Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (13 page)

I smile. “Scott, I saw you all sleeping together. You can stop with the act.”

Don’t tease him, Tracey
. I wave my hand to the side. Okay, okay.

This is going to be fun.

I look at Glen and she’s blushing. Scott is just staring at me. “Let Glen in, Tracey, so she can go back to sleep.” I don’t want to. I know she’s going to want to talk and tell me about her sleep with Scott—or whatever happened between them. I have my own thing going on. Well, nothing is
going on
, but I’m not ready for my company to leave.

Let her in, Tracey. She can sleep in the guestroom, unless you’re ready for me to go
.

No! I look back at him.

“Tracey, come on, it’s cold. What’s taking you so long?”

I turn back to the window. “Glen, I’m really tired, is it okay if you sleep in the guestroom?”

Glen walks over to Scott, who is really standoffish. She reaches for his arm. He doesn’t let her take it at first but gives in after she touches him. She’s talking too low for me to hear. I can’t make out her facial expression through my sleepy eyes.

She wants Scott to come in with her
. I look back at Nathan.

What?

She wants Scott to come in with her
. Now that is going to come in handy.
He doesn’t want to because of the hard time he gave you about me
.

So he’s shamed. Well, come and show him you’re here too. Maybe it will make him feel better.

He looks at the window.
I don’t think that would be a good idea
.

I look back out the window at them and they are going back and forth, Glen begging and Scott shaking his head.
She is trying to convince him that you would understand
.

She is right. If Scott decided not to come up with her, will she be in pain?

Probably
.

How much?

Depends on what they all did last night. It would probably be worse than what we have been going through, because they have allowed themselves to sleep through the night and wake up next to each other. Not breaking contact for hours. Their bodies would fight the separation
.

So if we were to do that, and separate, it would be like that for us too?

Yes, but we wouldn’t separate. We would just do that. Scott is stubborn
.

More reason why you should come over here and let him know
it’s okay, that you gave in too.

I didn’t give in. I won, and the demon lost
. I flinch away. He said that too harshly.
I didn’t mean that as harsh as it sounded. But I chose to fight against what they say we can’t have, not give into it
.

Getting up from the bed, he walks over to me. I move away from the window, meeting him a quarter of the way. He grabs my face between his big hands and places a gentle kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll talk to him.” He grabs my hand, pulling me back to the window. We bend over and out of it.

Glen and Scott are now looking in our direction. Glen squeals, and a smile the size of her shoulders spreads across her face. As quick as it appears, a frown replaces it. I’m not smiling, because I don’t know how this is about to play out. He grabs my hand a little tighter and my discomfort passes.

“Scott, let it go.” Scott looks at Nathan with an expression of pure shock. He doesn’t respond to him. I look at Nathan and his expression is calm—as if he is talking about something serious. They must be doing that mind-talking that he told me about. He nods at me in confirmation.

And
he is multitalented. I smile to myself and he pinches my thigh. I shake my head at him. Glen is looking at Scott with an irritated look on her face. She punches his arm. “Don’t be rude, Scott. Talk back.”

Now, I’m shocked. She doesn’t know. He didn’t tell her. Scott looks at Glen with a ‘what the hell?’ look.

“He’s talking to you and you’re just being rude,” she says, irritated.

This is a good opportunity for me to be an ass. “
Ooo, Scott. Shame on you,” I say with a mischievous smirk. Glen bickers at him quietly for a moment.

Nathan pinches my thigh again. He better stop pinching my thighs before my desire becomes what it was before.

He turns his head, slowly, to look at me. “What?” I say quietly, in a shocked voice. I’m serious.

He smiles that crooked smile and shakes his head. “You’re about to get in trouble.”

“Nathan, you come down. Glen, you go up. We need to talk—now!” Scott says with authority.

“No!” I interrupt. You are not going down. You all can talk tomorrow.

Calm down, Tracey
.

“Don’t, Tracey,” says Scott.

Come on. Let’s go down and see what he wants
. “Hold on, Scott,” Nathan says in a deeper voice than he uses with me. It is hot.

He moves us both back from the window, pulling it closed, followed by the curtains.

“Don’t say anything. He didn’t tell Glen about anything I told you.”

“Does he know that you told me?”

“Yes.”

“Why won’t he tell Glen?”

“That’s not my place to question or to judge.” Okay, that shut me up. “Each of us handles our own situation in our own way. Scott can be in Glen’s head the same way I’m in yours. She may not be the type to take well to a situation like ours. And he may have to warm her up to it before he gives it all to her, like I did with you.”

“Did you tell me everything?”

“Honestly? No, not everything.”

“Why not?”

“How do you feel?”

“I feel fine.
A little tired.”

“You’re overwhelmed and share mixed emotions about it.” He looks back towards the window. “And that’s okay, you should.” His expression turns into worry. “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Okay, just be quiet as we walk.” It’s Saturday and my mom never wakes up early, and I do not want to do anything to make this Saturday special.

Scott is shaking his head and Glen is kind of mild-mannered. “Okay, Scott. Glen and I will walk over near the trees while you and Nathan talk,” I say as we approach.

“Uh, no.” Nathan looks at me, shaking his head. “Not happening. You and Glen will stay over here while Scott and I walk away.”

“Yeah, or that,” I say, agreeing.

Scott walks over, pushing Nathan away from me. My chest strokes and I drop to my knees. Everything goes black. Nathan, being forced away from me, hurt me beyond any pain imaginable.

“Scott!” I hear Nathan say angrily. “Calm down. That’s not cool and you know it.”

