Butterfly (7 page)

The first two weeks of my new life flew by so quickly, they felt like hours. I was sure it was because each and every moment of my day was full of things to do. Unlike in the orphanage, there weren't long hours of emptiness to fill with distractions and daydreams. Here I was working on my school assignments, taking dance lessons, recuperating from them, and starting over again. I went to sleep early and ate from the strict dancer's diet Celine had designed. Although I thought it was too early to see any real changes, I believed my legs were stronger, my small muscles tighter. I even thought I was doing what Dimitri claimed I would have to do: walk and move like a dancer, even when I wasn't in the studio.

Because my after-school time was dedicated to dance lessons, it was hard to make new friends and Celine wouldn't permit me to join any teams or clubs.

"All we need is for you to sustain some sort of injury now," she said. She even tried to get me out of gym class, but the school wouldn't permit it and Sanford argued that it wouldn't interfere with my dancing lessons.

"Of course it will," Celine snapped. "I don't want her wasting her physical energies on nonsense."
"It isn't nonsense, darling," he tried to explain, but Celine would have none of it. She hadn't gotten her way and she didn't like it one bit.
"Don't do any more than you have to," she advised me, "and do what I used to do whenever you can: claim you have cramps from your period."
"But I haven't gotten my period yet," I reminded her.
"So what? Who's going to know? Lying," she said when she saw the expression on my face, "is all right if it's for the right cause. I'll never punish you for doing something to protect your dancing, Janet, never, no matter what," she said, her eyes so bright and big, they scared me. I wondered where she went when that look came over her.
Like most of the girls and boys my age at the orphanage, I used to fantasize about the people who would become my parents. I filled my head with dreams of fun things like picnics and trips to the park, and I saw myself holding my father's hand as we walked through the gates of Disneyland. I imagined big, beautiful birthday parties, and I even dreamed of having little brothers and sisters.
How empty and different the big house I now lived in seemed when I compared it to the house in my dreams. Yes, I had expensive things and a room bigger than I'd ever seen, and there was a lake and beautiful grounds, but none of the family closeness or trips or fun and games that I'd imagined. Sanford wanted to spend time with me, to show off his factory, but Celine just seemed to come up with one reason after another why I couldn't go. Finally, she realized how silly her arguments sounded and relented. I went to work with Sanford on a Saturday and saw the machines and the products. I met some of his workers and his executives. I was amazed at how pleasant and eager he was to show me things and how sad I was when our time alone ended. I think Sanford felt the same way--on the ride home neither of us spoke and for the first time that day the mood between us was gloomy.
When we returned home and I started to tell Celine about our day, she grimaced as if in pain.
"We need the factory so that we can afford the luxuries in life," she said. "What we
don't
need is to acknowledge its existence. And we certainly don't allow it to take up one iota of our time or thought"
"But some of the things that are made in the factory are beautiful, aren't they?" I asked.
"I suppose, in a pedestrian sort of way," she admitted, although I didn't understand exactly what she meant, and I saw it displeased Sanford. She didn't become animated and happy again until Sanford told her he had gotten us tickets to the Metropolitan Ballet's performance of
The Four Temperaments.
"Now," she cried, "now you will see your first real ballet and understand what it is I want you to do and become."
Celine had Sanford take us to buy me a formal dress. I chose a long royal blue taffeta and Celine even had Sanford buy me some jewelry--a set of sapphire earrings and a matching teardrop-shaped necklace.
"Going to the ballet is a very special thing," she explained. "Everyone wears their very best clothes. You'll see."
She brought me to a salon where they styled my hair in a French twist and showed me how to apply makeup properly. When I gazed at myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how grown-up I looked.
"I
want you to make a statement, to be noticed, to be someone everyone will look at and think, 'There's an up-and-coming star, a little princess.' "
I had to admit I was finally swept away in Celine's world. I permitted myself to dream the same dreams, to think of myself as a celebrity, my name up in lights, and when I saw the theater and all those rich and elegant-looking people in the audience, I was filled with excitement, too. By the time the curtain lifted, my heart was pounding. The ballet began. I gazed at my new mother beside me in her wheelchair, saw the happiness and radiance in her eyes, and felt as if I was leaping and soaring alongside her. During the first act, she reached through the darkness until she found my hand.
When I turned to her she whispered, "Someday,
Janet, Sanford and I will be coming here to see you. "Someday," she whispered, lost in her dream. And I dared to believe it could come true.

