Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (60 page)

His smile gets wider and he shakes his head. “Do you want to see for yourself
, or do you want me to tell you?”

“I’ll go look for myself. Just don’t look at me get up.”

A confused expression takes possession of his face. “What?”

“I’m serious.”

“Tracey, I have seen you naked, like, a lot.”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“Just don’t look.” I smile. “Can I see right now?”

“Yes.”

I sit up
. “If it’s a dog, I’m going to add ‘seeing the future’ to my abilities.”

He laughs
. “Well, there isn’t a dog in there. So I guess we’ll go ahead and put a line through that one.” He looks at the ceiling, throwing his arm over his eyes.

I slide from the bed
, turning to check if he’s looking. He is and starts laughing.

“Asshole.” I run to the closet
, closing the door behind me. I turn on the light and look around.

His bedroom
-sized closet is full of me—well, stuff for me. It is more like split—one side for me and the other for him. From shoes, to dresses, skirts, blouses, shorts, jeans—clothes to dress up or down in. I peek my head out of the closet.

“And when did you have time to do this?”

“Are you upset about it?”

I turn the light off
, rushing back to the bed. “No! Why would you hide it?”

“We had not made it official yet
—if you are moving in or not. But I wanted you to have things over here, so that you’ll be comfortable.”

“Now
, I have been with you every day. When did you go out and buy that stuff?”

“I cannot take credit for that. I had the person
who buys my clothes buy yours.”

“You have someone
who buys you clothes?”

“Yea
h, sometimes…when I don’t have time.” He pulls me to lie on top of him. “How else would I have all those clothes?”

“Speaking of
…what happened to all the clothes you had?” His closet was full.

“I had them put somewhere else.”

“So if I move here, this will be our room?”

“Nah, we would take a bigger room. This one would be too small for us. But we would stay here for now.”

I think this room is pretty big. “And how much bigger do the rooms get?”

“Big enough. Go ahead and take a nap. I’ll lie with you
, and when you wake up, you’ll be dressed, and Taylor may be asleep next to you.”

“I don’t like it when I wake up and you’re gone.”

“Would you prefer I wake you up when I leave, and you have to watch me go?”

Probably not. “I’m not sure.”

“You’ll be fine, baby.” He yawns. “Scott said to give him an hour.”

“We should go bang on their door and tell him to
‘come on.’”

He chuckles
. “Go to sleep, Tracey.”

There he is in all his ‘freak me out’ glory. Smiling at me, wanting me, requesting me to come to him—with his bright, golden eyes. I back away, until my body presses against something hard. I freeze, looking behind me. And there is Nathan.

I’m happy to see him,
and hoping he’ll get rid of Roehl, take us away from him. He smiles at me, then looks back to Roehl and nods his head towards him. Confused and nervous, I start shaking my head. He nods and my feet start moving reluctantly, against my will, towards Roehl.

I fight against myself.

“Aww, Tracey, don’t be afraid. I’ll make everything okay. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Roehl wraps his cold hands and arms around me when I reach him. It doesn’t shock. It’s just cold and uncomfortable. I struggle to get away, the entire time staring at Nathan, with the same smile on his face.

He stands with his
arms crossed in front of his chest, shoulders square. “Nathan, please don’t do this,” I cry, struggling against Roehl’s grasp.

I cry out for him and Roehl
’s grip tightens. “Sorry, Tracey my love, but he doesn’t have a choice,” Roehl says too close to my ear, and then licks it with his acid tongue.

I cringe away and stare at Nathan looking back at me
, begging him to save me, help me in any way.

Roehl’s cold hands are touching me everywhere
: my face, my arms, my neck, my stomach, my hair. He is saying my name repeatedly, and I hate my name coming from his lips.

At each sound of my name
, I call out Nathan’s. He never moves—never speaks. He just lets me be. “Why, Nathan? Please!”

“Tracey, get up.” I’m shaken. “Tracey, wake up.”

My eyes flutter
. I’m relieved it was a dream—yet another damn dream. I turn over, throwing the covers over my head. Like Nathan said, I’m clothed. How he did it, without waking me up, we will have to talk about.

“Tracey
, get up.” Glen shakes me again.

I jump up, my eyes locating her immediately. I jump on her
, wrapping my arms too tightly around her neck. She laughs, hugging me back with equal strength.

“Glen
, I’m so happy you’re okay.”

She doesn’t know or remember anything
. I look at Taylor and she smiles. It’s weird hearing someone besides Nathan in my head out of the blue.
Not even the hospital
.

So what does she think happened
? I ask.

She got sick and was asleep all day
. I shake my head, bringing my attention back to amnesia Glen.

Scott is really going to mess this girl
’s head up by erasing all her memories
. I look at her freckled face. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are light.

She just doesn’t remember,
so she figured she was sick and slept all day
. I doubt that.

I pull back from Glen. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, much. Nathan, Scott, and their cousin are gone. I can’t remember what his name is. Taylor said we needed to come and check on you. Plus, I wanted to see you anyway. But were you having a bad dream? Or maybe you were having a sexy dream? You were calling out Nathan’s name. You just looked uncomfortable.” She gives me a worried look.

I look at Taylor
, then back at her. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

“You’re right
,” Glen agrees loudly. “Come with us to the kitchen. I’m starving.” She gets up and looks around. “Nathan’s room is huge. No wonder you all spend so much time in here.” Like her and Scott weren’t just in here the other day. This girl remembers nothing.

