BTW: I Love You (Mills & Boon M&B) (One Hot Fling - Book 1) (26 page)

‘M
ADDY,
could I have a word with you?’ Cal asked, glad that his voice sounded even—and reasonably assured. It was late in the afternoon, the sun dropping low over the cliffs. He shaded his eyes against the glare, not quite sure what had propelled him out of the house when he’d spotted his sister busy tending her flower garden alone.

He hadn’t actually intended to give in to Ruby’s request. Had tried all through the day to dismiss their conversation and forget about it. Ruby didn’t really know what she was talking about. He’d be mad to speak about something to Maddy that they’d both let go of years before.

But Ruby had got to him, even though he’d promised himself last night he wouldn’t let that happen again. She’d triggered something inside him when he’d caught her talking with his sister in that hushed, confidential tone. And he’d lost his temper with her. And even though he’d managed to pull himself together, he couldn’t seem to get his emotional equilibrium back.

And as the day had progressed, every damn stupid little detail had only unsettled him more. Watching his sister conduct the toddlers’ tea party with calm unruffled efficiency
and undisguised joy. Seeing the way Ruby placed the cupcakes she’d baked onto the tea table with a proud flourish. Holding Mia’s compact little body on his lap while she blew out her birthday candles. He’d felt as if he were an observer, an outsider in his own family’s celebration. As if there were something missing in his life, even though he knew there couldn’t be.

But no matter how hard he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to make the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach go the hell away. And so he’d been forced to concede that maybe Ruby had a point.

He owed Maddy an apology. Not just for the way he’d acted towards her yesterday evening. But for the way he’d behaved for years—because it had always been easier to shut her out than to admit the truth. That he’d failed her terribly when they were children.

Maybe if he finally got all that off his chest, everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be.

‘Sure.’ Maddy stood up, brushing the mud off her jeans and tucking her hair behind her ear. With her gardening clothes on, and the bright grin on her face, she looked impossibly young and carefree, reminding him painfully of the boisterous girl who had eventually been beaten down by their parents’ enmity. How come he had never seen it until today? That marrying Rye and having a family of her own had brought that bright lively child back? Made her become the person she was always meant to be?

‘But can I say something first, Cal?’ She took his hand in both of hers, lifted it to her cheek. ‘Thank you for coming. And thanks for chipping in at the party. Mia had a wonderful time.’ She laughed. ‘It’s meant so much to me having you here.’

Oh, hell.

He tensed, staring at the glitter of emotion in her eyes, not sure this had been such a great idea after all.

‘I know we make you uncomfortable.’ Her voice sobered. ‘I’m sorry for that. I hope now it’ll be easier for you to come whenever you want. But I’m going to stop pressuring you about it. You only have to visit when you feel like it.’

She let his hand drop, a soft sigh escaping from her lips.

‘You didn’t pressure me, Mads,’ he murmured, using the childhood nickname for the first time in years. ‘And you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I did that all by myself. There’s something I should have told you. And I didn’t.’

The beatific smile on her lips turned to one of curiosity. ‘I don’t understand?’

And so he told her. At first he couldn’t look at her. So he stared out across the lawns towards the sea, the tumbling breakers matching the turmoil swirling under his ribcage as he forced himself to tell his sister the truth. The sordid details spoken in a tight monotone sounded all the more ugly, the more dirty, against the fresh salty scent of the sea air and the bold beautiful colours of Maddy’s garden.

She listened quietly, asking only the odd question. Her smile had faltered, flattened once his gaze finally met hers. But the disgust, the reproach he had expected to see in her face never materialised. Instead all he saw was a steady acceptance.

As he finished one lone teardrop fell, which she brushed away hastily.

Rising on tiptoe, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. ‘You shouldn’t have had to bear such a terrible burden all by yourself.’

‘I shouldn’t have kept it from you.’ It all seemed so obvious now. Why had he never seen what Ruby had spotted after only a day? ‘I wish I’d told you sooner.’

Maddy’s lips curved into a sweet, sunny smile. ‘So do I.
But at least now you have.’ She looped her arm through his, fell into step beside him as they walked back to the house. ‘Tell me, did Ruby have anything to do with your decision to finally talk to me about it?’

