Burn This! (A 300 Moons Book)(Bad Boy Alphas) (6 page)

J
ohnny slunk
down the hallway toward the Sharing Center.

The mere fact that it was called
The Sharing Center
was enough to make him want to turn around and jog back to his room.

But then his thoughts turned to Neve, and he found himself walking a little faster toward the session.

There was something about her. She seemed to understand him intuitively. That moment before she wiped her tears away and shut him out, he could have sworn he’d seen into her soul. And he’d seen pain. And loss - like he felt in himself. But he’d also seen something else - a light. A spark he couldn’t explain.

Had they even exchanged ten words?

Maybe not, but she’d convinced him to come tonight.

He wasn’t really going because she’d found his hiding spot. Johnny Lazarus didn’t do things he didn’t want to do.

No, he found himself strangely compelled to do what she asked because he wanted to please her. And her gratified half smile when he’d agreed felt worthwhile, even now as he was facing the actual session.

A voice inside told him that if he really liked her, he should stay away from her.

She didn’t seem like the type to be into bad boys. And he was about as bad as they came.

He chose to ignore the voice.

Taking a breath, he turned the corner into the open double doors. The room beyond was large and bright with a view over the reflecting pool, its surface a shimmering pink in the setting sun.

A circle of chairs had been set up in the center of the room - real ones, not the cheap metal folding kind. Next to them stood a chalkboard proclaiming:
Coping with Past Mistakes
.

Oh, brother, this would be a long night.

Tables lined the back wall, all manner of appetizers spread out along them. A small crowd of ten or so picked over the food as they waited for things to get underway.

“Hey, it’s J-Laz,” a young female voice said.

He looked over to see Jocelyn Wylde, her blonde hair lank around her face. No make-up, circles under her eyes - she looked awful. But relaxed - and better than he’d seen her in a long time.

That was one to think on.

“Hey, kid,” he said awkwardly. Last time he’d seen her she had been completely wasted and screaming at his drummer.

Next he heard she was going to rehab. He didn’t realize she was going to this one.

Good for her.

It would be easy for most people to dismiss Jocelyn as another manufactured pop princess. But Johnny knew she wrote all her own stuff, and he’d seen her play at least six different instruments while she was on the tour. The girl had some serious potential.

It was nice to see her trying to get her act together.

Jocelyn nodded, and offered a cucumber slice to the iguana in her arms.

“Tacos,” Johnny said with a smile. He’d always liked the little fellow.

The creature paused and turned its scaly head in his direction.

Something in Johnny cocked its head back in interest.

Tacos hissed and scrambled up Jocelyn’s skinny arm and around her neck, tangling himself in her hair.

“What the hell?” she said, dropping the cucumber.

“Sorry,” Johnny muttered.

“He always liked you,” she said.

Tacos hissed again as she tried to pull him down.

Johnny grabbed some strawberry slices off the table.

“Try this,” he said.

Jocelyn held them out and Tacos allowed himself to be coaxed back into her arms. He snatched the berries from her hand and tossed his spiky little head to swallow them down. He did
not
look at Johnny.

Was he sensing the change in Johnny, the push of the creature against his skin?

The room suddenly felt too small.

This was a bad idea.

He turned, ready to slip out, just as Neve marched through the door.

“Hi, there,” she said with a smile. “Nice to see everyone.”

She was tired, that was easy to see, but her brown eyes crinkled, telling him that her smile was sincere.

Like a herd of deer, the crowd at the tables moved to the seats in the center of the room.

Johnny moseyed after them and sat down in the last seat. He was opposite Neve and next to Jocelyn. He would’ve thought the patients would all be fighting for a seat next to the pop sensation, with her fame and youth. Maybe they didn’t want to sit near the iguana.

Come to think of it, this group was holding its cool pretty well even with him there. They were probably used to rubbing elbows with celebrities. If they were at Sanctuaries, they had money. Some of these blue bloods probably even saw stardom as a fancy way of saying
new money
.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Neve said quietly to the assembled group. It was probably just his imagination, but Johnny swore her eyes lingered on him for just a second too long. “Let’s do a round of introductions.”

