Cade: Fire And Ice: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (15 page)

"Cade-" I breathed. "Cade."

"Ellie."

"Let's go home."

I'll never forget that drive home with Ellie and the way it felt like something in the universe had fundamentally shifted into place. It seemed to last for hours as the highway unwound itself in front of the SUV and Ellie sat beside me like a hot ember, burning with a need so intense I could feel it.

I was elated, almost high, so full of love it felt like it was going to spill over. When I reached across and put one hand on her soft, bare thigh she sighed and I nearly lost it at the sound of her. My cock was so hard it ached. I needed to be with her. Before anything else, thought or action, I needed to be with Ellie. I needed to be inside her. As soon as the front door was closed behind us I pushed her delicious little body up against a wall, a little harder than I had meant to, but she just softened herself against me, reaching for me, wrapping her arms and legs around me and opening her sweet mouth for my tongue.

"Fuck, Ellie," I whispered as I kissed her neck and pressed her into the wall with my body.

No other woman has ever been able to effortlessly turn me into a lust-crazed animal the way Ellie does. I'm almost afraid of how powerful the reactions she pulls out of me with her needy little kisses are. That's how it was that night. Like years of unreleased tension was boiling up inside me, threatening to overtake. I had to be careful not to get too rough, to maintain some level of control with her. She was so small in my arms, a little bundle of femininity so intoxicating I could hardly breathe for wanting her. When she slid her hand down my chest and ran her fingertips over my cock, I groaned and pushed my hips forward.

She breathed my name into my neck and I picked her up off the floor and carried her, wrapped around me, into the bedroom. When I lay her on the bed she looked me in the eyes, her mouth half-open, and whispered my name again as I stood there in front of her yanking my shirt off and unzipping my pants.

I pulled my cock out and she arched back onto the bed as if pushed, spreading her legs and pushing her hand down between her thighs, touching herself.

"Ellie," I said, my voice thick and slow, "take your clothes off."

She did it and I saw that she wasn't being deliberately slow, it was that her hands and fingers were shaking a little, clumsy with need for me.

"Ellie, please. I can't - baby, I can't wait..."

I watched her, still standing, as she got down to her panties and held her legs together as she slid them down, all the way down to her ankles and then threw them onto the floor. Then she lay back, opening her body for me as her long, dark hair spread around her head on the pillow and my cock twitched with impatience.

"Cade..."

Fuck, the way she sounds when she needs me. I swear I could come just listening to her like that. I crawled onto her, using my body to open her legs even wider and smiling as she bit her lip and let out a tiny, hungry little cry when she felt the wet head of my cock against her thigh. I leaned down and kissed her breasts, working my way up to an impossibly soft earlobe.

"What do you want, Ellie?"

She squirmed underneath me, rocking her hips up, begging without words. I could feel the lips of her sex, swollen and slick, against me but I wanted to hear her ask me for it, to drag out the moment before I was inside her until neither of us could breathe or think any longer.

"Cade, please. Please."

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, "I love the way you ask for me, Ellie."

There was nothing in her eyes but hunger. She didn't want anything else except me. I pulled back a little and wrapped one hand around my cock, nudging the tip of it into her folds as she pushed her hips up off the bed. I wanted to go slowly, to make her beg and plead and dig her fingernails into my shoulder, but as soon as I felt her body ease itself down over me I couldn't do anything else to hold back.

She gasped when I thrust into her pussy and felt the tight, sweet resistance of her slippery sex enveloping my cock. The second I was inside her I stopped breathing, suddenly aware of how dangerously close I was to exploding.

"Oh Jesus, Ellie. Oh, fuck. You feel so good, mmm, you feel so fucking
good
."

She pulled me down to her mouth and kissed me, darting her tongue between my lips and smiling up at me.

"Do you like that, Cade? Do you like how I feel?"

I almost came instantly and had to slow down until I was barely moving. If she was going to talk to me like that, there was no chance of lasting for much longer.

"Mm-hm, yeah," I murmured, settling my body down against her so her breasts and her tight little nipples crushed against my chest.

"Cade?"

"Mm?"

"Cade, faster. Please, I need-"

"Ellie, I'm going to come if I go any faster than this. I'm barely holding off, baby. Just give me a-"

Instead of backing off and letting me cool down, Ellie smiled up at me lifted her hips up a little, sliding her pussy further down my cock and then rocking herself against me in quick little thrusts that sent my eyes rolling back into my head. I pulled out at the last second and she giggled.

"Cade, I want you to come, though. I want you to come inside me."

"Don't say that, Ellie, please."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to blow my fucking load on your leg if you keep saying that."

