California Dreaming: Four Contemporary Romances (17 page)

What the hell had she done?

John heard the clicking of heels on the wooden floor and he looked up from the information desk computer. Annie was walking toward him, her eyes on his and a flirtatious smile on her bright red lips. His date for the evening was dressed in green slacks and a light brown sweater that accentuated her curves.

The clerk beside him coughed discreetly. John tore his eyes from Annie and remembered the customer in front of him. He looked back down at the computer screen.

“Yes, we have a copy of
Bird by Bird
,” he said to the customer. “It’s in the reference section. I’ll show you where it is.”

“That’s okay,” the customer said. She glanced over her shoulder. “It looks like you have other things on your mind.” She walked toward the back of the store with a chuckle.

As soon as she left, he turned to the clerk beside him. “Will you be okay by yourself?”

“Sure,” the clerk said waving a hand at Annie. “How about you?”

“Me? I’m going to be just fine.”

“Have a nice dinner,” the clerk said.

“Uh, huh.” John walked to Annie, smelling a sweet whiff of Obsession as he drew closer. “Sorry to make you wait.”

“Customers are important. There’s a lot to look at here.” She gestured toward the shelves of new releases.

“Find anything?”

“Not really. According to these books, the world is, if you don’t mind the cliché, ‘going to hell in a hand basket.’ Too depressing for me.”

“You like happy endings,” he said.

“Yes.”

“How do those romance writers get all those happy endings?”

She was silent for a moment. “I think that the heroine figures out what she wants and goes after it. She doesn’t let anything stand in her way.”

“What do you want, Annie?”

She looked up at him, the expression in her eyes loosening the tightness in his jaw. He wanted to kiss her. Right then — in front of God and everyone.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

“Hard to go after something if you don’t know what it is.”

“How about you? What do you want?”

To kiss you.
“A house of my own.”
And you in it.

“Along with the right woman and two-point-five kids,” Annie said, looking up at him from under her lashes.

The heat in her voice dropped right through him, his jeans tightening with his rising desire. This had to stop. He could feel every eye in the store staring at them. “I put aside some books for you,” he said and turned toward the information desk. “Guaranteed happy endings.” He grinned back at her, breaking the tension between them.

“Great customer service.”

“We aim to please, ma’am.” He felt as if he was a schoolboy offering a hand-picked daisy to a girl he had a crush on. He handed her two volumes by Sheryl Woods.

“Perfect!” she said, her eyes lighting up even further with happiness. “Can we put them aside and I’ll pick them up after dinner?”

“Sure.” He scribbled her name on a slip of paper, rubber-banded it to the books, and put them back under the shelf.

• • •

Annie watched John bend over to slip the books behind the information desk, her hands itching to caress his hard back. Her mind had taken a leave of absence when he asked her what she wanted. At that moment, the only thing she’d wanted to do was kiss him.

But then what? Would he be put off because she’d gone after what she wanted? Or would he immediately try to get her into bed with him?

That wouldn’t be too bad, would it?
The thought made her smile. She shook her head to clear the image of his naked body.
Down, girl.

He gestured for her to lead the way to the Pacific Avenue exit. Unlike with Mark, there was no proprietary hand at her back. She was surprised to find she was disappointed.

The weather was warmer than the East Coast had been and the sidewalks hummed with people emerging from the rain-soaked winter. Twinkling lights in the sycamore and cherry street trees provided a stage background for a violinist bowing “Nessun dorma” from
Turandot
. It was good to be home.

They quickly reached Jade Alley and the bistro that bore its name. The two-story façade was covered in floral murals,
trompe l’oeil
windows and a small, gated area that held tables and chairs for warm night dining. California may not have Revolutionary history, but it had style.

“In or out?” John asked.

“In, I think.” At John’s nod, Annie started up the stairs, feeling his gaze on her back as he followed her. She hated having anyone follow her up stairs exposing the most vulnerable part of her anatomy.
I hope my butt looks okay in these slacks.

