Budding Star (15 page)

Chapter Eight

W
e were on the summit of a snow-capped mountain, looking down at the world far below. All of us were dressed in flowing white robes. Tsubomi’s face was utterly peaceful. “If I’d known it would be like this,” she said dreamily. “I wouldn’t have been so scared.”

It was the kind of view the old-style Japanese gods must have had; a vivid green patchwork of rice fields, little bamboo houses, streams and willows.

Clouds flitted past, white and woolly as new lambs. I kept expecting them to block my view, but they never did. You could see forever, and with total god-like clarity. If you wanted to see or hear something far away, you focused your attention, and - abracadabra! -you zoomed in for a special close-up on whatever it might be; children skimming stones across a stream, an old man snoozing in the sun, bees inside a flower. I could hear a woman singing miles below, as she stirred a pan of soup over the fire.

Reuben was standing close beside me. “You can see up as well as down.” The vibration of his voice made pretty coloured trails in the air.

I looked up experimentally and got a major head rush as I zoomed in on a fizzing whizzing cosmos of stars, comets and constellations.

“Wow, this is SO cool!” I breathed, and to my delight, my words left pretty trails too.

We’d come up through three levels, defeating demons and absorbing their energy, so according to game logic, we were now seriously powerful magicians.

Mr Allbright once told us that when we get really advanced in angelic studies, we’ll actually see human thoughts spreading through the Universe in ripples.

Maybe this is also true of advanced magicians? Because on Level Four, magicians seemed to be the only people around; no lute players, or ladies in wicker carriages, just pure magicians. There weren’t even too many of those. Occasionally you’d spot one stalking about in the distance, looking scornful in his robes.

Level Four magicians don’t tend to exert themselves more than necessary. This is the Air level, the level of thought power. They just think themselves where they want to go, and
bosh
, there they are!

I found it rather stressful, frowning magicians popping up among the clouds without warning. Absolutely nothing in this world seemed fixed or solid. Houses, furniture, magic banquets, simply appeared when they were needed, and vanished when they weren’t.

OK I’ll own up! I might have been wondering about magicking myself a BLT, but Tsubomi repeated in that dreamy voice, “I didn’t know it would be like this, or I wouldn’t have been so scared of dying.”

Reubs and I exchanged alarmed glances.

Level Four might physically resemble a small kid’s idea of Heaven, high among the clouds, but it was actually a hive of v. dodgy magic.

“You’re not dead, sweetie,” I said firmly. “Trust me, Heaven is nothing like this.” I gestured at an arrogant-looking magician, symbols glittering on his robes. “These guys are just power-tripping.”

She looked as if she might burst into tears. “You’re angels, I know you are! Why would I be hanging out with angels if I’m not dead?”

Trapped inside this bewildering game of changing levels and landscapes, Tsubomi badly needed something to cling to. Now I’d taken away her nice Heaven she was lost. Somehow we had to help give her courage without actually fibbing.

“We were sent to help you,” I told her truthfully, “with a really crucial mission.”

“We
did
all that,” said Tsubomi in a scared voice. “We stole the phoenix egg and we thawed the ice world. Is this going to go on forever?”

I was talking about your
real
mission, I wanted to say, but Reuben got in first.

“It could go on forever, or not,” he said softly. “It’s up to you.”

After dropping this major cosmic hint, we daren’t say another word. Tsubomi would have to figure the next part out for herself.

There was a long silence. I could feel the tension building inside her.

She swallowed. “I never do anything right.”

“Yeah, you do,” I began.

“I don’t! I can’t even DIE right.” Tsubomi’s words sent a storm of angry coloured lights through the air.

I suddenly felt like I couldn’t remember how to breathe. Was this that moment Jessica had talked about? That miraculous moment when all our watching and waiting paid off and the human finally opened up? Because I’m sorry, it was too painful.

“I was too weak, that’s what they said.” Tsubomi seemed to be talking to herself.

“Who told you you were weak?” asked Reuben gently.

“Mum, Miss Kinsho. Other girls would have killed to get where I was, but I couldn’t take it. Walking out on that stage night after night, dancing, singing, smiling, scared they’d see I was falling apart inside.” Tsubomi took a shaky breath. “I was so scared, all the time. It got so I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was cracking up - I was—” She shivered. “I had this delusion that I was being stalked by creatures from some evil dimension.”

My jaw dropped
. “
Tsubomi, that wasn’t a -
”

“I kept seeing these - they looked like normal pop fans, but they weren’t. They weren’t even real. They’d appear out of nowhere and just stand there watching me sing.” She shook her head, to banish the picture. “And their expressions - it was like they literally wanted to destroy me. I started seeing them everywhere I went. TV studios, hotel lobbies. No one saw them but me. They wore these creepy sunglasses, but when they took them off, their—”

“Don’t think about them!” I said quickly.

“I can’t HELP it!” Tsubomi’s words sent jagged forks of lightning whizzing into the little fluffy white clouds. “Angels can control their thoughts, ordinary humans can’t, OK?”

Reuben kept his voice soft and steady as if she was a scared animal. “You can control them, Tsubomi. You’re a musician. Think about your music.”

“I’m NOT a musician! Real musicians live and breathe music. They wouldn’t just do whatever some agent or promoter told them!”

I tried to make my voice calm like Reuben’s. “You had no choice. You were still just a kid. You had to do what they told you. Maybe you weren’t as strong as you’d like to have been, but your music really
touches
people, Tsubomi!”

“My music is total garbage!” She sounded exhausted. “I wanted to do something amazing, you know? I wanted it SO badly. But I just don’t have what it takes.”