She smiled coyly up at me, her breath coming quick and shallow. "No, Cade. I want it inside me. Please don't stop, I'm close..."

I sank back into her. She moaned and the last thin vestiges of my control slipped away as my thrusts got faster and more powerful.

"Yeah, Cade. Yeah. Please. Fuck me."

I watched her as she worked herself up to orgasm and her eyes started to flutter shut.

"No, Ellie. Look at me."

She refocused on me, smiling and digging her fingers into my back as the first little clenches of her sex gripped my cock and I slammed myself into her, hard.

"Cade, oh my God. Cade!"

"That's right, baby. Ellie, come all over my cock. I-"

My breath caught in my throat as she came, her pussy tightening around me until I was on the very edge, groaning and burying myself all the way inside her.

"Fuck, Ellie. Fuck, oh FUCK."

I pinned her down underneath me as my balls tightened and I started spilling myself into her, filling her, growling into her neck. The pleasure was so intense I almost thought I was going to pass out. She took me, even though I could see from the way her brows knit that I was hurting her a little.

"I'm sorry, baby, Ellie, I'm-"

"No, Cade. I want it. Please, Cade..."

I held myself inside her until my balls were empty and she'd taken every last drop as sweetly and perfectly as I knew she would.

When I pulled out she chuckled at the feeling of my cum running down her thigh and I smiled.

"Sorry. Look what a mess you made me make."

"Cade," she smiled as I collapsed onto the bed beside her, "I love your mess."

"And I love you," I said, catching my breath as the warm, full-body buzz of post-orgasmic relaxation worked its way through me.

We fell asleep like that, on top of the bed, completely naked and without showering. When I woke up it was dawn and Ellie was beside me, her body limp with slumber. I leaned over, slowly so as not to wake her, and kissed her cheek. Then I found her bag and took out her cell phone so I could look at Christopher again.

Christopher. Even on second glance and without the shock that had been pervading my brain last night, he still looked exactly, eerily like me. My son. I rolled the words "my son" around in my brain until they started to feel a little less odd. He was five years old. I'd never really been around babies or little kids, but I wanted to know everything about the smiling, blue-eyed boy in that photo. I lay in bed beside my sleeping girl and stared at the photo as childhood memories flooded my brain and I switched myself out of the child's role and into the father's, to see if it fit. There were a lot of lakes around North Falls, I could take him fishing. I wondered if Ellie had bought him skates yet but assumed she probably hadn't, not unless she'd been able to find a second-hand pair at Goodwill.

My son looked strong. Not skinny like some little kids are, but solid, robust. His smile was one of genuine happiness. It occurred to me that I was going to have to tell my parents about him, but I couldn't find it in me to feel any stress. They were just going to have to deal with it. Ellie never had a lot of money, but she had more love than anyone I had ever met in my life and she had brought up three little boys as well - better, actually - than any the BMW-driving soccer moms I had ever known. I looked over at her as she stirred in her sleep and felt another wave of love crash over me. I had to see him. Christopher. My son. But in the meantime, my girl was going to wake up and need breakfast, so I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and padded barefoot into the kitchen to make pancakes.

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and something delicious coming from somewhere in Cade's ridiculously enormous house. He wasn't beside me in bed so I grabbed the towel he'd left on the pillow and had a quick shower before putting on one of his robes and joining him in the kitchen.

"Ha!" He laughed when he saw me. "You look like a little munchkin in that, Ellie."

I walked over to him and put my head against his chest, smiling and breathing him in.

"Did you sleep well, baby?" He asked, kissing the top of my head, rubbing my back with one hand and maneuvering a pancake around a frying pan with the other.

I had slept well. In fact it may have been the best night of sleep I had ever had in my life. I wrapped my arms around Cade and snuggled into him.

"Yeah, I did. And now I want pancakes."

"Well that is a very lucky coincidence, beautiful one, because I just happen to be making pancakes. Blueberry."

"That's Christopher's favorite kind," I said, popping a blueberry into my mouth.

"Is it? Me too."

I heard the wistful tone in Cade's voice and reached up to caress his cheek.

"Do you want to come back to North Falls with me and meet him?"

"Yes."

I sat down at the table as Cade finished making the pancakes and brought me a big stack. He sat across from me with his own even bigger stack and we tucked in, both of us ravenously hungry.

"Are you sad?" I asked him afterwards as we sat in the morning sunshine drinking coffee and talking.

"About what?"

"Are you sad that you missed out on the first five years of Christopher's life because of me?"

I didn't want Cade to feel like he needed to protect me from his feelings. I wanted him to be honest - it was better than letting things build up and slowly poison us from within. But he shook his head.

