Burning Glass (20 page)

Oblivious to my anger, the emissary sighed and shook his head. “Indeed, it was inconvenient.”

I dug my fingernails into my palms, sensing his false and barren compassion.

“But to maintain order, a kingdom—an empire, I dare say,” he added to Valko, “the monarchy must be prepared to wrestle with such decisions and make the choice for the greater good, whether that means thinning the gypsies . . . or even abolishing harlotry.” He wrinkled his nose at me. “It is widely known our Esten ladies prize fidelity in a partner above all else.”

I recoiled, both confused and affronted. Was he insinuating I was a harlot? What roles did the Auraseers in Estengarde play that I wasn’t aware of?

I was a breath away from telling him what I thought of his greater good, his butchered ideals, and his disrespect to
me, when Valko abruptly stood. “Shall I show you our treasury, Monsieur de Bonpré?”

Floquart blinked, but recovered quickly from his surprise. I didn’t hide mine. What was the emperor doing? Wouldn’t he defend me? “Thank you,” the emissary said as he rose and gave his coattails a straightening flick.

I pulled myself to my feet, my body rigid, already dreading the hour I was to spend with them. It was all I could do to not scratch out the emissary’s eyes.

“Sonya, you stay behind.” Valko’s voice was firm, as was his grip on my arm when I tried to advance. Floquart’s gaze riveted to where to the emperor and I touched.

“But—” I said, eyes flashing at the emissary, “I am your protector.”

“Then protect me from
here
.” Valko gritted his teeth. He spun away and descended the dais. Floquart tossed me a grim smile as he fell in tow.

I crossed my arms and watched the emissary leave, all the while struggling to contain my boiling fury.
Condoner of slaughter.
Callous fop.
All manner of silent curses filled me until I was fit to burst. Why was Valko angry with
me
for being insulted? His pretty speech before the ball had made me feel revered. Why hadn’t he stood up for me when Floquart essentially called me a whore?

As Valko and the emissary retreated through the great doors of the ballroom, the orchestra went silent and the nobles faced the emperor and bowed. Several Esten and Riaznian
guards followed behind the two men. I paced back and forth. At least the emperor would have some level of protection. Not that I cared. Perhaps it was better this way. For all the tortuous thoughts I was having, some time away from Valko might be best.

When the last of Floquart’s entourage swept away, my gaze fell upon a young Esten girl, close to my age. She wasn’t dressed in the pale silks of her fellow countrymen. Instead, she wore a simple black dress that did nothing to compliment her sallow complexion. Her dreary countenance and sunken eyes were just as distressing. In her favor, however, she had a lovely shade of auburn hair, which helped me see how pretty she would be if she smiled or showed some spark of vitality.

No matter how I focused in on her, I couldn’t latch on to the weak pulse of her aura and guess at why she had traveled with the emissary. But as she shuffled to the ballroom’s threshold to exit through it, she suddenly halted and turned to look me directly in the eye. The hair on my arms shot up. The girl’s aura strengthened and reflected my own curiosity. The ultra-aware energy she emitted was deeply familiar. It prodded around inside me like an animal testing a new cage.

That’s when I recognized her for what she was—the like of which I hadn’t seen or felt since I gave Dasha and Tola a final glance of farewell at the convent in Ormina.

Another Auraseer.

I
GASPED AS THE
E
STEN GIRL WALKED OUT OF
SIGHT.
M
Y MIND
whirred as I tried to absorb what I’d just discovered.

Auraseers were scarce. As girls who suffered the full range of feelings from others, we were drawn to each other, almost if we shared the same blood. That compelling connection made me hope I’d find more than one friend at the convent. But even among them, I was too strange, too unusual. I touched my black ribbon. Too dark-hearted.

I stepped to the edge of the dais and yearned to follow the Esten girl, but my shoulders fell when I realized I couldn’t. She had left to attend Floquart and Valko in the treasury, and the emperor said I was not welcome. With a heavy sigh, I returned to my stool with all the grace of a toad landing on a mushroom.

As the music and dancing resumed, I fought to remember my duty as sovereign Auraseer. It might help the time pass more quickly until the Esten girl returned. I had so many questions
for her. She was in the service of Floquart de Bonpré—a nobleman, but not royalty. Was it true, then, that Auraseers in her country didn’t belong to the crown? Were they really sold like slaves to the highest bidder? I gave a dismal laugh. So much for Estengarde’s praised culture. And what about Floquart’s offhand remark about harlotry? Was the Esten girl also abused in that regard? I shuddered to think of it.

