By Any Other Name (13 page)

He felt more than heard the steps in the grass and squinted his eyes to see Skye walking into the backyard with a book in his hands.

“You came to enjoy the sunshine too?” Thom asked and made Skye’s head snap up. A startled gaze locked with his.

“Ye-yeah,” Skye said and moved to walk closer to where Thom was.

“I was going to fall asleep just now. If you’re somewhere close, can you poke me awake in a bit so I won’t burn?” Thom asked.

“Sure, I’ll be here in the shade.” Skye nodded toward the tree nearby.

Thom did fall asleep almost immediately. It was a dreamless sleep, and after a while he felt something annoying trying to penetrate his sleep. He frowned in his sleep, and then suddenly the noise, someone talking, came closer.

“Thom, time to wake up.”

He struggled against the pull of the voice, wanting to just sleep in the comfortable spot of his.

Then someone shook him a bit. “Thom, come on. You don’t want to end up burned to a crisp,” the voice said, and Thom gave in.

He twitched and opened his eyes a bit, enough so he could see, but not enough that the sun would blind him.

“Skye… how long was I out?” he mumbled, looking at the man squatting next to him.

“Half an hour. You have a bit of a tan, but it’s not enough for more. Don’t wanna burn,” Skye said in a neutral tone.

“You’re still touching me,” Thom pointed out, squinting at the hand on his shoulder.

Skye pulled his hand away so fast Thom had to blink.

“Didn’t mean it like that. I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to do that, Skye.”

“I… it’s….” Skye frowned a bit and looked away from Thom.

Thom rolled onto his side and got to a sitting position.

“Sit down. Speak to me, Skye,” he said in the tone he usually used when interviewing clients who needed comforting while explaining what had happened.

Skye sighed and dropped down from his crouch to sit in the grass. Thom waited patiently, not staring at the brunet but giving him time. He knew by now that Skye would talk eventually if he wasn’t pushed.

“When did you know you were gay?” Skye asked, looking somewhere past Thom’s left elbow.

Well, it wasn’t exactly what he had been expecting, but it was a start. Thom had no idea how this related to anything, but he had asked for the conversation, and there it was.

“Hmm… I suppose I knew I was different somehow in my teens. My family is kind of open-minded, so I never had a moment of ‘Oh my God, I can’t like boys. What will my parents say?’ Maybe because of that I didn’t actually think about it. I tried to live like my older brother does, the super-straight lifestyle of picking up girls and all that,” Thom said thoughtfully.

Skye looked at him now, looking surprised for a moment before averting his eyes again.

“Yeah, I know. Anyway, I was maybe twenty-five when a female friend took me to a gay bar for fun. It was a revelation, really. There were suddenly guys hitting on me, and I must have looked out of place somehow, because later in the evening, this slightly feminine guy came to our table, sat next to me, and began to talk to me. His name was Oscar, and he told me I looked like a deer in the headlights and that I should lighten up.” Thom chuckled at the memory.

“My friend was dancing with some guy at that point, and Oscar sat there with me and scared away the pushiest guys who tried to approach me. Chatting with him in that bar was something that changed how I thought about myself. I realized I was looking at the guys and the girls equally, for one. And then I realized that what drew my eye was the boys grinding against each other on the dance floor.

“So after that night, I began to think about stuff, and then one day I called Oscar, who had given me his number, and we became friends. He helped me to figure out some things. For one, I wasn’t really that into women to begin with. It was just that I went with the norm, and I could date them, but I rarely had sex with them,” Thom said and watched Skye flinch a little.

“Then, a few months after the first night, Oscar took me to this gay club and encouraged me to go dancing with a guy, and I did. I suppose it all evolved slowly—the next time I kissed someone, then there was touching, and so on. When I had my first sexual encounter with a man, I just knew.” Thom shrugged and ignored the way Skye seemed uncomfortable at the mention of sex.

“I still tried to downplay it. I went on dates with some girls too and so on, but then, three years ago, I met Dru. That was it. I knew he was the one for me, and I didn’t need or want anyone else.”

Skye was quiet and looked thoughtful.

“I know Dru can be a bit high maintenance sometimes, but it just makes him who he is. We’re sort of perfect for each other, as sappy as it sounds,” Thom added, smiling, and let his gaze sweep the backyard.

“I’ve never… been attracted to anyone. Never… you know…,” Skye said so quietly Thom could barely hear, and when he looked at the shy man before him, he saw that Skye was blushing.

“You’ve never been with anyone?” Thom asked.

“Not even… turned on,” Skye said even more quietly, and Thom tried to muffle his gasp.

“You… you mean you haven’t ever gotten hard from looking at someone or thinking about someone?” he clarified.

Skye’s eyes flicked to his, and there was some emotion there Thom couldn’t quite catch. Then Skye nodded.

“Not even in your teens… like… before?” Thom asked carefully. He didn’t want to push on the bad memories that still haunted Skye.

“No… well… wet dreams and stuff, yeah. But I can’t remember them being about anyone particular. And now, after… everything… it’s… I don’t know.” Skye became more animated for a while, pushing his fingers through his brown curls in an almost agitated manner.

“You’re thinking about what you are? That… how should I put this… the man who hurt you made you into something or took something from you?” Thom asked, and Skye’s eyes snapped to his.