He gave a stiff shrug, just the mention of Ruby’s name sending his emotions spinning again.

She was the most infuriating, most impulsive, most reckless woman he’d ever encountered. So how did she manage to turn him inside out with lust? Make his head feel as if it were exploding with frustration every time she challenged him? And at the same time cut right through the control that he relied upon for his sanity?

‘I’m not saying a word, on the grounds it might incriminate me.’

Or push me over the edge into insanity.

Maddy sent him a wistful smile. ‘Sometimes I think you’re too clever for your own good, Cal.’

He slung his arm over her slim frame, gave her an easy hug as she pressed against his side. ‘I try to be,’ he said. Although right at the minute, he’d never felt more stupid.

He’d done what Ruby suggested, told Maddy the truth at last, so why didn’t it feel like enough?

As he stepped into the living room with Maddy at his side, he spotted Ruby chatting with Rye in front of the big picture window. She glanced round, and the light from the setting sun caught the red highlights in her hair.

Her eyes met his and Cal felt the foolish bump under his breastbone and the way his heart scrambled into his throat.

Blast, he hadn’t sorted out a damn thing.

‘M
ADDY
and Rye and Mia are wonderful,’ Ruby murmured, staring out of the Ferrari’s windscreen. The drystone walls and lush greenery of the Cornish countryside whipped past, the dramatic landscape only making the turmoil of conflicting emotions more acute. ‘Thanks for inviting me along. I had a great time.’

‘You and Maddy became fast friends,’ Cal commented. ‘I noticed she invited you to come down in October.’

His voice was gruff, laconic, and she wondered if she detected a note of censure in the tone. Was he concerned that she might be foolish enough to take Maddy up on the offer?

‘Yes, that was sweet of her. But I won’t be able to make it,’ she said, firmly. ‘The business is mental in October because of all the Halloween and fireworks parties we cater for.’

However much she might want to, she wasn’t going to visit Maddy again. She wasn’t an imbecile. Suppose Cal turned up too with a new woman on his arm? Talk about awkward.

Although somehow it didn’t feel like awkwardness or embarrassment making the leaden feeling in her stomach plummet to her toes when he remained silent.

‘I see,’ he said at last.

The ball of emotion in her throat grew. She swallowed it down, determined not to give in to the pointless weakness. What on earth had she expected? That he would suggest she come as his date?

That wasn’t going to happen. Just because he’d made love to her last night as if he couldn’t do without her. Just because she’d seen the astonishment on his face when Mia had given him a spontaneous hug after blowing out her candles. Just because she’d noticed that strangely unguarded look in his eye when he’d walked into the house with Maddy an hour ago. Just because he appeared to have spoken to his sister as she had suggested.

It did not mean a single thing.

Sex was what they did best. So of course the physical connection would be heightened on their last night together. She’d found a kindred spirit in Maddy—and she’d hit it off with Rye and Mia too—so why wouldn’t she be a little emotional knowing she would never see them again?

This had nothing to do with Cal. Or the idiotic hope that had blossomed inside her during the children’s party, and afterwards while they’d said goodbye to Maddy and her family, that there might be a chance they could continue their affair.

No way was she holding her breath, waiting for him to suggest they see each other again. She didn’t wait for guys to ask her out. She did the asking if she wanted. And she didn’t. All this weekend had proved was that she’d allowed herself to become addicted to Callum Westmore. His skill and stamina in bed were phenomenal so that was no big surprise. He was going to be a hard act to follow.

No pun intended.

A weak smile curved her lips as she heard him shift down to take another tight bend.

Okay, maybe she’d also discovered a depth to him, an emotional integrity she certainly hadn’t expected. And a surprising
vulnerability behind that controlled exterior. But that didn’t make them any more compatible than they had been two days ago … Cal wasn’t looking for love, or commitment. He didn’t trust it. And she couldn’t change that.

‘Do you mind if I have a nap?’ she asked, suddenly desperate for the oblivion of sleep. She wanted the treacherous thoughts to stop jumping around in her head. The pointless yearning to stop tugging at her heart.

‘Sure, go ahead.’