“I know
, right?” I say, getting up from the bed, with even socks on. I shake my head at her, smiling, while I put on my shoes.

Taylor comes to me and wraps her arm around mine. “You know, I know how to cook too.” I lay my head on her shoulder
. She is the closest I’m going to get to Nathan.

Glen walks between us
, pushing us apart, and wraps her arms around ours. She is a jealous girl friend, but doesn’t want to come off as a bitch to Taylor.

“So
, what can you cook?” Glen asks. I smile, shaking my head.

Sorry about her. That’s how she is
,
I say to Taylor.

No need to apologize. She probably thinks I’m trying to take your friendship or something. But you’re my sister, replacing the one I lost
.

Yes, I am
.

She smiles at me
, then answers Glen’s question, saying she will cook lamb, spinach, and rolls. Hearing her talk about food makes me hungry too.

Glen rambles about food as we walk to the kitchen. She turns to me
. “So what was wrong with me anyway?”

We are all silent, neither of
us knowing what to tell her. I shrug, walking to the fridge. Justin walks in and kisses Taylor’s cheek.

“Hey
, Tracey,” he greets.

“Hey
. So Taylor is going to make us something to eat. Are you joi— Wait.” I turn to Taylor.
Why is he here
?

Only
the burdened deal with Roehl. Justin’s not, plus I didn’t want him to go. It may get too
… She gives me a sympathetic look, realizing I know what she was going to say.

Don’t worry about it. I knew what I was getting into before I got into it
.

“Tracey
, you okay?” Glen asks, walking next to me.

“Yea
h, I just need Nathan to come back.” Now I feel bad. How bad is it supposed to be? He said he was just going to talk to him. “I think I’m going to go sit in the living room. Let me know when the food is ready.”

“Okay
, Tracey,” Taylor says, still with an ‘I’m sorry’ face. I wish I never asked the question.

“Hey
, you want me to come with you?” Glen says, now at my side.

“No
, stay here and get to know Taylor and Justin.” I put on a plastered smile. “They’re awesome.” Not that I don’t mean it; I’ve just lost my happy disposition. “Where’s Nathan?” I ask Taylor.

“He’s gone
. You just said that,” Glen answers factually, like I asked a stupid question.

“No
—” I shake my head. “Nathan is Nathan’s brother,” I say with a jumbled smile.

“Wait
—so your parents named two of their children ‘Nathan’?” Glen asks, looking at Taylor.

She doesn’t even remember
Little Nathan. This cannot be good for her hippocampus. Tomorrow, she’s not going to know her name.

“Yes, they really like the name
,” Taylor answers, pulling pans from the cabinet.

I leave the kitchen while Glen goes on about both boys being named Nathan.

Nathan
, I call in my head softly, not wanting to call my Nathan or disturb him.

Me
? I hear Little Nathan’s voice.

Yea
h, where are you?

Reading in the living room.

Mind if I keep you company?

Sure
.

I travel down the long hall to the living room. Little Nathan is laid across the couch with the biggest book in his face. I plop on
to the loveseat across from him.

He closes t
he book, placing it on his chest. “You feel okay?” he asks.

“Not real
ly. But I’ll be fine. How are you?” I ask, watching his eyebrows scrunch, then loosen.

“Fine
, for now. I have a few things going on. I’m going through a few changes.”

“Like what?”

“My new defense shield is coming in. Hopefully this one is permanent.”

“It changes?” I ask curiously.

He cringes, gritting his teeth. It takes him a few seconds to pull himself together. I wait.

“Yea
h, until you’re finished growing. It’s like, going through a painful puberty—over and over.” He cringes again. “But, at least I’m not burdened. It would be
so
much worse.” He exaggerates his last sentence.

“You okay about earlier?”

“I am, but I think Nathan still thinks I had something to do with it. He’s funny like that.”

I lean forward. “How do you mean?”

“He’s really hard to read. I’m sure you’ve figured that out.” He half chuckles—it sounds like it hurt. “He’ll tell you one thing, making it seem like he’s cool with it—or your answer. But really, he’s not. He’ll test you for weeks or months after it happened—after you’ve forgotten about it—just to see, or make sure, you aren’t out to betray him.” He grabs his forehead while taking a breath.

His eyes widen then lower
, and he rubs his hand down his face. “And with the stuff that just happened with my dad and my sister, I’m sure he’s going to come after me.”

“Come after you?”

He sits up, wrapping his arms around his legs. The book falls to the floor with a hard thud. “Yes, we’ll fight, he’ll interrogate me, and then he’ll try to get in my head. Try to read me—to get the truth.” He shrugs one shoulder, as if it’s something he’s accustomed to.

“That’s harsh
,” I say halfheartedly.

“No, that’s Nathan.” He looks
at me. “I can’t say that I blame him, with everything that he has been through.” He turns his full body towards me, placing his feet on the ground. Concern in his eyes. “But I’m his brother. I’d never do anything to hurt him—or you.”

He shak
es his head. As it falls forward, he says, “But words are words to Nathan—nothing more.”

“Yea
h, that sounds like Nathan. Maybe I could talk to him for you.”

He shakes his head
. “Nah, don’t do that. I may just be over-thinking it. And you talking to him won’t do anything but make things worse—like I tried to get to you, change your thinking of me.” His face turns serious and his eyes meet mine. They swirl from brown to a radiant blue. “Do you think I would try to hurt you?”