One by one, they went around in a circle. There were three wealthy looking, middle-aged blonde women, Bonnie, Barb, and Mimi. It seemed like they stuck together based on how they were dressed and seated and the way they nodded like ducks at each other’s intros.

There was a young black guy in a nice button down, silk tie and trousers, Clarence. He seemed weirdly relaxed.

Jocelyn was there of course, then Johnny himself.

On the other side of him, an older white guy, Ed, was looking miserable, with his arms and legs crossed.

Helen, a really familiar looking woman, with even blonder hair, sat next to Ed. Johnny vaguely thought that maybe she had been a game show hostess once upon a time.

Finally, two young guys, Phil and Tony, sat next to each other. One was tall and thin, the other short and heavy, but they were similar in that both were trying not to make it too obvious that they were eyeing Johnny up.

“Today’s topic will be
Coping with Past Mistakes
,” Neve announced, when the introductions were complete. “But before we get started, does anyone have something they would like to share?”

She glanced over at Johnny, but he looked away quickly.

“The snacks are much better than before, but they should bring back those bacon wrapped prunes,” Clarence said, leaning back and crossing his legs with a smile.

Everyone smiled and the feel of the room loosened up.

Neve looked to Jocelyn.

“Tacos is starting to feel less stressed-out about being here,” Jocelyn said quietly.

Nice.

Johnny watched as Neve managed the conversation, and the people. It appeared to be effortless, but after trying to keep a band together, he knew that maintaining an even exchange was anything but easy.

She kept it light and friendly, yet with every moment she was coaxing more and more from them.

Slowly, the conversation started getting heavy. Without announcing the shift into their topic, Neve subtly asked Tony, who was looking at his feet and talking about failing out of college, whether there was anyone he felt he had let down.

“My mom,” Tony said instantly, with a catch in his throat. “She always believed in me. And she was wrong.”

“She wasn’t wrong, Tony,” Neve told him. “You have a disease. And you have within you the power to get back up.”

The boy was crying now, and obviously embarrassed.

Neve turned to Ed, who had been silent all the while.

“Ed, can you pick up this train of thought for us?” she asked, indicating Tony with a slight tilt of her head.

It was a power move. She was making Ed feel that he was being asked to share in order to spare the younger man.

“I, ahem,” Ed interrupted himself with a cough.

They all waited.

“I was doing fine. I had a good job. Wife and kids. I drank a lot - more than I meant to sometimes - but I held everything together. I never missed work or anything.”

He stopped, uncrossed his legs, and slid his hands down the tops of his khakis.

“My job was with a tech company. They offered all employees the option to work from home on Fridays. This little voice in my head told me I shouldn’t do it, because I would drink. I shouldn’t be alone that much, you know?”

There were nods around the circle.

“But of course I said yes. The first Friday I had a couple of drinks in the morning, but by the time the kids got home I was able to hold it together.

“The next Friday, I drank a little more.”

He stopped speaking and bit his lip.

“When the school called to say that Marlee was sick, I was panicked. I got in the car, I… I knew it was only a couple of blocks to the school.

“I was almost there, I could see the building, and suddenly there was a crash, I was slammed into my seat belt. The air bag went off.

“I had hit another car.

“The driver was okay, thank God. But both the cars were totaled.

“I could have killed someone.

“If I hadn’t had that accident, I could have killed someone on the way home with Marlee in the car.

“I could have killed Marlee.

“Of course the police were called. And I was arrested, right in front of her school. They put me in handcuffs. I agreed to rehab as part of my sentence. But I would be here anyway. I don’t want to be owned by the drinking anymore.

“Now my wife and daughter have to continue their public lives and endure this shame of mine. While I sit here, protected, looking at the pretty landscaping and eating hors d’oeuvres.

“I’ve never wanted a drink more in my life,” he finished.

As Johnny reeled, Neve asked someone else to share.

“I know this may sound silly,” Barb said softly, “but my gardener, Hector, has been with me forever. He tended the garden before we bought the estate. His pride and joy is the rose garden. He tends those plants like they were his children, trimming, fertilizing, using that misting machine.