"No. I mean, yes, Ellie. I still haven't even wrapped my brain around the fact that there is a five year old boy out there and I'm his father, and of course I'm sad that I didn't get to see the first few years of his life. But I understand why you did what you did. I understand that you were trying to protect him from - well, from me and the way I was living my life."

"Actually, I was more worried about your parents. I thought if they found out they might try to say I was an unfit mother or that he was growing up in poverty or something and try to take him away."

Cade thought about what I'd said. "You know, you probably weren't wrong to worry about that. My parents - man, I know they want the best for me, or at least they think they want the best for me, but it's really only recently I've come to see what insane control freaks they can be. I don't want you to worry about it, though. I won't let them try and pull anything."

"It was Jacob who encouraged me to come out here, you know. He wanted me to tell you about Christopher. All three of them, I swear they're like momma bears with him."

"Have you told him about me?"

"No," I answered, truthfully, "he's lived with me and the boys since he was born and he's never really gotten a feel for the idea of having a father around. As far as he's concerned, he has mommy and he has three uncles and that's enough. He's in kindergarten now and I've sort of been anticipating him asking, you know, when he realizes that a lot of his classmates live with their daddies."

"Do you want me to meet him?"

"Yes, Cade, of course. That's why I came out here."

"Don't lie, Ellie. You came out here for the D."

I threw a blueberry at Cade, giggling and blushing a little, but thankful for the levity.

"Shut up!"

We decided there was no reason to wait and flew back to Chicago early the next morning before driving the rest of the way to North Falls. I called Jacob from the car before we arrived and told him I was bringing Cade with me.

"He's here? He's with you? Is he coming to see Christopher?"

"Yeah, Jacob. How is he today?"

"He's fine, just had a nap and now he's running around the house jumping on furniture and wrestling with Baby Ben."

I chuckled. Christopher was such a typical boy, always wanting to wrestle or play-fight or otherwise engage in all kinds of behavior that gave me anxiety attacks. I felt my heart seize slightly at the thought of how Cade might have been at that age - probably exactly the same.

"Good. Well, don't say anything, I want to ease him into this. OK?"

"Yeah, no problem. Ellie?"

"Yeah?"

"You did the right thing. It'll be good for Christopher to know his dad."

I felt the sting of tears in my eyes and answered a little shakily.

"Thanks, Jacob. That means a lot, especially coming from you. We'll be there in about ten minutes, OK?"

When I hung up, Cade was looking at me.

"Hey - are you OK?"

I nodded, sniffling a little. "Yeah. Jacob just said something about, um, about how it would be good for Christopher to know his father."

Cade reached out and squeezed my knee. "It will be, Ellie. Jesus, I'm actually pretty nervous right now. What if he hates me?"

"Christopher doesn't hate anyone. And as soon as he finds out you're a hockey player he's going to think you're the greatest person who ever lived, believe me."

"Really, he likes hockey?"

"Are you kidding? He was born in North Falls and he has three uncles!"

We pulled up at my trailer and looked at each other, both of us sensing the momentousness of what was about to happen. I leaned in close and kissed Cade.

"Are you ready for this?"

He smiled. "This feels so surreal. I don't even know if I'm 'ready' - but I want to meet him, more than anything."

So we went inside and Cade stood back as all four boys greeted me with hugs and laughter and excited, shouted stories of what they'd been up to while I was gone. Christopher didn't even see Cade at first, but when he did his eyes got big and he took a couple of steps back.

"Who is that man, mommy?"

I watched my brothers look at their nephew and then at Cade.

"He looks exactly like him!" Baby Ben yelled, pointing at Cade as Jacob ushered him into the kitchen with promises of Pop-Tarts.

When we walked into the living room, Christopher clung to my legs, not scared of Cade in particular, just curious and slightly on guard with the huge, strange man in the house. I pulled him onto my lap on the sofa and gave him a big kiss.

"Did your uncles let you get into all kinds of trouble when I was away?"

Christopher grinned and turned to me.

"No mommy! Well I fell off the bed and cut my hand but it's OK! David put a bandaid on it!"

He yanked his sleeve up and showed me the bandaid.

"Ah, you were jumping on the bed. I told you not to do that, Christopher."

He hung his head for scarcely a second before shooting me another grin. "I know. I forgot. Who's that, mommy?"

Cade was sitting in a chair watching me interact with Christopher. I could see that he was emotional, but he sucked it up and smiled back at his son.

"My name is Cade Parker."

Christopher looked Cade up and down carefully and then turned to me, leaning in to whisper in my ear shyly.