My eyes found Anton—dancing, yet again. This time with a raven-haired lady, Riaznian, though her amber eyes lifted in the corners like the Shenglin. What did the prince think of the way the Esten Auraseers were treated? Our lot in Riaznin was bad enough.
You couldn’t have attained freedom no matter what you went through
, the prince had once told me. He’d spoken like the empire was as unjust as I knew it to be. And that unjustness had led to my daunting and obligatory role of sovereign Auraseer.

Once again, I tried to focus on my responsibility tonight. Whether or not it was compulsory didn’t matter. If I failed in my duties, Dasha and Tola would be forced to take them up in my stead.

Resolved to do my best, I lowered my guard to the guests in the ballroom as I tried to ascertain what they were feeling. Once my defenses were down, their auras leapt at me like cats waiting to pounce. I gave a little jolt, and my hand flew to the pearls. The sting helped me draw back some of my barriers, and with the remaining gap I left open, I first studied the foreign diplomats. With Valko absent, I dared to leave the confines of
the dais and walk through the midst of the people.

The Shenglin whispered among themselves, their distress palpable but not as strong as before. As for the Abdarans, they mingled near a bowl of aqua vitae. An alluring Abdaran lady sipped from a cup, working around the veil concealing her nose and mouth. When I reached for her emotions or those of her party, my mind felt fuzzy. Perhaps they had drunk away their frustrations with our empire.

After I’d checked the diplomats, I drifted off to other parts of the room to observe the Riaznian nobles. They were also slightly numbed with the detached sensation of too much drink. Once I felt satisfied their auras were safe, as far as the emperor was concerned, my eyes, of their own accord, found their way back to Anton.

Dance after dance, I watched him, my ribs squeezing tight as I compared myself to every other female in the ballroom.
All
of them had basked in the prince’s attention. Perhaps that was an exaggeration. But at least nine ladies and counting had taken a turn twirling in Anton’s arms. Those nine felt like a thousand. Never once did he stop to converse with the amethyst-ringed man or even Yuri. Never once did his gaze turn toward me, not even with the emperor absent. His eyes simmered only for the ladies before him.

Their jewel-toned dresses collided in my vision. Their auras combined and ganged up on me until they formed a blend of perfection I could never attain. They knew the art of teasing a smile from the prince’s lips. How to keep up a stream of lively
banter. How to lean forward in such a way that made his hand spread farther across their backs.

I could no longer endure it.

When the orchestra reached a crescendo at the end of a minuet, I strode across the ballroom just as the girl Anton danced with—surely younger than myself—curtsied in parting. The moment she walked away, I asked the prince, “Would you care to dance?” My words were a tumbled, undignified mess, and a few surrounding ladies tittered at my forwardness. But I lifted my chin and owned my request.

Anton’s jaw contracted. He smoothed the end of his kaftan and finally looked at me, though only at my nose, a trick he’d mastered as we’d journeyed together in the troika—surely another method to keep me distanced. “Auraseers do not dance, Sonya. Not in Torchev.”

“They do now. The emperor himself made me promise one.”

The prince’s nostrils flared ever so slightly. My stomach tightened like I’d just swallowed rancid milk. I hoped to the gods I felt what he did, that I’d inflicted on him the jealousy he’d been inflicting on me. “Then you should save your strength,” he said, and turned to walk away, his manner casual. He nodded at a few lords conversing nearby.

I rushed forward and kept pace beside him. He wouldn’t evade me so easily. The auras of the ladies who had flirted with him met my bloodstream. They amplified my own desire and escalated my boldness to new heights. “I have strength enough for two dances,” I declared, catching up the length of my robes
so I wouldn’t trip. In truth, my strength was waning. Even standing made my heart beat faster, my breath come quicker. Vaguely, I realized these were complications of dehydration brought on by diuretic tea. No matter. I clung to the women’s auras and strove to bolster myself. I could eat something later. I wasn’t finished with Anton.

“I am glad you are feeling well.” He served himself a cup of aqua vitae. “I, on the other hand, am quite fatigued.”

I balled my hands. It wasn’t midnight. He wouldn’t retire from these rooms. Not yet. Perhaps he wouldn’t even leave when the time came. His secret business could be enacted here.

I resisted the urge to hang on him like a beggar. All I wanted was one dance. More than that, I felt desperate for one, desperate that the prince take this chance to prove to me—in the presence of everyone else—that I was a good enough person to be in his association. If he would dance with me, maybe I could hope for something more between us. Or better yet, drive the darkness from my soul.

