daddy said it was good luck for our wedding, which took place that morning at eleven.

I got up early on my wedding day and dressed in my riding clothes and went out to the stables to have a ride on Tom Jones. The mist was on the river, and the place was quiet, except for Jimmy taking care of the horses in the barn.

So I was the first one to see the foal.

"Come to have a last ride about the place, eh?" Jimmy asked.

I told him I'd done that last night, that I just wanted to see things in the morning light. Still, it sounded so sad. But Tom Jones took me straightaway on our favorite paths. I did not even have to direct him. I only know that as we headed to the water that was gently lapping on the shore and I gazed out across the river, I felt a huge fist wrapped around my heart.

How can one be so sad and so happy at the same time?

I couldn't eat anything before the ceremony, but I joined the family at the table to tell them about the foal. Then we went out to see it.

All morning my head was in a buzz of excitement. I could scarce believe I was getting married. Rene kept giving me fond looks, and I found myself blushing. The wedding ceremony was early, eleven in the morning, because we had to get started on our trip. I remember going about the house and telling myself: This is the last time I'll see this, and the last time I'll do that. Oh, it was terrible sad.

Heppi helped me to dress. I don't remember a bit of it. Everything seemed blurred and moving too fast. I know I said the right words for the reverend, that Mama cried and Daddy insisted everyone have champagne immediately afterward. Then everyone kissed and we sat down to a scrumptious wedding brunch. I know I looked beautiful in my silk gown. Little Benjamin acted as the ring bearer, and I cried when I saw him.

When I left, I hugged Mama and Daddy as if I were going to stay at a friend's overnight. I think tears were coming down my face, but Rene was right there for me, holding my arm and guiding me through the whole thing. His presence is such a comfort.

When I kissed Heppi good-bye, she whispered in my ear, "Remember, trust and love." And now here it is five days later and I understand what she meant.

At first I was scared, going off with a man alone, but then Rene was very tender and loving with me. I found myself looking to him for everything, clinging to him in strange places, and he was there for me.

So it was not difficult for me to give myself to him on our wedding night. And now we have a different kind of closeness, to add to the other.

I have noticed on our trip that the farther north we go, the colder it gets. Rene warned me of that, and so I have brought my warmer clothing. Oh, everyone we meet is so nice to me, and I am so proud to be introduced as his bride. I want to be a good wife and please him, and I hope I can.

WE HAVE ARRIVED
in New York City! Oh, what sights! Never did I ever hope to see so many people in one place. The carriages! The restaurants! The lights! The noise! I stayed close to Rene, believe me. He took me to a restaurant called Delmonico's for a late supper. We will stay overnight in this very fancy hotel, and I have felt, this whole time, as if I am living in a fairy tale.

RENE HAD SOME
meetings with business associates in the dining room of the hotel yesterday, and so we didn't get started until nearly three. We came across the Brooklyn Bridge in our carriage. Rene wrapped me in a rug because it was very cold and told me the story of the bridge's construction. Oh, I wish Daddy could see it. But I get ahead of myself. I must tell of our homecoming first, and it was so bizarre I hesitate to write it, but I have promised always to tell the truth in my journal.

First, it was dark when we got to Dorchester Road, although there were streetlights and some lights on in neighboring houses. But not a one in our house. Rene was upset when he saw this. "I told her we'd be here this evening," he muttered. And when I asked him who, he said the housekeeper, Mrs. Kerwin. Then he paid the driver, who got our luggage onto the front walk and drove off. Rene found the front door key in his pocket, and we went up the steps.

The door was locked.

He opened it and we went in. I stayed behind him, because he knew the place and I didn't. We went through the center hall and Rene went about putting on lights. When he saw that the sofas and chairs were still covered with sheets, he muttered a curse.

"I told that woman we'd be here this day. Now why isn't the place in order?"

The large, empty house looked forbidding. Rene told me to sit down on one of the covered couches and keep my coat on, he was going downstairs to start the furnace. I waited while he did so. Outside, under the space of light from the nearest streetlight, I saw snow coming down. In April! What kind of a place is this Brooklyn?