I’d never been as scared for her as I was at that moment. In a world of magicians, just thinking about something can make it come true. If Tsubomi
thought
she was too weak to fight, she was. If she
thought
her life had been pointless, it was.

This was the moment the Dark Powers had been banking on; the moment of unbearable loneliness and despair which would finally sabotage any hope of Tsubomi returning to complete her Agency mission.

She swallowed. “Have you ever heard my first record? I’m just a fake. You guys have been great, but you should go back to Heaven now and stop wasting your time on fakes and losers.”

Her magician’s robes were melting away as she spoke. Underneath she wore the normal teenage uniform of the twenty-first century: jeans, trainers and a hoodie. She pulled the hood over her shiny dark hair, and trudged off across the clouds.

Somewhere in a viewing suite in the Hell dimensions, PODS agents were howling in triumph and stomping their feet. The battle for Tsubomi’s soul was over. They’d won.

In that terrible moment, I felt myself splitting into three angels. One watched Tsubomi walk away, totally convinced that everything was lost. A second angel stood sorrowfully beside a hospital bed where a dying girl was just about to be unplugged from a life-support machine.

But the third angel knew it was time for Tsubomi to know the truth.

I made my robes dissolve too. I’d had enough of disguises. “Mi-chan!” I called after her, deliberately using her family pet name. “Don’t you want to know who’s doing this to you?”

She turned and there was no expression in her face. “Does it even matter?” she said bleakly.

“You’re going to die, girl,” I told her softly. “You at least owe it to yourself to ask where this has all been coming from; all these phoenix eggs and frozen palaces and talking mice!”

I saw her throat muscles move. Her eyes went wide. “You’re saying that was all
me
? Are you crazy? I don’t have that kind of power.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “Tsubomi, you have so much power you’re scaring yourself! You created an entire magic world out of your imagination, stuff you remembered from video games, fairy tales you heard as a little kid, like those little dead Limbo children, and the Moon Lady.”

She shook her head. I saw total bewilderment in her eyes. “I don’t believe you. Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know why, Tsubomi. Maybe you just wanted to hide inside a fairy tale for a while? Or maybe you were using this whole experience to turn yourself into a stronger person, so you could go back to Earth and stand up to the Dark Powers once and for all. But I know one thing. You’re
pure
magic, Tsubomi. You’ve just got to learn to control it, that’s all.”

She looked dazed, like someone on the verge of waking from a long, confusing dream. “You’re saying it’s all just a stupid game, none of it has been real?”

“No, it is, it
is
!” I gestured at the rice fields far below. “This came out of
you
, Tsubomi. All this incredible beauty is you!”

Tsubomi looked like she longed to believe me, but she didn’t dare. She just didn’t dare.

Reuben has the best cosmic timing of any angel I know. “Won’t you play for us one last time before you go?” he asked slyly.

She tried to smile. “Maybe you didn’t notice, but I haven’t got an instrument.”

Reuben instantly materialised a stunningly beautiful koto. Painted on the sides in gold leaf were Japanese characters for all the elements that make up the Universe: Earth, Fire, Water and Air.

Tsubomi backed away. “It’s only got one string.”

He firmly pushed her towards the instrument. “You heard Lady Tsukii. Harp players have played with one string before.”

“Not many. Only a master could play that well.”

“So play, Tsubomi!” Reuben almost whispered. And he gave her his special Sweetpea smile.

Who would believe that an angel’s smile could totally tip the balance between Light and Darkness? Yet in that moment I could see Tsubomi believed him.

She was shaking, but she seated herself cross-legged in front of the koto, shut her eyes and began to play. Just thinking about it now still gives me goose bumps. From that single string, this amazing girl produced the most exquisite rhythms and harmonies I’ve ever heard outside Heaven.

All the sounds from the bottom of the mountain ceased, as the people fell silent in awe, possibly thinking they were listening to the music of the gods.

Reuben and Tsubomi were both so deeply into the music that they had their eyes closed, so I was the only one who saw the landscape dissolve for the fifth and final time.

We were back where we’d started, only everything had changed. It seemed like Level One had been given an energy infusion, it was going totally potty, putting out joyful green shoots and teeny little flower buds.

Music was playing somewhere among the trees: drums, flutes and biwas.

Some kind of festival was going on.

Crowds of beautifully dressed little girls were walking about under blossoming peach and cherry trees, proudly dressed in their new spring kimonos. They had that genuine dignity little kids have on important occasions, but you could see their eyes sparkling with fun.

Some had dressed their dolls in their spring kimonos, and brought them out to share the celebrations. Others were flying kites shaped like fabulous birds and beasts. At one shrine, little girls were busy writing their secret wishes on slips of paper and tying them to flowering branches with coloured ribbons.

When you’ve just been fighting for someone’s soul, it’s a little overwhelming to find yourself surrounded by a sea of zingy blossomy springtime vibes.

Tsubomi took our hands. “What can I say? I was a goner and you just pulled me back out of the dark.”

Reuben grinned. “Just doin’ our job, ma-am!”

Girls often feel they have to hide parts of themselves that don’t fit, don’t they? They think they should be the same as everyone else, or they think they should be perfect. But when I looked into Tsubomi’s eyes, I knew she wasn’t going to be hiding any more.

You know how it is when you say goodbye to someone you probably won’t see again for some time? You’ve only got like,
minutes
, so you frantically try to fit in everything you really meant to say earlier if you’d only had time.

“So really you were right about being on a quest,” my inner angel was telling Tsubomi earnestly. “But this one’s on Earth, so it’s probably pretty much going to take your whole life.”

“And the Dark Powers come in all kinds of disguises, so you won’t always recognise them right off,” Reuben chipped in equally earnestly.