"Mommy, he does look like me."

I smiled. "I know! You look very similar don't you? Do you see his eyes are exactly the same color as yours?"

Christopher slid off my lap and approached Cade bashfully, standing up on his tiptoes to look at his eyes when he got close enough.

"Same color."

I could see Cade's starting to well up a little. So could Christopher. He turned to me, unsure, and then back to the man he didn't yet know was his father.

"Why are you sad?"

Reaching out to touch the top of his son's head, Cade responded softly.

"I'm not sad. I'm so happy to meet you, little man."

I watched Christopher grin with happiness.

"Do you know who I am?"

I sat up slightly but stopped myself from saying anything. Cade was Christopher's dad and I had to step back and let the two of them handle it. Christopher shook his head and I held my breath.

"I'm your daddy, Christopher."

My son looked back at me for reassurance and I smiled encouragingly.

"You're my daddy?"

Cade blinked and I watched a tear roll down his cheek as he struggled with his emotions.

"Yes I am. And I am so happy to be your daddy. Can I have a hug?"

Again, Christopher turned to me for reassurance, which I gave. The he reached up and wrapped his arms around Cade's neck, completely trusting. Jacob, David and Baby Ben, who had all been waiting just around the corner, listening to how things were going with their beloved nephew, came into the living room and Christopher turned around in Cade's lap to scream at them excitedly.

"This is my daddy!"

Everybody laughed and I felt my shoulders relax. Jacob walked over to Cade and Christopher and reached out his hand, which Cade shook.

"Hey, man. Nice to see you back in North Falls."

"Nice to be back, Jacob. Look how big you are, you're making me feel old."

I knew, and so did Cade, that Christopher was too young to fully grasp what it meant when we told him that Cade was his daddy, but he seemed in his innocence to understand that it was something special, something good. He stayed glued to his daddy's lap all night as the five of us laughed and talked and Cade showed the boys various clips of his games online. At one point I left them all there to fix something to eat in the kitchen and David came in.

"Do you need any help?"

"Yeah, can you take out the frozen corn and peas and throw them into that pot?" I asked, indicating a saucepan of boiling water on the stove.

"Christopher seems really happy."

"He does, doesn't he? How about you, Davey?"

He stirred the frozen veggies into the boiling water and thought about my question.

"I'm happy Christopher is happy. I just, Ellie, I wish we had a dad like that."

I turned to my little brother, whose voice was beginning to change just the same way Jacob's already had a few years ago.

"Yeah, David, so do I. But we didn't."

"We had each other, though, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did. Some people have nobody. Some people have a lot of money and nobody to love them. I would rather have someone to love me."

"Me too."

When the pasta and vegetables were ready I mixed them together with a couple of cans of cream of broccoli soup and a package of grated cheese and put it in the oven to bake. Hockey Game Casserole, the boy's favorite dish. I thought about the sushi I'd had in Los Angeles, wondering if the fact that the boys had never eaten anything like it meant they were as deprived as a lot of people in North Falls probably thought they were. I reckoned those people were wrong.

I relaxed the rules for the evening and let everyone eat supper in the living room. Mostly, I watched my boys - my brothers, my son and the only man I have ever loved - hanging out together, laughing, shouting, wrestling and horsing around. The warmth and love in the air was almost palpable. Cade looked up at one point and caught me watching. He knew what I was thinking, I could see it on his face. He blew me a kiss and then bent down to plant another one on his son's head.

At ten o'clock, when I'd managed to herd everyone except Cade to bed, I poured each of us a glass of cheap grocery store wine and we sat down in the living room.

"Well?" I said, slightly anxiously.

"Well what, Ellie? What can I say?" He looked around the room and then leaned in to kiss me. "Look what you've done, with almost nothing, with almost no money. Those boys are solid, aren't they? That's because of you, you know. Your strength, your sacrifices, your love."

"Cade, I had to, there was no one else-"

He held up his hand, stopping me. "I know, Ellie, but you didn't have to do it. You could have half-assed it or taken off - hell, at one point I wanted you to take off. But you didn't and I love you for it. I love you for my beautiful son and for everything you've done for him, as well as for your brothers. You have a good heart. The best heart."

I put my wineglass down, crawled into Cade's lap and rested my head on one of his burly shoulders.

"Thank you, Cade. That - it means a lot. You have no idea."

Cade shook his head. "No, Ellie. Thank
you
."

Limp with relief and exhaustion, I fell asleep on his lap and at some point he carried me into my bedroom because I woke up in bed the next day to the smell of pancakes (of course) and the clamor of a kitchen full of boisterous boys.