She waited for John at the top of the stairs, gazing at the small crowded restaurant. While the tables were the same dark pine as the restaurant Mark had taken her to, the atmosphere wasn’t as pretentious. Light streamed in from the windows, reflecting off the mirrored glass behind the bar. The unique smell of roasted garlic, pungent vegetables, and the seared meat of a California grill wafted from the kitchen area at the back of the restaurant.

The maitre d’ sat them at one of the back tables and presented them with bound menus and a wine list. He was followed by a waiter who took their drink orders — a chardonnay for her and a Pinot noir for him, both locally made. Once the bustle stopped, Annie leaned back and opened her menu, gazing up at the man sitting across from her. He was staring at her. She quickly looked back at the menu, feeling the slow heat of embarrassment creep up her neck.

After the waiter brought their wine, she was forced to abandon the safety of the menu. Unlike Mark, who had kept up a steady monologue, John allowed silence to weave into the threads of conversation. When the small talk ran out, he was quiet. He simply smiled.

“What are you smiling at?” she asked.

“You.”

“Why?”

“You’re really pretty. Fresh and wholesome, not like those skinny girls in dark clothes with the hardware in their faces who come into the store.”

“Yep, Midwest corn-fed. Skinny was never part of my life.”

“C’mon Annie, don’t put yourself down. I didn’t mean it that way. I thought women liked to be told they’re attractive.”

The last guy who told me I was attractive attacked me.

“Thanks.” Should she tell him? It would probably put an end to the evening. He’d think she was the same as that woman in Montana who dumped him. The evening would be ruined.

But that wasn’t being honest. Bad news to start a relationship without honesty.

“What is it?” John asked.

“Nothing.”

“Hmmm.”

She had to be honest. “When I was in New Jersey I went out with a guy. I didn’t mean to go out with him. All of a sudden it happened.” Was that really true? She couldn’t seem to stop talking. “Maybe I did mean to go out with him. I dunno. I’m moving there. I guess I thought, why not.”

She looked at him. His face was closed and the smile was gone.

“Anyway, I couldn’t wait to get away from him,” she continued. What was it her mother always said?
In for a penny, in for a pound.
“Mark, his name was Mark, was obnoxious. And then he tried to kiss me when we were walking back to the hotel.”

There. She’d told him. So much for a nice evening out. Maybe she should end it now, before they got dinner. He wasn’t going to want to be with her after this and she didn’t want to sit through another bad dinner date.

“What did you do?”

“I pushed him away.” Pushed sounded much more ladylike than the actual shove she’d given Mark.

“Oh.”

The silence lengthened, interrupted by the waiter who came to take their orders. Annie asked for the perfect spring meal — asparagus, new potatoes, and lamb chops — although she wasn’t sure she’d be able to eat if John continued to glare at her. The waiter left after taking John’s order of pepper steak and twice-cooked potatoes. Annie shifted uncomfortably in the lengthening silence.

“That was fast,” John finally said.

“What?”

“Getting involved with someone in New Jersey.”

I knew it. I shouldn’t have said anything.
“Look. I’m not involved. I never want to see the creep again. It was dinner — not a relationship.”

“And I suppose this is just dinner, too,” John said.

“Yes.” Annie saw the hurt flicker across his face, before the mask settled back over his features. “Oh, God. That didn’t come out the way I meant it.”

“But you did say it.”

“John, I really didn’t mean it the way it came out. Perhaps I should leave now before I say anything else stupid. The dinner in New Jersey didn’t mean a thing, but I don’t see why you should believe me. I thought we could be friends, but I guess not. I don’t want to have a miserable dinner. I’m sure it’s not too late to cancel the dinner order.” She picked up her purse and stood.

“Sit down.”

Surprised by his commanding tone, she sat.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he said. “I overstepped my bounds. Forgive me?”

“Uh, sure.”

He looked at his hands. “I guess I was jealous. Not a particularly attractive trait. Jessica used to complain about it all the time. I really do mean the apology.”

“Are you still in love with her?” she asked, feeling the lump in her throat.