“At first he didn’t seem to like me too much, I guess he thought I was one more mean rich lady. We had renovated the whole place and even tried to get him to redo the landscape, but he told us he would rather leave than do that.

“That made me think, and I followed him in his work for a day, I saw how much he loved those gardens and how much thought had gone into their design. I asked him to stay and keep them just as they were.

“My life is… kind of boring,” she admitted. Mimi and Bonnie nodded their heads up and down in agreement.

“Hank is always at work. The kids are in school. It’s no excuse for drinking too much, but… Anyway, to pass the time, I would visit the gardens a lot. Over time I gained Hector’s trust, I would like to say even his friendship.

“One morning I got a call from Hank that he wouldn’t be home for the rest of the week - he had an unexpected work trip. I was upset and I drank too much, as always. But instead of stopping when it was too much I just kept going. I even helped myself to a few of the pain pills I had left over from my root canal last year.

“And then I decided to visit the rose garden.

“The last thing I remember is vomiting all over the roses.

“When I woke up I was here.

“I wonder if Hector will ever look at me again,” she sniffled and Mimi wrapped an arm around her.

Neve looked to Clarence.

“The worst part for me is letting myself down,” Clarence said in a clear voice.

Johnny noticed again how comfortable the man seemed.

“I felt like when I left the last time I was in a really good place. I felt like I was finally done with that stuff.”

A repeater, that explained why he felt so at home here. It wasn’t his first rodeo.

“But…” the man continued.

“But it’s like there’s a demon inside me.

“And no matter how good my life is, he only wants to watch it burn.

“I love my job, I want a good life. But it’s like there’s a completely separate creature, living inside my body, whispering in my ear. And he’s competing for control of my mind.

“I have tried to come to terms with it, but it’s too strong.

“On my bad days, I wonder what will happen when I lose the strength to fight, and he takes over completely.

“When that day comes, I wonder… will there be anything left of the part of me that used to be Clarence?” he finished, the pain clear in his voice.

The words bounced in Johnny’s head, eerily echoing his own struggle. It was too close to home.

“Excuse me,” Johnny murmured, and rushed out.

He could hear Neve calling after him, but he knew she couldn’t follow since she was leading the group.

And that was for the best. She shouldn’t get mixed up with a guy like Johnny. He was no good for anyone.

N
eve watched Johnny go
.

Damn.

She had hoped that he was getting comfortable. He seemed like he was keyed in enough that she might have been able to get him talking.

Something in what Clarence said must have struck a chord.

She wanted badly to go to him - it could be a moment of breakthrough if she could get to him before the walls went up again.

But their conversation would have to wait. The room was quiet and ruffled at his departure, and she was in charge of making it a safe place.

“We all have different reactions to our first session,” she said quietly.

Everyone in the room tried hard not to look at Jocelyn.

“Yeah, I know, I know, none were quite like mine, right?” Jocelyn said flatly. But the smile in the corner of her mouth did Neve’s heart good.

“It’s not that you’re so unique, honey,” Mimi comforted her. “It’s just that we don’t normally see a lot of pets getting loose.”

To her credit, Jocelyn smiled.

“I guess I let Tacos down that day. And a lot of other days too. And a lot of other people.” She paused for second, considering. “You know who I think about a lot is the other girl.”

Neve prayed for no one to ask
what other girl?
and break the child’s train of thought. Phil leaned forward, as he always did when Jocelyn spoke, but everyone remained silent.

“A lot of kids want to be on TV, you know, be a star. I only ever wanted to play my music and sing. But my mom thought the best way to become a musician was to be a kid actor first. And hey look, maybe she was right.

“Anyway, I was up for the part in
Punk Rock Junior High
. I was up for a lot of things I didn’t get, so I didn’t think too much about it.

“But then they called back. And they called me back in again.

“And the part wasn’t just some dumb girl with perfect hair and perfect everything, it was about a musician, like me. I started to get into it. Vanessa Drake was pretty cool.

“Finally, they called me back for a screen test. And there was this other girl there for a screen test too.

“She kind of looked like me, which was weird, but I guess they knew the type they wanted for Vanessa - tall, thin, blonde kid, with a guitar case, and a mom who was more nervous than she was.