“Yes.” There was something like relief in Skye’s eyes. It seemed like the younger man had thought about this and wasn’t sure if his thoughts were valid or something like that.

“I suppose everyone who is somehow different from what others call normal goes through that. I’ve been thinking about what made me what I am now too. And nothing tragic happened to me, nobody hurt me.”

“What if… what if I begin to
feel
something, but it’s for the wrong person?” Skye’s question was all but a whisper.

“Wrong how?” Thom asked as he pulled on his T-shirt again. Better not get burned.

“Like… someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend or something. Someone not available.”

Thom sat there and thought about how to respond to that. Obviously it would be a minor miracle if Skye found someone he wanted, but it wasn’t okay to say go for it even if the other person was taken.

“Personally, I don’t think breaking people up is okay in any circumstances. Even telling the person you’re interested in, if they’re in a relationship, is tricky. If you are interested in someone and they come to you first, expressing interest, then it’s different. But you still don’t want to go breaking up people, you know?” Thom asked.

Skye seemed to think about it for a moment and then nodded slowly.

“Then again, if you asked Dru, he’d give you a different answer.” Thom grinned, and Skye looked at him, a bit puzzled.

“Yeah, I’ve had this conversation with him. He says that you can always be sneaky. Like… insert yourself into the world of the other person you want. For example, hanging out where they do or making sure you stay in their mind a lot. Like with me, when he wanted me and I didn’t know if I even deserved someone as hot as him, he kept chatting me up at the coffee shop. And then he kept sliding his number to me with every single cup of coffee I got from there… things like that.” Thom smiled and Skye nodded, a hesitant smile flitting onto his lips.

“It’s really about what you can do, I suppose. He couldn’t run after me during his workday, so he slipped me the number or tried to talk to me longer when there wasn’t a line and such. Oh, and he did little things like when I went to pick up an order I phoned in, he would put something extra in my bag like a mini muffin or something. It made me feel like he really was a part of my day, you know,” Thom said and then turned his head when he heard the screen door at the side of the house bang.

“And there he is.”

He watched his lover walk through the backyard, barefoot in some cutoff jeans and shirtless. Dru was perfection. The few tattoos there were on his skin were just additions to his beauty. Sometimes Thom thought people got ink that wasn’t art, just space-filler, but Dru’s were… lovely.

He turned his head in time to see the way Skye looked at Dru. Thom blinked. For a moment he thought he was seeing something like want in the brown eyes fixed on his partner. Had Skye been talking about Dru? Was he interested in Dru? Had the questions been less abstract than Thom had thought?

When he turned back to look at Dru, he could see the blond grinning at him, eyes full of love like always. Then Dru turned his eyes to look at Skye, and the expression didn’t change as much as Thom had thought it would. There were clearly strong emotions there.

Rationally, he knew that Skye was at the very beginning of his journey to become someone whole again. But he also realized that Dru still really loved Skye. Was his partner falling in love with Skye all over again? The thought made Thom’s heartbeat pick up, and the only thing stopping him from bolting was the lithe, tanned body that dropped onto his lap.

“How are my boys doing today?” Dru asked with a beautiful smile and kissed Thom soundly, not caring about Skye being there at all.

Skye was avoiding looking at them, but when Dru reached over to touch his arm with his fingertips, the man turned and looked at them. The flash of pain was brief but still there, yet Skye didn’t flinch this time.

Mentally, Thom berated himself. No matter what it was Skye felt, how could he be so… so selfish? What did it hurt him if Skye was developing feelings for Dru? Even if it was true, there were variables in action here, and it wouldn’t be tomorrow when Skye was at the point where he’d take action—if he ever would. And Dru—there he was, being concerned about his friend, whom he loved, but also wrapped around Thom.

For the thousandth time, Thom pushed his own insecurities to the back of his mind and leaned over to kiss Dru’s neck. “We were just chatting, and he prevented me from burning to crisp.”

“Ahh… well, I was thinking, since it’s such nice weather, should we call Kara and ask if she wants to have a barbeque and hot tub night with us? Maybe Oscar too?” Dru turned his head to look at Thom.

“Oscar is in San Antonio, visiting his mom. Will be back tomorrow, I think,” Thom said. His best friend’s mother was Mexican, and even after marrying an American man, she had wanted to stay close to her roots. San Antonio had been a compromise, and even after she was widowed, she had stayed there.

“Okay, so us and Kara, then?” Dru asked and then looked at Skye. “If that’s okay by you?”

“Yeah, sure. I like her. She’s cool,” Skye said and smiled a little bit.

“Great, I’ll go give her a call.” Dru grinned, kissed Thom again, and got up from his lap before jogging to the house.

“Yeah… he always has that much energy.” Thom chuckled, as if Skye was about to ask. It made Skye laugh a bit too, which felt good. Skye had a nice, deep laugh, but so far it hadn’t popped up that often outside their movie nights.

That
evening, they sat on the deck and chatted. The hot tub was heating, and everyone was in a good mood. It was a perfect summer evening, and Thom was handling the grill. Veggies for Kara and chicken for the boys. Kara was being her charming self again, though Thom had noticed her eyeing Skye a bit more than before. It was endearing in a way but also quite hopeless.