She heard the frown in his voice, but couldn’t look at him.

Letting her mind drift off, she prayed that she’d be able to stay in a coma for the rest of the six-hour drive. Foolish tears stung her eyes and she gulped them down ruthlessly.

Get real, Ruby Delisantro. Remember, you don’t want what Maddy and Rye have. Not yet. You’re not ready. And you’d certainly never find it with a man like Callum Westmore.

But as her mind eventually clicked off, and she fell into an exhausted sleep, she couldn’t seem to recall all the very good reasons why.

Cal merged the car into the traffic on the M5 and pressed his foot to the floor. He wanted to get this damn drive over with as fast as possible. If Ruby stayed asleep long enough, he might have some hope of getting them both back to London and bidding her goodbye before he did something really stupid.

He and Ruby did not have a future together. Even in the short term. So this was where their affair had to end.

Sure Ruby had made him see things he should have seen years ago. And maybe their relationship had grown more intense than he would usually have allowed. He admired her zeal and her tenacity, her capable mind and her refusal to back down. But none of that was important. Not in the long run. Because he didn’t want permanent in his life. And Ruby was
the sort of woman who, when she finally chose to commit, would do it without holding back. She had a big heart beneath that super-sexy exterior—she would want love as well as passion and that was something he didn’t have it in him to give her.

This weekend, his whole life had shifted on its axis. He’d been forced to face the truth about himself and his past and the experience had left him emotionally raw in a way he wasn’t used to. No wonder he was behaving irrationally.

He caught a whiff of the sultry vanilla scent that permeated the car. Something about this woman had the ability to drive him crazy—she shouldn’t have a hold on him, and yet somehow she did.

The only way to stop this madness was to let her go. But as the powerful sports car ate up the miles, bringing them closer and closer to London, he could literally feel his resolve ebbing away, like water from a leaky dam … until the only barrier that was left was pride. He couldn’t ask Ruby to continue their affair, because it would give her too much power over him. And she had far too much already.

But if she asked him first, or at least gave him an indication that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Then he’d be able to set the terms. And risk taking her back into his bed, for a little while longer.

‘How about I carry the bag up for you?’ Cal said as he lifted Ruby’s leather holdall out of the car and slammed the boot.

Ruby’s heartbeat skittered, but then she spotted the car keys dangling from his finger. He was offering to carry her bag. He wasn’t offering anything else.

‘No need, I’ve got it from here.’ She grasped the handle, careful not to let her fingers touch his, and took the bag. Sweeping her hair back from her face, she sent him what she
hoped was a detached smile. Not easy with her heart battering her chest. ‘It’s been fun, Cal. But I’m shattered.’

She turned away, the sting of tears perilously close. She’d have to kill herself if he saw her cry, so she picked up the pace. The sooner she was on her own, the better, then she could snap out of this damn silly mood she seemed to be in.

‘Hang on. Don’t I even rate a goodbye kiss?’ he shouted after her. The statement sounded stiff, gruff, with none of his usual relaxed charm. Her heart careered painfully into her chest wall and the blockage in her throat grew.

She stopped and spun round. The sight of his long, muscular body spotlit by the street light as he leaned against the polished wing of the sports car made the dragging feeling in her belly twist into a knot.

‘I’ll pass, thanks.’ The tight smile on her lips felt as if it had been carved in stone. She touched her fingertips to her cheek. ‘I don’t want to risk another whisker burn.’

She stood transfixed by the brittle green glitter in his eyes as he watched her for what seemed like an eternity. Her throat hurt with the struggle to stem the tears, her knuckles whitening on the handle of the bag as she tried to hold back the foolish spurt of hope that had refused to die throughout the endless journey home—during most of which she’d pretended to be fast asleep.

The distant sound of a siren wailed, cutting through the tension like a blade. He shrugged. ‘Fair enough.’ Pushing away from the car, he flipped the keys up and caught them in his palm. Then sent her a mocking salute. ‘See you round, Ruby.’

Seconds later he had got into the car, revved the engine and roared away from the kerb.

Ruby’s heart imploded as her vision blurred and her throat closed over the whispered words. ‘Not if I see you first, Callum.’