I feel hands on my shoulders, helping me from the ground, then hands in my hands, and lips on my forehead. The pain goes away and my sight returns with floaters and flashes in my vision. It was the worse feeling I’ve ever felt. My whole body was pained, and non-responsive.

“That will never happen again. I’m sorry you had to experience that.” His voice is soft.

“What was that?” I ask, still trying to understand.

“Just what you thought—forced separation.”
The worst feeling. It affected me the same way it affected you. I just knew what to expect and I’m stronger than you
.

I nod, not feeling like talking.

Go talk to Glen for a minute. It won’t take me long to talk to Scott. Plus, I need to point out a few things to him
.

I nod again as we meet her.
“Hi Glen.”

“Hi.” Glen returns with a smile. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t like it. We look at each other.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Nathan says.

“Okay,” I respond as he walks away.

“So I see things worked out for you in getting your guy. Maybe some guy should’ve grabbed my ass to fix Scott’s mixed feelings.” She jumps right into it. “I mean, when you left to go to the kitchen, I was still dancing with Eric. He was way too drunk and I told him I needed a break. I turned around to walk away and there was Scott—standing right behind me.”

She starts playing with her loose hair. “I said hi and we ended up talking about nothing at all. At some point, I started feeling dizzy and needed to lie down. Scott had walked away from me at
that point, so I found Andrew and told him I needed to lie down. He offered me his room. It was crazy clean for a teenage boy, by the way.

“But anyway, when I was walking in the room, Scott was right behind me. He scared the shit out of me, but I didn’t push him away. I didn’t want to. I guess I wanted him to be there.” She shrugs. “We walked into the room and I kind of attacked him. I pulled him as close to me as I possibly could.

“I kissed him like he was my husband who was lost at sea and had just come home after years of being away. It didn’t take him by surprise, and he was into it. I straddled him on Andrew’s bed and almost had sex with him.” She pauses and gives me a look of disbelief. “But he stopped me. Mr. Safety Scott.”

I chuckle, feeling half-shocked and half in disbelief. “Yeah, Andrew told me where you were and I went to check on you. I saw Scott holding you and both of you asleep.” Remembering the snowflake under her eye, I move to look at the right side of her face, unnoticeably. It now looks like a funny-shaped star.

I don’t think I should mention it—or maybe I should.

“We
were
asleep. And it was a
good
sleep. Everything was perfect, Tracey.” She looks down, hiding the hurt in her eyes. “He woke up first and woke me up, pissed. I was so sick and hurt. He was beating himself up, saying how this shouldn’t have happened and that it was a mistake. And he looked at me with the most violent look. Scared the hell out of me.”

My breathing is steady as I listen to Glen’s story. I decide I’m not going to say anything about the star. Why would he give in—and he is definitely giving in—then rebel like that? Is this what Nathan meant by no control? Is Mr. AllAboutBusiness unable to separate the good from the bad within
himself?

“I don’t know, Glen. Maybe he just isn’t ready for a relationship, or doesn’t know what he wants.” I don’t know what else to say.

I really want to tell her that I think he’s losing it because he’s fighting the want he has for her and it’s making him lose control of himself. Not to mention the fact that they are meant to be together and he knows that, but he’s willing to give up everything they have because of his stupidity. But Nathan said not to say anything.

“Well, I just can’t un—” She doesn’t finish, looking over my shoulder. I look too. Nathan and Scott are re-approaching. Her voice lowers so only I can hear her. “Don’t say what I told you.” I nod, knowing Scott had heard her. Based on what Nathan said, Scott’s in her head too.

“Come on, Tracey. Let’s let Scott and Glen talk.” Nathan takes my hand. I’m relieved and happy to be feeling his touch. “Scott, my car is parked down the street.” Car? He takes some keys from his pocket and tosses them to Scott. “If you leave, I’ll find a way to get back.”

Scott says nothing, catching the keys. He looks at Glen, nodding his head towards the street, as a way of telling her to come on. They don’t touch, but Glen is walking really close to him.

“What happened, and what car?” I ask, turning from them.

Nathan wraps me in his arms with my back to his chest. He
leans back and kisses the center of the back of my neck. “I have a car too. And we’ll talk about that when we wake back up.” He gently pushes me towards my house. “The sun is almost up. Go see if your mom is awake. Just look out the window and let me know. I’ll let myself in if she’s not.”

Not answering him, I turn towards the patio doors, taking another glance at Glen and Scott. He slowly reaches out and grabs her hand. I smile to myself. What is up with Scott?

Go, Tracey
.

Right.
I walk in the house, making sure I lock the doors and close the blinds. Upstairs, I go to my mother’s room, which is on the opposite end of the hall as mine. Her door is closed, which usually means she is still asleep. Looking at the hall clock, it reads 6:23 AM.

I yawn, rubbing my eyes, as I quickly walk back to my room. Just now realizing how tired I am.

He is already there, standing inside by my window, waiting for me. “Took you long enough.”

“When we wake back up, you’re going to tell me about that too.” I close and lock my door.

I walk to the bed and he meets me there. “Anything you want, beautiful.” He lays us down. And, once again, I snuggle myself against him.

I awaken, alone in my bed, wrapped in my comforter. The sun is shining brightly through my window, indicating it’s after twelve. I look around my room, knowing I wasn’t alone when I went to sleep. Then it hits me.

He’s gone. Why? Panic rises in me. Why would he leave me? Where did he go?

Was I dreaming? No, it felt so real. I felt him here. His lips, his arms, his body, his voice—it was all here.
And real
. Could I really be that delusional over him, that I would imagine something so realistic? My chest starts to ache—worse than the pain I had felt before.