Although I didn't hear them referred to very much, I couldn't help wondering when I would meet my grandparents, Celine's mother and father. I never heard or saw her talking to them on the phone and neither she nor Sanford mentioned speaking to them recently or on any regular basis. During the week, Sanford and I usually ate breakfast without Celine since it took her much longer to rise and dress. knew Sanford would tell me about my new grandparents if I asked him, but I was having trouble getting up the nerve. Finally I decided I would settle into my routine and wait for Celine to bring up the subject of her parents again--then I would ask to meet them.

As the days wore on, my dance lessons seemed to be going better, and although I couldn't imagine myself ever liking Dimitri, I couldn't help being flattered when he complimented me on my technique.

Madame Malisorf didn't go so far as to say I was a special student, but she did offer that I was better than average, which was enough to make Celine happy and even more confident.

"I think," Celine said one night at dinner, "that it's time for my mother to see Janet. Janet's made significant progress. I'll have mother stop by during one of her dance lessons."

Sanford nodded without speaking, but I saw something strange in his eyes, a look of concern that I hadn't seen often before. Of course, I couldn't help wondering why I hadn't met Celine's parents before now. I knew they didn't live very far away. Why didn't we ever visit? I kicked myself for not having the courage to ask Sanford earlier since it was obvious from the look on his face that he had strong opinions about them.

"Isn't your brother returning from his holiday tomorrow?" Sanford asked her. His face didn't relax at all, and I wondered what it was about Celine's family that upset him.

"I don't recall. And what do you mean, return from his holiday? When isn't Daniel on holiday?" she asked and laughed a high, thin laugh.

Nothing else was said about Celine's family, but two days afterward, right in the middle of our dinner, the doorbell sounded and Mildred hurried out of the kitchen to see who it was. Minutes later, I heard a loud laugh.

"Mildred, you're still here! Wonderful!" A loud voice boomed from the entryway.
"Daniel," Celine moaned, shaking her head. Moments later, Celine's younger brother burst

into the dining room. His light brown hair was long and tossed about his head and face as if he had been running his fingers through it for hours. Not quite six feet tall with an athletic build, Daniel had hazel eyes set in a face much more chiseled than Celine's. I saw resemblances in their noses and mouths, but there was a sly smile on his lips that I would discover to be a habitual characteristic. He wore a black leather jacket, faded blue jeans, and black boots, as well as black leather gloves.

"Celine, Sanford," he cried. "How are you?" He started to take off his gloves. "I'm in time for dinner. What luck. I'm starving."