“In a way, yes. I’m in love with the memory of her and our life together. But my heart is big, Annie. There’s room for someone else.”

Someone like me?
Annie shook the thought from her head.

“What about Fred?” John asked. “Do you still love him?”

“No,” she said sharply.

John raised his eyebrows. “That’s pretty emphatic. What haven’t you told me? Did he hit you?”

Annie looked down at her wine glass, feeling shame creep into her heart. May as well get it all into the open now. That way, they could start fresh.

Almost all of it.
There were some things she wouldn’t tell anyone.

“Only once,” she whispered. She could see his hand tighten on the stem of his wine glass.

“Is that when you left?”

She shook her head, her memories deepening her shame.

“Fred made promises. He said he’d never hit me again and he didn’t. Whenever we started to fight after that, he’d leave, no matter how drunk he was.”

“So nothing ever got resolved. What made you finally leave?”

Annie took a deep breath. “He came home drunk one too many times. I was already in bed when he fell in, gave me a boozy kiss, rolled over, and began to snore. I lay there for a while, wondering why I was still there. I finally understood I was waiting for a change that wasn’t going to happen. I’d moved on and he’d climbed further into the bottle. While he was asleep, I packed up David, left him a note, and moved to Elizabeth’s.”

The waiter brought their meals and Annie changed the subject, telling John about the musician she’d seen in Princeton. He must have sensed her need for a break because he picked up her thread, telling her about musicians he’d seen. They discovered that they were both avid collectors of CDs by obscure singer-songwriters. Annie had picked up her collection while traveling, John when performers came to Missoula.

“I really like music with roots and stories behind the music,” she said. “Some of the songs have been growing and changing for years. And some of it is pretty close to what the original American settlers heard.”

“The diversity is fascinating,” he added. “It seems to me that different parts of the country play slightly different folk music. The Rocky Mountain music has a stronger pull from blue-grass while the Boston area musicians tend to be more political, always singing about issues of the day, protesting one thing or another.”

“I hadn’t looked at it that way, but I suppose you’re right.”

The easy conversation continued over coffee and a velvety flourless chocolate torte that they shared. Some of the tension that Annie had felt since returning from the East Coast began to leave her; she could feel the balled up muscles between her shoulder blades begin to release.

They were finishing up the last bit of dessert when John asked, “Do you think you’ll go?”

“I wish I had an answer. Two days ago, I was sure I was going; now it’s not so clear.” It seemed natural to talk to John about the confusion in her mind, uncertainty that had been churning since her conversation with Carol.

“I’ve been working since I was sixteen,” she said. “Sometimes I was working three jobs at once. It got me out of the house and didn’t allow me a chance to think. I’ve always used work that way. I’d go until I was exhausted, sleep, and do it again the next day. Once I had David, I could add his activities to my list of things to do.” She gave him a half-smile. “Not a good way to live, but it’s provided for David and me and I’ve managed to get him to all his activities — mostly on time. I’m not sure what I’d do if I wasn’t busy all the time. And there’s the money and health insurance. I need it if David gets sick.” She nodded to herself, convinced once more of the wisdom of staying with JCN. “I need to keep my job.”

“What about another company?”

Annie shook her head. “Companies in the valley are keeping the young engineer types and letting managers, planners like me, and older, more expensive workers go. They’ll keep a few key senior engineers of course, but the rest is management by accountant. It’s frustrating. Things roll along smoothly with everyone in place and then the economy dips or the stock price falls and they go into secret meetings to figure out how many people they need to lay off to satisfy Wall Street. People are let go, morale dips, and everyone left behind works like a dog to make up for the talent they’ve laid off in the name of profit.”

She took a sip of her decaf coffee before she continued. “Eventually, everything starts falling apart. So they start hiring former workers as contractors, paying them more than they did when they were on salary. They still save money because they don’t need to pay benefits anymore. When some economic guru says the downturn’s over, hiring begins. Everything’s good until the next time Wall Street earnings fall.”