“We waited for make-up at benches opposite each other and our moms were chatting in this way that was friendly on the outside, but seemed like it could get hostile any minute.

“The other girl just sat there, her eyes closed, meditating. I could feel how much she wanted it. She would’ve been great too, I’m sure. I mean meditating on a fuckin’ bench - what could be more Vanessa Drake, right?

“Anyway, they called me in for make-up first and that was the last I ever saw of her.

“When we got the call that I got the part, I was over the moon. Everything changed for us.
Everything
. We moved, I left my school, I became… Jocelyn Wylde.

“And at first I felt like it happened because it was supposed to - because I deserved it. Or because I was so fucking epic - so talented…

“But in time, I figured out that I was lucky. In the right place, at the right time, and they liked the way I looked or the way my mom filled in the form.

“Or maybe they didn’t like something about the other girl. Something dumb, like maybe she didn’t use the same kind of phone as the producer or some shit. I don’t know.

“Anyway, I never saw the other girl again. Which means she’s probably, like, in college somewhere. She didn’t
make it
, she’s not
special
she’ll probably have to work at something she doesn’t like for the rest of her life.

“And when I’m so drunk I can’t see, and I’m fucking one guy or another,” she covered her mouth with her hand, and looked at Neve, “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s quite alright,” Neve said, waving her on.

“Anyway, when I’m screwing up my life with drink and pills and guys, I wonder… What would the other girl have done with this opportunity?” Jocelyn asked.

“Do you really want an answer?” Clarence asked her. “Probably exactly the same as you. Kids your age should be allowed to be kids, no offense to you or your parents.”

“Clarence, we’re not here to judge—” Neve began.

“—None taken,” Jocelyn said, leaning toward Clarence and patting his leg awkwardly, causing Tacos to scramble down her back to stay away from him.

“Oh, hell,” Ed said, scooting his chair away, though Johnny’s empty seat was still between them.

Everyone began to giggle as the last rays of sunlight disappeared over the ridge.

Neve smiled, they were a good group. They didn’t have a lot in common, but they were decent human beings, trying their best, like most. The shared sense of humor would do wonders for them all.

She rubbed her upper arms, and then wondered why she was cold.

The temperature in the room had dropped dramatically.

It had been 80º all day, and maybe it was cooler by 10º as the sun set. There had been a refreshing breeze through the window all evening.

But this was cold, true cold.

Neve had grown up further north, close to Glacier City, where the winters were real. This was that kind of cold, the kind with a bite to it.

A gust of frigid wind whipped into the room.

She had just enough time to see the confusion on the patients’ faces, before everything went black.

Something brushed past her in the darkness, something with fingers like icicles.

She heard Johnny’s name. But that wasn’t right. She didn’t hear it, not with her ears - she felt it in her mind, like a whispered question.

Johnny?

Across from her, Jocelyn shrieked.

Swallowing a scream of her own, Neve focused on her charges.

“Everyone, it’s important to stay calm,” she said, being careful to speak slowly and pitch her voice down so as not to sound frightened. “It’s probably just a tripped breaker. I’ll get it straightened out.”

She slipped her phone out of her pocket to call maintenance.

She pushed the home button, once, twice. Nothing.

Dead.

That was weird. Maybe she’d forgotten to charge it last night.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Tony asked in a frightened voice.

“Phones are out,” Clarence announced from near the door. This was his fourth time through the program - he knew the procedures almost as well as Neve. He must have made his way to the landline on the wall. Would the power have knocked that out, too?

A cry sounded in the distance, like an animal in pain. What the hell was going on?

“My phone’s not working either,” Jocelyn chimed in.

She wasn’t supposed to even have a phone while she was at Sanctuaries. They’d confiscated two when she checked in. But that was a conversation for another time.

Right now, she had everyone on the edge of freaking out, and nothing to do to bring them back down. The power was out, and this session was supposed to end with a movie night to soothe the agitated feelings, something to help them unwind.

And there was more going on here than a tripped breaker. This was getting weird.

Someone began to cry softly in the darkness. Barb?

And then Neve heard the music.