Anton took a long drink and watched the dancing resume, his lips pressed together in a firm line.

“He’s gone,” I said, referring to the emperor.

A beat later, Anton replied, “I know.”

I folded my arms. “The nobles can see we’re conversing, even if you don’t look at me. Though I’m sure no one can hear our words above the music, not from this corner, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Anton sighed and drew his brows together. Something
sharp lodged in my chest near the region of my heart. “Sonya, what do you want from me?” He kept his eyes averted.

I shifted on my feet. What
did
I want? What was this fragile thing between us? Did it only exist when the palace was asleep and we were closed away from the world? Was it only in my imaginings that Anton cared for me in some small way—some way that would still exist if he didn’t feel the need to protect me from his brother?

“I want a dance,” I said.

“No, you don’t. You want more than a dance, more from me than what you understand. I
know
you. You’re reflecting something that is not your own. Let it go.”

My mouth fell open as hurt and anger suppressed my breath. More powerful was the cold and lonely part of me wanting to warm at the hidden meaning in his words. But he kept pushing me away. “I’m not a mirror, Anton. And I don’t break like glass. I’m capable of my own feelings. You told me as much. The difference between you and me is I don’t hide my emotions. The part of me that’s
me
has a chance to shine through.”

“Emotions alone can’t tell you the whole truth of who a person is,” he replied defensively.

“Well, they’re all I have to go by,” I quipped. “And you hide
more
than your emotions; you hide your potential for greatness. You would discover it if you embraced who you are.” When he didn’t respond, I lowered my voice, despite my surety no one could hear us. “You could be greater than any man in this empire.”

He set his cup down hard. The remaining liquid sloshed out. “Hush, Sonya!” he rasped. “Leave me be.”

My eyes burned with the prick of frustrated tears. I was only trying to make him see how
I
saw him. I whirled to leave, to return to my stump of a stool, when Anton brushed past me and asked another lady to dance, even though the quadrille was halfway over. Steam practically rose off my skin. Through the haze of my jealousy, I formed a mad idea. Resolved, I wove through the ballroom and searched for someone. Not just anyone, a man with an amethyst ring. I found him in a corner, laughing with two young noblemen.

I curtsied deeply and offered the required salutation: “Your High Nobleness.”

His eyes rounded. “Sovereign Auraseer.” The men behind him exchanged glances. Something like panic fluttered in my belly. Did I make them that nervous? Were they
all
anxious, or just the amethyst-ringed man?

“Are you acquainted with His Imperial Highness, Prince Anton?” I asked.

The butterfly inside me beat harder. The man shot a look at the crowd, no doubt at the prince, though I didn’t turn to see. “Every nobleman has an association with him,” he answered with a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Well”—I batted my lashes—“the prince and I have a little wager. He’s dared me to see if I’m brave enough to take my pick of the barons and ask the most handsome to dance.” I’d taken a wild guess at the man’s title. Based on his fine attire and
demeanor, he seemed higher in ranking than the other noblemen at court.

The man chuckled, and the butterfly’s wings beat slower. My flattery had hit its mark. “Is that so?” He took in the length of me. “Well, I’m afraid I cannot consent.”

My brows launched up. Was I seriously being rejected again?

“Oh, come, Nicolai.” One of the young men slapped him on the shoulder.

“Nicolai?” I asked. The image of Anton’s unfinished letter blazed across my mind. “Nicolai Rostav?”

He shrugged. “The very same.”

“Let me guess. Are you denying me a dance because you’re a count and not a baron?”

His grin broadened. “I’m afraid you’ve found me out.” Stepping closer, he added, “Though if Anton might bend the rules, I’d be happy to help you win your wager.”

I put my hands in the air, palms up. “I’m afraid he won’t. If you know the prince, you’ll understand what a purist he is to his principles. I shall have to find some other, unassuming man.”

The nobles behind Count Rostav looked hopeful. I gave them a demure smile and glided away, returning to the dais.

I wouldn’t ask anyone else to dance. I’d shocked the ladies of the court enough for one night. Besides, at just the drop of his name, Nicolai had given me another piece to the puzzle of Anton. The more evidence I gained, the sooner the prince would relent to sharing his plans, the sooner he’d permit me
into his ring of trust. That was better than turning circles with him to the sweetest melody. Or so I kept telling myself.

When I reached my stool and whirled around to face the room, there at the far end of the dance floor was what I’d been longing to catch all evening—Anton’s attention, planted firmly on me.

He was not pleased.