He slid into the chair across from me and reached for some bread before anyone could respond.
"Hello, Daniel," Celine said dryly. "Please meet Janet."
He winked at me.
"I heard you guys were finally parents. Mother gave me an earful." He studied me. "How are they treating you? Has Sanford negotiated your allowance yet? Better let me represent you. Ah, a veal roast," he said, stabbing a piece of meat. "Mildred's quite a good cook." He shoved the meat into his mouth and chewed.
It was as if a strong, wild wind had blown into the house. Sanford was so obviously stunned by Daniel's appearance that he sat with his hand frozen in the air, his fork full of peas.
"Hello, Daniel," Sanford said, his eyes softening. "I see you finally got that motorcycle you've been threatening to buy."
"You bet I did," Daniel said. "I seem to remember you used to throw around the idea of getting one of your own."
"I was never really serious," he said, glancing at Celine.
"How about you?" Daniel asked me. "You want to go for a ride after dinner?"
"Of course she doesn't," Celine said quickly. "Do you think I would place her in such danger?"
Daniel laughed and continued to eat. I was still too surprised and overwhelmed to speak. He winked at me again.
"I bet you'd like a ride," he said, and he stared at me so intently it seemed like he could see into my soul. I wondered if my soul wore biker leather!
"Stop it, Daniel," Celine ordered. He laughed again and shook his head in defeat.
"Where were you this time?" Sanford asked. Although he meant it to sound critical, I saw a look of envy in his eyes as he waited for Daniel to tell about his adventures.
"The Cape. You would have loved it, Sanford. We took the sea route through Connecticut and rode along the ocean. I swear, with the wind blowing through our hair and the smell of the fresh salt air, felt like we could drive forever. Never come back."
"And yet here you are. I dare not ask who the we was," Celine said as she wrinkled up her nose.
"You dare not? Funny, Mother dared not either." "I'll bet," Sanford said with a small smile.
"Actually, Sanford, she was a very pretty young damsel in distress when I found her, clothed and fed her, and bought her a motorcycle," Daniel told him between bites.
"You bought a strange woman a motorcycle?" Celine asked with a grimace.
"Actually, she wasn't so strange after a few days," Daniel said and winked at me again. "So, tell me all about yourself, Janet. How old are you?"
"I'll be thirteen in a few weeks," I said hesitantly. Daniel seemed larger than life and having him concentrate his questions on me was making me nervous.
"That old? You'll need to negotiate a retirement package as well then," he joked. "Seriously, are they treating you well here? Because if they're not, I have friends in high places and I can have things going your way in no time. They have to obey the rules of the Geneva Convention when it comes to prisoners."
"But . . but I'm not a prisoner," I said quickly, looking from Sanford to Celine for help.
"Will you stop it. You'll frighten her with your behavior," Celine said. She paused and then asked, "How are Mother and Father?"
"Proper well," he said. He turned to me. "Our parents are slowly becoming statues. They sit still as granite and breathe only filtered air."
"Daniel!" Celine chastised.
"They're fine, they're fine. Of course, I saw them only for a few minutes before Mother started in on you know what," he said, nodding toward me.
"That's enough," Sanford said sharply.
"She should know what she's in for, what sort of family she has contracted to do business with, don't you think?" Daniel replied.
"Please," Celine pleaded. He shrugged.
"Okay, I'll be civil. Really. How do you like life here, Janet?" he asked me.
"I like it a lot," I said.
"And they put you in that snobby school?" "Peabody is not a snobby school. It's a special school with advantages," Celine corrected.
"Did they tell you I went there but I was asked to please seek another place for my studies?"
I shook my head.
"My brother," Celine explained, "is what is generally known as a spoiled brat. No matter how much money my parents were willing to spend on him or what they were willing to do, he always managed to spoil it," she said, glaring at him.
"I always did choke on that silver spoon," he said with another shrug. "Mildred," he called when she appeared, "you've outdone yourself with this veal. It's as succulent as a virgin's lips," he said, smacking his own lips together. Mildred turned bright pink.
"Daniel!" Celine cried.
"Just trying to be complimentary," he said, "and appreciative." He leaned toward me to whisper loudly. "My sister always complains that I'm not
appreciative."
I looked at Sanford, who put his silverware down a little harder than usual.
"How are things at the printing company, Daniel?" Sanford asked.
Daniel straightened in his chair and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"Well, when I left for my vacation, we were down five percent from this period last year, which raised father's blood pressure five percent, but when I stopped by late today to pick up my mail, he told me we had been given the Glenn golf clubs account and that spiked us back to where we were, so his blood pressure improved. I swear his heart is connected to the Dow-Jones. If there's a crash, it's curtains," he said, slicing his forefinger across his Adam's apple.
"You can ridicule him all you want, Daniel, but he built a successful business for you and a
comfortable life for both of us," Celine scolded.
"Yes, yes, I suppose so. I'm just having fun," he confessed to me. "Something my brother-in-law here doesn't have much of because he works too hard. All work and no play, Sanford," he warned. Then he gazed at me. "So," he said, "you're taking dance lessons, I hear."
"Yes," I said softly.
"And she's doing very well," Celine added.
"That's nice." He sat back. "I must say, sister dear, you and Mr. Glass chose a little gem here. I'm impressed, Sanford."
"We're very fond of Janet and we hope she's growing fond of us," Sanford replied, and I was glad to see him smile.
"Are you?" Daniel asked me with that impish twinkle in his eyes.
"Yes," I said quickly.
He laughed.
"Are you sure I can't take her for a little ride on the cycle?"
"Absolutely sure," Celine said. "If you want to go out and be reckless, I can't stop you, but you won't be reckless with my daughter," she told him. "Not now," she added, "now that she's on the threshold of becoming someone very special."
"Really?" Daniel said, gazing at me across the table. He smiled. "I would have thought she was already someone special. Even before she came here," he added, dazzling me with his smile
I couldn't help liking him even though Celine's expression and harsh words made it clear she disapproved.
After dinner Daniel and Sanford went off to the den to talk and Celine and I went to the living room, where she apologized for her brother's behavior.
"Your new uncle is really good-hearted, but he's just a bit lost at the moment. We're doing our best to help him," she said. "It's difficult. His problem is he hasn't any goals. He has no focus, and that's the most important thing to have in life, Janet, focus and determination. He doesn't want anything enough to sacrifice and suffer some pain. He's too selfish and indulgent," she continued.
She gazed up at her own portrait above the mantel and sighed.
"We came from the same home, had the same parents, but sometimes, sometimes, he seems like a stranger to me."
"Did he ever want to dance, too?" I asked.
"Daniel?" she laughed. "Daniel has two left feet and he doesn't have the attention span to learn a single exercise. But," she said sighing again, "he's my brother. I have to love him."
Then she looked at me.
"And you're my hope," she said. "I will always love you."